waterfallfalldown Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 I broke up with him about a year and a half ago. I stayed friends with him and started seeing someone new. I know this really hurt him to see. I know it didn't help when that relationship went sour and now I'm in a new relationship. He hadn't gotten involved with anyone new in the entire time. Now, he is starting to see and get close to someone new. She's a friend of mine and it really has me thrown for a loop. I feel anxious and sick to think of them together. I can't really even bring myself to talk to him. He's probably still my best friend. I know I shouldn't feel like this. Why do I feel like this? How can I stop feeling like this?
portableversion Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 perhaps u still have feelings for him. perhaps you guys need to meet up and see if you can eventually discuss what went wrong with ur situation. this is interesting your story kinda reminds me of my ex. shes involved in a long distnce relationship with an old co-worker but 2 weeks before she went to alaska to go "spend time" with him she told me she does not want me to date other people and that i should not be dating other people. hmmmm. People i know tell me she trying to keep me on plan b in case this guy or some other guy does not work out. Makes no difference i work with a bunch of guys and im in aa so bars are out of the question. im gonna be single for a long time. She wanted to do the same thing stay as friends but we both have a lot of anger towards each other still. Sometimes its old crap that happened a few years ago. Had you thought of getting back together with him if your new relationship does not work out?
Author waterfallfalldown Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 First, I did not want anything to do with this ex. I knew he needed time to heal from our breakup and I cut contact with him and moved to another state for a summer. Anyway... The worst part is that I know I could have him back in a heartbeat if I broke up with this guy I'm with (but I've been with him for a year in January and he hasn't done anything wrong... he's actually probably been the best partner I've ever had). I dated a guy between the 2 for a short span of time and that did not end well. I ended up in a bad state of mind and in bed with this ex talking about maybe getting back together. I left him on hold, and I went to visit a friend (my now boyfriend) for the holidays to get out of town and find some peace of mind in another state. I guess I have a track record of breaking up with a guy then skipping town for at least a month-just realized that. The friend and I got close and ended up in a relationship by the time I went back home. The ex was pretty devastated. I felt bad, but I guess I was afraid to get back with him. Things were really bad and I recognized that I was starting to resent him for every little thing he did and that's not healthy. I needed to end it before I grew to totally hate him. So, we were friends and still are friends. I know he still loves me and would be with me in a moment's notice. I feel like I've made a huge mess.
bitterruin Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 You're keeping him around as a plan B. Leave the guy alone, cut all contact with him and let him be happy with this new person. You've already hurt him too much. 6
Renard99 Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 As others have said, I think you've both remained in each other's lives enough to keep each other in your thoughts. I know it's nice to remain friends with people after breaking up and I know it occasionally works (I'm good friends with one of my exs from a long time ago, although, I have to admit, even then there was a long period of no contact) but the vast majority of the time, being friends with an ex causes issues with one, or both parties involved. This has, unfortunately, happened in your case. You need to break contact with him. If needs be, send him a message saying that, despite viewing him as a friend, going 'not contact' is the best for you, but after that just leave him alone. If you see him at social events or with mutual friends, do what I do with my most recent ex, just smile or nod and then move on. I find it a way to be polite and respectful, yet at the same time not too intrusive.
jwhite Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Ya....No need to contact him. You need to accept that what you are feeling is what he was feeling at a magnitude of x1000. He made the mistake of staying in contact with you. As a matter of fact, you should cheer him on! He deserves to be happy! You made your choices and you nurtured yourself in the ways that you did. Now it is his turn to "move on".
frederickkk Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 "mmmm ive got so many options....this guy that guy" Follow your feelings.
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