Char12 Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I had a long term relationship with a great guy and we split up amicably because of where we were in life.. it was hard on both of us. Recently he got back in touch saying we should catch up over a drink. I agreed, he was lovely as i remembered and bought me a bracelet. We hit it off straight away, including sex. I never felt it'd just be sex for him as i was the first person he loved and lost his virginity to so i thought there had to be some feelings there. However when he left he said he'd ring me at a specific time and never did. I completely panicked and sent him a text saying "if he wasn't interested he could have let me know". He said he was busy and had no credit to text me but i felt like i must have looked crazy. He was the first to initiate contact online almost everyday but didn't ask to see me for over a week after our first date and i let it be. He then started to ignore texts off me, was always too busy for me and sound disinterested in talking to me online. I gave him his space and never chased him if he ignored texts (i must have sent him about 5 over 2 months, not excessive). However after 2 weeks of it i asked him out, he said he was busy. I told him i wanted to stop talking as it was confusing if it wasn't going anywhere because he was always too busy to see me. He said he felt it was going too fast and that he liked me but wanted to take it slow and carry on talking. I felt the same. He made his recent busy week sound like a one off too so we carried on talking. Whenever it seemed like it was more casual to him (not texting back etc). I'd call it off straight away, saying it wasn't just sex to me and i felt like he was stringing me along. He reassured me it wasn't just sex and that he couldn't do anything if he's busy or doesn't have credit. I always believed him and stupidly carried on seeing him. He never told me that he didn't want a relationship. The playing it cool until i couldn't handle how he was treating me anymore, calling it off then letting him off must have happened at least 4 times which i feel ridiculous about, it began to look like i was just creating drama. I feel stupid that i thought i had to end something that was obviously so meaningless to him in hindsight. However 2 months of seeing him and sleeping with him later the excuses got old after i'd traveled to see him because he told me he had no money and found out he spent £20 on weed instead. I then straight up ask him what he wants and he said "he's happy with how things are and doesn't want a relationship". I was shocked, even agreed to carry on seeing him as long as we were exclusive. I reconsidered and tried to regain my dignity, sending him an emotional message asking how he can just see me as a hook up after what we had and that i was done. He didn't bother replying. I stupidly sent another message asking if he'd got my message and he ignored me again. He's now also blocked me off everything. I accept i'm to blame too in this for giving sex without commitment but he wasn't a guy i'd met at a bar, i've known him for a long time and was very close with him.. it didn't even cross my mind that he'd suddenly change. I'm even wondering whether i pushed him away by constantly breaking it off with him, even though he did things wrong i feel i shouldn't have reacted so badly. I'm debating whether to send one last message apologizing for acting crazy but i'll feel even worse if he did come back just looking for sex. Did i push him away or was he planning on just using me for sex the whole time?
Jono85 Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 honestly it doesn't matter what he was planning the entire time. i know it's eating away at u, and u want to know, but that's your ego talking. the FACT is, he obviously doesn't want a relationship with you, and has even gone to lengths of ignoring/blocking you to have u stop "bothering" him. please start NOW and build your dignity/pride back up. do NOT send him any msgs, are u kidding me? he's ignored you and blocked you. i could never do that to someone i cared about. anyway i'm in a similar situation, as i also feel ashamed of the way i acted towards the end of my ex and i. which was quite recently. and after getting clear signals she no longer had feelings i still asked if i could just come see her for a proper goodbye and she was having none of it lol. it's totally embarassing and i've never acted like this with any girl in the past, but i really fell for this one. point is, we both need to forgive ourselves, and START respecting ourselves from this point forward. neither of us should let these ppl back into our lives. maybe wayyy down the road IF she tries repeatedly to get back into my life/say she's sorry, and by that time i'm over her, i'll think about letting her back in. but for the next year or so, i want nothing to do with her. i need to get me back. and so do you.
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