I hate twitter!!!!!!!!

[Toddbt12y1]

You should tell your friends not to be telling you this stuff. Don't. Worry you know how he is. It won't last. You're better than him. You're attractive enough to find better than this loser:o

[kristi628]

These are friends that I really dont keep in contact with much. But they had met him before and wanted to know what happened.

 

I obviously already knew that he had a gf. He introduced her to all of our friends here. And i'm pretty sure this was her doing and not his, but people are making me feel bad bc he never put that he was in a relationship before. Let alone identify who he was in a relationship with.

 

And damn it, it just gets my mind going a thousand miles a minute. They are making it sound like he's much happier bc he's doing things he never did with me. ONE THING! Just stupid fb. I'm sure if I wouldve added him as my bf he wouldve accepted it too. Only insecure people need to label their relationship to the masses.

[Toddbt12y1]

If you barely know these people you should block them if they don't stop. No sense in getting down. The Guy is a jerk so is this girl. All these missed chances your cute lil self will get with someone who actually will love you just watch.

[kristi628]

I know they werent doing it intentionally. But I can tell from their tone and responses that they are having their doubts too. They werent the normal "what a jek" or "this is just a rebound" sort of responses. I wouldve preferred to hear that stuff.

 

It's the honeymoon phase. They have only been together 13 days (from I can tell). He cant let his jerk side show just yet.

 

i read something today that made sense to me. I keep asking myself why he seems like such a changed guy all of a sudden and why he is being so perfect and so open all of a sudden....

 

The article said that people like my ex adapt to the needs of their new SO. So if they are extremely needy, insecure, and so forth, then he will then change and act in the way that would be his new SO feel reassured....it's how they try and hook them...

 

That made me feel a little better... bc he was never that open in our relationship...never took to facebook or twitter....but that makes me feel like i'm more confident and secure with myself that I didnt need all of that.

 

Do you think that makes sense? Or is it all stupid?

[Toddbt12y1]

It does make sense. Some people are chameleons. They change to meet whatever situation so as to gain an advantage

 

I know you love this Guy...but you seriously are better than him. Than her. Just gotta see he's a loser not worth your hurt. In time you will see this. Especially after finding someone new. Besides a sexy cute and obviously mature girl like you shouldn't have any troubles just watch

[kristi628]

It's hard when people say to go out and meet someone. I dont see how. I dont have any friends here, i'm the youngest person at my firm, and i live 30 min outside the city. I'm not sure where i'm suppose to go or what i'm suppose to do. I go home to my parents every weekend which is 2 hours away just to get away from here. it helps.

 

It's sad. I do love him. I know I am better than him and I deserve more for the way he treated me. But I still love him. Don't want him back. But don't want her to have him either. That's selfish, I know. I wouldnt say I'm better than her. Just different. Which is maybe what he wanted.

 

She's almost 6 years younger than him. That's big difference. She's still in college, still figuring out what she wants to do. Still dependent on mom and ad. Still in that lots of energy, party stage. And he barely had the energy to go to dinner with me let alone go out to some concert with a bunch of college kids.

 

He always did say he was a chameleon. But if that's true....then why was he so boring and lazy with me? is it bc I was that way? Bc I wasn't. I tried to get him to do stuff. To get off the couch.

[Toddbt12y1]

Had nothing to do with you. It was all him. He is only doing this with the young dumb girl to try and get some...mostlikely. maybe he is trying to impress? In the honeymoon phase you tend to do more together anyway.

 

You can try online dating. Meet a Guy and go out. I understand you are alone virtually. How old are you? Surely not old enough that you can't get anyone else. Any chance you get to go out go. It could help.

[Lisa_Lisa]

I know what you're going through.

 

I thought I was over my ex, but I guess I'm still reeling and it all has to do with Facebook. I kept checking obsessively and then one day I saw what every ex dreads...the new girl. Now he's got her picture as his cover photo and they dedicate love songs to each other, etc.

 

He calls her a pet name he never used for me and he said in one of his posts, "I've finally found love." It stings, it hurts. I've come to realize he never loved me.

 

I asked him to put in his status that he was in a relationship when we were together, but he said he doesn't put his love life on it, and now, that's exactly what he's doing. I shouldn't have never looked, but I guess in a way, the more it hurts the more fuel I have to get over it.

 

It sux, sux, sux. I'm sorry for what you're going through.

[kristi628]

I'm 28. And I met him through eharmony lol

[Toddbt12y1]

Ah I see. We'll you're still young enough besides you seem to have little choice in how you can meet others try match its great I hear.

 

@Bittersweet: missy don't look. Ofc you know this already. Just block him and stop the urge. He doesn't know love. If he cheated on you for example he'll mostlikely cheat on her when the time comes. You both needn't look nor hear...it's like abusing yourselves. You girls are alive still so go live and move on to a real loving man. Not trash.

[Lisa_Lisa]

You're right...thanks, I need to stop.

[Toddbt12y1]

Don't just stop. Block him. Do it now. Keep it that way. You aren't old neither of you are, so why waste youth on losers? You two lovely ladies should find someone more special. Than you too may know what it is like to feel loved. But go on bittersweet I believe you can do this sweetie and start distracting yourself by doing things. As long as you leave the option open to see him you will. Close these options and keep telling yourself its over.

 

You and Kristi can meet better guys.

[kristi628]

You are right. I know we both will meet someone better eventually. It really does suck to have to go through this. I thought that the first time he left was bad. In a way it was better than what I'm going through now knowing he's w someone else. That part I could do without. I'm at least takin the time to grieve and learn from this relationship. Which I guess is more than I can say for him. Maybe he's bound to keep making the same mistakes. I know I won't.

[Toddbt12y1]

Yes cute stuff you will learn and so will bittersweet. Then find a better person with your knowledge. now cheer up or ill poke your belly

[kristi628]

Last night was alright. Ended up going to sleep early just to shut my brain off. I'm sure the first few days of NC are the worst. I'm not sure if knowing what he's doing it better or my mind making up things... bc i tend to imagine the worst. How happy he is, how they may be holding one another at that very moment....i ended up making myself sick and just going to sleep.

[Lisa_Lisa]

I guess now's the time to start doing things for yourself. Things you like to do or want to accomplish.

 

Now that I know my ex is definitely with someone else and has splashed it all on Facebook, I believe I can truly move on. Before there was hope, maybe we could get back together, maybe he still thought of me, maybe there was a chance, but now with this new girl in the picture there's no chance at all. He loves her and she loves him. And it doesn't seem like a rebound. It seems real.

 

I had a hard time sleeping too, but when thoughts of him started creeping in I just told myself, "he's dead." The dead don't come back to life. And that's how I have to start seeing our relationship, as dead.

 

You have to distract yourself, keep busy, busy, busy so that when you go to bed you fall asleep fast. Mornings might be tougher, but in time, they'll get better. I know it'll get better.

[kristi628]

I guess now's the time to start doing things for yourself. Things you like to do or want to accomplish.

 

Now that I know my ex is definitely with someone else and has splashed it all on Facebook, I believe I can truly move on. Before there was hope, maybe we could get back together, maybe he still thought of me, maybe there was a chance, but now with this new girl in the picture there's no chance at all. He loves her and she loves him. And it doesn't seem like a rebound. It seems real.

 

 

I don't want to believe that what they have is real. That would make me feel so much worse right now. How real can it be in 14 days? That's only two weeks. Maybe I'm in denial. But I'm still at the beginning stage of my grief and thinking that he found something real one week after cheating on me and leaving is just too much to take in right now.

[Lisa_Lisa]

I know, I know. I secretly want them to break up. Maybe this is his way to pass the time. I don't want it to be real, just a passing fling. Maybe he'll get tired of her after 6 months. I don't know, but I can't live on that hope. It'll never let me move on. I mean, come on, look at me, 5 months after the break up, and it's still fresh. I hope you can get over it faster than me. But until then, I guess, I just can't keep that tiny glimmer of hope, it'll do me no good. It's like a mantra, "he's dead, he's dead, he's dead." After enough times you start to believe it. And now that his facebook has become his love biography, I will stay away. Maybe in 3 months I might check it out, but I also hope that by that time, I won't want to.

 

But for now, Kristi, remember keep busy, busy, busy. And keep venting here.

[kristi628]

I'm trying to stay as busy as I possibly can. It's hard during the week. 1) I'm exhausted from spending 10+ hours a day in the office. 2) None of my nice clothes fit (since the break up I've gone down two whole sizes) and 3) I'm on a tight budget now that I have to pay everything myself.

 

BUT...I go home to my family every weekend to visit and see friends. PLUS, just got my christmas bonus yesterday and guess who is going to do some MAJOR shopping this weekend?!? ME!!!!!!!!!! Retail therapy never hurt anyone. lol

 

Having so many questions is really the hard part. I know answers probably wont help me and will probably just lead to more questions. But it sucks sitting at home alone while they are out and about and happy. And I try not to have so many negative thoughts. I want to be the bigger person and wish them luck and good thoughts....but right now I just want to be bitter and angry. I dont want it to continue for long, but just right now, I want things to fall apart on him. I want his true colors to show and I want him to feel what i feel. But people like him dont feel anything. They just keep moving.

[na49]

It's okay, you don't have to wish your ex the best right now. I don't wish my ex the best right now. I found out yesterday that she was stressing out about possibly failing two classes and losing her scholarship. Did I feel bad for her at all? No, I was giddy and happy. (inside of course, I didn't show it)

 

I'm in a similar spot as you to an extent. I still have days where there is an ounce of hope that we'll get back together. It gets smaller and smaller each day though. I haven't checked up on her in over a month so I don't know what's going on in her life. That's probably what is leaving me with the ounce of hope, but after over a month of not stalking her, if I looked at her pages now I feel like I would have a major setback. Definitely don't want to be depressed about her being with another guy and loving life on Christmas. So I'm avoiding it. I'll just assume that she is with another guy and is loving life. and hope that she isn't doing either. I'll assume she doesn't miss me. I'll assume she thinks I'm a jerk. I'm honestly fine with that at this point.

 

It's really up to us now, no more blaming them for anything. We did everything we could and it wasn't enough. Don't play twenty questions and ask yourself I could have done this or that differently. As long as you weren't abusive and you know you treated your ex well, be happy with that. There's no way to make someone love you, so we just do everything we can to keep them happy. Sometimes even that isn't enough though and at that point it's out of our hands.

 

They may keep moving, but you can keep moving too. He had a life before you, he's living his life after you. So you do the same! As hard as that sounds, and believe me, I know that it is.

[kristi628]

You are so right. Everyone is. The sad part is, I dont want him back. But because I am bitter, I want him to realize he made a mistake, crawl back just so I can tell him NO! Yes, petty and selfish, but right now it's the only thing that would make me feel better. Yes, I miss him immensely, NO i do not miss the way he treated him badly. I miss the good times we had, the cuddling, the I love yous, the good times we had in our home. Those memories make it hard to let go. I keep reminding myself about the bad things he did, the way he would make me cry or angry.

 

I read these threads about people who keep hearing from their exes even after they've been cheated on or left. I have only heard from my ex twice. Once to tell me he picked up his stuff ( I didn't respond) and then a week alter he was angry bc I wouldnt let him have the apt. Nothing about mixed emotions, nothing about how he misses me. He made me feel like I was the bad gf and that he was happy I was gone. Terrible feeling.

[na49]

Don't read into it like that. Even those who have exes who tell them they missed them. It doesn't mean squat. When they say "I miss you" it's like when someone saying "sorry" for bumping into you.

 

You were not a bad gf. You did everything you could! My ex cheated on me too. Hasn't come back and apologized or acknowledged that what she did hurt me. Does that make me a bad boyfriend? No. I know just as well as she does (she can do all of the convincing she wants, facts are facts) that I was very supportive, and always had good intentions. I never cheated, I never made her cry, I treated her like a princess and felt like a slave.

 

I can't make you stop beating up on yourself for this whole thing, but once you realize that you did everything you could and it still wasn't enough you shouldn't be so down. Don't have any regrets, because you did nothing wrong. He CHOSE to cheat on you. You couldn't do anything to change his mind, and don't convince yourself otherwise. He is a cheater, and you don't deserve to be treated that way.

[kristi628]

I know for a fact I was a great gf. His entire family would say so, he would say so. I did everything for that man. I know this sounds self centered, but I helped make him the man he is today. He was in trouble with drugs and the police before he met me. That was not going to happen with me and he knew it. I told him if he ever got in trouble again I would leave. I stayed with him through probations, hearings, and supported his career and pushed him to do better. He would only work 3-4 hours a day. I would work 10+ hours and he would be home by the time i got there, couldnt help with dinner. I cooked, cleaned, did his laundry and still was able to sit down and talk about what ever he needed to talk about. I was being selfless and he was being selfish.

 

I guess I feel like the life has been completely sucked out of me. In every aspect. My bank account is drained. I always ended up paying for everything. The big bills, our groceries. And if I asked to go out then he expected me to pay because it was my idea. After a while i just stopped askign to go out because i couldnt afford it. Then he had the balls to say he was bored and found someone else. I was just at a point where I had nothing more I could give him. Because he had taken it all already. What more could I have done? Nothing. I gave him everything I had. And yes, I guess it was not enough.

 

I'm slowly starting to pick up the pieces. Because he left me broken in more ways than one.

[Toddbt12y1]

Na49 is right. It means nothing in the end. All I ever got was one text from my ex, three weeks after we break up. Saying "heya" nothing sorry in all of that. They never will be.

[kristi628]

I know hearing from him won't help. it might even make things worse. But I just feel like he's able to go on and act like I never existed. That we never existed. And that part hurts. But I cant sit around waiting for validation. I'll never get it from him.