flyby Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 I'm a female in my 20's. A guy broke up with me 4 weeks ago because we "didn't have enough hobbies/interests in common". I tried NC for 3 weeks and I felt I had moved on. Then one day I was feeling so lonely, felt I needed him, I needed a guy to care about me. I caved in and texted him. We texted back and forth. It was apparent that he just wanted to be friends. And I didnt want that. So I begged, begged through text for him to take me back. For two days of texting begging him. And he made it so clear that he doesnt want to get back together. So that was yesterday... And I'm certain we'll never talk/ text again. Certain. But what upsets me is how ashamed/guilty/ embaressed I am at myself for the begging. I know he wasn't a great guy at the end of the day, so I'm confused as to why I still care. I know the basic advice, keep yourself busy, be around your friends more, meet more guys, etc. But I dont think I can move on right rnow. I'm too hurt and rejected. Rejected big time. Is there any advice for someone like me?
veggirl Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Hey, you don't need to move on "right now". Give yourself some time! How long did you date? Maybe it would help you if you wrote down a list of why he wasn't a great guy, when you miss him and whatnot you can look at that. Whatever you do, DO NOT contact him. You begged and yes that is embarrassing, now you need to pick up your pride and never ever ever do that again. Don't apologize for it, pretend it never happened, noooooo texting him. Post here instead. You don't need a guy to care about you, what about your girl friends? They are a lot more understanding than dudes are anyway, esp about a broken heart! You still care cause it hasn't been very long and you were attached to him. It's normal. Delete any emails / texts / whatever you have from him and block him on fb etc.... don't put yourself in any position to see anything from him.
Own Worst Enemy Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 It's done and you can't undo it. What you can do is to take the lesson from it, and remember how you feel right now. Write down ten words if you think you need it - when my friend did something similar, she'd have said: ashamed, angry, hurt, disappointed, humiliated... but also slightly relieved. Secondly, it sounds to me as if this is more about you than it is about him. This won't stop it hurting right now, believe me my own situation is all about me and it still hurts like fiery hell! But if you can explore why you are clinging on, you will learn stuff that might help you next time. Finally... Hugs. All this is so awful.
Author flyby Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 Hey thanks for the responses. I'm really grateful for the support right now. Veggirl, we were only together 3 months.... Prettyyyy pathetic of me
veggirl Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Hey thanks for the responses. I'm really grateful for the support right now. Veggirl, we were only together 3 months.... Prettyyyy pathetic of me Awww it's not pathetic! Sometimes the quick relationships are harder to get over cause they never truly got going, they never got out of the honeymoon "theres so much potential" stage. In a way you lose the "what might have been" ya know? you're usually in the middle of a high of the relationship when it's taken and your shot down...its understandable!
Nightsky Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 That's kind of hot that you begged so much. If I was on the fence all the begging would have one me over. Can you give me some examples of how you begged. Anyways don't be to humiliated.
Author flyby Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 Veggirl, thanks that really helps. I guess what I'm really stuck on is getting over the rejection and humiliation somehow
LostOne1 Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Veggirl, thanks that really helps. I guess what I'm really stuck on is getting over the rejection and humiliation somehow you'll get over it soon and then you'll laugh at yourself for begging. I was in your spot.. I begged a lot, cried, sent her a card, video etc... I think it helped a bit, but personally.. I wish I had gone NC after the BU and told her I wanted space too and to break up. Because honestly.. I can't believe I begged and fought for her... and in the end she still felt nothing. She said she cared and that was it... I was fighting for something that probably wasnt there anymore. And the begging well I think it;s a natual response from a person. But now I learned my lesson NEVER to beg. NO ONE should have to BEG at all for love. If someone loves you they show it and if they don't they DON'T deserve your time and energy. Which is why I laugh at myself for begging. I was so caught into my emotions I didn't let my brain work and my respect kick in. I mean I SHOULNDT have to beg her at all. I'm a decent guy, and I'd have no problems finding someone who is WILLING to work for my love and energy. So don't waste your engry and time on someone, who doesn't want it and doesn't deserve it. Life is to short to be crying over someone. Give it a few weeks and you'll feel how I feel. More relaxed and you learn and laugh at your own mistakes. Then you will realize there is A LOT more to life than to feel rejected or humiliated. Trust me that phase will go away and it will be just a little embarrassing from your own thoughts, but you;ll laugh it off and move on with life.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Hey thanks for the responses. I'm really grateful for the support right now. Veggirl, we were only together 3 months.... Prettyyyy pathetic of me Hell, the relationship that brought me here was less than that. Don't feel bad. Like veggirl said, sometimes the breakups of those are more cathartic because it was all awesome prior to it. Longer relationships almost always have some sort of drama and fighting before they break, but the shorter ones are usually completely awesome before they go south and it seems like there's no rhyme or reason to it. I still have pangs for the one I had even though I've been broken from it longer than it existed. I feel like a complete goof due to that, but this woman got me in a way no other woman, even in longer relationships, did. That being said, I haven't talked to her in 2.5 months in any way, shape or form. When I feel weak and want to contact her, I go through a checklist of reasons why that'd be a bad thing. I don't want to contact her because she basically tucked and ran when I had a moment of weakness (I got drunk and was scared about my feelings for her so I took a burn, so to speak). I don't want to contact her because if she gave a s--t, she'd contact me. I don't want to contact her because I shouldn't be chasing her. I don't want to contact her because I'm not a consolation prize (I've heard from others with access to her that she misses me but she thinks she can do better). I don't want to contact her because she has a self-destructive streak and would probably hurt me if we did get back together. I recite those things and boom, I keep NC.
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