RedIrish73 Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Not sure if this is the right place to post this, so if it’s not I am very sorry! Bit of history first. About 6 years ago, my wife got it in her that she wanted to experiment with another couple (She is Bi Polar Type II, diagnosed with it and every year, sometimes twice a year she would find something she had to do or make some life changing decision). Swinging. I can't say I was totally against it, I mean; it was kind of hard to not see some appeal in that. But I am picky and I try to be safe and we went to countless dinners and lunches with other couples and I turned them all down. This was becoming a sore point between us. Around the same time, I was talking to a good friend of mine who was looking for something to help her and her husband find some spark in their marriage. You can probably guess where this went. She pitched the idea to her husband and I pitched it to my wife. Everyone was for it. I won't bore everyone with details but the swinging went on for about two months? I don't recall exactly. We did the thing that Swingers do. During that time, both I and the other girl (my friend) realized we connected entirely too well. We talked about it and decided that we had to stop, that it was too dangerous to continue. At the same time, her husband approached my wife and asked her to consider getting a divorce and hooking up with him. She turned him down. I didn't find out about this till much later though and only due to another friend of ours showing up at my house and seeing the encounter between my wife and the husband. Shortly after my wife turned down her husband, everything exploded. He went on a rampage, telling everyone he was forced into having sex with two women and that I was an evil malicious person. I kid you not. He told people for years that I tried very hard to destroy his family by taking his wife. I know this because the people he told eventually came around to me and asked me. Well, after it all blew up, he told his wife that she had to stop talking to me. More like yelled and screamed. The whole neighborhood heard it. Her and I talked and decided that it was best we stopped talking. We never wanted to destroy either marriage, she was looking for something to help their sex life out and both my wife and I were looking for a 'safe' couple to experiment swinging with. I didn't speak to my friend again and I didn’t that we would ever speak again. We had nothing to do with them. Her husband removed her from the same circles that we had joint friends in, removed her from the activities that we had joint friends with. Well, at least as far as he was aware. I have a lot of friends he didn't know about. At no point did I tell people what happened or run around shooting my mouth off about... well anything. Both my wife and I kept it to ourselves and went our way. He on the other hand went to everyone who would listen and said all sorts of things. Things I still hear about today from people. Not a single person has ever come to me and said you’re an *******. No. Most have come to me and said, yeah, I heard about some stuff and just thought it was him being crazy jealous again. I can count on one hand how many people I have talked to about this (except now, it will be everyone who reads all this here.) Okay! Now to the problem! Fast forward to recently and I still haven't spoken to my friend since all that happened. We made no contact with each other at all. Last year I found out from a mutual friend that she was going through a divorce at the exact same time I was. They were both signed less than a month apart. Kinda strange. I decided to send her an email to offer what support I could. In my divorce, I got custody of my son. For a guy, that is kind of a win-win in my state. Not a few weeks later we met and hit it off very well. A few months later we were dating. Now, we are moving in together and I am going to ask her to marry me. Maybe it’s not the sweet story that people would like to hear and may think we are being stupid (Only he says this, all of our friends are very happy for us). As it is, the plan is, we will be married later this year. We are being flexible because we are going to get married and then go on a cruise for our honeymoon... so kind of depends on the timing of the cruise date/kids/baby sitters. The problem we face now is this. Her EX hates me. He has made no bones about it. Since he found out we are dating, he attacked her character in person, texts and emails. He grills the two kids (they have joint custody) after he picks them up each week. They are 9 and 5 and like any other kids, they tell us. The 9 year old told my son one day, “that his daddy said your daddy broke the law by kissing a girl he wasn’t married too.” On another occasion, we received an email and a phone call from the ex about how the daughter is claiming I am touching her inappropriately and that if he hears it again, he will go to the police. He has written emails exclaiming that I am a poor and untrustworthy person, that he can’t even stand seeing my son who is 8. He just got remarried, well, last month. One of those, sudden engagements with someone no one knew he was even dating and ran off to Hawaii to get married. As soon as he got back, he came after her to try to claim that he should have the kids go to school and church by his house, that they should have all their activities and community in one location. He said he was married now and could provide a stable home for the kids where as she is unable to do since she was moving in with someone she wasn’t married to. She said that since it joint custody, they need to divide things equally and that since he has church she should have school, to give the kids a better chance to find both home and community in both places. He finally backed down, I firmly believe he got some advice from a lawyer. Here is the problem, the question will follow it. He is constantly grilling his kids about what goes on over here. He comes after her for everything, demanding to know what is going on and where we should set boundaries in our own home when it comes to his kids. For example, he demands that I have nothing to do with the 5 year old girls bathing or changing and if he even hears that I have, he will be calling the police. He recently came by to drop off the little girl and demanded to know why she said that the new house we moved into was supposed to be a secret. It’s getting ridiculous. I love her kids; I play with them and make sure they do their homework. I am building a computer for her son. I help her daughter go to sleep at night… well more like, I make sure she stays in bed. Apparently she believes she can sleep with mommy and daddy any time she wants, eat and drink in the middle of the night and its okay to play with toys when she can’t sleep. Normal stuff. When the little girl comes over, for about a day, she is constantly stating how ‘Dad’ is better than ‘Mom’. That ‘Mom’ was mean to ‘Dad’ and that ‘Mom’ made ‘Dad’ cry a lot. This is nearly an every week ordeal. Its turning into how ‘Dad’ lets her do things that we don’t (This isn’t an unexpected thing, I know kids try this). At least once a week, usually at dinner, they talk about how ‘Mom’ was mean to ‘Dad’ and they got a divorce because ‘Mom’ did bad things to ‘Daddy’. They have been divorced for over a year now. We are not at our wits end yet, but he doesn’t seem to be slacking either. How do we deal with him?
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