Where does the love go when it's gone and does it ever come back?

[Javabear]

After three years together, I was sure we were on our way to marriage and a future forever. I know that we're young (21 and 22) but the two of us made so much sense together and I was so excited for the years to come when we would eventually get married. He was excited too. Our differences balanced each other out, we had an incredible friendship and (what I believe to be) a deep-seeded love that extended beyond lust. When you've been together for so long, people get sloppy. Sweatpants and morning-breath and no makeup become the norm, but that doesn't even matter. When you love someone, you love every single one of their imperfections, and that's how the two of us were. We were the closest two people could be. And then all of a sudden, we weren't. Maybe I was too attached, maybe I pegged too much of my happiness on him... I'm sure that had something to do with it. He left. He met a girl at work and a few weeks later he was at my door telling me about his feelings for her. He kept saying he didn't want to break up, but then he did. And I'm sure I ruined it because I begged and cried for a month. Nothing changed.

 

Where does the love go? After three years... after we had established traditions and made plans and made it through all the trials and tribulations of young love? He still tells me that he respects and cares for me more than I'll ever know. He used to tell me that he would love me always and forever and when I asked him if he meant that he said he did, but now he'll love me always and forever as "a friend and incredible person." He told me that he knows I am beautiful, smart, caring, and talented. But it's over? After everything, that's just it? The love is gone, the feelings have died? Is that even possible? My poor heart is having the hardest time learning to un-love him. It's clinging to the microscopic chance the if he loved me once, he could love me again. Does that even happen? If love is lost, does that mean it's just waiting to be found?

[Toddbt12y1]

Goes no where. Love in a true long lasting relationship never ceases. I will take it further and say that even if one person loved another deeply it never ends.

 

Love that ends is no love at all. We call this lust.

[Toddbt12y1]

She may have had a change of heart. It is hard to tell what goes through anyone's mind in these cases. Sometimes we think it works for year it will forever..

[Samilia]

After three years together, I was sure we were on our way to marriage and a future forever. I know that we're young (21 and 22) but the two of us made so much sense together and I was so excited for the years to come when we would eventually get married. He was excited too. Our differences balanced each other out, we had an incredible friendship and (what I believe to be) a deep-seeded love that extended beyond lust. When you've been together for so long, people get sloppy. Sweatpants and morning-breath and no makeup become the norm, but that doesn't even matter. When you love someone, you love every single one of their imperfections, and that's how the two of us were. We were the closest two people could be. And then all of a sudden, we weren't. Maybe I was too attached, maybe I pegged too much of my happiness on him... I'm sure that had something to do with it. He left. He met a girl at work and a few weeks later he was at my door telling me about his feelings for her. He kept saying he didn't want to break up, but then he did. And I'm sure I ruined it because I begged and cried for a month. Nothing changed.

 

Where does the love go? After three years... after we had established traditions and made plans and made it through all the trials and tribulations of young love? He still tells me that he respects and cares for me more than I'll ever know. He used to tell me that he would love me always and forever and when I asked him if he meant that he said he did, but now he'll love me always and forever as "a friend and incredible person." He told me that he knows I am beautiful, smart, caring, and talented. But it's over? After everything, that's just it? The love is gone, the feelings have died? Is that even possible? My poor heart is having the hardest time learning to un-love him. It's clinging to the microscopic chance the if he loved me once, he could love me again. Does that even happen? If love is lost, does that mean it's just waiting to be found?

 

I believe it when he says that he respects you and cares for you. It sucks that he sees that much in you but just isn't in love with you anymore.

 

As for love being "lost", someone else will pick up your heart. Till then, build yourself back up. I know it's hard, just do your best, day by day. It will get better, even if right now it hurts a lot, I know.

[LostOne1]

I was in a 3 yr relationship as well and in fact it ended around the week of our anniversary.

 

I have suspicion she met someone else and they were living together for a bit. But really there was nothing I could do at all. My ex said she lost her feelings too and it was over.

 

it took me awhile to really accept it. I think I have accepted it now, BUT I still miss her at times. Now with classes over till the next year. I have lots of free time and this is time I would've been using with her and us.

 

But that no longer is the case and it's something you and I have to live with sadly.

 

I tried to win my ex back.. it didn't happen. So winning them back doesn't work for us. All we can do is work on ourselves and move on with life. We will know that at some point the relationship was good... but it didn;t last and we can;t force it to last.

 

We had some good times and bad.. but at the end of the day. Our ex's didn't see enough in us to work it out. So we have to accept that and move on.

 

It's a tough lesson, but it;s life. And honestly I've learned life is SOOO tough.

 

I lost my grandma and my ex within a month apart. Feels like I lost everything.

 

But now is the time to stop griving and finally getting up and picking up the pieces. And it's the time to start over again with everything we have learned and experienced.

 

I guess that's the best part about life. We are going to go through MANY ups and downs, but that's how we learn sadly. And not all the moments in life are great. We have to go through bad and terrible moments too to learn in life.

 

So take it was a life lesson and that life isn't fair... but we have to learn, experience it and move on. So hang in there!

[Javabear]

Thank you for the encouragement. The same week my ex left me my mom told me that she and my dad are getting a divorce because he cheated on her after 25 years of marriage with at least two different women. Needless to say my views on love and relationships (and men in general) have taken a huge hit. I'm sure it will get better someday, and I already feel myself getting stronger, but in my moments of weakness it's hard not to lose all hope. Life goes on though and as you said, all we can do is take our hardships as a learning opportunity.

[LostOne1]

Thank you for the encouragement. The same week my ex left me my mom told me that she and my dad are getting a divorce because he cheated on her after 25 years of marriage with at least two different women. Needless to say my views on love and relationships (and men in general) have taken a huge hit. I'm sure it will get better someday, and I already feel myself getting stronger, but in my moments of weakness it's hard not to lose all hope. Life goes on though and as you said, all we can do is take our hardships as a learning opportunity.

Well I can tell you NOT all men are the same.

 

I would NEVER cheat on my gf or wife or any women I am with. I wouldn't want to hurt them as well as hurt my own self doing something as low as cheating on someone that loves me a lot.

 

I've had other women become interested in me, but I was always straight forward saying I have a gf and I wouldn't leave her for anyone or anything.

 

So not ALL guys are cheaters or would do something to hurt someone they love.

[Javabear]

Oh I know all guys aren't the same, I've just lost temporary faith since the two most important men in my life let me down in major ways in the same week. I'm sure that my dad believed at one point that he would never cheat on my mom and I'm also sure that at one point my boyfriend never imagined leaving me for someone else. But all people, not just men, are fickle. I look forward to the day I love a guy who won't ever let me down.

[shahjahan]

This is sad, that people take commitment so lightly these days.... like the only tihng that matters is their personal freedom, no matter what they had previously said/promised to you. Sometimes love is really gone, sometimes we just hesitate, but in the case of your guy, it looks quite typical. If he says he still respects and cares about you, it's probably true, but well, he cares about himself more. And I think some healthy anger would be useful for you right now - you deserve better! And there definitely is a better guy for you out there!

[LostOne1]

Oh I know all guys aren't the same, I've just lost temporary faith since the two most important men in my life let me down in major ways in the same week. I'm sure that my dad believed at one point that he would never cheat on my mom and I'm also sure that at one point my boyfriend never imagined leaving me for someone else. But all people, not just men, are fickle. I look forward to the day I love a guy who won't ever let me down.

True.. but think of all the men that got married and have stayed faithful to their wives all the way till they are no longer alive.

 

I get the top men you looked at and respected have lost that respect. But I know in time other men will win your respect and you'll feel good then to know that not all guys cheat or leave someone they love.