geegirl Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 It is difficult to say he won't or is/isn't miserable. All liars and manipulators in the end are small on the inside. That is why they lie. It makes them feel bigger. Narcissitcs can indeed move on with ease. Heck, they are incapable of feeling guilt or remorse. She shouldn't seek answers from a liar. A liar lied before he will again over any answers. They are small on the inside but they are so well adept at supressing their weaknesses that their awareness of such "misery" is very fleeting, which in turns keeps them feeling great about themselves. I dated a clinically diagnosed narcissist. He used to tell me, yes I feel sad but it's quick, I don't sit around for days and weeks wallowing. It's a waste of time. Feelings are for weaklings. Kristi, I don't know if your ex is a narcisssist, but at the end of the day, whether he is or not, it is best not to ponder on what you have absolutely no control of. He lies. He cheats. What else do you need to know to accept a so called "truth"? 2
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 They are small on the inside but they are so well adept at supressing their weaknesses that their awareness of such "misery" is very fleeting, which in turns keeps them feeling great about themselves. I dated a clinically diagnosed narcissist. He used to tell me, yes I feel sad but it's quick, I don't sit around for days and weeks wallowing. It's a waste of time. Feelings are for weaklings. Kristi, I don't know if your ex is a narcisssist, but at the end of the day, whether he is or not, it is best not to ponder on what you have absolutely no control of. He lies. He cheats. What else do you need to know to accept a so called "truth"? What you say is generally true. Though feelings controlled can be quite powerful rather than weak. Just most of us do not control them. But you are 100% correct.
geegirl Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 What you say is generally true. Though feelings controlled can be quite powerful rather than weak. Just most of us do not control them. But you are 100% correct. Sometimes I wish I were a narcissist! Truly.
Author kristi628 Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 Sometimes I wish I were a narcissist! Truly. HAHA I actually said this out loud one day. It's true. I kind of wish I was one right now. But to be honest, I dont want to be that kind of person. I want to be able to feel things and love whole heartedly. If he is one (and every day i convince myself he is) then he has a long sad life ahead of him.
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Sometimes I wish I were a narcissist! Truly. LOL it isn't worth being cold and chaotic. ....I sense you are afraid of emotions. I know why, ofc. Instead of fear, one should be cautious. Controlled. But do not desire what a Narcissus is. They are hollow. You have spirit. They do not. But if hurting others is your goal...then envy away. But it isn't. In the end even if you tried with all your might to be as these heartless manipulators you won't be. It's just not in you. That makes you better.
geegirl Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 HAHA I actually said this out loud one day. It's true. I kind of wish I was one right now. But to be honest, I dont want to be that kind of person. I want to be able to feel things and love whole heartedly. If he is one (and every day i convince myself he is) then he has a long sad life ahead of him. I said that to my ex when we were breaking up. He said, "Yeah, I love the way I am."
Author kristi628 Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 I said that to my ex when we were breaking up. He said, "Yeah, I love the way I am." Sadly, so did mine. We basically discussed why he is the way he is and he said he didnt know. I told him it might help to talk to someone professionally. He apparently has issues from when he was younger. He said that he wanted to at first. Until the conversation turned ugly and i asked why he gets into relationships if he knows he's just going to hurt people. That's when he got up and left. But one of the last things he said was, I dont need help, I like the way I am. His mom is still baffled at how he turned out the way he did. He has one brother that is the most caring boyfriend int he world. And then she has my ex, who she describes as the worst bf in the world. Yet, he always has a gf. She said he's never alone.
flitzanu Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 So much energy wasted on a cheater. You will find no answers. Even if you cross examined him for answers, you may not even get the truth. He won't be miserable. He has moved on and these types are wired in such a way whereby they can get up and go, without batting an eyelid. You can keep stalking or you can start grieving and healing. gee just answered for me. trust me. YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO FIND ANSWERS OR SOLACE IN STALKING YOUR EX'S PAGE. i tell you this from experience. just wait until you stalk and see him post a picture of him making out with his new girlfriend and see how that hits you in the gut. when he moved on, he's not going to post about how sad and pathetic he is, so regardless of IF HE EVER DOES FEEL SAD, he's certainly not going to post it publicly. there's no point. block him on your social sites. just trust me and everyone else telling you this. you're not closing any doors, you're not ruining any chances, you're doing the smart thing in a 21st century breakup.
Author kristi628 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 I did it. Deleted my twitter account, set up my computer to block the website and deleted the app on my phone. This will be night 1. I have a feeling I'm not going to get much sleep tonight.
geegirl Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I did it. Deleted my twitter account, set up my computer to block the website and deleted the app on my phone. This will be night 1. I have a feeling I'm not going to get much sleep tonight. It's going to be hard but the only way past is through. Know that it is a process and you'll just have to feel the discomfort and pain. One minute at a time. One hour at a time. One day at a time. Keep venting on here.
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I did it. Deleted my twitter account, set up my computer to block the website and deleted the app on my phone. This will be night 1. I have a feeling I'm not going to get much sleep tonight. I'm very proud of you sweetheart 1
Author kristi628 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 This is going to make me go crazy I can feel it. But while I'm sittin here wondering about him I can almost bet he's not sitting around thinking about me. So why waste time making myself feel hurt? At some point it stops being all about him right? Whats done is done and now it's time to make it all about me. In a good way of course lol
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 It will pass. yes think of yourself some.
geegirl Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 This is going to make me go crazy I can feel it. But while I'm sittin here wondering about him I can almost bet he's not sitting around thinking about me. So why waste time making myself feel hurt? At some point it stops being all about him right? Whats done is done and now it's time to make it all about me. In a good way of course lol It's going to make you go crazy. It will come in waves. One moment you want to crawl the walls. The next you're steadfast in your effort to move on. You're doing the things you do because you are emotional. It's normal. Just don't react on it. Yes, start focusing on you and whenever you start to shift to him, pull the reins in and self-talk as if you're talking to your a best friend going through the same thing. Remind yourself of the bad and the reality. 1
Author kristi628 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 It wouldn't be so hard if I wasn't alone in a city. I would love to have friends and family here to help distract me. It's hard being in an apt 25 minutes from the city with no cable Internet or phone lol
flitzanu Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I did it. Deleted my twitter account, set up my computer to block the website and deleted the app on my phone. This will be night 1. I have a feeling I'm not going to get much sleep tonight. good girl. you have plenty of people on here to carry you through. 1
Samilia Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Okay today is going to be one of those days. I didn't sleep well. I keep waking up in the middle of the night with heart racing and sweating. I can still see his twitter. I KNOW!! Bad idea. It's only been 20 days since the break up and it took him 6 days after that to get a new girlfriend. My ex was always a private person. Wouldn't post facebook statuses unless it was bragging purposes, definitely wouldn't post anything about us. While we were together he went from facebook to Twitter. He is obsessed with it. Especially in his area of work, it's the best source of information and creating new contacts. Since he has been with this new girl it's all kinds of wonderful posts. They are actually really sweet and seem sincere. BUT HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? How can he have such strong feelings already about someone else? Could he possibly mean these things? All i want to do is reach out to her and tell her the real him. I know this would make me seem like the crazy ex and I won't do it. But I just WISH she knew the truth. I feel like replying to these posts how he's a major jerk and a liar. The man lies about the post stupid things. He'll post a picture of his mom's car and say he got a new one. Or of their huge house and call it his own. WHY LIE? Is it because twitter is full of strangers who dont and wont know the truth? All day everyday is both of them going back and forth about the other, about how great they are. last night he thanked her for being everything he wants and needs. How is she so different than me? Sorry for the long vent. Like i said, today is one of those weak days. I can't stop thinking about him and he has had no problem forgetting about me. Twitter is another word for drama, stay away from it. Just make a list of all the crap that he's making up. Is he really worth your time? Nop
Author kristi628 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 good girl. you have plenty of people on here to carry you through. Thanks for all the great advice!! It really means a lot. Did a lot tonight. More productive things. A better use of my time! 3
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Yeah and like a poster said. You aren't alimentary you have all of us to help you cutie. 1
Author kristi628 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 It really does feel better I have people here that will help me get through this. I have a feeling my friends are getting tired of listening to the same story. Most are in committed relationships. It's nice to be able to vent and vent to people who have or are going through the same thing.
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Yeah, friends will tired rather quickly. Family can too. Sometimes it takes a stranger.
Author kristi628 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 Yeah, friends will tired rather quickly. Family can too. Sometimes it takes a stranger. Well it's Definitely helping. They think it's so easy because they say just forget about it or move on. Sometimes it takes longer. I'm thankful for finding this forum.
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Well it's Definitely helping. They think it's so easy because they say just forget about it or move on. Sometimes it takes longer. I'm thankful for finding this forum. To each their own; we all heal at our own paces. Lol, believe me, I heard that before. Really it is impossible to forget those who impact our lives; but forgetting to hurt over them as much, is possible. Times you may still hurt, but not as you are now.
Author kristi628 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 For the first time in weeks I'm lookin forward to the future.
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 For the first time in weeks I'm lookin forward to the future. You should. And you should see yourself as an attractive, and wonderful girl, fully capable of finding a real man to treat you better. A pretty girl like you shouldn't have much to worry about in time.
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