SJC2008 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Thank god I didn't get the insta sprung with this girl becuase she just threw me a curve ball... Ben dating almost 6 weeks, 5 dates, had sex on the 5th date (cliche but it just happened, was not my intention)... On our 3rd date she said she didn't know what she want's, wants to date around and I told her I wasn't in a rush to jump into anything but said if we started to be initimate that's where I draw the line. Now I hadn't brought anything up about the sex as it was a "it just happened" and we were pretty drunk... I called her today to ask her our and she said she was running errands and asked me if I could get together later and I said yeah just text me... We texted back and forth and later on I told her it was to late to do what I had in mind but we could come up with something else if she was gonna be free in time. She then texted me saying she was just gonna text me that she couldn't make it. Anyway, we texted back and forth a little bit and I noticed she wasn't recprocating my flirting like she usually does.. I get a text from her a few hours later saying she lied and has a date and she didn't want to hurt my feelings and was sorry about not being up front... It cought me off guard and I'm disappointed but I'm not destryed or anything. I don't think this is a passive aggressive dump but it could be you never know... Should I just walk away?? I'm disappointed becuase we were ultra compatible in some important areas...
todreaminblue Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Thank god I didn't get the insta sprung with this girl becuase she just threw me a curve ball... Ben dating almost 6 weeks, 5 dates, had sex on the 5th date (cliche but it just happened, was not my intention)... On our 3rd date she said she didn't know what she want's, wants to date around and I told her I wasn't in a rush to jump into anything but said if we started to be initimate that's where I draw the line. Now I hadn't brought anything up about the sex as it was a "it just happened" and we were pretty drunk... I called her today to ask her our and she said she was running errands and asked me if I could get together later and I said yeah just text me... We texted back and forth and later on I told her it was to late to do what I had in mind but we could come up with something else if she was gonna be free in time. She then texted me saying she was just gonna text me that she couldn't make it. Anyway, we texted back and forth a little bit and I noticed she wasn't recprocating my flirting like she usually does.. I get a text from her a few hours later saying she lied and has a date and she didn't want to hurt my feelings and was sorry about not being up front... It cought me off guard and I'm disappointed but I'm not destryed or anything. I don't think this is a passive aggressive dump but it could be you never know... Should I just walk away?? I'm disappointed becuase we were ultra compatible in some important areas... hang in there...she migth be regrettign sleeping with you while drinking .....mayeb you coudl bring up that you wish your first time wasnt with alcohol.....because she may eb thinking that.....make her know you are attracted to her withotu the influence of intoxication maybe...as i sadi hang int here ....keep textign give her some room to process...let he rknow you are still there...you dotn regret what happened just the alcohol part....deb
mammasita Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Well you knew she wanted to date around from the start and you clearly state that the sex "just happened". You really can't be surprised by her words/actions. If you can accept that she doesn't want anything serious with you then keep dating her, otherwise move on.
MrCastle Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 You can either continue seeing her casually or walk away. This girl obviously isn't into being exclusive right now. Usually when one person wants something and the other person wants something else, it either ends abruptly or the people try to make it work but ultimately they're just preventing the inevitable and just end up breaking things off later on down the road. I personally don't want to know a woman is dating other people. It's implied that we both are, until one of us asks the other "what are we", but in the meantime, the less I know, the better. Her telling me she had a date and didn't want to hurt my feelings would have been enough for me to move on, but my threshold for bs is very, very short. Doesn't take a lot for me to completely drop you.
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 She's still looking. So you aren't a serious contender. It's not going to be serious with you.
Author SJC2008 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 I think she's very hurt after her first and only R of 8 years. She said it's been about a year but she did mentioned that she was still talking to her ex up to when we met. I didn't pry and don't think she's still sleeping with him becasue he left her for another woman...
Author SJC2008 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 By the way guys this is completely my fault anyway. On POF there are what you're looking for titles or whatever you want to call them and hers is "Wan't to date but nothing serious". I guess it's somewhat her fault to for dating me knowing I wan't an R but it's mosltly my fault.
ThaWholigan Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 By the way guys this is completely my fault anyway. On POF there are what you're looking for titles or whatever you want to call them and hers is "Wan't to date but nothing serious". I guess it's somewhat her fault to for dating me knowing I wan't an R but it's mosltly my fault. Don't worry about it, chalk it up to exp. It is good that you were aware of your emotional state going into the series of dates with this girl. She might still want to stay in contact, but considering you already knew she wasn't about a relationship, always keep that in mind. Don't think of it as your fault, it happens with girls sometimes.
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 So, then I'm not understanding the issue at all. She was open about not wanting something serious. Her behavior and her statements are consistent with that. How is this a sticky situation? What were you expecting? Basically, what's your question here?
Author SJC2008 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 So, then I'm not understanding the issue at all. She was open about not wanting something serious. Her behavior and her statements are consistent with that. How is this a sticky situation? What were you expecting? Basically, what's your question here? Her behavior is consistent with what she said but it is a sticky situation for me lol. ALSO she came on pretty strong for someone not wanting something serious IMO. Multiple invites to places, almost daily contact mostly initiated by her... She invited me over for Christmas...
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 But she made it crystal clear that she wanted to date around...and refused to be exclusive when you asked. You weren't exclusive when you had sex, so apparently that was a "nice-to-have" not "must-have" it would seem. Who contacted whom on POF? Trying to understand your thinking. Why she would suddenly be expected to have a "come to Jesus" change of heart, especially when she still isn't over her ex?
Author SJC2008 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 But she made it crystal clear that she wanted to date around...and refused to be exclusive when you asked. You weren't exclusive when you had sex, so apparently that was a "nice-to-have" not "must-have" it would seem. Who contacted whom on POF? Trying to understand your thinking. Why she would suddenly be expected to have a "come to Jesus" change of heart, especially when she still isn't over her ex? I never asked her to be exclusive. She did not lead me on, that's not what this thread is about. Somethings getting lost in translation. Apologies if I caused any confusion. It's about whether it's a passive aggressive dump?? Whether she's feeling pressure now becuase on our 3rd date I told her sex is where I draw the line with the multi-dating. TBS I didn't talk about the sex, other than making flirty references to it or bring up any R talk at all. I think she's pulling away becuase she likes me and is guarded. I don't want to pressure her... She's done plenty of things to show that she likes me and she told me she want's kids so I know she wan't a family one day.
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 ...On our 3rd date she said she didn't know what she want's, wants to date around and I told her I wasn't in a rush to jump into anything but said if we started to be initimate that's where I draw the line. Many might interpret that as "I need exclusivity when we start having sex." ********* She's being completely open, transparent, and honest. There's nothing passive-aggressive. You're one of many. She reinforced that with her comment about going on a date, in case you got ideas based on your statement on your third date. Your choice to stay in her stable or leave. She'll be OK either way. There are others.
bamp78 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Thank god I didn't get the insta sprung with this girl becuase she just threw me a curve ball... Ben dating almost 6 weeks, 5 dates, had sex on the 5th date (cliche but it just happened, was not my intention)... On our 3rd date she said she didn't know what she want's, wants to date around and I told her I wasn't in a rush to jump into anything but said if we started to be initimate that's where I draw the line. Now I hadn't brought anything up about the sex as it was a "it just happened" and we were pretty drunk... I called her today to ask her our and she said she was running errands and asked me if I could get together later and I said yeah just text me... We texted back and forth and later on I told her it was to late to do what I had in mind but we could come up with something else if she was gonna be free in time. She then texted me saying she was just gonna text me that she couldn't make it. Anyway, we texted back and forth a little bit and I noticed she wasn't recprocating my flirting like she usually does.. I get a text from her a few hours later saying she lied and has a date and she didn't want to hurt my feelings and was sorry about not being up front... It cought me off guard and I'm disappointed but I'm not destryed or anything. I don't think this is a passive aggressive dump but it could be you never know... Should I just walk away?? I'm disappointed becuase we were ultra compatible in some important areas... Haven't posted here in a while but here goes. When you encounter "normal" accepted female behavior which is hot and cold wishy washy behavior that will quickly morph into total clarity when a girl is really into you there won't be any questions or doubts as to how she feels as she will make it easy on you to get to know her. If she hasn't done this in 6 weeks she never will move on.
Author SJC2008 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 Haven't posted here in a while but here goes. When you encounter "normal" accepted female behavior which is hot and cold wishy washy behavior that will quickly morph into total clarity when a girl is really into you there won't be any questions or doubts as to how she feels as she will make it easy on you to get to know her. If she hasn't done this in 6 weeks she never will move on. The thing is she initiated a lot of contact, invited me out plenty of times out and never played games or was wishy washy at all. I thougth she was really starting to like me and thought she was actually comming on too strong for someone who want's to date around. She even invited me over for Christmas. She wasn't online a lot either?? Once a day with a day or two missed here and there. I think she was slowly losing her guard and the sex ruined it?? Ruined it in it was too soon or I was too bad at it?? It wasn't an ideal place for sex so I'm sure she would know. This is more about me being afraid to fall for her and then one day saying "I'm gonna go with guy B". I do like her and am to the point where I don't want to invest in her more emotionally and get really hurt. I'll just cut my losses.
Author SJC2008 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 Like I said I'm a fool for messaging her:mad: By what she had in her profile I thought she'd eventually want and R and she even said she wants kids. Oh well. TBS after 6 weeks she's either not interested like I thougt she was (all actions of hers to the contrary) or she feels about me how I do her and is afraid to get hurt. I think she's still hurt over her ex, they're past the point where she's get back with him but I don't think she's over it.
CptSaveAho Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 It takes a LONG time to get over an ex... especially 8 years... this is where you either sleep with her and move on or just MOVE on She told you straight up, " she didn't know what she want's" This is a warning shot off your bow... why would you continue to date someone, then sleep with them and then expect a relationship with them after you slept with them... Her actions = she's lonely, confused, and still hurt from the past. You only see things from your own angle which are based off insecurity and lack of enforcement of your own personal boundaries FYI, if you want a real relationship... get off POF and online dating... back in my OLD days, I have not seen one "quality" package deal person that I would enter a relationship with
todreaminblue Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I never asked her to be exclusive. She did not lead me on, that's not what this thread is about. Somethings getting lost in translation. Apologies if I caused any confusion. It's about whether it's a passive aggressive dump?? Whether she's feeling pressure now becuase on our 3rd date I told her sex is where I draw the line with the multi-dating. TBS I didn't talk about the sex, other than making flirty references to it or bring up any R talk at all. I think she's pulling away becuase she likes me and is guarded. I don't want to pressure her... She's done plenty of things to show that she likes me and she told me she want's kids so I know she wan't a family one day. ok i misunderstood this was about multi dating and sex i thought it was about her sleeping with you and pulling away after the fact.....when someone is guarded there is only one way to go....straight down the line.....strategic logic if you think she likes you, she will be honest if you are honest with her, if she doesnt like you your honesty will mean nothing and she will not be truthful with you....and if you feel in your heart that she likes you she probably does.....you just need to have a conversation with her where you are honest...when you dont want games, dont play games.....if you want the truth tell the truth......and its not easy, its awkward ...awkward and me are friends.....make friends with awkward and bite the bullet......you wont regret the truth you will regret not knowing it....deb
Author SJC2008 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 It takes a LONG time to get over an ex... especially 8 years... this is where you either sleep with her and move on or just MOVE on She told you straight up, " she didn't know what she want's" This is a warning shot off your bow... why would you continue to date someone, then sleep with them and then expect a relationship with them after you slept with them... Her actions = she's lonely, confused, and still hurt from the past. You only see things from your own angle which are based off insecurity and lack of enforcement of your own personal boundaries FYI, if you want a real relationship... get off POF and online dating... back in my OLD days, I have not seen one "quality" package deal person that I would enter a relationship with Actally I'm enforcing my boundaries. I'm to a point where I know if I keep dating her I'll like her more and more so I'm ending it. I told her on that 3rd date I didn't want to be rebound guy or an ego boost. Now I don't think it's a coincidence she told me she's going on another date since we've had sex. It just happened as cliche as it sounds so she's telling me where she stands. I'm not going to say she used me though because she did plan a date, was up front about her intentions and was accepting my advances, up to the heat of the moment sex. I was getting my hopes up behind the scenes about all the interest she showed with all the invites and even a small gift:( The sad thing is that the alarm bell went off BIG TIME that she's not over her ex on our last date but one thing led to another and we had sex. When I say it wasn't planned I mean it. It was not my intention but it happened.
CptSaveAho Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Yawn... You had sex, she wanted it just as much as you did... who cares if it was "planned" You are over rationalizing everything... why make a thread and continue to think about it if you are ending it... it doesnt make sense... There's nothing to end... I can guarantee you, you can disappear off the face of the earth and she wont even notice/care I do the same thing she does... use idiots for their time when I am lonely and having a bad single day... everyone does this and here's the funny part about it, we will lie about it not only to others, but ourselves. There's nothing "sticky" about your situation... its a case of you wanting a relationship with someone that clearly doesnt.... NEXT
aed Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Yawn... You had sex, she wanted it just as much as you did... who cares if it was "planned" You are over rationalizing everything... why make a thread and continue to think about it if you are ending it... it doesnt make sense... There's nothing to end... I can guarantee you, you can disappear off the face of the earth and she wont even notice/care I do the same thing she does... use idiots for their time when I am lonely and having a bad single day... everyone does this and here's the funny part about it, we will lie about it not only to others, but ourselves. There's nothing "sticky" about your situation... its a case of you wanting a relationship with someone that clearly doesnt.... NEXT No not everyone does this! ! If your selfesteem is that bad that you need "idiots" for the days you feel lonely and have a single bad day. I feel sorry for you future/present partner. 1
TooPatient Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I'm sorry to hear this man. You obviously like her, it just sounds like she's not in the same place. I've learned to appreciate an honest woman with my age. A woman was honest with me tonight about living too far, it didn't matter that we got along well. I appreciated that...rather than waste any time. The best thing IMO that you can do is distance and move on. 1. You can clear your head and let the emotions even out. 2. She'll see that you're not a guy to be played, possibly increasing attraction. It's win-win?
Author SJC2008 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 Yawn... You had sex, she wanted it just as much as you did... who cares if it was "planned" You are over rationalizing everything... why make a thread and continue to think about it if you are ending it... it doesnt make sense... There's nothing to end... I can guarantee you, you can disappear off the face of the earth and she wont even notice/care I do the same thing she does... use idiots for their time when I am lonely and having a bad single day... everyone does this and here's the funny part about it, we will lie about it not only to others, but ourselves. There's nothing "sticky" about your situation... its a case of you wanting a relationship with someone that clearly doesnt.... NEXT Yeah but at least this idiot got laid! I made the thread to vent and ask for advice. I know I made a mistake and got invested in someone I shouldn't have. I think I mentioned it twice already so stop throwing it back at me. I'll be fine trust me. I feel bad but not as bad as the girl I had three dates with. It's weird how that works??
TooPatient Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Yawn... You had sex, she wanted it just as much as you did... who cares if it was "planned" You are over rationalizing everything... why make a thread and continue to think about it if you are ending it... it doesnt make sense... There's nothing to end... I can guarantee you, you can disappear off the face of the earth and she wont even notice/care I do the same thing she does... use idiots for their time when I am lonely and having a bad single day... everyone does this and here's the funny part about it, we will lie about it not only to others, but ourselves. There's nothing "sticky" about your situation... its a case of you wanting a relationship with someone that clearly doesnt.... NEXT Cpt's right, it's just tough to see the message through all the negativity. I'm pretty sure this guy's here to vent.
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