Estate Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Hi folks, Thoughts on a particular girl....? We're only dating about 2 months but gone pretty good I though. We were in touch a lot, met 1 or 2 times a week, met her friends, etc... Anyway, the last 2 weeks she's gone a bit off. She sometimes gets in touch and is all chatty but other times just leaves it for ages. Having said that, when we DO speak she's telling me how much she likes me and wants to see me, etc, etc... so I'm taking that on face value. I told her I was going home to my family for the holidays and it's kinda been since then. We had a chat but she seemed cool with it, I didn't think it was a big deal really. We met not so long ago and had plans made already. At the same time she has this guy friend who CONSTANTLY posts on her facebook. It's clear he has a huge thing for her by the content and volume of the stuff. I'm afraid to ask her about it though, contact has been limited lately so I didn't want to bring up that. She told me she's been sick last weekend and there's been a few other things going on with work and such. Not a big deal in itself. But that with the stuff I'm seeing on FB, I'm almost wondering if this guy is actually her BF or what. I'm leaving at the weekend and we haven't seen each other in 2 weeks and contact has been less than it was. I'm all over the place with it really. She seems nice and being busy and sick and the other stuff could be genuine but there's part of me thinking I'm being played like a dog here. I'm not really a suspicious type, it's just that the guy is making it VERY obvious what his intentions are and she doesn't exactly blank him. Since I'm leaving at the weekend I kinda would like to know what to story is with her. Like, should I just walk away, was she actually busy but we should stay in touch... Its just at that point where I don't want to make a big deal out of anything and come off too strong but at the same time it's not the best timing since I don't know how to play things while I'm away, like ignore her, or stay in touch. As said, I hate being suspicious of anyone but it's 50/50, this could be genuine and this other guy is just some clingy friend who's being friend-zoned or I could be being played like a dog here. Anyway, any advice welcome.
Imajerk17 Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 (edited) Well, the one question going through my head is, why haven't you seen her in two weeks? Have you and she made plans for New Years. Her response to that will tell you a lot of what you need to know. EDIT: I read your other thread about her best friend being the ex-fiance. I'm all for being friends with exes. That he is still around so much though, is bad news. I don't care if "nothing" is happening between them, that she is getting so much attention from him in front of you and she is letting it, says volumes. Edited December 12, 2012 by Imajerk17
Author Estate Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 We haven't because she was sick for a few days, got caught up in some lates nights at work and her sister had some trouble with something too. As I said, hate being suspicious, that stuff does happen with her work and stuff so I'd normally not really think anything of it. We haven't made New Years plans because I'll be at home, hadn't even though of that but don't think its a big deal. Yeah, the friend/ex thing is what is making me doubt this... the rest by itself I'd think nothing of. But it all together is making me think otherwise. The guy is obviously crazy for her, the volume and content of his FB posts are really not of "just a friend" but I can't work out if he's just a clingy ex and she's humoring him or if there's actually something I should worry about there. Since we haven't seen each other, it's not really something I want to text her about or something. Going away at the weekend, just kinda want to know where I stand here, no point waiting all through the holidays, that I'm coming back to something if she's actually with some other dude. It's all a bit in limbo. Things aren't ultra serious so it's hard to start a "lets talk about our relationship" without coming off strong, but if I say nothing I think the whole thing will fizzle out. Not really sure how to manage the situation right.
Imajerk17 Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 (edited) If you like this girl I'm thinking you need to shake it up and step it up in some way. I get you will be home but can't you come back early for New Year's? Otherwise it sounds like this is the start of the slow fade. I mean, she is either seeing you at least once over the holidays or in her mind she is "single". And if she is still "single" after seeing you for 2 months, over the holidays, when everyone in her circle is asking about her dating life, then in her mind it's never gonna happen. We haven't because she was sick for a few days, got caught up in some lates nights at work and her sister had some trouble with something too. As I said, hate being suspicious, that stuff does happen with her work and stuff so I'd normally not really think anything of it. We haven't made New Years plans because I'll be at home, hadn't even though of that but don't think its a big deal. Yeah, the friend/ex thing is what is making me doubt this... the rest by itself I'd think nothing of. But it all together is making me think otherwise. The guy is obviously crazy for her, the volume and content of his FB posts are really not of "just a friend" but I can't work out if he's just a clingy ex and she's humoring him or if there's actually something I should worry about there. Since we haven't seen each other, it's not really something I want to text her about or something. Going away at the weekend, just kinda want to know where I stand here, no point waiting all through the holidays, that I'm coming back to something if she's actually with some other dude. It's all a bit in limbo. Things aren't ultra serious so it's hard to start a "lets talk about our relationship" without coming off strong, but if I say nothing I think the whole thing will fizzle out. Not really sure how to manage the situation right. Edited December 12, 2012 by Imajerk17
Author Estate Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 So I'm a guy and I know guys... its not like he's trying to have a secret relationship with her, he's very publicly trying to mark his territory and say "She is mine" Some posts of the past week: A photo of her in the morning in a bathrobe, assuming to insinuate she spent the night A photo of him trying to be very "couplsey" with her. A photo titled "My lady" A photo for her trying on clothes... simply weird. Not things I'd post on many girls walls. Its bizarre. She's going along with it though which concerns me. Having said that. I'll take your advice and ask her just that. I was looking for the right words. 1
ChatroomHero Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 We haven't because she was sick for a few days, got caught up in some lates nights at work and her sister had some trouble with something too. As I said, hate being suspicious, that stuff does happen with her work and stuff so I'd normally not really think anything of it. Sounds like my ex. I was the same way, did not want to be suspicious, she had contact with her ex but if I called her on it she always put on a front like nothing was going on so it was no big deal...he'd post on her FB and she wouldn't exactly shoot him down. It all started to add up and continued through our relationship, like, something came up at work, her sister had something she had to help her with, would get sick too often out of the blue, a friend would need her help...it all came down to me basically asking why she could never find time to be with me and practically having to beg to stop by for dinner and leave just to see her for 45 minutes and her very convincingly acting like it was just bad luck and she really wanted to see me. My mistake was I believed her because I wanted to. You get that gut feeling and you know you are slowly going down in flames but you think she is great and honest and wouldn't lie...and you don't want to be that guy with trust issues... I can only guess on your situation but it sounds like you are getting played hardcore. The mistake you don't want to make is thinking if you call her on it nicely and give her an out "if she is not interested", that she will tell you the truth if she is seeing that guy, or if she is stringing you along. You need to follow your gut and trust yourself. If you have doubt you likely know deep down you are right and 6 months from now you'll kick yourself for knowing all along. 1
InJest Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Start banging other girls. Treat this girl as a sex object and do not invest any more emotionally in her.
todreaminblue Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Hi folks, Thoughts on a particular girl....? We're only dating about 2 months but gone pretty good I though. We were in touch a lot, met 1 or 2 times a week, met her friends, etc... Anyway, the last 2 weeks she's gone a bit off. She sometimes gets in touch and is all chatty but other times just leaves it for ages. Having said that, when we DO speak she's telling me how much she likes me and wants to see me, etc, etc... so I'm taking that on face value. I told her I was going home to my family for the holidays and it's kinda been since then. We had a chat but she seemed cool with it, I didn't think it was a big deal really. We met not so long ago and had plans made already. At the same time she has this guy friend who CONSTANTLY posts on her facebook. It's clear he has a huge thing for her by the content and volume of the stuff. I'm afraid to ask her about it though, contact has been limited lately so I didn't want to bring up that. She told me she's been sick last weekend and there's been a few other things going on with work and such. Not a big deal in itself. But that with the stuff I'm seeing on FB, I'm almost wondering if this guy is actually her BF or what. I'm leaving at the weekend and we haven't seen each other in 2 weeks and contact has been less than it was. I'm all over the place with it really. She seems nice and being busy and sick and the other stuff could be genuine but there's part of me thinking I'm being played like a dog here. I'm not really a suspicious type, it's just that the guy is making it VERY obvious what his intentions are and she doesn't exactly blank him. Since I'm leaving at the weekend I kinda would like to know what to story is with her. Like, should I just walk away, was she actually busy but we should stay in touch... Its just at that point where I don't want to make a big deal out of anything and come off too strong but at the same time it's not the best timing since I don't know how to play things while I'm away, like ignore her, or stay in touch. As said, I hate being suspicious of anyone but it's 50/50, this could be genuine and this other guy is just some clingy friend who's being friend-zoned or I could be being played like a dog here. Anyway, any advice welcome. you have to trust her i guess, th eonly way you can do this i sby being trust worthy yourself and coming out wiht how you really feel be open and honest an dask her directly.....a lot of relationships break up over mis communication your relationship could fall into this category if you are insecure about this boy who is posting say so ask.......don't leave it to fester under the surface till it breaks you up because one day you talk to her and explode about it an she goes whoah what the hell have i done to deserve this......my past relationship i am a bti fo a day dreamer and if i am not focused on something i dont notice who and what is around me........including guys feelings for me...unless it is blatantly obvious..my ex used to say "look he likes you i can tell so you need to not get close"....and i wouldnt.......sometimes girls just dont get that a guy likes them more.......especially if they are in a relationship all they see is you or the person they are with....they dont actively focus on emotional attachment from someone else because they arent looking for it........thats all i am saying....talk to her......be honest open and you cant go wrong....honesty is always going to be right.....if it isnt cruel....deb
todreaminblue Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 So I'm a guy and I know guys... its not like he's trying to have a secret relationship with her, he's very publicly trying to mark his territory and say "She is mine" Some posts of the past week: A photo of her in the morning in a bathrobe, assuming to insinuate she spent the night A photo of him trying to be very "couplsey" with her. A photo titled "My lady" A photo for her trying on clothes... simply weird. Not things I'd post on many girls walls. Its bizarre. She's going along with it though which concerns me. Having said that. I'll take your advice and ask her just that. I was looking for the right words. its imperative that you talk to her as soon as posible...he is claiming territory...if she doesnt realise this she needs to know....awkward situation could ensue..if she doesnt see what you say....the reltionship is at risk.....if she denies it and gets agressive she is cheating on you most likely or plans too..deb
Author Estate Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 Here, so the exact situation right now is this... Shot her a message yesterday evening just checking in as we hadn't talked in a few days. She didn't reply until this morning saying she has been in bed... a flurry of facebook activity kinda contradicts that but whatever... I replied to that but nothing during the day, nothing after work... I tried to get in touch to have a quick chat this evening but she's off the grid but visibly active online. I'm being shafted. Not putting any more effort into this one. Next. Shame, she had potential and actually seemed genuine. It def one of those situations where you start asking yourself "Really, she's taking THAT guy over me?"... no real looks, no style, no real personality besides the hopeless puppydog thing, no job, no education, small town kinda dude... anyway, not letting it get me down. She could have had better... 1
MrCastle Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Here, so the exact situation right now is this... Shot her a message yesterday evening just checking in as we hadn't talked in a few days. She didn't reply until this morning saying she has been in bed... a flurry of facebook activity kinda contradicts that but whatever... I replied to that but nothing during the day, nothing after work... I tried to get in touch to have a quick chat this evening but she's off the grid but visibly active online. I'm being shafted. Not putting any more effort into this one. Next. Shame, she had potential and actually seemed genuine. It def one of those situations where you start asking yourself "Really, she's taking THAT guy over me?"... no real looks, no style, no real personality besides the hopeless puppydog thing, no job, no education, small town kinda dude... anyway, not letting it get me down. She could have had better... Yeah this girl is done. Be glad you found out now. I actually feel sorry for women who don't pick me. It's their loss. Still though, sucks for them. 1
Author Estate Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 Cheers man, That guy has actually just changed his FB profile pic to one of them as a couple. Don't know if she's consenting but I'm well shot of this situation, if it's like this. I just let her know. Feels real sucky but obviously for the best.
ChatroomHero Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Here, so the exact situation right now is this... Shot her a message yesterday evening just checking in as we hadn't talked in a few days. She didn't reply until this morning saying she has been in bed... a flurry of facebook activity kinda contradicts that but whatever... I replied to that but nothing during the day, nothing after work... I tried to get in touch to have a quick chat this evening but she's off the grid but visibly active online. I'm being shafted. Not putting any more effort into this one. Next. Shame, she had potential and actually seemed genuine. It def one of those situations where you start asking yourself "Really, she's taking THAT guy over me?"... no real looks, no style, no real personality besides the hopeless puppydog thing, no job, no education, small town kinda dude... anyway, not letting it get me down. She could have had better... Be glad you figured it out before you were in too deep. Don't be surprised if she comes back out of the blue trying to talk to you like nothing ever happened. When that happens, you'll get a story of all this "stuff" going on and how she had to figure things out, decided she wants to be with you, bla,bla,bla...don't believe it for a second.
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