Cali408 Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Mount, although your decision isn't the best thing for you and you deserve better, you'll end it when you're ready. But, and I know this won't resonate now, because it didn't for me when I did give a care about anyone else, think about how you are hurting the innocent people here by being a participant. Children, wife (she may be a nightmare, she may not) I've read the Bible, though I'm not some Born-Again, I did it for educational and spiritual purposes. Here is a great quote from Proverbs. Change the gender Wisdom will save you from the immoral woman, from the seductive words of the promiscuous woman. She has abandoned her husband and ignores the covenant she made before God. Entering her house leads to death; it is the road to the grave. The man who visits her is doomed. He will never reach the paths of life.
Tenacity Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 let me save you a self-righteous post, Tenacity.....I'M OUTTA HERE! I already posted to this thread on Page 1 Artie, with no self-righteousness involved, but thanks for your warm and caring thoughts.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Mount - WHY did you change your mind? Not to mention that the board itself thrives in this kind of drama and actually encourages it by encouraging OW/OM to prematurely go NC. There is no such thing as the "right" time to go NC, or to break up a relationship of any kind, except for when a person feels like it's the right thing for THEM to do. Plenty of times the person doesn't stick with it, for a myriad of reasons. None of them are "because it was 'premature.'" 3
2sunny Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 By going back you've just allowed your MM to bump you to an even lower level of you being compliant to his low level of how he will treat you. Expect more of his crappy behavior ANY time you want him to be decent. He's not capable. But you've just shown him with your actions - by going back - that his bad behavior is acceptable to you. 3
Tenacity Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I also wasn't shocked to read that Mount went back to the affair. One day, she will tire of being an option and hopefully move on for good from this married man. I wasn't shocked either. I thought she might. But just like you did with me... over and over... I gave her the benefit of the doubt and tried to believe in her. I still believe in her. It might take awhile. You did that for me over and over. I haven't forgotten that you did that for me, nor will I. The hope is that it will stick eventually. 1
Author Mount Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 You are probably right. That is why I keep high reservation for myself. By going back you've just allowed your MM to bump you to an even lower level of you being compliant to his low level of how he will treat you. Expect more of his crappy behavior ANY time you want him to be decent. He's not capable. But you've just shown him with your actions - by going back - that his bad behavior is acceptable to you.
2sunny Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 You are probably right. That is why I keep high reservation for myself. High reservation for yourself? Please explain exactly what you mean by this - I'm confused by your words.
Author Mount Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 I tried not to get intense again with the MM, but it is very hard, I know. I will do my best to maintain the reasonable relationship.
2sure Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 You know Mount...people will treat you in whatever way you accept. And if going back to the A is ok with you...then accept that you are happy with his terms. 2
Tenacity Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 You know Mount...people will treat you in whatever way you accept. And if going back to the A is ok with you...then accept that you are happy with his terms. This is very true Mount. By going back into this with your eyes wide open you have accepted his terms. Be happy with those terms.
2sunny Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 You know Mount...people will treat you in whatever way you accept. And if going back to the A is ok with you...then accept that you are happy with his terms. It's true... We train others how to treat us. You've trained him to treat you with disrespect. I wish you wanted more for yourself than that. 1
OpenBook Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Mount, there's nothing stopping you from setting your own terms in this. If you don't like something, I hope you will not hesitate to put your foot down. Hard.
Author Mount Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 Mainly the purpose I go back A is because I don't want to turn our relationship to be nasty. But again I will see what I can do to protect myself (healthy emotion) as much as I can. It could be difficult, I know. And because the MM is extremely complicated (mind-set wise), so it is hard to win/smart over. You know Mount...people will treat you in whatever way you accept. And if going back to the A is ok with you...then accept that you are happy with his terms.
Cali408 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 What relationship? A forbidden relationship. Name a breakup that ends well. So it ends nasty. You have all the leverage! If he becomes difficult and nasty you tell his wife. If not, move on. Go find someone else. 1
Pierre Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Mainly the purpose I go back A is because I don't want to turn our relationship to be nasty. Nasty? It will be 100 times nasty if there is a d-day. 1
sweet_pea Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Mainly the purpose I go back A is because I don't want to turn our relationship to be nasty. But again I will see what I can do to protect myself (healthy emotion) as much as I can. It could be difficult, I know. And because the MM is extremely complicated (mind-set wise), so it is hard to win/smart over. Mount, I don't get it. Going back to a relationship, an affair actually, because you don't want it to turn nasty? Do you plan on being with him, as the OW forever? It will get nasty no matter what, and especially now. You're setting yourself up for even more hurt than before. Why do you want to be the OW, really? 3
skylarblue Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Mount, stop. Just stop. Stop talking. You are all over the place. So just stop...And I'm not saying that rudely or discouragingly. It's exactly what I say to my friends (though more animated) when they are running around in verbal circles. You've said you went back even though you feel bored with MM and that's why now things are not as intense, although you first say things may not be as intense do to previous conflicts, but within 2 days you talked about how you tried not to get intense again but it's very hard. You said 3wks of NC was going peaceful and well and nothing happened to make you decide to go back, but you later say your main purpose for going back was because you didn't want things to turn ugly. You say you want to protect yourself emotionally as much as you can, but you admit it's probably not a good decision and are likely up for more crappy behavior from him. WTF? The only thing you seem to know for sure is that right now you want to be with MM. All that other wishy washy stuff is just you trying to convince yourself against your own logic or rationalize (and I don't use that word often or lightly) to yourself (not others) why you decided to resume the A. IMO you're not being honest, and just trying to fool yourself. If you want to do it, just do it. Just say I miss being with him and even though its probably not a good idea, I'm going to try to make it work. Again, just my opinion, but from what I've read, you are trying to make something work that is not working. That's what the problem is. You are or will be just constantly adapting to and for him and things in the A trying to create something happy and/or satisfying instead of it being the natural byproduct of being in that R. Guess who's going to be the only one happy in that situation? In general, I find that any type of R you freely and willing decide to have that you in turn have to figure out how to have or keep that relationship "reasonable" just doesn't sound that appealing. Sincerely, best of luck. 7
MissBee Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 If you want to do it, just do it. Just say I miss being with him and even though its probably not a good idea, I'm going to try to make it work. Again, just my opinion, but from what I've read, you are trying to make something work that is not working. That's what the problem is. You are or will be just constantly adapting to and for him and things in the A trying to create something happy and/or satisfying instead of it being the natural byproduct of being in that R. Guess who's going to be the only one happy in that situation? In general, I find that any type of R you freely and willing decide to have that you in turn have to figure out how to have or keep that relationship "reasonable" just doesn't sound that appealing. Sincerely, best of luck. You've said all I've wanted to say. Mount is fully aware that it's not a good idea but cannot let the situation go right now. It's been the same story more or less since the beginning and I think just admitting that to yourself is a step. Like you said, instead of the mental gymnastics just say: "I want to be with him, I know it's not a good idea, but we'll see what happens." Also, not having the strength to do what you should've done ages ago is not "premature NC." 2
nofool4u Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I think you might want to know that I decided to go back A with the MM, after 3 weeks NC. However, this time due to our previous conflicts, the relationship might not be as intense as before. Ok, and....?
2sunny Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Resolve with yourself that being his OW is what it is - and NOTHING more. Expect nothing... Except disappointment. 1
Author Mount Posted December 14, 2012 Author Posted December 14, 2012 Alright then, so let me repeat after you:rolleyes: "I want to be with him (spend some time) at this point, I know it's not a good idea, but we'll see what happens." And thanks Missbee for summerizing everything. You've said all I've wanted to say. Mount is fully aware that it's not a good idea but cannot let the situation go right now. It's been the same story more or less since the beginning and I think just admitting that to yourself is a step. Like you said, instead of the mental gymnastics just say: "I want to be with him, I know it's not a good idea, but we'll see what happens." Also, not having the strength to do what you should've done ages ago is not "premature NC."
ThatJustHappened Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Alright then, so let me repeat after you:rolleyes: "I want to be with him (spend some time) at this point, I know it's not a good idea, but we'll see what happens." And thanks Missbee for summerizing everything. Doesn't sound like you understood either of their points at all. Try reading both of those posts again without the childish instinct to defy anyone who doesn't agree with you or support your decision. Honestly it doesn't even sound like you like him anymore. It sounds to me like you're back with him out of habit more than anything else. Like you're just too lazy to find another (single) man. 3
MissBee Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 (edited) Doesn't sound like you understood either of their points at all. Try reading both of those posts again without the childish instinct to defy anyone who doesn't agree with you or support your decision. Honestly it doesn't even sound like you like him anymore. It sounds to me like you're back with him out of habit more than anything else. Like you're just too lazy to find another (single) man. I have to agree. I've always puzzled at Mount's story as she isn't even one of those OW who is gushing over the MM who thinks he is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I mean in those cases, even if he isn't great, at least the OW believes he is, which explains her hesistancy to tell him goodbye. However, I don't remember at any point it sounding like Mount really liked this man. So it's even more bizarre why one finds it so hard to leave a man you don't even like that much. But that probably also explains all the MM who can't leave their wives whom they allegedly dislike as well. Even this whole NC business, Mount has said nothing really happened for her to break NC..she just did. I mean the whole thing just sounds haphazard. From what I've seen it's a matter of lonelinesss/boredom/laziness combined which fuels this situation. Edited December 14, 2012 by MissBee 4
Author Mount Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 MissBee, I am hoping you were not saying you "expected" to see me (should have been more) distraughted. Don't you all see too many distraughted and pathetic OWs here enough? Abortion, moving, jobless...etc etc. I CAN NOT let that happen on me, as I've already said many times already. I certainly like him (or love him), otherwise I won't devote my emotion to him. However I am not being cold, calculated, I need to protect myself as well even though I still have A going on with him, but since the beginning to now, it has been handled very subtle /behind public's eyes. Not everyone has the "talent" to be drama queen:p I have to agree. I've always puzzled at Mount's story as she isn't even one of those OW who is gushing over the MM who thinks he is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I mean in those cases, even if he isn't great, at least the OW believes he is, which explains her hesistancy to tell him goodbye. However, I don't remember at any point it sounding like Mount really liked this man. So it's even more bizarre why one finds it so hard to leave a man you don't even like that much. But that probably also explains all the MM who can't leave their wives whom they allegedly dislike as well. Even this whole NC business, Mount has said nothing really happened for her to break NC..she just did. I mean the whole thing just sounds haphazard. From what I've seen it's a matter of lonelinesss/boredom/laziness combined which fuels this situation.
whichwayisup Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 I CAN NOT let that happen on me, as I've already said many times already. I certainly like him (or love him), otherwise I won't devote my emotion to him. However I am not being cold, calculated, I need to protect myself as well even though I still have A going on with him, This confuses me Mounty. You like/love him and I'm not sure how well you can protect your heart and stay detached. The more time you spend with him, especially when it comes to sex, you will fall in deeper. How often are you seeing him? How often do you talk/text with him?
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