Els Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Today I was strolling alone through the campus to my nearby apartment, when a guy came up to me and asked me, "Hey, could I talk to you for a while?" He didn't appear to be a salesman and seemed to be a decent sort of person, so I said, "Uh, sure?" He started asking me if I was studying here, what I was studying.. it started becoming a rather awkward one-sided interrogation, so I tried to diffuse the awkwardness by asking him about himself. When he started talking about himself, then it hit me: Oh, this must be a cold approach. It's the first time I've had one so blatantly obvious and cold-approachey, so I didn't really know what to do. I didn't want to be a bitch or make him feel bad, but I have a boyfriend, and was planning to tell him that if he asked for my number or anything. But the funny thing is, he didn't. We just continued talking (he's a fellow graduate student in a field related to mine), then I realized we'd walked past my apartment, so I told him so and waved. He just waved back, exchanged pleasantries, and then we parted. So... what was all that about? Just curious. Do guys generally cold approach a girl and then not ask for her contact, or is my cold-approach reception so very off-putting? And if he HAD asked, what would have been the appropriate response? Give it to him but tell him straight up that I wasn't available?
ThaWholigan Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 It was a cold approach. He was practising it seems . And yeah, tell him the truth if he asks you. 2
Author Els Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 Oh, darn, and here I thought I'd happened to look a little more radiant and attractive today! Seriously, if he was practicing, he coulda told me. First thing I would have advised him would be to talk more about himself instead of asking three questions in a row! 2
Nightsky Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Today I was strolling alone through the campus to my nearby apartment, when a guy came up to me and asked me, "Hey, could I talk to you for a while?" He didn't appear to be a salesman and seemed to be a decent sort of person, so I said, "Uh, sure?" He started asking me if I was studying here, what I was studying.. it started becoming a rather awkward one-sided interrogation, so I tried to diffuse the awkwardness by asking him about himself. When he started talking about himself, then it hit me: Oh, this must be a cold approach. It's the first time I've had one so blatantly obvious and cold-approachey, so I didn't really know what to do. I didn't want to be a bitch or make him feel bad, but I have a boyfriend, and was planning to tell him that if he asked for my number or anything. Wow LS came in handy. You were like this is that thing I read about. Technically he should have been flirty and made it more obvious. Seems like you handled it well. It would have been weird to blurt out "I have a boyfriend" if he didn't ask you out. Maybe the guy could tell you weren't into him. Maybe he just got scared. You said he was awkward. He may see you again and ask you out next time. Just say you have a boyfriend. If he starts to bother you just act really busy any time he tries to talk to you or pull out your phone and say you need to make a call.
CptObvious Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 How to win when you get cold approached: 1. "I'm starving." 2. Let him pay the bill 3. Talk about how you saw the trailer for "End of Watch" 4. Let him pay for the tickets 5. "Sorry, I have a boyfriend. Thanks for driving me home." You're welcome.
Nightsky Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Oh, darn, and here I thought I'd happened to look a little more radiant and attractive today! Seriously, if he was practicing, he coulda told me. First thing I would have advised him would be to talk more about himself instead of asking three questions in a row! I don't think he was practicing. I think he either felt you weren't into him. Possibly just chickend out. He might hit on you again. He's probably asking some dude for advice on what to do next.
Author Els Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 Wow LS came in handy. You were like this is that thing I read about. ROFL, yes! I lived most of my life in an Asian country where young men don't typically cold approach. Although I'm currently in a Caucasian one, it doesn't seem too common here either. Mostly guys only approach in bars or during shared activities and in a more casual manner. So it's a new thing for me. Technically he should have been flirty and made it more obvious. Seems like you handled it well. It would have been weird to blurt out "I have a boyfriend" if he didn't ask you out. Definitely. That would have been very weird. Maybe the guy could tell you weren't into him. Maybe he just got scared. You said he was awkward. He may see you again and ask you out next time. Just say you have a boyfriend. If he starts to bother you just act really busy any time he tries to talk to you or pull out your phone and say you need to make a call. Yeah, sounds good. Doubt we'll meet again, since it's a huge campus, but it's always good to know what to do the next time.
todreaminblue Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Today I was strolling alone through the campus to my nearby apartment, when a guy came up to me and asked me, "Hey, could I talk to you for a while?" He didn't appear to be a salesman and seemed to be a decent sort of person, so I said, "Uh, sure?" He started asking me if I was studying here, what I was studying.. it started becoming a rather awkward one-sided interrogation, so I tried to diffuse the awkwardness by asking him about himself. When he started talking about himself, then it hit me: Oh, this must be a cold approach. It's the first time I've had one so blatantly obvious and cold-approachey, so I didn't really know what to do. I didn't want to be a bitch or make him feel bad, but I have a boyfriend, and was planning to tell him that if he asked for my number or anything. But the funny thing is, he didn't. We just continued talking (he's a fellow graduate student in a field related to mine), then I realized we'd walked past my apartment, so I told him so and waved. He just waved back, exchanged pleasantries, and then we parted. So... what was all that about? Just curious. Do guys generally cold approach a girl and then not ask for her contact, or is my cold-approach reception so very off-putting? And if he HAD asked, what would have been the appropriate response? Give it to him but tell him straight up that I wasn't available? guys if they are strangers to you generally ask for your number because they wont know if they will see you again if it is someone who knows you yes its common not to ask for numbers because they already have the number......i dont like cold approaches from total strangers its an automatic no..i dont know you sorry ...... .if i know them .... to me thats safer i would have to like them though.................... deb
SJC2008 Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Lol OP is in a R and is buthurt that the guy didn't ask for her number. WHO CARES? You have a bf!!! If a guy came off this insecure he'd be sentenced to a life without sex!!!
Author Els Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 guys if they are strangers to you generally ask for your number because they wont know if they will see you again if it is someone who knows you yes its common not to ask for numbers because they already have the number......i dont like cold approaches from total strangers its an automatic no..i dont know you sorry ...... .if i know them .... to me thats safer i would have to like them though.................... deb I used to do that back where I come from, where crime was sky high and the guys who approach were typically more than twice my age. This place is really quite safe, though, so I figured it'd be good to hone my own social skills a little. Lol OP is in a R and is buthurt that the guy didn't ask for her number. WHO CARES? You have a bf!!! If a guy came off this insecure he'd be sentenced to a life without sex!!! I'm... butthurt? Gosh, I had no idea that was what I was really feeling when I wrote my OP! Thanks for enlightening me!
gaius Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Since you live nearby where you were walking it's possible he's seen you before and you left an impression. His initial approach with the questions reeks of being preplanned to me. Perhaps he just wanted to get the introduction out of the way. You can go with a more slow and relaxed strategy if you know there's a good chance you will see the woman again. I wouldn't assume his lack of number asking had something to do with your reaction.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 This happened to me recently. A youngish guy sat next to me on the train and started chatting me up. He kept complimenting the way I look. He never asked for my number. I am pretty sure that it was because of my job. When he asked what it is, conversation sort of died down. He washes dishes at a restaurant for a living.
lino Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Usually when people cold approach but then don't ask for the number or other contact info, it's because they felt the interest was one sided. At least he didn't ask for your contact info only to never use it... In the rare occasions I was ever cold approached, that's what happened to me
Author Els Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 Cool. Thanks for the feedback, guys. That makes a lot more sense now, since I was totally confused as to why someone would come up to me and very bluntly ask to talk to me, then just make light chatter and part.
Mary Shadows Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Cool. Thanks for the feedback, guys. That makes a lot more sense now, since I was totally confused as to why someone would come up to me and very bluntly ask to talk to me, then just make light chatter and part. You have a bf. Does it really matter?
Author Els Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 You have a bf. Does it really matter? Does being attached mean that I cannot find other men's actions peculiar and ask what was going on with them? Did not know I had to be virtually blind and dumb after having a bf, sorry. 3
Anela Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Lol OP is in a R and is buthurt that the guy didn't ask for her number. WHO CARES? You have a bf!!! If a guy came off this insecure he'd be sentenced to a life without sex!!! She simply wondered why a guy would put in that much effort, and then not ask for a number. I had a guy approach me in a bookstore that way, only he made a joke about the magazines, and then seemed stumped as to what to do next - or he completed the one move he promised himself he would make that day, and did it, so moved on. I was fine with him moving on, I wasn't interested, but I, too, wondered if I'd just been cold-approached for practice. 1
Emilia Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I'm in the camp as well that voted for his sensing that you weren't interested. It still must have been good practice for him.
Emilia Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I am pretty sure that it was because of my job. When he asked what it is, conversation sort of died down. He washes dishes at a restaurant for a living. Yeah this sort of thing happens to me too which I find amusing since they are usually much younger than me. Did they really think my career would have stood still for the last 15 years?
Author Els Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 This happened to me recently. A youngish guy sat next to me on the train and started chatting me up. He kept complimenting the way I look. He never asked for my number. I am pretty sure that it was because of my job. When he asked what it is, conversation sort of died down. He washes dishes at a restaurant for a living. Yeah this sort of thing happens to me too which I find amusing since they are usually much younger than me. Did they really think my career would have stood still for the last 15 years? Hahah, now that I think about it, when I mentioned I was a grad student he appeared surprised and said, "I would never have guessed by your age, I thought you were an undergrad!" Maybe he was looking for a cute undergrad to hit on instead of a fellow grad student?
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