LK30 Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Hi all, I've found myself becoming slightly attracted to a girl in my office. I know people will be pressing alarm buttons when I say this but she is currently married. In recent months our team has got smaller and I've had some really nice conversations with her. Back in the summer I went on a night out with people from work and I didn't drink at all but she did and she told me quite a bit about the difficulties she is having with her husband. They have a 2 year old together but she's been open in saying she's not sure her heart is in it any more, but she's trying to work things out for the sake of their daughter. I've chatted to her a few times on Facebook, and there's definitely nothing sexual or dirty going on, we just click and it's the first time I've realised. I don't think I'm her type, although to be honest I'm no girl's type at the moment it feels, but the best way to describe her is she's the sort of girl I could take home to my family and they'd love her! She does say the occasional comment, like today when I bought one of the ladies in our office some flowers as she's going through a hard time and the girl I like said to the other staff 'I want flowers from Lee.' I'm sure it's just her good humour but I do over analyse and try to read between the lines. We're going out on our Xmas work meal this weekend and she keeps encouraging me to drink as I rarely do. She and a friend are staying in a hotel. Part of me feels I should flirt with her but it's risky and in reality she's probably just being nice. The only fault I can comment on, or rather bad experience, is in the summer when she got so drunk by end of night I was literally holding her up like she was semi conscious from the alcohol!! Not a nice look! The funny thing is her best mate in the office seems to fancy me according to people and I'm not remotely interested! Typical! I wonder if anyone can advise how I should play this. I suppose I could admit to her I fancy her and then blame the beer the next day! Ironically a friend paid for me to see a tarot reader last Xmas, and it was all for entertainment but he mentioned about me meeting a girl possibly with a daughter (or I'd have a daughter) and she would have come out of a tricky relationship. I'm sure there's no connection and nothing will happen after all of this, but I suppose I've got time to sit and imagine how it will all go! What do you make of all this? I know she's married and perhaps she's just enjoying male attention as she's going through a hard time. She even said 'you're really easy to talk to.' Thanks for reading.
TaraMaiden Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 What do we make of all this? You're kidding....... right? Car-crash tv is what it is.... "Cheaters" material.. Keep going, I'm getting the popcorn out.....
Author LK30 Posted December 19, 2012 Author Posted December 19, 2012 Well at the work do we were a bit naughty and shared a kiss. I really don't think she fancies me but I genuinely do see her as long term potential. She told me she's been separated but living in same house as husband for 3 months due to financial reasons and for the good of their daughter, which I didn't realise. I think in reality she'll just go out every weekend to get attention from men as she said she feels worthless which is sad. I've got to say I've always been very well behaved and one of the other people at the party said I'm too rigid and need to let myself go a bit (I rarely drink alcohol and always feel vigilant of people when I go out). She did text me after the weekend to apologise if she made things awkward but she certainly hasn't said she likes me enough to be in a relationship, which makes sense as she's just come out of one which wasn't go good. She did say things on the night like 'I could so marry you' but expect it was the alcohol. My other friend was going round treating girls like objects which I don't do, but the reality is girls like bad boys!!
yongyong Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 how much do you have to be desperate to fall for a married woman with a kid? 1
todreaminblue Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 how much do you have to be desperate to fall for a married woman with a kid? raspberry plus ten of them
yongyong Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 ?? should I look up the meaning on urbandictionary? raspberry plus ten of them 1
Author LK30 Posted December 19, 2012 Author Posted December 19, 2012 Woops clearly my thread hasn't gone down well! She is separated!
TaraMaiden Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 what, like mayonnaise? Is that why you 'shared a kiss'...?
todreaminblue Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 (edited) Have you met the ex? I would verify that she is single....it is hard for single mothers to meet the right type fo guy i knwo that you said girls liek bad guys....when you have children your focus does shift.......especially daughters...you area role model fro yoru child....speaking from experience here....most guys dotn take on single mothers.....and i understand that....doesnt make me any less sad.......but single women with kids get used a fair bit because they do crave human touch....evne enforced celibacy doesn change desire....medication can...long story.... i would take it gently let her know you are interested ask her straight up you can take things slowly and be forthright...you should just be open....another thing is single mothers are less likely to play games....they let you know how close you can get or not....and again there are some single mothers who wont prescribe to what i am sayign .....but a lot are this way....good mothers anyway....if she introduces you to her toddler....she is wanting you to be part of her life as more than just a casual...... datign anyone is a risk....for a single mother she is taking more risks than you are .....she has responsibility in her life and someone else to think about besides herself getting hurt....so its a definite risk....thats why a lot of single mothers setlle for physical affection and yes that physical human touch from a man often leads to sex...thats unfortunate....single mums are not nuns.....they may think of becoming nuns....but ultimately...they just want to be held.....and find someone to share their life with.thats human nature not an illness or clinginess...just pure human nature...... for me i have to really care about someoen to do that......i have to be attracted to them...i have to knwo they are honest i have to know i can trust or try and trust....i have issues...i am nto into time wasters or iffy guys without backbones who cant go the hard yards.doesnt mean i need a rough tough guy i need a calm but a guy with strength in his core..but....it doesnt kill my desire...to know i havent found that guy who actually feels th esam eway and wants to be with me.it has to eb mutual for em to buil dthat relationship..i know i have baggage........and as far as being scared goes....i am queen of chickendom....doesnt mean i dont want a relationship ro i wouldnt work my guts out in one....but i am scared...and theres isnt a whole lot i am really scared of, only hurting my family or soemoen hurting my family and me being responsible for that...woudl prefer to be the one who is just hurt...i have no d esire to hurt others or lead anyone on....i wan tth esam ethign returned......but i do have desires.....single mothers dont lose passion...go for it .be honest forthright upfront... and make sure that th esituation is as she says it is so yoru honesty si reciprocated in kind......best wishes.....deb Edited December 19, 2012 by todreaminblue
Author LK30 Posted December 19, 2012 Author Posted December 19, 2012 Thank you 'to dream in blue' for writing all of this. I totally agree with you and what I really wanted to get advice about on here. I am a father to a boy of nearly 10. He doesn't live with me but I do see him regularly and thought being a good dad would help win the affection of a lady who even he says 'don't worry you'l meet a nice girl one day!' Perhaps girls get put off as I have a son. Perhaps it's fear of him getting more attention than her or resentment I have to have contact with his mum. I don't know if she's interested and I'm sure it's not even on her mind. Surely jumping into another relationship is no good when you're feeling down (I know she is) so not sure what to do. She does say nice things to me, but us blokes often misinterpret female compliments as come ons!!
todreaminblue Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 ?? should I look up the meaning on urbandictionary? why do you need an urban one? An ordinary dictionary will do...sometimes i almost could like you yong yong.....you still suck though..insert another raspberry here, no dictionary required, urban or otherwise...deb
todreaminblue Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 (edited) Thank you 'to dream in blue' for writing all of this. I totally agree with you and what I really wanted to get advice about on here. I am a father to a boy of nearly 10. He doesn't live with me but I do see him regularly and thought being a good dad would help win the affection of a lady who even he says 'don't worry you'l meet a nice girl one day!' Perhaps girls get put off as I have a son. Perhaps it's fear of him getting more attention than her or resentment I have to have contact with his mum. I don't know if she's interested and I'm sure it's not even on her mind. Surely jumping into another relationship is no good when you're feeling down (I know she is) so not sure what to do. She does say nice things to me, but us blokes often misinterpret female compliments as come ons!! the only thing you should jump into is a parachute or out of a helicopter...;0)...im all for kamikaze.....with me it carries over into love....i have quite a few downs in my life i suffer depression so its easy for me to sink some days i dont take medication but as with life i roll with the punches sio i do disagree with yoru she i sdown comment i dotn see why you couldnt take it slowly and even when i struggle i know that i could deal with a relationship liek i deal with everything i have to deal with......relationships arent all about good times in those relationships you have down days doesnt matter when you start it, you cant predict what will happen when you get into a relationship....you could feel everything is uber perfect and then wham it hits you like a roundhouse today....you have an issue you didnt think was there...the point is...do you give up? do you move on up, move on out or do you stick around and work through issues like you are meant to.....i know what i do...... you never know when the right time to start a relationship is, there is always doubt always flaws always issues...especially with kids.. would i accept a man with a son, for sure I adore kids ....i love kids....i wouldnt feel pushed aside or second best i would actively make sure i didnt cause a rift between father and son i would want to strengthen the bond not break it.....i would hope a guy would feel the same......and my kids.....i make a guy know how much i care he wouldnt have to doubt that...........i took many years out...i am still celibate...i still suffer from depression and it isnt going to change....i will be honest with any man who goes out with me......i will be there when they need m e...and maybe if they care enough it wont have to be all about them for me ......they actually might return the favor and let me lean on them if i ever do..by just holding em now and again listening to me hear my dreams....it medication ot the depressed...its not using a guy fro medication because you give as much as you get...its a bond actually........which is hard for me to do in the first place if a guy cant handle me depressd or allow me to hug him when i feel depressed or talk to him....its probably better that i knew that before a relationship started.....at least he would know before getting involved with me what he was in for....and what i do bring...good and bad...even when i am depressed i still think of others...a bit more selfish maybe.....need a bti of tlc...if i could find a guy who knew if i say it was ok how was your day and know then i might need to talk...that would be extremely special...... i will differ in opinion from many on this board......because i actually feel ifyou go into a relationship wounded.....it is not much past the normal way....some people just hide it and it comes otu six months later...i am honest and say yep ....i am messed up...feel a bit blue today.....but hey lets try and go out and just forget for a while..go collect sea shells watch the clouds for a while and just dream ..enjoy spending time with each other let the world float on without you even for an hour....and the problems wont go away or get any larger from having time out and enjoying being with soemone...maybe i might even handle them better when i return who knows...its all perspective....lol..... i used to disappear with my ex...i would just be with him..this is ten years into the relationship by the way.we would just go out ....mostly a hotel room though......he wasnt as creative as me or poetic.....but we wouldnt take a phone....we would just be together....it is an experience you need to try, being a parent...you dont talk about kids...you allow that woman to be a woman and you are just the guy there who she wants to hold and talk to vice versa..i really do suggest this....you just need to tell your kids sometimes i just need this.....ill be back....it really centers you..i havent had this in many years..and there is a joy in running away to be with someone you adore being with as i said if its an hour its an hour.its a bonding secret to share..all these things are natural medication far better than hospital with a pill and a yellow line to follow...perspective....i wish you luck in life love and parenting.....hugs to ya....deb Edited December 20, 2012 by todreaminblue
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