annabelle26 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 im not sure i would refer to myself as the 'other woman' as such but i dont know what forum this belongs in. this guy and i have been friends about 2 months. just an online friendship. he has a girlfriend but he emails me literally all day long. things were getting of quite a rude nature this evening and i said to him why arent you emailing your girlfriend instead of me, to which he apologised and said he was only messing around and that he wouldnt cheat on her, blah blah. now, for someone who claims to be very happy with this girl, i dont know why he is contacting me so much. i mean, it started off as he sent me some artwork for review. but now he emails from the minute he wakes up til he goes to bed. about an hour ago he asked me if id like to talk to him on the phone. i asked again about his girlfriend but he insists him and i are "only friends" thoughts?? i feel bad.
Survivor12 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 If you feel bad, then put a stop to it. If you have read other posts on this forum, you are probably aware that a relationship doesn't necessarily have to be physical to be considered cheating--and an emotional affair can be just as hurtful to the betrayed partner/spouse. If it is true that you are "just friends", he should have no problem telling his girlfriend about his frequent contact with you. If he is hiding the fact, he knows that what he's doing is wrong. You've only known him 2 months...get rid of him. He's up to no good. 1
Pierre Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 im not sure i would refer to myself as the 'other woman' as such but i dont know what forum this belongs in. You are the OW. You are in an EA. this guy and i have been friends about 2 months. just an online friendship. he has a girlfriend but he emails me literally all day long. things were getting of quite a rude nature this evening and i said to him why arent you emailing your girlfriend instead of me, to which he apologised and said he was only messing around and that he wouldnt cheat on her, blah blah. Normal friends do not email each other as you describe above. ONly lovers do this. You asked why he is emailing because you are looking for reaffirmation. You wanted him to say I left my GF and now I am interested in you. Or even worse, you want him to state the obvious that he wants this EA to go PA. Or you are simply pretending to be innocent and naive. now, for someone who claims to be very happy with this girl, i dont know why he is contacting me so much. i mean, it started off as he sent me some artwork for review. but now he emails from the minute he wakes up til he goes to bed. :laugh::laugh: Pretending to be naive again. Duh!!!!! He wants to have sex with you! about an hour ago he asked me if id like to talk to him on the phone. i asked again about his girlfriend but he insists him and i are "only friends" thoughts?? i feel bad. Are you really this naive. He wants you to be his OW. From an EA perspective you are already the OW. Now he wants to consumate the deal. He is moving to the phone because he knows you are receptive despite your very bad acting job in trying to pretend you are naive. 1
Author annabelle26 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 If you feel bad, then put a stop to it. If you have read other posts on this forum, you are probably aware that a relationship doesn't necessarily have to be physical to be considered cheating--and an emotional affair can be just as hurtful to the betrayed partner/spouse. If it is true that you are "just friends", he should have no problem telling his girlfriend about his frequent contact with you. If he is hiding the fact, he knows that what he's doing is wrong. You've only known him 2 months...get rid of him. He's up to no good. ive been cheated on myself, and the contact thing bothered me more than the sex thing ever did. it would be a shame not to talk to him anymore, but i think you're right. but i mean, id assume if you call the person out on it, if their intentions were bad then theyd get an attack of conscience and stop it, but he refuses to.
Author annabelle26 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 You are the OW. You are in an EA. Normal friends do not email each other as you describe above. ONly lovers do this. You asked why he is emailing because you are looking for reaffirmation. You wanted him to say I left my GF and now I am interested in you. Or even worse, you want him to state the obvious that he wants this EA to go PA. Or you are simply pretending to be innocent and naive. :laugh::laugh: Pretending to be naive again. Duh!!!!! He wants to have sex with you! Are you really this naive. He wants you to be his OW. From an EA perspective you are already the OW. Now he wants to consumate the deal. He is moving to the phone because he knows you are receptive despite your very bad acting job in trying to pretend you are naive. calm down. it probably does look naive, but i have called him out on it more than once and said i dont feel comfortable about it because of his girlfriend, and he insists this is just friendship and so on. i dont particularly want it to go to the phone because the **** becomes more likely to hit the fan. realistically i have been the unsuspecting partner in this equation and wouldnt trust this guy in a relationship anyway. its almost fascinating to see the other side of it.
whichwayisup Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 It's online, it's fun, it's fantasy and feeds his ego. Do you respond to his flirty emails, even if they are rude (I take you mean sexual)..? Question, why are YOU wasting time emailing a guy whom you know has a girlfriend..You don't know him at all, only what he tells you.
Author annabelle26 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 It's online, it's fun, it's fantasy and feeds his ego. Do you respond to his flirty emails, even if they are rude (I take you mean sexual)..? Question, why are YOU wasting time emailing a guy whom you know has a girlfriend..You don't know him at all, only what he tells you. yeah i generally reply, but if i dont he sends more. i think you're right, its just feeding his ego. im not into sexual emails and things like that and i did give him a bit of a hard time for sending me filth basically. and yes it is a waste of time. i guess im a bit lonely really, its kind of nice to have someone to talk to. but as is generally the case with men, he doesnt want to keep it platonic. well thats the impression i get, despite protests that he does. and yes i do only know what he tells me. hmm.
Lillyfree Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 yeah i generally reply, but if i dont he sends more. i think you're right, its just feeding his ego. im not into sexual emails and things like that and i did give him a bit of a hard time for sending me filth basically. and yes it is a waste of time. i guess im a bit lonely really, its kind of nice to have someone to talk to. but as is generally the case with men, he doesnt want to keep it platonic. well thats the impression i get, despite protests that he does. and yes i do only know what he tells me. hmm. you're still replying to the sexual emails, even if you don't agree with them... that is because you're hooked and you're playing the game so that he hangs around. read my thread, see where this sort of stuff ends up. like you, i thought it was 'platonic'. but you don't spend more time in the day talking to one person more than you do to everyone else combined, and keep thinking it's just 'friendly'. with me the explicit talk didn't happen until a bit later than in your situation, and after we've met in person for the first time. maybe mine wanted to ensure he's not wasting time on someone he's not attracted to IRL... or whatever, that doesn't matter anymore. but even if i didn't agree with him talking about sexual things, i still went along with it. because i just wanted to talk to him, regardless of what it was... soon that was mostly what we talked about, or if we didn't that's where it would end up. it's good that you seem astute enough, more than i was at that stage anyway. if you keep this level of contact with him, there's only one way it can go. please put a stop to it now before you're in too deep.
whichwayisup Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 yeah i generally reply, but if i dont he sends more. i think you're right, its just feeding his ego. im not into sexual emails and things like that and i did give him a bit of a hard time for sending me filth basically. and yes it is a waste of time. i guess im a bit lonely really, its kind of nice to have someone to talk to. but as is generally the case with men, he doesnt want to keep it platonic. well thats the impression i get, despite protests that he does. and yes i do only know what he tells me. hmm. Maybe it's time to focus on other things and people in your life. Go spend time with others, people you actually know face to face. Online friendships are fine but don't make it the center of your world, nor rely on them to make you feel happy and less alone. The guy has a girlfriend and sees nothing wrong with being dirty with you. That's disrespectful and rude .. To you and to his gf. Yuck! I hope you can detach and distance yourself from him and focus on real people in your life.
MissBee Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 im not sure i would refer to myself as the 'other woman' as such but i dont know what forum this belongs in. this guy and i have been friends about 2 months. just an online friendship. he has a girlfriend but he emails me literally all day long. things were getting of quite a rude nature this evening and i said to him why arent you emailing your girlfriend instead of me, to which he apologised and said he was only messing around and that he wouldnt cheat on her, blah blah. now, for someone who claims to be very happy with this girl, i dont know why he is contacting me so much. i mean, it started off as he sent me some artwork for review. but now he emails from the minute he wakes up til he goes to bed. about an hour ago he asked me if id like to talk to him on the phone. i asked again about his girlfriend but he insists him and i are "only friends" thoughts?? i feel bad. You're a willing party to it. If you didn't want or like him emailing you all day, you'd simply not respond. But you do... I know this game quite well. The one where you fool yourself and act like the other party is in the wrong and you're innocent. You already can tell your "friendship" is inappropriate...so what do you plan to do about it? It doesn't really matter why he's doing it. 1
missy268 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 This is going to sound harsh but walk away now...He could be doing it for a number of reasons - ego boost like others have said, not happy with the girlfriend, doing it because he can, because your letting him get away with it by emailing back....Its not going to end good, something will happen, and if it's not what you want, best thing to do now, is not reply to his emails. Good Luck xx
Author annabelle26 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 you're still replying to the sexual emails, even if you don't agree with them... that is because you're hooked and you're playing the game so that he hangs around. read my thread, see where this sort of stuff ends up. like you, i thought it was 'platonic'. but you don't spend more time in the day talking to one person more than you do to everyone else combined, and keep thinking it's just 'friendly'. with me the explicit talk didn't happen until a bit later than in your situation, and after we've met in person for the first time. maybe mine wanted to ensure he's not wasting time on someone he's not attracted to IRL... or whatever, that doesn't matter anymore. but even if i didn't agree with him talking about sexual things, i still went along with it. because i just wanted to talk to him, regardless of what it was... soon that was mostly what we talked about, or if we didn't that's where it would end up. it's good that you seem astute enough, more than i was at that stage anyway. if you keep this level of contact with him, there's only one way it can go. please put a stop to it now before you're in too deep. thank you for the advice, its really helpful. i do know its wrong. it kinda becomes a thing of a.) its been done to me before so in effect why shouldnt i (though these kinds of thoughts are few and far between) and b.) im the single one, he's the one that should feel bad. it annoys me people in relationships behave this way though. its enough to not trust anyone else for the rest of my days. Maybe it's time to focus on other things and people in your life. Go spend time with others, people you actually know face to face. Online friendships are fine but don't make it the center of your world, nor rely on them to make you feel happy and less alone. The guy has a girlfriend and sees nothing wrong with being dirty with you. That's disrespectful and rude .. To you and to his gf. Yuck! I hope you can detach and distance yourself from him and focus on real people in your life. yeah im certainly going to give it a try. yeah i did find it quite disrespectful and i did have a rant about it but he said i had misinterpreted it (the f..?) but i digress, i have ignored 4 emails today. You're a willing party to it. If you didn't want or like him emailing you all day, you'd simply not respond. But you do... I know this game quite well. The one where you fool yourself and act like the other party is in the wrong and you're innocent. You already can tell your "friendship" is inappropriate...so what do you plan to do about it? It doesn't really matter why he's doing it. im not trying to act innocent, though of the two of us im the one that is more innocent than not. he emails me, not the other way round. im single, i have no ties. anyway, as above, im just going to stop responding now. game over. As long as you allow it and respond he will keep doing it, why would he stop? On some level it's working for him and you must be getting something out of it? Attention? Ego strokes? Pretty sleazy of him, don't you think? i do think. my case, im insanely stressed with studies and as a result i am not getting out much at the minute, i simply dont have the time or cash available. i think thats the appeal of the online attention. its a little bit of an escape from what is, at the minute, a bottomless pit of books and essays. This is going to sound harsh but walk away now...He could be doing it for a number of reasons - ego boost like others have said, not happy with the girlfriend, doing it because he can, because your letting him get away with it by emailing back....Its not going to end good, something will happen, and if it's not what you want, best thing to do now, is not reply to his emails. Good Luck xx thank you. i am trying already, your post and others have given me a little reality check. i needed that.
Pierre Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 1. its been done to me before so in effect why shouldnt i Many OW are former betrayed women. This is a very typical cooment. 2. im the single one, he's the one that should feel bad. Another classical OW statement. Other variations include: He chased me; or I did not make any vows to the betrayed spouse. 3. he emails me, not the other way round. im single, i have no ties. The classics keep coming. 4. i do think. my case, im insanely stressed with studies and as a result i am not getting out much at the minute, i simply dont have the time or cash available. i think thats the appeal of the online attention. its a little bit of an escape from what is, at the minute, a bottomless pit of books and essays. I believe you show many OW traits (see the bold parts) that mostly involve rationalizations to have an affair. Do you realize that many women don't pay any attention to men that are already in a relationship? You need to guard yourself. In any event, I am very glad you posted and that you recognized the symptoms.
Author annabelle26 Posted December 14, 2012 Author Posted December 14, 2012 Many OW are former betrayed women. This is a very typical cooment. Another classical OW statement. Other variations include: He chased me; or I did not make any vows to the betrayed spouse. The classics keep coming. I believe you show many OW traits (see the bold parts) that mostly involve rationalizations to have an affair. Do you realize that many women don't pay any attention to men that are already in a relationship? You need to guard yourself. In any event, I am very glad you posted and that you recognized the symptoms. thank you for the insight. i hadnt actually realised these were "other woman" traits that im thinking/feeling. i will just say as a sidenote, he has continued to email me today despite not replying to him. one message proclaims he is "such a nice guy". i love when people announce it, it seems so genuine
Pierre Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 thank you for the insight. i hadnt actually realised these were "other woman" traits that im thinking/feeling. i will just say as a sidenote, he has continued to email me today despite not replying to him. one message proclaims he is "such a nice guy". i love when people announce it, it seems so genuine Folks jokingly say there is an OW manual. That means that there are some phrases and behaviors that many OWs repeat and follow. Some of your statements are in the manual. one message proclaims he is "such a nice guy". Most cheaters tend to be narcissistic. That means they present themselves in a grandiose manner and this may impress some women. They are also very charming, smooth, and appear to be very kind and helpful at the onset. They recognize needy woman a mile away and know what to say at all times. Beware of excessively charming men. Keep NC. This man is not a good guy.
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