hubsband Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Well this all started like last summer when she turned and looked at me in bed and said do you love me or do you just use me for sex. I was like no, really didn't know what to say. So anyways this is not the first time she left did it 4 years ago and 6-7 years ago and right after we got married in 01. Alway's herd about the cheating the first couple time's but could not prove it. But the last time I cought her and found the love letter from him and found out she was messing around with anouther guy to. found that through texts. So anyway's lets get back to this year. aug 16 my wife had recostrutive surgery on her foot. was in a cast upto her knee. Well after the surgery I took care of her and took off work the first week after it. Than came the point of me going back to work and would only leave for 3-5 hours at a time. Than this is when all hell started to break loose. late aug early sep. She would yell at me for not doing laundry right. all sorts of things. And I would apaligise and tell her I'm sorry this went on for about a month. Than in early nov she got the castoff and was in a walking boot and could drive. oh by the way she would hide her phone and when I got to it and did some serches in her texts I found that evey text was their except from one guy. well the first free weekend she said she was going to meet her step dads new girlfreid about 40 miles away. she turned her phone off and did not anser it. Came home and was more hostle. Begane to post crap on facebook about love and when ya find the one hold onto him and all that. Thought she was talking about me. early nov she said she wanted a divorce and that she got the papers but did not file them tell a week or so later. Some nights she would stay at her dads with or without the kids. Than we had court on nov 30 for custity and matinence. And the judge through it all out and said because I,m still supporting her and the kids and she has not moved he could not do anything. So he ordered me to get a home equity loan for 10.000 to help her establish a home. she can't work and gets no ssi. To say the least she was pist. Anyway I had a secound job 2nd shift and would come home at 11 and she would watch the kids tell than and than go to her dads. well that was fine all the while I was thnking It was my falt this happened and their was still a chance to reconsile. That was till last wed when we had parent teachers confrace that day and she came over we talked like nothing happened and she said she was tired laid down for a nap and I had to get my close ready for work and she said I could lay down in bed. so I did and held her. we went to the conferece and she asked if I could take her to an appoitment about 50 miles away the next day. I said sure. So flash forward to the next morning I got the boys of to school and my son said he left his bookbag in her car I said I would get it and bring it to school for him. Called the wife no anser so went to the dads her car was not their. Than came home and saw that the guys I thought she's been cheating with car was not at work. He work's next door to my house. Than I get a text from her saying she switched the appointment to our town and she could take care of it her sellf and to leave her alone all day needs time to think. Sat on this all day than went to work and talked to my boss about getting on first shift and he said last guy waited 7 years or you have to wait for somone to die. well first break at 5 called wife asked were she was this morning and she said at her dads. I went on to tell her About the backpack and her not being their. she asked son he said ya and than I said the guys name and he was not at work did he take ya. and are you staying their. She said yes and he was slow at work. I saw red and said I'm coming home right now. She was already in her car and left. So now I have kids quit my other job to be here for them. she has swithched her facebook to from seperated to in a relation shp and it say her anerversity is dec 11 witch is this f ers birthday. I could go on and on about. what can I do we have 50-50 with kids and she plans to get a place with my 10,000 and play house and keep my kids. what can I do will she wake up she's nuts.
Tainted love Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I'm really sorry for your pain. I'm pretty new here so maybe I'm not so hot with advice but I am going through the pain of my SOs affair and I know you must be hurting. What do you feel like you want to do? It sounds like early days but would you be willing to reconcile or do you want to end the relationship and find the best outcome for you, your kids and your financial situation? By the way, she sounds very callous in how she has acted.
BetrayedH Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I'm sorry to say that she is your enemy and you need to treat her as such. This may wake her up to what she is losing. Or it might not. Either way, you need to protect yourself and your children from her disastrous decisions. Sorry for what you are going through.
Chi townD Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I would throw all of her crap on the lawn and change all the locks. I would also get a screenshot of all that crap on Facebook, that will definately help you in court later. 1
veryhappy Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I'm a fOW and pretty understanding when it comes to women having As, but your wife can't get any understanding from me. She's very immature. Can you go to therapy? My advice would be to abandon any hope to reconcile - she cheated three times? - get a divorce and suck up the cost. I suspect after a while, you'll be much happier. 1
GLDheart Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Take care of those kids. Document her abandonment of them. Hire a lawyer. The longer you stay in this mess without action, the worse she will stack the deck against you.
Author hubsband Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 well guys I don't know what to do. I guy she with is kind of an aqaintace. My brother n law used to work next door and he did and would go to cook outs at my brouther n laws house. This guy lost his job their4 years ago for being a drunk. He got divorced and has to kids got charged with disorderly conduct, and battery. Than dated another girl and see put restraining order out on him. I'v done the pist thing with the wife and she hangs up. It's like she planed this for years. 3 1/2 years ago we reconcled and during the last seperation and the cheating I heard rumors of her fing with this guy. Well at the same time back then I lost my grandfather and grandma in a 5 week span and with the problems from her I could not function. She came back to me my grandma left me 60,000 and in her will told me to buy a house and I did 9/9/09. Was a bank repo and fixed it up. every thing seamed good we went on a trip to south dakota and were really in love. Than she had the first surgery on her foot and they messed it up stoping her from working. putting alot of stress on us. But back to today or past couple days. sent her a app thing that said if ya love something ya got to set it free. and all that. she called and we have been talking she does not want my house or to live in it. I talk to her about the 10,000 and ask if thats enough and you take care of the car payment. right now i'm ordered to keep up on all payments just paid 320 yesterday for her 04 envoy that we owe 3600 on it down from 22,000. really pisses me off anyway Im driving the 86 suburban. county song a coming. but she said I pay for the truck and give here 10,000 thats all she wants. and I can have the kids 2 night a week and every other weekend I told her I would like 50-50 and she was ok with it till she found out she would'nt get child support. I'v always worked, fixed cars, hauled junk metal what ever and she's has never been without. ever. Than this guy comes around and has no money and she been picking up the kids and taking them to mcdonalds to play or bowling. And last night while we talking on the phone she said she can not keep getting the kids with no gas I told her thats not my problem and her new man should do it. II than told her that I expect this guy to tell me he can take care of you and my kids. She's like no problem. I said hold on not yet just wait. Than the next thing she asked is are ya coming to my familey's christmas. I said no almost loosing it and said I won't be ther next so just tell them all merry christmas. Today I called an attorny and have an apointment and want to asked these ? do I have to give her the money now? I wan't to file a restraing order, and for full coustidy. and ask about the joint account we have. She scared me sat when she had her sister follow her here like im hostile or something. I don't know what she's going to do next. bye the way I'm trying the 180 thing hoping she flips on this guy and he kicks her to the curb.
2sunny Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Don give her one penny if the court doesn't order it! Change the licks and get that divorce filed and finalized! Ask friends and family to help with your kids. Ask for sole custody. She unfit to be their mother. Keep moving forward - do not give her any money! 2
waterwoman Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 By the sounds of that man I wouldn't want him near my kids!! Not sure she's mature enough to look after them either. Can you apply for sole custody? Btw I reckon you're better of without her! Anyone who can be that flaky, selfish and undeniable around her children isn't worth keeping. Good luck
BetrayedH Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Don't give her a cent that the court doesn't order. Have the kids as often as possible. Go for full custody. Forget reconciling with her. She has walked away and you should be running the other direction. I would say something different if it were the first time or if she was remorseful but that's clearly not the case.
Radu Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Because of prior abandonment issues you might actually have a case. What with this guy also having a criminal record. I think you should figure out what kind of support system you have from your family. You will probably not be able to do this alone. Also, save all messages, mails, phone times that incriminate her abandoning her children repeatedly. Some of the past ones can also be subpoenad. I am betting she will play the victim card in court, and try to convince the judge that you are abandoning her when it got to the 'for worse' part.
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Today I called an attorny and have an apointment and want to asked these ? do I have to give her the money now? I wan't to file a restraing order, and for full coustidy. and ask about the joint account we have. She scared me sat when she had her sister follow her here like im hostile or something. I don't know what she's going to do next. bye the way I'm trying the 180 thing hoping she flips on this guy and he kicks her to the curb. You are in an emotionally explosive situation at this point. Cut all contact with her down to txt message. Don't give her any money unless required to do so by the court! Also... fight like hell for joint custody. Also... start dividing all of your finances. Set up a new bank account she has no access to and move your money into that. Cut her off completely until you are ordered not to by a judge. She is a cancer... and you should be happy to get her out of your life. She has been cheating for years and has no love for you. That cannot be fixed!! At this point she is going to treat you like the enemy, so you must be a hardass! 1
Author hubsband Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 (edited) here the thing with me. We'v fought in the past and I hit her once and was charged in o6 with battery and diorderly. And made the promice to my self and my grandmother to never hit a women again. And I have'nt but the last break up in 08-09 we were working threw thing and she went to work and was suppost to be home by 10 that night. well she got home at 3 in the morning and I was waiting for her. I called and called her before that seeing as I was out of cigs and just felt used. Well when she came in I cofronted her and she said I'm a free person and can do what I want. Well I'm thinking we are trying to work this out and your not meeting half way. I grabed he by the shoulders and said wake up whats wrong here. She called the cops and Their I was in jail. So I'v messed up I know that. I'v said things I shouldn't have and been a drunk in the past but quit drinking when 2nd son was born in 04. Than begain the demo derby hobby that she hated. I'm adhd and I'm on the go and very adictive person. So I did do that to much. Be I was't in the bars and getting in any trouble. She always wants attention and if it make me out to be the bad guy that's how it goes. we got married when I was 19 and her 16 and before that I was charged with 2nd deree sexual assalt and facing 40 years. I had to see a sex theripast and was put on probation for 2 years at 18. At the trial I reqested tobe at my son's birth and was granted that. She had my son at 15 and to weeks after she turned 16 we got married. between nov 16 2000 and april I drove 200 miles twice a week to see her and my son at the prenate girls home she was in. And she came and lived with me after we were married. So I'v fought hard for my famely seeing as my dad was not their for me. My mom's a drunk and my grandmouther raised me. just so sad at life right now. Edited December 12, 2012 by hubsband
jnj express Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Get your D, get the loan, get her set up, and then file bankruptcy You will be out from under, and no one can hold you to anything but child support, also she is gonna have to get herself a job , or two, to make it on her own----otherwise just take the kids, and move elsewhere, let her come after you------stop taking crap from this woman
2sunny Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 She's cheated multiple times. I think paternity tests are in order. 1
Gagirl Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Pack up her stuff and deliver it to her dad's house. She can go live there. Do not get a loan and buy her a house or anything. She needs to get off her lazy ass and get a job. Living with daddy will encourage her to do that. She is a horrible and abusive woman who has cheated on you for years. Take care of yourself and the kids and don't worry about her. She does not deserve your love or kindness.
Realist3 Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 This may be painful to hear, but with your last post I have come to the conclusion that this is just not a relationship that needs to continue. You married a very young girl, and she is now seeingthat she doesn't want to be here any longer. Let her go. It sounds like you have tried to right some of your past wrongs, which is good for you, but that doesn't mean it is good for her in the same way. There is nothing you can do but make the best of the way forward with your kids.
Chi townD Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Dude, file for divorce and go for full custody of the kids. In family courts, Judges could really give a damn about the problems that you and your wife have, all they care about is the welfare of the kids. They're going to take into account that you are in the martial home and you are the one with the job. Her living conditions are rocky at best and she's not working. You might have a very good case. Talk to a lawyer and find yourself a bulldog lawyer. Don't just thumb through the yellow pages and pick one at random. Research it and find one that will fight for you in court. A lot of divorce lawyers really don't care about rocking the boat. They just want the paperwork filed, no problems from you and collect a paycheck. So, do your research.
Author hubsband Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Update, wife still gone..She still lives with boyfreind...she picks up the boys most weeknights after school and brings them back at 7 at night. I hired a lawer after I was rejected for the 10,000 home equity loan for back 2012 taxes on house. told my wife and she flipped and said she wants half the house...So I used the 2600 I had saved to pay the taxes on a lawer:D. And filed for an en-vo hearing. We had mediation this morning. And agreed on joint 50-50 with me having placement. She has no overnights till she can have a place that has a seperate bedroom for the boys. Right now the boyfreind has a roommate and lives in a two bedroom duplex. And is layed off and has worked 5 days since dec 5th. We have the ne-vo in a couple weeks. Wife has no lawer and I have asked her to sign off house. MY house ws bought from inheritence from my grandmother. And I will sign off for her ssi 20,000 worth in march..I also told her I would pay off her truck and keep insurance on it till than or she sells it.. I will pay the last 2 years off property taxes, the 1400 in bills for house she said were paid. And pay on the accident I had 2 years ago. She walks free...She still thinks she needs more...I told her if you want any part of this house witch means I have to get a loan against it. I will take her to court... I have all bad texts saved in my e-mail and all facebook pages printed from aug to 2 weeks ago when she finally blocked my brother....BRing it on wifey...would rather have my retainer money back and have some kind of comuncation for the kids sake. but thats on her. 2
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