Mount Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I think you might want to know that I decided to go back A with the MM, after 3 weeks NC. However, this time due to our previous conflicts, the relationship might not be as intense as before.
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I don't know what to say, just shield your heart. I'll be here if you need me, so PM me.
Tenacity Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I'll admit to being very disappointed to read this about you. I believe that what you said before was your truth and that you have just let go of it because it is hard to leave the ex-MM. Good luck, though, Mount. I hope your decision is the right one for you.
Pierre Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I think you might want to know that I decided to go back A with the MM, after 3 weeks NC. However, this time due to our previous conflicts, the relationship might not be as intense as before. Please go see a psychiatrist ASAP. Something within you is a bit off and I can quite put my hand on it. My usual impression is a woman that has few options with low self esteem and an enormous need for external validation, but you seem like a very intelligent woman with options. I am puzzled by your actions. I hope everything works out. 4
Author Mount Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 Hi Pierre, that sounds harsh . Why you said that. I knew my action/decision might not sound right, and maybe everything does not work out eventually. Maybe the A eventually will be off naturally. You never know. Please go see a psychiatrist ASAP. Something within you is a bit off and I can quite put my hand on it. My usual impression is a woman that has few options with low self esteem and an enormous need for external validation, but you seem like a very intelligent woman with options. I am puzzled by your actions. I hope everything works out.
Author Mount Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 Thanks Tenacity, WWI and Pierre, yes I want to own it up as my choice to go back A. It could be bad, pitful, or whatever decision, but will see how it goes. It might end naturally again.
Author Mount Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 Hi Alice, I don't mind having attention, so that is yes; but I dislike drama very much, anything/any people drama. That's the thing - it's NOT courage at this point. It's the constant need for drama and attention - from her MM and the board. I totally agree with Pierre.
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Thanks Tenacity, WWI and Pierre, yes I want to own it up as my choice to go back A. It could be bad, pitful, or whatever decision, but will see how it goes. It might end naturally again. It'll end when you've reached your "enough is enough" stage. Unfortunately you're gonna ride that emotional roller coaster for a while until you throw in the towel. 2
Author Mount Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 What is the OW material?:cool: You are not OW material Mount. I've told you that before. That's why you have all this drama - all the breakups and makeups. 1
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 You are not OW material Mount. I've told you that before. That's why you have all this drama - all the breakups and makeups. Most women aren't OW material. They just learn over time how to fit that roll and make it work for them, if they want the A to last for xx amount of years. There are a very select few of OW on LS, though around much anymore, truly embrace their roll as the OW..And the only reason why it works for them is because they put themselves first and have their own life, MM is not a high priority, they don't drop all to go running to him at his beck and call. I agree with your first part, but not the second part. Mount doesn't seem like a dramatic person. The addictive feelings of how he makes her feel is good enough reason to hang on. Not the bad stuff. Hope this makes sense, it does in my head!
BrokenPrincess Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 What happened to pull you back into the A?
Author Mount Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 Actually nothing happened, the 3 weeks NC was peaceful and going well. But I still decide to go back A with MM, however with lots of reservation from my end. Thought I would share, that is why I posted. What happened to pull you back into the A?
skylarblue Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I must say when I saw your thread's title my first reaction was as Alice2012 - I wasn't surprised by it, and I wouldn't be surprised if there's another NC thread soon - and it is in no way meant by me as a shot or dig. I just get the feeling that you're not quite sure/ready to let go when I've read your other posts (although I didn't read your last NC thread). It's ok. Many of us had to try multiple times before we were finally able to call it quits. When you're really done, not just when you think you're done, it'll stick and not even the emotions you have for MM will be able to deter you from that decision. Everyone finds their own way in their own time. I'm sorry you weren't able to keep NC though as I think it only gives opportunity to increase and prolong the hurt. I hope you find success and fulfillment sooner than later. 2
Author Mount Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 Hi Skyblue, thx for the comforting words. I must say yes, even though I decide to go back A, I do feel a bit bored between me and the MM; He could feel the same too, that is why I said right now the situation is not as intense as before. It could end naturally, who knows. I must say when I saw your thread's title my first reaction was as Alice2012 - I wasn't surprised by it, and I wouldn't be surprised if there's another NC thread soon - and it is in no way meant by me as a shot or dig. I just get the feeling that you're not quite sure/ready to let go when I've read your other posts (although I didn't read your last NC thread). It's ok. Many of us had to try multiple times before we were finally able to call it quits. When you're really done, not just when you think you're done, it'll stick and not even the emotions you have for MM will be able to deter you from that decision. Everyone finds their own way in their own time. I'm sorry you weren't able to keep NC though as I think it only gives opportunity to increase and prolong the hurt. I hope you find success and fulfillment sooner than later.
KathyM Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Well, hopefully someday you'll realize you deserve better, and you won't settle for someone like that. For every day you are investing your time, energy and emotions into a doomed/shortchanged relationship is a day less you have to focus on finding someone you would have a future with and a complete, satisfying relationship, rather than settling for crumbs. 2
2sunny Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Actually nothing happened, the 3 weeks NC was peaceful and going well. But I still decide to go back A with MM, however with lots of reservation from my end. Thought I would share, that is why I posted. That makes me very sad for you that you don't want more for yourself and your future. Best wishes. Please seek counseling immediately. 2
Artie Lang Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 (edited) this guy has it all- a side dish and a safe and secure marriage to run back to. what more can he ask for. he's sittin' pretty. he got his Christmas gift early this year. let me save you a self-righteous post, Tenacity.....I'M OUTTA HERE! Edited December 12, 2012 by Artie Lang 3
OpenBook Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 There are a very select few of OW on LS, though around much anymore, truly embrace their roll as the OW..And the only reason why it works for them is because they put themselves first and have their own life, MM is not a high priority, they don't drop all to go running to him at his beck and call. Everyone finds their own way in their own time. Best pieces of advice ever! Take care of YOU Mount - no matter what. 1
Saba Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Not to mention that the board itself thrives in this kind of drama and actually encourages it by encouraging OW/OM to prematurely go NC. People ask for advice and that in itself indicates that they are at a crossroads. I don't think posters are trying to 'up the drama' with their advice. The OW/OM are free to take the advice that makes sense and resonates with them and ignore any advice they feel is unhelpful. Posters did not make Mount go NC it was her decision. Just like it is her decision to reconnect. 6
promises Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Not to mention that the board itself thrives in this kind of drama and actually encourages it by encouraging OW/OM to prematurely go NC. I agree NC is needed ro finally move on, but premature NC is something to consider. However ,ending a healthy relationship NC is almost cruel. I'm beginning to feel like being the OW is almost like having an addiction to false love, attention , and promises. NC, in an unhealthy partnership is like ending any addiction . You have to go cold. Unfotunately, we'll nearly destroy ourselves before we figure it out. 4
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Not to mention that the board itself thrives in this kind of drama and actually encourages it by encouraging OW/OM to prematurely go NC. That's unfair to say. Mount decided on her own to do NC, nobody here forced her to. She's attempted NC a few times, and yes we've encouraged her to do her best..There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Also, people's lives are not drama around here..What creates the drama on LS are the 'discussion' threads. Best pieces of advice ever! Take care of YOU Mount - no matter what. There are a very select few of OW on LS, though around much anymore, Thanks OB. Though I notice I forgot to put the word "not" in there, should read, though not around much anymore.. 1
Pierre Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Hi Pierre, that sounds harsh . Why you said that. Sorry, I meant to say you should consider counseling. A psychiatrist would be more useful for someone that is out of contact with reality or a patient that needs medication. We humans are animals and we do things because we have instincts. But, years ago we developed consciousness. Our instincts sometimes drive us the wrong way. The instincts can override our brain. You seek MOM because you are driven to spread your DNA and that force is very strong. 2
MissBee Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I think you might want to know that I decided to go back A with the MM, after 3 weeks NC. However, this time due to our previous conflicts, the relationship might not be as intense as before. I wasn't aware that you ever stopped.... In any case, not sure what you're expecting from us here....but congrats? 1
sweet_pea Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I've lurked your thread a little, and it's disappointing that you're choosing to go back to the affair. Can I ask, why? I know someone else asked and you answered them, but that answer really didn't cover it (in my eyes, at least). Do you enjoy being the OW? Just a little confused..
cocorico Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 (edited) I think you might want to know that I decided to go back A with the MM, after 3 weeks NC. However, this time due to our previous conflicts, the relationship might not be as intense as before. You are very brave to post this here. Personally, I see no shame in being honest and deciding that, for now at least, your life with MM in it is richer / better / more satisfying than without. That is a call you're best placed to make, you know your own life and situation better than anyone here. It is also a decision you are free to change at any time if you wish, and as others have said, NC is something that will stick naturally when you really want it, and are ready for it. Before then, it is simply masocjism at best or manipulation at worst. You may find yourself detaching naturally from MM! And from what you post it sounds as though this has started. Or you may find yourself becoming happier with the situation as expectations change and drama decreases - others have found that, in the past. Or perhaps something shifts and things land up the way you really want them - with MM, or without MM. None of us have crystal balls so we can't predict the future. What is more important is that you are comfortable with your decision, are sure that it is the right choice for you now, and that you are living authentically, and according to your own values. That is the only real path to lasting happiness. Edited December 12, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3
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