Aurum Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 It feels awkward to write about this but finally I plucked up my courage. I'm 51, fem, in a failing marriage, thinking about divorce. Sex is not an issue bw my H and I, since he is not interested anymore. During the years sex became quite painful for me - yeah, it is called menopause and was put on HRT. I don't know if it would be better now or not, since H is not interested and marriage is falling apart, I'm considering D - not because of this but because of H being totally not interested in me anymore. Another thing is that I'm HSV2 pos. I don't have symptoms but I know I'm pos. Was wondering if I divorce my husband and want a relationship, how would I start it? Like " I don't really want to have sex bc. I'm scared of possible pain AND I'm HSV2 pos, eventhough symptomless...?" Or just leave intim relationships for good and enjoy life without a partner? Or find somebody who is similarly to me, does not put emphasis on sexual life but enjoys other times spent together? So many questions, I'm kinda lost here...
veryhappy Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 There are plenty of men with erectile dysfunctions...I think your honest approach early on would work. No sense staying with your H just because he got used to not having sex. Plenty of people out there who can live with that, and do especially if not very young anymore. Plenty of carriers of hsv2 too.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Plenty of carriers of hsv2 too. A huge portion of the population if you believe the numbers. Aurum, there are lots of ways to express yourself sexually that don't involve intercourse. Are you completely giving up on that part of your life? Mr. Lucky
Author Aurum Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 I wouldn't want to give up this part of my life - it would take me time and a loving, comforting relationship to start it again. However with the HSV stigma I just don't see how it would work out. And you are right, the number of carriers are growing exponentially.
Author Aurum Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 I don't think I would be a good cure for ED:-) but I guess there are a lot of men who are just not interested in sex for some reason, usually temporarily, divorce, depression, stress...I still don't know how would I approach this problem. I meet someone, he thinks everything is OK with me and than suddenly I just hit him on the head with my problems?
BetrayedH Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I see you intiating an honest conversation during a period when friendship is starting to appear to have more potential for intimacy. I wouldn't put off a divorce just because you don't know exactly how this conversation will go with your hypothetical future partner.
Author Aurum Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 I'm procrastinating the divorce issue because I feel awkward about it. Even though we are just ghosts, living in the same household, something in me still pulling back. Scare from the future? Shame? Not willing to explore the unknown? Probably I should just "walk the walk" instead of overthinking it and planning out every steps for years.
todreaminblue Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 It feels awkward to write about this but finally I plucked up my courage. I'm 51, fem, in a failing marriage, thinking about divorce. Sex is not an issue bw my H and I, since he is not interested anymore. During the years sex became quite painful for me - yeah, it is called menopause and was put on HRT. I don't know if it would be better now or not, since H is not interested and marriage is falling apart, I'm considering D - not because of this but because of H being totally not interested in me anymore. Another thing is that I'm HSV2 pos. I don't have symptoms but I know I'm pos. Was wondering if I divorce my husband and want a relationship, how would I start it? Like " I don't really want to have sex bc. I'm scared of possible pain AND I'm HSV2 pos, eventhough symptomless...?" Or just leave intim relationships for good and enjoy life without a partner? Or find somebody who is similarly to me, does not put emphasis on sexual life but enjoys other times spent together? So many questions, I'm kinda lost here... i have a hormone imbalance naturally i am 43 ....my hormones are affected by my emotions i will probably have my period until the day i die without hormone replacement.....i am sorry that you dont have an intimate closeness to your husband anymore.......i havent been through menopause obviously i will....i think a lot is ocming down to pysch with you though you are anxious abotu pain so you will receive pain because you will tense up.....i am nto a sex therapist.....but maybe seeing one might help.......hav eyou though abotu taking a spa together or a long warmish bath with slippery stuff in there lavender bubbles.......massage before the act........his hands smoothing an essential oil into yrou skin slowly deeply, relaxing the muscles that are tense....concentrating on your neck your shoulders.....just long slow smooth touching no jerky movements......kissing....the art of love actually i feel......loads fo physcial contact...lots of mmmmmm more please moments...relaxing instrumental music in the background soft sheets and attentive loving.....as i said no sex therapist i am toey though..i tense during sex....sometimes...i might flashback to a dark place.....massage helps......a caring lover helps.music helps....and a bit of understanding on your husbands behalf........and someone who actually wants to see you find pleasure with your body and show you pleasure....as well as receiving.......good luck.grinnin....hope i helped .dont give up .....try ti fidn that place where you used to go when you made love .....relax yourself and let him help you relax........deb
Author Aurum Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 "...his hands smoothing an essential oil into yrou skin slowly deeply..." Er...whose hands are you talking about?
todreaminblue Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 "...his hands smoothing an essential oil into yrou skin slowly deeply..." Er...whose hands are you talking about? the husband ......i havent read the other posts i read the opening post is there a reason why it wasnt clear i meant the husband...or i have i misread the post...am i not making sense? i ask this in seriousness.......deb
Author Aurum Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 Hb is not interested in me...but thank you for your thoughts, I'd like this approach:-)
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