boblet Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I'm on my way home for the holidays.... it's the first time in 2 years I'm leaving without him being there to say goodbye.... my friends and family are so excited to see me, yet I feel this emptiness inside.... he doesn't even know I'm going and probably wouldn't care.. I almost feel selfish for feeling this way, since there are so many other people in my life who actually stay by my side, yet I'm bummed over someone who didn't know my worth. I wish this feeling would go away, I feel this void where he was
LostOne1 Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I thought of the way you are feeling right now. My ex always made me feel bad after a fight. She would say she is moving back to X country again and so and so. It did hurt me a lot. But after our BU I did think.. what if I moved for a few months for a job placement. And she'd never know I was gone. And then I realized.. she wouldn't care. I mean she left me so she has shown she doesn't care. So why would she now suddenly care. I know you want to feel like someone will miss you and feel lonely without you. But sadly that part of your life and my life is gone. And that's why I wrote in my post somewhere else that the holidays will be VERY hard for us. We are used to having them around the holidays and getting them gifts and getting some back. But this yr we won't have that and it will be tough to get through. But remember you have family so ENJOY the time there. I'm sure after a few hrs you will totally forget the pain and love being with your family. Cheer up it's the holidays I'll give u a holiday hug and high five!!!!
Author boblet Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 Thanks LostOne.... I'm trying my best to enjoy my time before it runs out on me, so far I am, tomorrow I'm gonna hit the gym hard, and for the rest of the time I'm here. But for some strange reason, it feels as though I've regressed a bit, because it hurts a bit more than usual. I guess it's because I was constantly in contact with him while being abroad, and now I'm a bit filled with anxiety, even when I'm occupied. I'm trying my best to occupy myself, but it's sort of strange being at home when I don't feel myself, it's a bit disorienting. I know it will get better somehow, someday.... I'm trying my best to implement the right steps... but sh** it hurts!
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