dante_amarillo Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Dear Lovershackers, I'll cut right to the chase and put my situation in point form: 1. A year ago I fell deeply in love with a girl and she fell in love with me. 2. Girl had dark secret which she told me about. I'm the only one who knows. 3. Girl ran from the relationship and became commitment-phobic after telling me she could see a future with me, marriage, kids etc. 4. Relationship seemingly deteriorates as a result of dark secret. 5. She breaks it off ambiguously and is with another guy within a week. 6. I go no contact. 7. Eventually we get into communication again. 8. Girl has completely overcome dark secret and is very much in love with (rebound) guy. 9. I seem to heal and wish her the best. We become friends again. 10. Girl breaks up with (rebound) guy 11. Our friendship escalates to more frequent talking. 12. We meet up and she makes a pass at me. Somehow I avoid having sex with her. Our chemistry is still hot hot hot. She downplays it. Says it didn't feel the same. 13. I have developed feelings for her again. 14. Girl is still hung up on her recent ex. 15. There really are no obstacles to us even casually dating again but she insists we are "not compatible." We get along great and have unbelievable physical chemistry 16. Girl tells me how horny she is and thinks she can just have a casual thing with recent ex. 17. I'm almost insulted that she wouldn't do this with me. 18. Seems like she is still running away from her feelings for me but why??? What did I do to deserve this y'all? I can get any girl I want except this one apparently. Do I preserve the friendship or go back on no contact?
CptSaveAho Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Dear Lovershackers, I'll cut right to the chase and put my situation in point form: 1. A year ago I fell deeply in love with a girl and she fell in love with me. 2. Girl had dark secret which she told me about. I'm the only one who knows. 3. Girl ran from the relationship and became commitment-phobic after telling me she could see a future with me, marriage, kids etc. 4. Relationship seemingly deteriorates as a result of dark secret. 5. She breaks it off ambiguously and is with another guy within a week. 6. I go no contact. 7. Eventually we get into communication again. 8. Girl has completely overcome dark secret and is very much in love with (rebound) guy. 9. I seem to heal and wish her the best. We become friends again. 10. Girl breaks up with (rebound) guy 11. Our friendship escalates to more frequent talking. 12. We meet up and she makes a pass at me. Somehow I avoid having sex with her. Our chemistry is still hot hot hot. She downplays it. Says it didn't feel the same. 13. I have developed feelings for her again. 14. Girl is still hung up on her recent ex. 15. There really are no obstacles to us even casually dating again but she insists we are "not compatible." We get along great and have unbelievable physical chemistry 16. Girl tells me how horny she is and thinks she can just have a casual thing with recent ex. 17. I'm almost insulted that she wouldn't do this with me. 18. Seems like she is still running away from her feelings for me but why??? What did I do to deserve this y'all? I can get any girl I want except this one apparently. Do I preserve the friendship or go back on no contact? There is nothing there...#3 is an "easy" let down future fake... she didnt want to be in a relationship with you and still doesnt. SHE TELLS YOU you are not compatible and you never will be. She has no feelings for you. Time to move on
Author dante_amarillo Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 There is nothing there...#3 is an "easy" let down future fake... she didnt want to be in a relationship with you and still doesnt. SHE TELLS YOU you are not compatible and you never will be. She has no feelings for you. Time to move on Thank you for your comments. Just to be clear, she told me this multiple times long before we broke up. We discussed it in detail. I wouldn't say there is "nothing" there. We at least have a very solid and special friendship considering all we have been through. We get along very well. Just looking for some different perspectives on this.
Chi townD Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Go NC. And, by the way, NC means NO CONTACT!!! You went NC for a little bit, but still talked to her...You find out that she's seeing someone else. You find out that she broke it off with rebound and you to met up. You tried to be friends. You found that you're still having feelings for her (which I speculate that those feeling never really disappeared). You get a little hot and heavy and she pulls away from you again. She states that she still has feelings for the rebound and is interested with a friends with benefits relationship with him and not with you. Now, you're back to square one. Dude, you were never in NC. NC means completely in the dark about anything and everything in her life. And the same goes for her, she should have no clue on what's going on in your life.
Author dante_amarillo Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 Dude, you were never in NC. NC means completely in the dark about anything and everything in her life. And the same goes for her, she should have no clue on what's going on in your life. Thanks for your comment. I did go NC for approximately 6 months. Totally NC. Blocked her every way possible and stopped thinking about her. I had several unsatisfying flings and just have been living the single life yaknow? I didn't mention that she apologized profusely about the past between us and seemed very guilty about what happened. She even apologized for rebounding. I'm starting to realize that this may be a pride thing. IMO this guy that she got so into has nothing on me. He's like totally opposite from me. She constantly describes him as a p*ssy and he does seem like a sissy-boy. The "wonderful" things she describes about their relationship just seem so petty and insignificant and to top it off he has a nervous condition! So all this is just a bit infuriating. It's like why would she run from me and embrace a guy that really isn't all that great? The amount of work I did to even forgive her was significant and at the end of the day, I have no choice I just love the girl. I know she loves me too but is embarrassed to admit it after all we been through. Stubborn as hell. I'm just puzzled because it's like she wants a watered-down version of the real thing. I'm right here and she knows this. Can anybody feel me at all?
Chi townD Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Well sorry. Just the way you posted that told me that you knew WAY to much information about her while you were in NC; hence, the reason on my post on not being in NC. NC doesn't just extend to no talking to her or hearing from her. It also encompasses not looking at Facebook, or inquiring friends about her....blah...blah...blah.... Okay, then this girl has WAY too much baggage. And it's not your job to straighten her out. Perhaps it's for the best just to end it. I think you deserve a girl that going to be completely dedicated to you 100% and not have a girl that already has one foot out the door.
na49 Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 This is WHY you need to go NC. You're taking offense that she wants to go back to another guy but doesn't want to go back with you. I know I'd feel the same way if I found out my ex went back with a previous ex instead of me. I'm trying to make sure I never find out about it though. You can't be her friend, so get rid of that idea until you have no feelings for her. By that time you may not even care about being her friend.
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