Buns Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Hello everyone, I found out my boyfriend of 4 years had been cheating on me for 4 months, so he ended it with me. He was not the type to cheat, everyone was in shock, aswell as his family. This led me to start wondering if everyone ends up cheating?? I personnaly have never cheated. I spoke to a work colleague who told me that he thought that after spending years with the same person, you definatly end up cheating because even though you love the person you are with, you still get sexually bored of them. To him this may be 2 years, 20 years or 30 years into a relationship. (He has been with his girlfriend 3 years and cheated on her 9 times, she found out but stayed with him anyway). I'm actually worried about this statement, that a lot of men seem to share. I don't want to be with someone who cheats, I'm absolutly petrified that this is going to happen... Do reassure me, there are men/women that don't cheat right?
Negative Nancy Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 All men cheat if the woman is hot enough and if there is a 100% guarantee that they will never be caught.
veggirl Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Your coworker is trying to justify his nasty actions. What a pig. To answer your question, honestly its prob like 50/50...I don't think EVERYONE cheats but def a LOT of people do unfortunately. Most people don't work at actively protecting their relationships, they will engage in "harmless" flirting and think its okay...that's the type of s.hit that leads to cheating. Most people aren't willing to completely cut off someone they find themself attracted to, figuring well I won't act on it...next thing you know they are fking that person. Most people don't put their romantic relationship 1st, and you really have to do that if you want it to work imo. You can't just expect things to work out, you have to protect it by checking your own actions...too much responsibility for a lot of people, I guess. 2
standtall Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Do reassure me, there are men/women that don't cheat right? You're gonna get a biased opinion here since a lot of the posters here have cheated/been cheated upon. Most happily married people do not post to a relationship forum. My wife and I have been married 17yrs...first and only for both...and we have never cheated on each other. 3
BetheButterfly Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Hello everyone, I found out my boyfriend of 4 years had been cheating on me for 4 months, so he ended it with me. I am sorry to hear/read that. He was not the type to cheat, everyone was in shock, aswell as his family. This led me to start wondering if everyone ends up cheating?? I personnaly have never cheated. Since you have personally never cheated, that shows that not everybody does end up cheating. From what I've noticed, not cheating involves having strong convictions that withstand temptation and do not fall into temptation. Everyone can not cheat if they decide they will not give in to temptation, and make sure not to do that. I spoke to a work colleague who told me that he thought that after spending years with the same person, you definatly end up cheating because even though you love the person you are with, you still get sexually bored of them. To him this may be 2 years, 20 years or 30 years into a relationship. (He has been with his girlfriend 3 years and cheated on her 9 times, she found out but stayed with him anyway). I'm actually worried about this statement, that a lot of men seem to share. I don't want to be with someone who cheats, I'm absolutly petrified that this is going to happen... Do reassure me, there are men/women that don't cheat right? Yes, there are men/women who do not cheat and who also value and don't get "bored" with their loved ones. When I was little, I remember what my Mom's best friend told me which has always stayed with me when I complained that I was bored. She said, "Boring people get bored. Be creative and then you won't be bored anymore." Wowzers!!! :bunny: I believe that's so true. People with a bad attitude and who do not know how to enjoy being with their loved one can get "bored." However, real friendships and true love does not even think of being bored. Rather, they are too busy enjoying life TOGETHER and experiencing fun things together that they have no room in their brains for the mundane "I'm bored." thought. About faithfulness, it depends on each person and how they deal with temptation. Many people are tempted to cheat. However, you can tell if a person is truly dedicated and committed to a monogamous relationship if they have experienced temptation but have resisted it, and continue to resist it, never giving in! It is possible and doable. Personally, one of my goals is to never ever cheat on my husband. I love him very much and I trust him that he will never cheat on me. Time will tell, for both of us, but both of us need to make sure to resist any temptation that comes our way! About your boyfriend, I am so sorry that he hurt you. I very much hope you find a wonderful man who truly loves you and who is creative, not boring, and who enjoys life with you and is faithful to you. I think it's awesome that you are a faithful person and haven't cheated.
Seductive Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Sorry to hear that you've been cheated, but women are just as likely to cheat as men IMO. I think people that say "Everyone cheats" justify their own behavior. Look at the person that it's coming from.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I'm actually worried about this statement, that a lot of men seem to share. Sorry to hear that you've been cheated, but women are just as likely to cheat as men IMO. Gender equal cheating is almost true by definition. Absent same sex affairs, all those cheaters are cheating with someone, right? Mr. Lucky
carhill Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Is cheating the norm? As a standard, persistent behavior in intimate relationships, IMO, no. Do reassure me, there are men/women that don't cheat right? Yes, there are. The sticky wicket is, if we're fortunate, we'll live to be 80-90 years of age and, as human psychology being what it is, there may exist a moment, even briefly, during that timespan where we acted/spoke in a manner that would have been disapproved of by our partner or spouse had they been present. On LS, if someone behaves/speaks in such a manner, and their spouse/partner is kept unaware, that's cheating. It could have happened during a moment at a party, sitting at the bus stop, chatting on the computer, etc, etc. Cheating doesn't have to be PIV intercourse. By that standard, would it be considered 'normal' to have cheated at least once in the 80-90 years of existence for the hopefully long-lived human being? Yeah, probably. What your co-worker is talking about sounds like a essential personality issue, as the cheating is repetitive and apparently without sympathy for his partner or any remorse. This is where things get gray. Is the married person who flirted with you at the party, for example, the same cheater as the co-worker who has sex with 9 different women while in a relationship? Does it always end up in the same place, and for life? Good questions to ask.
BetrayedH Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Sadly, I think everyone does experience infidelity at some point in their lives either as a wayward partner or a betrayed partner. There are certainly some exceptions. I think most people think they (and their partner) are immune. The fact is that most people are very vulnerable to external validation. We all want to be loved, desired, and to feel desirable. It's very affirming to have that validation come from someone else. Sadly, when you're in a long term committed relationship (especially a marriage), the affirmation from your partner/spouse isn't perceived as so affirming anymore because they are, well, stuck with you to a certain extent. Suddenly, positive affirmation from someone else is very attractive and hard to resist. Some people need external validation more than others. Some people have learned the lessons of cheating by virtue of having made the mistake before or by having been betrayed themselves. But I think everyone is touched by it at some point. I would almost rather be with someone that had been a truly remorseful wayward spouse than someone that had never been touched by it at all because the "innocent" person is likely very naive about their own strength. I think the trick is to connect two partners that understand how everyone can be vulnerable to an affair and so they both keep appropriate boundaries for themselves to prevent exposure to temptation. They have learned to shut down the potential for it so early that it never has a chance to develop. Again, it's about both partners having boundaries. If you want to study the subject, one great book is, Not Just Friends. Personally, I think it should be required reading before anyone is issued a marriage certificate. 1
MissBee Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Hello everyone, I found out my boyfriend of 4 years had been cheating on me for 4 months, so he ended it with me. He was not the type to cheat, everyone was in shock, aswell as his family. This led me to start wondering if everyone ends up cheating?? I personnaly have never cheated. I spoke to a work colleague who told me that he thought that after spending years with the same person, you definatly end up cheating because even though you love the person you are with, you still get sexually bored of them. To him this may be 2 years, 20 years or 30 years into a relationship. (He has been with his girlfriend 3 years and cheated on her 9 times, she found out but stayed with him anyway). I'm actually worried about this statement, that a lot of men seem to share. I don't want to be with someone who cheats, I'm absolutly petrified that this is going to happen... Do reassure me, there are men/women that don't cheat right? I think lots of people cheat; however, I don't think it is inevitable. Usually those who make it seem like it is inevitable and just something you should accept are currently in affairs themselves or have only ever been with cheaters, so this becomes their normal. Some may also just be understandably jaded so are resigned to it as life. But,there are folks who go their entire lives and marriages without cheating on their significant others. I don't think anyone should accept cheating as some "normal" and acceptable behavior. Lots of people smoke, are promiscuous, drink and drive and the list goes on...some get away with it, some don't, some ruin other people's lives by it and some ruin their own lives/health. These are common behaviors but certainly not good ones and one can choose to live a life that doesn't include such activities, likewise one can live a life where one chooses to address relationship issues before stepping out. I think it is more than possible to find someone who will choose that; but, I'd also say that I get that people falter and I also believe it is possible to make such a mistake and reconcile your relationship. I think one can be a one time cheater and I think that kind of a person may be very different from one who feels entitled to cheat or believes "Heck, everyone cheats, so don't make a big deal out of it". 1
standtall Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 As far as you know. That is a joke of a statement... a pathetic attempt to project your failed marriage onto mine. OP...this is a perfect example of what I mean about biased...bitter. betrayed ones that constantly try to provoke people to burn their own marriages down to join them in their misery. I truly pity them. sad
Mount Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I used to not thin cheating would happen in my life, nowadays, cheating is the normality. Seriously.............lots of great people that had huge contriibution, comparing to their contribution, their cheating habit was just a dust, so insignificant. So yes, they cheat, then so what?
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I have never cheated. Neither have the men with whom I've been in long-term relationships. Neither have my brothers nor my two best friends. My mom never cheated. My dad did. I read somewhere that a third of all women and a third of all men will cheat at some point. I think the keys are to: Pick someone with integrity, who has strong character, is honest, and shares certain core values with you.Invest in your relationship and work hard to keep it fun, interesting, and close. It has to be a priority.Take an interest in your partner, ensure his or her needs are generally met, and your partner feels valued, loved, respected, and cherished.Stay observant, and nip anything suspicious in the bud.Get lucky! We're all human. That makes us fallible. I'm less likely to cheat if I understand it could happen and avoid temptation, than if I believe it could never happen to me. Even when you do your best, there's always a risk. Still many people get through life without ever giving in to temptation. 1
LoveTKO Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 (edited) Yes, most people cheat, even if they don't act it out. Think about it. On-line porn, fantasizing, flirting, etc. It's not just men. As a single guy, I run into a lot of women in their late thirties to early fifties all too eager to garner some attention from men by way of sex. Some of these women are drop dead attractive, classy, playing the role as the devout wife and doting mother. Wake up people! You can't fight this innate drive to want some "strange". Hugh Grant was married to Elizabeth Hurley, drop dead gorgeous model, wealthy, etc., but he still felt the need to risk it all by soliciting the service of a dirty prostitute just because he wanted a "strange" hand to touch his junk. Men are more inclined to screw around for the sake of sex and women do it because they want to feel validated and wanted, or they're not getting attention from their husbands. I know this couple with two kids, and they both cheat on each other. Since I'm friends with them, I know all the details of what they do because they share it their stories with me in confidence. They, however, have no clue what the spouse is doing. I can keep a secret and don't spill the beans. Marriage? I'm not so sure about that institution. Edited December 13, 2012 by LoveTKO
Clockwork Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I'm 32 years old and been married for 5 years. I have never cheated, and WOULD never cheat. I have it good with my wife, and she won't cheat either. I never did cheat on an ex-girlfriend either. It just wasn't my style to do this. But I will say this to you, there are warning signs. Girls always seem to ignore them while as a guy I can see a clear as day the ones who are stepping out on their girl. Some of the signs include his friends. Are they all dogs? Do they cheat on their girlfriends or wives? If so, he is hanging around a crowd that will probably cover for him and almost encourage him if he is ever in a moment of truth situation with another girl.
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