Men and communication

[clairehud]

So there is this guy. But there is some problem obivously because I am on this forum asking for advices.

Its hot and steamy, romantic, passionate, we are both crazy for each other.

He moved to another time zone not so long ago. We keep in touch mostly online. He changed his job and he is stressed out and busy

Am I doing something wrong? I am the one who keeps communication alive since he is gone for last month. I am not annoying him with some possesiveness or anything, I'm playing it cool all the time, sending some fun or normal texts just to ask how he is. Besides those texts, maybe I push it too much with sexual context too. We do communicate, he is there, he always replies to me in minutes.

 

To be honest, I've never gave him chance to miss me. Now I'm ignoring him since weekend, I know its only tuesday, so there is not much of ingorance from my side:eek:

I think I cannot change, that is the saddest part. Is it wrong if a girls tries to keep communication everynow and then.

The more you grow up, the more you realise it we are not in highschool anymore to count who called who first and how many times, right?

 

If he is crazy for me I think he doesn't think I'm some pushy woman, he'd like that, right?

I gave him a way out of this all indirectly few times and he never took it, he is still there. He could walk away, but he didn't. Instead he claimed different things. I think the problem is in me and that I need to calm down. Wait untill next week, show him I have my life too and then start being more romantic and give him a call. Maybe I'm giving him wrong signs. I think sexual things spoiled it even if he is really thrilled when we talk about it.

Edited December 11, 2012 by clairehud

[clia]

Its hot and steamy, romantic, passionate, we are both crazy for each other.

 

Are you sure?

 

I am the one who keeps communication alive since he is gone for last month.

 

Has he initiated any communication with you at all in the past month?

 

I am not annoying him with some possesiveness or anything, I'm playing it cool all the time, sending some fun or normal texts just to ask how he is. Besides those texts, maybe I push it too much with sexual context too. We do communicate, he is there, he always replies to me in minutes.

 

How often are you texting him?

 

To be honest, I've never gave him chance to miss me.

 

This is not good.

 

Now I'm ignoring him since weekend,

 

Has he attempted to contact you since the weekend?

 

Is it wrong if a girls tries to keep communication everynow and then.

 

This doesn't sound like every now and then. This sounds like the "relationship" would not even still be going if you weren't texting him all the time.

 

If he is crazy for me I think he doesn't think I'm some pushy woman, he'd like that, right?

 

If he is crazy about you, he would be initating communication.

 

I think the problem is in me and that I need to calm down.

 

I think you need to sit back and see if he ever contacts you again, and stop worrying about when it would be okay to call him. It sounds to me like you've done enough to keep the fire burning. Let him have a chance now.

[clairehud]

How often? I dont know. Couple times a week. I am not defending him but I never gave him a chance to miss me as i said above.

Yes, he did initate it few times. But how can you tell it in a conversation when its chat that keeps going, lol. Someone keeps questioning other one answers and so on its what we do both.

Yes, I should be strong and not get tempted. I told him before exactly what I want in an email. But he never replied to my questions he just became more softer and initiative. I told him i dont tolarate guys who are playing games and that i feel his actions speak louder then his words. That he changes. Since i didnt got my anwer. I didnt even mention him that he has a new email or anything about it. I played cool.

I should sit back and wait. When he asks me what is wrong I wills mention my email and be honest. Srsly its hard not to get tempted when you are in love and just playing hard to get

[clairehud]

I mean my biggest question in all this am I insane for getting neurotic if my guy and I dont communicate for more then 3 days? How long people tolerate this...

[veggirl]

I mean my biggest question in all this am I insane for getting neurotic if my guy and I dont communicate for more then 3 days? How long people tolerate this...

 

Is he your boyfriend?

 

He should want to talk to you every day. Obviously you guys are on very different pages here. Why don't you ask him about how often he would ideally like to communicate and tell him how often you want to?

 

Why is it all texting / online? Do you talk on the phone? Plans to visit etc?

 

No you're not "neurotic" you are just noticing that he is clearly not as into things as you are.

[clia]

I mean my biggest question in all this am I insane for getting neurotic if my guy and I dont communicate for more then 3 days? How long people tolerate this...

 

I hate to break it to you, but if he has gone 3 days without contacting you, he is not crazy about you.

 

I am not defending him but I never gave him a chance to miss me as i said above.

 

You are defending him and making excuses for him. If you truly are only contacting him twice a week, that leaves five other days for him to contact you, and gives him plenty of time to miss you. Apparently he hasn't done so. He also hasn't talked to you since the weekend.

 

I told him i dont tolarate guys who are playing games and that i feel his actions speak louder then his words.

 

What actions? It doesn't sound like he's done anything except respond to your texts. So what? It takes three seconds to respond to a text message. Has he suggested visiting each other or has he called you? I'm getting the impression that he has not.

 

I'm sorry to be blunt, but he is not into you.

[clairehud]

By actions I mean that everytime I told him to f....off he keeps coming back more and more.

No i don't call him because of our time zone, I'm at work. When I come back home he is at work.

I think its over from my side, but he will come back I'm telling you.

I did it more then 2 times a week, every other day

[veggirl]

By actions I mean that everytime I told him to f....off he keeps coming back more and more.

No i don't call him because of our time zone, I'm at work. When I come back home he is at work.

I think its over from my side, but he will come back I'm telling you.

I did it more then 2 times a week, every other day

 

Why don't you find a new boyfriend, one who lives locally and puts in equal amounts of effort.

[clia]

I think its over from my side, but he will come back I'm telling you.

 

When HE contacts YOU, please let us know. Your initating a call or text to him and his responding is not him coming back to you.

[clairehud]

Why don't you find a new boyfriend, one who lives locally and puts in equal amounts of effort.

 

He is strange, he was the one putting effort when we were together, I didn't do a single thing! When he left I realized I was in love, so I started to keep the communication alive since he want us to meet soon, at least he said it before he left.

Yes, I need to put myself back on my feet, stop living in a fantasy. Get out and keep myself busy.

All I can say is MEN! I just don't understand why doesn't he leaves me alone I think I made it clear to him about that and he keeps coming back.

As I said he will be back, but this time I will not reply to him couple of days. Then I'll call him, no texts ever!

[clairehud]

When HE contacts YOU, please let us know. Your initating a call or text to him and his responding is not him coming back to you.

 

Oh, yes I will let you know! You are right, that doesn't mean he is coming back to me. But also he shouldn't say things like how much he misses me and all that crap.

[veggirl]

Oh, yes I will let you know! You are right, that doesn't mean he is coming back to me. But also he shouldn't say things like how much he misses me and all that crap.

 

Like I said, why can't you ask him about this stuff? Tell him you need more communication or its not gonna work for you?

[Ami1uwant]

Is he your boyfriend?

 

He should want to talk to you every day. Obviously you guys are on very different pages here. Why don't you ask him about how often he would ideally like to communicate and tell him how often you want to?

 

Why is it all texting / online? Do you talk on the phone? Plans to visit etc?

 

No you're not "neurotic" you are just noticing that he is clearly not as into things as you are.

 

 

Coming from a guy----absolutely not.

 

Lets not confuse the early stages of a relationship and later stages when the guy starts to relax.

 

I am not going to call my girlfriend every day if I wasnt seeing her face to face. I d rather save conversations for times when there was somethign to talk about.

[Ami1uwant]

Oh, yes I will let you know! You are right, that doesn't mean he is coming back to me. But also he shouldn't say things like how much he misses me and all that crap.

 

 

How long was this relationship going before he moved?

 

Out of sight, out of mind...

[clairehud]

Like I said, why can't you ask him about this stuff? Tell him you need more communication or its not gonna work for you?

 

 

I think I will do that but only if he makes a huge effort from his side. He will contact me, I know. Its hard when some chick gives you attention whole time and then nothing at all I dont regret anything what I did even if i was pushy!!!

If he is a total jerk the guilt for hurting my feelings will be on his side.

[clairehud]

Coming from a guy----absolutely not.

 

Lets not confuse the early stages of a relationship and later stages when the guy starts to relax.

 

I am not going to call my girlfriend every day if I wasnt seeing her face to face. I d rather save conversations for times when there was somethign to talk about.

 

Its early, really early stage. Thats why I am confused,but as I said I never got him a chance to miss me or to put his moves on me since he is away. He really didnt need to make any effort

[clairehud]

Like I said, why can't you ask him about this stuff? Tell him you need more communication or its not gonna work for you?

 

I'm replying again to the same quote Because I've just realised what I will do!!! I'll give him 2 weeks of silence, whether he contacts me or not. I'll call, if he doesn't calls me back or something. I will be honest and email him. I'll tell him exactly how I feel and be honest.

 

I think I'll tell him how I don't wont push things at all so that he doesn't get me wrong. But that I just have this urge to tell him that I'm a bit crazy for him and that its odd how I've never felt anything like that in my life and that its scarying me a lot on moments. That I just can't help it. That I'd like to see him soon as he said he would come, but that I think he doesnt like me at the same level because he never calls me and that I just want him to be completely honest with me and that i won't get mad or something whatever he says. And I'll tell him thats it was wrong to purse someone so much you like them and then just pretend they are busy

 

I think its not desperate

Edited December 11, 2012 by clairehud

[FitChick]

Don't you have another thread about this exact problem or am I dreaming?

[clia]

Seriously?

 

Because I've just realised what I will do!!! I'll give him 2 weeks of silence, whether he contacts me or not. I'll call, if he doesn't calls me back or something. I will be honest and email him. I'll tell him exactly how I feel and be honest.

 

If you don't hear from him in two weeks, you have all the answers you need. There is no need to send him an e-mail begging him to answer your questions.

 

I think I'll tell him how I don't wont push things at all so that he doesn't get me wrong.

 

Can’t you see that it is pushing things to e-mail a guy who hasn’t contacted you in two weeks begging for communication?

 

But that I just have this urge to tell him that I'm a bit crazy for him and that its odd how I've never felt anything like that in my life and that its scarying me a lot on moments. That I just can't help it.

 

Oh, this won't scare him at all.

 

That I'd like to see him soon as he said he would come, but that I think he doesnt like me at the same level because he never calls me and that I just want him to be completely honest with me and that i won't get mad or something whatever he says.

 

Why do you need him to confirm this? Watch his actions! He isn't calling, he isn't texting, he isn't initiating anything with you. That is honesty! Do you need him to write you a book? When a man doesn’t contact you for two weeks, he isn’t interested. I guess you have nothing to lose by sending an e-mail like this, though, other than that he will think you are a crazy person.

 

And I'll tell him thats it was wrong to purse someone so much you like them and then just pretend they are busy

 

It's entirely possible his feelings simply changed for you, or that once he moved away he didn't want to deal with a long distance relationship. You said the relationship is new. How new? It's normal for a guy to pursue a bit and then cool off. It will happen to you many more times.

 

I think its not desperate

 

You would be wrong.

[MrCastle]

I don't understand what the end game is here. Let's say he comes around and you communicate more--he's still in another time zone. Long distance relationships aren't real relationships.

 

Stop torturing yourself emotionally by chasing something you can't have. If you want a boyfriend, look locally.

[clairehud]

Thanks everyone for replies!

I think I made a huge mistake by posting my story on forum to the strangers because all you get it pissed off comments like dating is so simple, you just cut someone off and go next day to other date and find yourself perfect boyfriend by the end of the week. Life or love is not that simple! Maybe it is for someone who had no limits.

 

If anyone is interested...I told him everything in a nice and a cool way.

We worked out on those issues. He is interested in me. He simply doesnt want to go away from me or leave me alone.

 

I can't change him or the way he acts underpresaure, stressed out with his new job. What I need to do is to sit down and think about what I want and if I can accept him the way he is. Because people don't change.

I will know by time. I think I've got answer to my question and everything that bothered me so much.