Pyro Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Also, the perception of casual dating is very dark on this forum. People make it seem like you have sex with a girl, throw her out into the street, laugh on the way back into your house, and high five your friends when you tell them the story. That's not the reality. You can hang out, go on fun dates, share intimate details of your life, talk on the phone for hours on end if that's your thing. The only difference being -no forced expectations of commitment -no messy breakups -no obligations to compromise on certain things -no urgency to take it to the next level (move in, marry, etc) You live your life, they live theirs. You have your fun, no strings attached. It's not this evil deceptive unnatural lifestyle. It's fun. And easy. Just to use him as an example. Wholigan is a well known poster on here and it's well known that he is a casual dater. The guys and gals here respect him and he gives it back. Your definition of casual dating is what Wholigan does, which again is fine. The side of casual dating that is looked down on here is from the bitter brigade who never have anything good to say about relationships and that they believe that women are inferior to men and that they have to be treated like crap an also that they (the bitter brigade) BS these women just to get them in bed. It's guys like that who are on here is the reason why you see casual dating as very dark on here. 1
D-Lish Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 If all we want is sexual gratification, we miss the love that separates us from lowly animals, and I disagree that we upright vertical beings are equal to the animals which tend to horizontal inclination. Most animals "do it" from behind. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I prefer a relationship and am in one now. He clearly prefers a relationship, too, as he could easily get tons of casual sex if that's what he wanted. It's good to know there are still guys out there who also want relationships. But I'm already facing compromises. He's got a lot of good points - but there are the bad points, too. I've found myself wondering if we couldn't supplement the weak parts through additional partners. But then that changes everything, of course. I like that we have more freedom to choose what works for us than ever before. When I was a teenager, women having a string of casual partners just wasn't an option - unless you were a bad girl with a reputation. Now it's commonplace. I hung out with my new neighbor and landlady tonight, an older lady in her 50s, and she told me she gets most of her dates through Adult Friend Finder. This is a responsible home owner with 2 grown sons. One of her sons found her on the site (no nudies lol) and chastised her for going to "a site where a bunch of kinky men hang out". She told me she goes, "Son, did you ever consider that maybe your mother is a kinky lady?" Ha! 2
c57dood Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Most animals "do it" from behind. What I mean is that humans are upright beings. Animals move on four limbs and their primative instincts are lateral due to their nature. Humans, on the other hand, are designed more for an upward focus because we are upright and stand in our natural, wakeful state. 1
tigressA Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Well, life is a fleeting thing too. I used to think like that, that love was analogous to a drug induced euphoria, but then I stumbled upon an old picture of my grandparents, and on the lower left corner of the picture was a deep red rose. I remember my grandmother dying and my grandfather was devastated. They'd been married since their teens and she was his life. Everything he did, he did for her and everyone could see how he lost his will to live soon after she was gone. That deep red rose, with thorns cutting open skin to bleed the same color, was the symbol of their love. I believe every man desires to find his rose and live his life for her, because true love takes bravery, courage, and above all a heart like burning ember that only extinguishes when his rose has passed away. If all we want is sexual gratification, we miss the love that separates us from lowly animals, and I disagree that we upright vertical beings are equal to the animals which tend to horizontal inclination. That was f*cking beautiful. That's all. 6
ascendotum Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I miss having sex sometimes, but even fwb relationships can get too complicated for my liking. fwb, that should be the ideal insubstantial relationship for someone who sounds like in your state of mind. If you don't want any entanglements/responsibilities/obligations/accountability then chances are you won't be seeking to convert the guy over to a live in boyfriend. If its the guy that complicates things by wanting to be on your door step all the time, you can just check out or refer him back to the fwb protocol you established with him. Miss it only sometimes...that hitachi magic wand is too good to you
D-Lish Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Miss it only sometimes...that hitachi magic wand is too good to you That hitachi magic wand never judges me, makes me cook dinner, do its laundry, or iron its shirts . 1
Mumbles Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 That hitachi magic wand never judges me, makes me cook dinner, do its laundry, or iron its shirts . Don't want to derail the thread, but seeing we're already half way down the rabbit hole. Don't you find that the intimacy that goes with the sex is something you really miss? I really do. My best orgasms have without doubt been by myself, but my most intense experiences overall have been with a woman I am intimate with both physically and mentally.
D-Lish Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Don't want to derail the thread, but seeing we're already half way down the rabbit hole. Don't you find that the intimacy that goes with the sex is something you really miss? I really do. My best orgasms have without doubt been by myself, but my most intense experiences overall have been with a woman I am intimate with both physically and mentally. Yeah, I miss it, but I don't miss the complications that go along with the feelings part of it. 1
ascendotum Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Yeah, I miss it, but I don't miss the complications that go along with the feelings part of it. You don't think you can find an easy going dte type of guy (I thought canadians tended to be like this) who does not want to start a family or had kids young and he has his own place but can still visit or take you out during the week + also do couple stuff on the weekends. He can cook some meals for you, but he does all his own shopping + cleaning + bill paying. He lets you be who you are.
D-Lish Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 You don't think you can find an easy going dte type of guy (I thought canadians tended to be like this) who does not want to start a family or had kids young and he has his own place but can still visit or take you out during the week + also do couple stuff on the weekends. He can cook some meals for you, but he does all his own shopping + cleaning + bill paying. He lets you be who you are. What makes you think I'm Canadian?
ascendotum Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 What makes you think I'm Canadian? Sorry. I thought from past posts of yours you were from Montreal or Totonto or that part of the world.
ascendotum Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Looking around recently more and more people want to just date, have casual sex and not let things get serious. I most definitely prefer a relationship to casual dating. Seems harder to find it nowdays... anyone else notice this? I think the period in people do this has definitely expanded, especially in the last say 15 yrs. Prior to marriage and post divorce. Television shows reflect this and also to a degree help to foster it I think. Still though, plenty of couples are getting married and plenty of babies are being born. At the different companies I work at the vast majority of people are in a relationship. There are posts here from people complaining how all the guys or girls they know and like are already taken....and its ssoooo hard to find someone unattached. I want to add though that a lot of people in relationships do mask a degree of what you post about. I see quite a few people who go from 3-12 mth relationship to 3-12 mth relationship.
xxoo Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 true love takes bravery, courage, and above all a heart like burning ember that only extinguishes when his rose has passed away. Lovely post, dood. Love does take courage, and enormous vulnerability. These days, many people are afraid to connect, and modern life makes it possible to avoid doing so accidentally. For the intrepid, the rewards can be incomparable. My social circle had a wedding last year (couple in their 40s), and is celebrating another recent engagement (couple in their 20s). Relationships are not dead yet!
Drseussgrrl Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I honestly crave and miss that deep connection that comes from a committed relationship. I've had my share of FWB, casual dating situations, etc. and they always leave me feeling as though I'm missing out on something really great.
Author TouchedByViolet Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 I agree with most of the reasoning behind the shift toward more casual relationships but find it very unsatisfying. The benefits of being in a (good/healthy) relationship simply outweighs casual flings to me for a few reasons... 1- Sharing intimate details about each other on an emotional level is very satisfying and sexy as hell. 2- A committed relationship to me means putting genuine effort in the relationship instead of viewing it as just another replaceable item in this fast paced transient world. Working to improve yourself and the relationship for the better is endearing instead of just finding another one when you are tired. I'm a firm believer in the grass is greener where you water it. 3- Having someone who has got your back. It's simply nice to know someone is rooting for you, and helping you along the way with all the junk that happens in life. 4- Compromise can have just as many positives as draw backs. It allows for new and different experiences and forces you to do things a little differently than you would by yourself. I don't like being set in my ways. 6
mickleb Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I'm a firm believer in the grass is greener where you water it. I hadn't heard that before. It's my new motto. Thank you.
Woggle Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 When it's good a relationship is great but when you look at the state of marriage and male/female relations in many places is it any wonder why some people have taken a cynical and negative view of relationships. If you grew up seeing a horrible example of a relationship then see all your friends going through drama and heartbreak it is easy to see why a person would not want any part of it. 2
edgygirl Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I wonder why only 25 y.o. people and commitment phobics are answering this thread? lol. At 25 I didn't want a relationship either, it's quite normal - not much to debate in this case and it's honestly... useless. I think OP is questioning why people at an age where they supposedly are not into casual anymore don't seem to want a relationship. That's what I'd also like to know.
Mumbles Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 And there is nothing wrong with settling down later in life like in the 30s. Theres a good reason for this, and its extremely unfair ... but ... If you aren't going to settle until at least 30, and assuming you don't have children the very day after you decide (at 30) to settle ... most ladies are going to already be on the other side of the bell curve of fertility. Yes, yes, we all know a few friends and relatives who are having children in mid, late thirties, even forties, but its a _lot_ harder, really, a lot. We're meant, biologically, to be reproducing significantly earlier than mid thirties ... so its a problem. We live in relatively safe societies which have managed to stretch out childhood like never before, we can live a reasonably carefree life right through our twenties now and its been this way for quite some time. But biologically we're little different from our ancient ancestors 1
Mumbles Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I wonder why only 25 y.o. people and commitment phobics are answering this thread? lol. At 25 I didn't want a relationship either, it's quite normal - not much to debate in this case and it's honestly... useless. I think OP is questioning why people at an age where they supposedly are not into casual anymore don't seem to want a relationship. That's what I'd also like to know. I'm not 25 Just over mid forties here I imagine mostly people your age and mine are either in lovely marriages or relationships, and they are not talking here, or are on the other side of a marriage and maybe looking at what choices seem reasonable post marriage and at our age....
ThaWholigan Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I wonder why only 25 y.o. people and commitment phobics are answering this thread? lol. At 25 I didn't want a relationship either, it's quite normal - not much to debate in this case and it's honestly... useless. I think OP is questioning why people at an age where they supposedly are not into casual anymore don't seem to want a relationship. That's what I'd also like to know. I am 24 and I would rather a relationship /anomaly
Mumbles Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 (edited) That is just silly. It is easy to have a child or two in the 30s. There really isn't any need for more. Well I wasn't trying to be silly actually - as a guy I'm only relating the experiences of family and friends who are female and have has varying amounts of luck - nothing personal you understand Didn't say it was impossible, just much more difficult. Lots of 18-22YO girls (just to use an example) can get pregnant at the drop of a hat. Some women are blessed with high fertility right through their forties, yay for them, I assume you left off the smiley for only needing 2 children??? Plenty of stats out there, heres some randomly sourced material: [aye carumba, inserting a graphic sure didn't work] As I say, nothing personal, not trying to inflame anyone. Edited December 13, 2012 by Mumbles
El Brujo Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Maybe it's just me, but whenever I hear people say they'd rather avoid being in a relationship, they give me the impression that they secretly want to be teenagers forever... sort of like IRL versions of Jeff Spicoli from Fast Times. Except they're not 18 anymore, and they're probably not impressing anyone. Life isn't like high school, or even college. I wouldn't go so far as to accuse all commitment-phobes of being narcissists; but pleasure-centered, more likely. 2
edgygirl Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 What??? My mom had 4 children in her 30s. If you aren't going to settle until at least 30, and assuming you don't have children the very day after you decide (at 30) to settle ... most ladies are going to already be on the other side of the bell curve of fertility. do you live like, in Kansas City, where people marry at 20 and start reproducing right away? lol.
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