hermom Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 I'm sure this has been posted before, as I have been reading through post for a little while trying to get some insight. My situation is this. I have been with my husband almost 20 years. Our marriage has been very rocky to say the least especially in the early years. There has been a lot of abuse some physical but mostly verbal, this started with him but now I have become very defensive and angry toward him as well. We have one child together. I care about him but honestly do not think I have ever been in love with him. I believe the years of fighting and many back and forth seperations has only tainted what feeling I do have. I feel like I am angry all the time because I dont feel complete and happy in this marriage, but I am also very scared to leave because he is a good father and everyone tells me it could be worse. I have met another man and have been talking to him for almost a year. The affair has been physical on a few occassions. I'm also carrying a lot of guilt for this as well so I dont need judgement just some advice. I am trying to decide rather to stay with my husband mainly for our daughters sake or to explore my feeling with this man that I love. I never thought I would be a person to be unfaithful, but I believe that years of fighting and negative actions has turned me against my husband. We fight all the time. I do know its time to make a decision because I cant go on like this. I just feel like if I do leave everyone is gonna hate me.
Summer Breeze Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 I'm sure this has been posted before, as I have been reading through post for a little while trying to get some insight. My situation is this. I have been with my husband almost 20 years. Our marriage has been very rocky to say the least especially in the early years. There has been a lot of abuse some physical but mostly verbal, this started with him but now I have become very defensive and angry toward him as well. We have one child together. I care about him but honestly do not think I have ever been in love with him. I believe the years of fighting and many back and forth seperations has only tainted what feeling I do have. I feel like I am angry all the time because I dont feel complete and happy in this marriage, but I am also very scared to leave because he is a good father and everyone tells me it could be worse. I have met another man and have been talking to him for almost a year. The affair has been physical on a few occassions. I'm also carrying a lot of guilt for this as well so I dont need judgement just some advice. I am trying to decide rather to stay with my husband mainly for our daughters sake or to explore my feeling with this man that I love. I never thought I would be a person to be unfaithful, but I believe that years of fighting and negative actions has turned me against my husband. We fight all the time. I do know its time to make a decision because I cant go on like this. I just feel like if I do leave everyone is gonna hate me. Think how much everyone's going to hate you if you get caught instead. Instead of staying for your daughter's sake why don't you leave for the sake of all 3 of you. Explore what you need and want to, let him have some truth and let your D know that sometimes things happen and you both are doing this because of the two of you, not her. And I'm a believer in telling your H. If you leave do it the right way and tell him what's gone on. 1
Cali408 Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 If you are going to leave the marriage, leave because you don't want to be married anymore. Don't leave for someone else. It will only hurt you more in the divorce proceeding. Separate and be on your own don't go to another lover.
Pierre Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 I'm sure this has been posted before, as I have been reading through post for a little while trying to get some insight. My situation is this. I have been with my husband almost 20 years. Our marriage has been very rocky to say the least especially in the early years. There has been a lot of abuse some physical but mostly verbal, this started with him but now I have become very defensive and angry toward him as well. We have one child together. I care about him but honestly do not think I have ever been in love with him. I believe the years of fighting and many back and forth seperations has only tainted what feeling I do have. I feel like I am angry all the time because I dont feel complete and happy in this marriage, but I am also very scared to leave because he is a good father and everyone tells me it could be worse. I have met another man and have been talking to him for almost a year. The affair has been physical on a few occassions. I'm also carrying a lot of guilt for this as well so I dont need judgement just some advice. I am trying to decide rather to stay with my husband mainly for our daughters sake or to explore my feeling with this man that I love. I never thought I would be a person to be unfaithful, but I believe that years of fighting and negative actions has turned me against my husband. We fight all the time. I do know its time to make a decision because I cant go on like this. I just feel like if I do leave everyone is gonna hate me. There are three reasons to immediately end a marriage: ABUSE, AFFAIRS, and DRUG ADDICTION. If you check any of these three you should end the marriage. 1. You said: There has been a lot of abuse some physical but mostly verbal, (ABUSE) 2. You said: I have met another man and have been talking to him for almost a year. The affair has been physical (AFFAIR) In summary you meet two out of the three criteria to end the marriage. Hopefully your OM single?
RickFox Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 So do you feel that it is in your daughter's best interest to see the phyiscal abuse and witness the verbal abuse as well? This is the man you want her to model her expectations in what to look for as she gets older? Forget about your Affair partner for now, you need to do what's best for you daughter and in my opinion, that's to get the Hell out of dodge and teach her to love herself and not accept any type of abuse by any man. When she comes to you later and tells you her bf hit her in the face, are you going to tell her 'it's okay sweetie, that means he loves you.' ?
Realist3 Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 If you are going to leave the marriage, leave because you don't want to be married anymore. Don't leave for someone else. It will only hurt you more in the divorce proceeding. Separate and be on your own don't go to another lover. Not really so. In this day and age affairs rarely have any affect on the Court or its decisions.
Pierre Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Not really so. In this day and age affairs rarely have any affect on the Court or its decisions. Are you a lawyer? Do you live in the state of Maryland? This how it is in Maryland: How Maryland Defines Adultery According to Maryland law, "adultery" is voluntary sexual intercourse between someone who is married and a person of the opposite sex other than the adulterer's spouse. The sexual act must involve penetration of the vagina by the penis, although it is not necessary to prove that the act was completed. What sexual acts are not considered adultery in the state of Maryland? Cunnilingus and fellatio, which fall under the definition of "sodomy," per state law. Neither act is considered adultery for purposes of filing for a divorce. Proving Adultery to the Court When it comes to proving adultery during divorce, there's no need for a spouse to catch his wife doing the deed--circumstantial evidence suffices. The injured spouse need only prove that his wife and her lover were inclined to commit adultery and had opportunity to do so; and that they were both together at a time and place that afforded them a very personal tête-à-tête. Public displays of affection between the illicit lovers--hand-holding and kissing--provide evidence of inclination, while proving that the lovers entered a hotel together shows opportunity. Savvy spouses who mean business in the courtroom hire an objective third party--a private investigator--to provide evidence of a spouse's affair. Adultery: The Possible Outcome An adulterous spouse who gets caught with his pants down in Maryland risks his financial status and his children's company. In this state, adultery may be a factor that persuades the court to award an injured spouse alimony. Additionally, it can also be considered when awarding custody of a couple's children if the court determines that the adulterous affair had a harmful affect on his well-being. Read more: Maryland Divorce Laws on Adultery | eHow.com Maryland Divorce Laws on Adultery | eHow.com OP should be careful. The last thing she needs is adultery as the reason for divorce.
carhill Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Welcome to LS How old is your daughter? If you never loved your husband, or were never 'in love' with him, why did you marry him? Have you ever been alone? Have you and your husband ever been to marriage counseling? If there was not another man involved, would you consider filing for divorce tomorrow as a serious option?
promises Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 You can survive without an abusive partner, and you may stop your child from entering into an unhealthy partnership.
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