Mrlonelyone Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 On here I may come off at times as supremely confident about being able to obtain sex if not relationships. To my experience this is true. Hence my question, am I too unattractive or too freakish to date? Anyone may answer. Be blunt if you like but not homo/transphobic. Here are some recent pictures of me. https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/527724_3568282059588_529483218_n.jpg https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/16090_3780306640070_222646353_n.jpg https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/480046_3803974151743_759902350_n.jpg https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/564720_3511827728265_724165964_n.jpg Really truly not fishing for complements, would've posted glammed up club ready pics if that was my goal (Though I'll take em if you give em). So am I just like, un-dateably freakish or what.
xdahliax Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I think you look good, your looks should not be a problem at all. I think if you want to work on anything regarding your appearance, you could improve your sense of style. I'd also like to see you with longer hair, I think it would be nice! 2
ScreamingTrees Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I don't think there's anything wrong with you. You look nice as a man or a woman, but it looks like I can't really tell what you want to be. Hope you don't take that the wrong way, it's meant in a neutral observational sort of way, with a slight hint of amusement thrown in for good measure..
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 I don't think there's anything wrong with you. You look nice as a man or a woman, but it looks like I can't really tell what you want to be. Hope you don't take that the wrong way, it's meant in a neutral observational sort of way, with a slight hint of amusement thrown in for good measure.. Well I am naturally somewhat androgynous looking. I accept that about myself. So in essence what you see is what I want to be. Not everyone is binary on every level. 1
nessaaa Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 To honest, you do come off as kinna not freaky but odd, dressing like a girl in one pic and a man in the other. Its confusing and weird. Change your style, its bummy. I think your dreads will look nicer as the grow longer or get rid of them and grow out ur natural hair.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 To honest, you do come off as kinna not freaky but odd, dressing like a girl in one pic and a man in the other. Its confusing and weird. Interesting. The only things I'm doing different in one pic vs the other is wearing that brown corduroy jacket. your style, its bummy. I think you dreads will look nicer as the grow longer or get rid of them and grow out ur natural hair. So loose the "bummy" brown corduroy jacket. Then grow out an Afro?
SJC2008 Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 IMO you look mkre like a man than a soman so I assume you're a mtf... TBS since you look more masculine you're not going to be getting dates from men unless they are really into that sort of thing. Why did you change if I may? Did you have surgery?
melodymatters Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 You are a physically attractive person. Being trans however ( not knocking it or insulting, have friends, etc) is going to make it that much harder unless you live in a large city. I am pretty open minded, but not knowing whether my BF was going to show up looking like a man or a woman, knowing that not only do I have to wonder if he may be attracted to other woman, but KNOW, that he is also attracted to something I can NEVER give him ( being male) sounds like just too much work. Sorry if I was too blunt, you are a kind and sensible poster IMO ! Good luck ! 1
Ruby Slippers Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 You're cute, but I agree that sometimes you look more like a man and sometimes more like a woman. Who would you like to attract, men or women? I'd recommend playing to your target audience. Of course, you are a more complex person than most, and not everybody can handle that.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 You are a physically attractive person. Being trans however ( not knocking it or insulting, have friends, etc) is going to make it that much harder unless you live in a large city. I am pretty open minded, but not knowing whether my BF was going to show up looking like a man or a woman, knowing that not only do I have to wonder if he may be attracted to other woman, but KNOW, that he is also attracted to something I can NEVER give him ( being male) sounds like just too much work. Sorry if I was too blunt, you are a kind and sensible poster IMO ! Good luck ! No that's not surprising. Many people have those fears about the Bisexual and/or Transgendered members of our community. "Will they like me and only me?" "Will they always feel the gender they are?" "What does it mean about me for liking someone who's bisexual and/or transgendered". Many gay and lesbian people have the same concerns. To answer a previous question. I had breast implants at one point but I've not had nor would I want the surgery down below. My male organs are anatomically intact and functional. However other aspects of my mind and body are androgynous. I just don't see why I should force myself to be normatively one thing or the other. I've tried both and it made me miserable.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 Who would you like to attract, men or women? I'd recommend playing to your target audience. Thanks, I've tried playing to my audience. All I got either way were people who liked an image of something that I wasn't. A few in my life have taken me as I was for who and what I am. So I know it's not impossible. Many others like me have husbands and wives. It seems to me the hardest thing anyone who dates me will have to deal with is that depending on who looks I will appear to be male or female based on, as we've seen here, as little as what jacket I'm wearing. So at some point someone will think we are straight or gay/lesbian. More importantly they may not be able to handle feeling that way at times.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I imagine you're going to have to find an exceptionally open-minded person as a partner, someone who is comfortable being with you when you look and/or behave like a man and a woman. I guess the best approach is the same as for all of us - be as fabulous, self-loving, stylish, etc. as possible. That's always attractive. 6
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 I imagine you're going to have to find an exceptionally open-minded person as a partner, someone who is comfortable being with you when you look and/or behave like a man and a woman. I guess the best approach is the same as for all of us - be as fabulous, self-loving, stylish, etc. as possible. That's always attractive. From talking to others like me the key was finding a partner who would realize that who they are with dose not define them as a person.
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I don't know you. Don't know your story. Have only seem a couple of your posts to others' questions, none of which really revealed anything about you. So basically, I'm the typical stranger you might interact with and try to pick up while out and about. First, I would not grow out your dreads! If you like dreads, that's the perfect length...or shorter (if you're a guy). Longer dreads? Afros? You'll be narrowing the number of people who will find you appealing even further. You're in shape, decent looking, reasonable height... None of that is holding you back. From the posts I've seen, you seem like an insightful person. Nothing in your photos leads me to think you might have issues in social interaction. The biggest issue is your gender, and the fact that I have to guess and search for cues. Based on your LS handle and a shadow of a mustache in one photo, I'm guessing you're male? I think? It's going to be a challenge to get people to be sexually attracted to you and to want a relationship with you (not just explore their fantasies, fetishes, and boundaries) if it's unclear what gender you are. Sorry if that was too blunt. I'm trying to be helpful, not hurtful. You do have to be true to you. Your photos are in line with your description of your self-image. And certainly there are large communities of people in the same boat in and around major cities. If you can, I would be active in one of those communities. I suspect you'll be more likely to find someone who sees complete androgyny as attractive, and for some, appealing. You'll have a harder time finding someone who loves you for you in communities where gender and gender preferences in a partner are clear. Hope I wasn't too harsh in conveying my thoughts. Best! 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 From talking to others like me the key was finding a partner who would realize that who they are with dose not define them as a person. Well, it's more than that, right? Otherwise you are just friends. You have to be sexually appealing to your partner if you're going to have a successful relationship. I agree with RubySlippers. It will have to be someone who is very flexible. Most people are attracted to a particular gender, and not the other. You provide both. The right partnersfor you are out there. There are just fewer of them, which makes your search more challenging. Good luck!
mammasita Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I like your look in the second picture..... I don't think that outfit is bummy either. With that look I see you attracting more feminine lesbians. I know a friend of a friend who is not as good looking as you, but similar style with a pretty cute girlfriend. That said, I don't see you as undateable or freakish.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 I don't know you. Don't know your story. Have only seem a couple of your posts to others' questions, none of which really revealed anything about you. So basically, I'm the typical stranger you might interact with and try to pick up while out and about. First, I would not grow out your dreads! If you like dreads, that's the perfect length...or shorter (if you're a guy). Longer dreads? Afros? You'll be narrowing the number of people who will find you appealing even further. I agree with your assessment of the dreadlocks. Longer dreadlocks than this and I run afoul of stereotypes of being a pot smoking Rastafarian. You're in shape, decent looking, reasonable height... None of that is holding you back. From the posts I've seen, you seem like an insightful person. Nothing in your photos leads me to think you might have issues in social interaction. I've gotten that feeling from my interactions with people. The biggest issue is your gender, and the fact that I have to guess and search for cues. Based on your LS handle and a shadow of a mustache in one photo, I'm guessing you're male? I think? It's going to be a challenge to get people to be sexually attracted to you and to want a relationship with you (not just explore their fantasies, fetishes, and boundaries) if it's unclear what gender you are. Sorry if that was too blunt. I'm trying to be helpful, not hurtful. That's the most perplexing thing to me. They are sexually attracted (Hence why they can see me as fit for use for a fetish, or fantasy. i.e. as I look in this picture. http://transgenderdate.com/upload/pics/2012/09/chilover_2122201912.jpg The thing is no one looks like a pose in black and white all the time. Even the most complete transgender person, the most binary of us, has to wake up and take our meds, remove hair, or in some other way show that we aren't 100% like everyone else. You do have to be true to you. Your photos are in line with your description of your self-image. And certainly there are large communities of people in the same boat in and around major cities. If you can, I would be active in one of those communities. I suspect you'll be more likely to find someone who sees complete androgyny as attractive, and for some, appealing. You'll have a harder time finding someone who loves you for you in communities where gender and gender preferences in a partner are clear. Hope I wasn't too harsh in conveying my thoughts. Best! Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I didn't take it as harsh at all. Read my journal on here and I say similar things about myself. I've thought about that and do just that sort of thing already.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 Well, it's more than that, right? Otherwise you are just friends. You have to be sexually appealing to your partner if you're going to have a successful relationship. I agree with RubySlippers. It will have to be someone who is very flexible. Most people are attracted to a particular gender, and not the other. You provide both. The right partnersfor you are out there. There are just fewer of them, which makes your search more challenging. Good luck! Well yes and no. I mean on a sexual level. i.e. When a lesbian couple, one butch and the other femme has this issue are they still lesbian? How about when I get with a woman...is that woman then a lesbian or something else? Is what defines a persons sexuality the organs of their partner or how they see themselves? These are complex questions of identity that I understand most people would rather avoid.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 You're not unattractive at all; you're attractive. You already know that being who you are makes it more challenging to find someone who is going to not only accept you, but also be attracted to and fall in love with you. It's not fair - but it is the way it is, unfortunately. I have a good friend who is transgendered and she had a nightmarish time with all the fetishists who only viewed her as a sexual fantasy come to life. Ultimately, she got in a ltr with a woman. I believe this person was into her for the kink factor, but they ended up in love. They stayed together for 11 years, started a business, bought a home, etc. They had a "normal" relationship - well, as far as relationships go. So I have first hand experience that it can, and does happen. Finally my friend got a complete makeover "down there" and after that, her relationship ended. I don't know if the two events were related at all, or not. If you could move to San Francisco, you might have a much easier time of it.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 I like your look in the second picture..... I don't think that outfit is bummy either. I'd certainly hope not. Jackets of that type are not cheap at all. It cost me around $200. With that look I see you attracting more feminine lesbians. I know a friend of a friend who is not as good looking as you, but similar style with a pretty cute girlfriend. That said, I don't see you as undateable or freakish. If those lesbians can get over the question of would liking me mean they were straight now. Yeah, that comes up when people like me date Lesbians and gays too. GLT » Coming out transgender in same-sex relationships
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 You're not unattractive at all; you're attractive. You already know that being who you are makes it more challenging to find someone who is going to not only accept you, but also be attracted to and fall in love with you. It's not fair - but it is the way it is, unfortunately. I have a good friend who is transgendered and she had a nightmarish time with all the fetishists who only viewed her as a sexual fantasy come to life. Ultimately, she got in a ltr with a woman. I believe this person was into her for the kink factor, but they ended up in love. They stayed together for 11 years, started a business, bought a home, etc. They had a "normal" relationship - well, as far as relationships go. So I have first hand experience that it can, and does happen. Finally my friend got a complete makeover "down there" and after that, her relationship ended. I don't know if the two events were related at all, or not. If you could move to San Francisco, you might have a much easier time of it. Yeah I've heard of that. Though, I never thought a biological female "admirer" would leave after one had the surgery down below. Thanks for backing me up on this. Yes, there are people male and female who will like someone like me. Their just a little harder to find. IME while I get fewer serious dates the serious dates are with people who are really truly interested.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Yeah I've heard of that. Though, I never thought a biological female "admirer" would leave after one had the surgery down below. Honestly, I don't know that this had anything to do with their break up. My friend was a difficult person. She was somatic to the point of self obsession. Sometimes it seemed like she fetishized herself. Both of us had moved far away from each other so I didn't have much contact, but she might have become so wrapped up in herself preparing for the surgery that it drove her partner away. My friend is fine now, though. 1
BetheButterfly Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 On here I may come off at times as supremely confident about being able to obtain sex if not relationships. To my experience this is true. Hence my question, am I too unattractive or too freakish to date? Anyone may answer. Be blunt if you like but not homo/transphobic. Here are some recent pictures of me. https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/527724_3568282059588_529483218_n.jpg https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/16090_3780306640070_222646353_n.jpg https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/480046_3803974151743_759902350_n.jpg https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/564720_3511827728265_724165964_n.jpg Really truly not fishing for complements, would've posted glammed up club ready pics if that was my goal (Though I'll take em if you give em). So am I just like, un-dateably freakish or what. First of all, I think you are very beautiful/handsome. I think the difficult thing is that there are not many people who categorize themselves as bisexual and most people who categorize themselves as heterosexual tend to date other heterosexual people (there are exceptions of course but that is the "norm"). However, people are diverse. I very much hope you find a wonderful man or lady who you connect with on all levels: physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional and that y'all enjoy a wonderful relationship, growing old together. Please don't give up on love. 1
Recommended Posts