She called me at 12:30am

[jwhite]

She's definitely immature enough to pull something like that. Last month I tried being civil and she kept insulting me through texts saying things like, "Yeah well I've been meaning to dump you for a while" "You're really not that great" "My friends did say all of those things, and I think they were right" "This is why we aren't friends :)" (she told me this when I told her I didn't appreciate what she did to me)

 

I got the same responses. Just hurtfull crap words.

 

You know what though? Ill just tell you how I think these poeple are.

 

One day I was at the beach with my freinds and my ex. There is a lot of people who drink at this particular location and it gets pretty crazy. I was just laying down having a beer when I noticed that a fight was brewing. There must have been 10 or so guys just beating this one guy down. This lasted a godd 2-3 min. I wanted to run over there and help but I froze, nobody helped him anyway. Now that I look back on it, if I could relive that situation again, I would have helped and thrown some haymakers, and if I got beat because of it, so be it.

 

The reason I speak of this story is because I think that, at least my ex and from what you have told me yours too, are like those people who beat down that guy. They just join in when the beatdown takes place, just to be a part of what is "cool". These people are easily swayed by the ones who they percieve as "cool". When in all reality, they are weak. I tried the whole hero complex, as I am sure you did too putting up with this girl who will always want more, but it never worked for me.

 

I see it like a wave. A wave of humans who go with the flow of the general direction of the average human. The average human that will never solve its own problems, have any morals, real self worth, or be of any use to anybody else. Just in it for themselves. Well f*** 'em.

 

It helps me that I can classify my ex as being like that because it lets me think I have a greater purpose because I am not like that. I dont hurt others for pleasure, personal gain, or social gain. I dont think I ever could, but yet I have to exist with or even date them. So thinking like this gives me greater value and I can hold my head up high. You should do the same. Maybe take some of the advice that others suggested as far as your response to her goes too.

 

The people who were great and we remember in history, are not the average person who goes with the flow, but the ones who go against it and fight to show it.

[Treasa]

na49, I replied in your other thread:

 

You have to put yourself in a position of indifference.

It's as I've quoted (quite a bit, actually) recently - "It's the person who cares the least, who controls the most."

 

You could call her, and simply say: "What is it you want?"

 

And if she hesitates, or prevaricates, or starts off with, 'nothing, I just....'

 

then you just - hang up.

 

Be in control. Don't get suckered into any form of dialogue where you are not going to be the sole beneficiary of her input.

 

Seriously, just add it to your signature. LOL

 

I do love that, though. My grandma told me those very words two years ago, and she was SO RIGHT.

[Treasa]

Kraft, you're gonna give this kid an ucler...now, he's probably looking at a calendar....

 

OMG, made me literally LOL

[na49]

That's so true jwhite. She really was just beating me down because it was convenient, her new "friends" knew what was best for her so she just put me down with them. For no real reason.

 

One part of me wants to call her and just find out what she wants. Even though I know already.

 

The other part of me doesn't want to because I don't need her telling me something that will set me back. This whole thing is setting me back enough lol.

[cavalier99]

When confused STAY NC. Then deal with what comes up in class ...if anything. Over and Out.

[flitzanu]

you've got a phone from the modern 21st century. you have VOICEMAIL ON YOUR PHONE.

 

if it's that important, she'd leave a message.

[ponette]

i agree with flitz here..do NOT take the bait. keep your mouth shut and let miss thing TELL YOU what's so important.

 

i do find it odd that she's calling you so late at night. keep your silence.

[na49]

That's true lol. Well I haven't gotten any messages from her today. She's either given up, or was just having a bad day yesterday and wanted to talk to me. Thursday should be interesting..

 

It is kind of strange that she didn't tell me what she wanted to speak to me about. I honestly don't know what it could be besides friend zone/her feeling guilty/making sure I don't hate her.

[fancy feast]

Don't bother calling her. Ace your finals, then go play video games for a month.

[Simon Phoenix]

When confused STAY NC. Then deal with what comes up in class ...if anything. Over and Out.

 

Exactly. If you don't know how to approach it, then don't approach it unless you can't avoid it. Plus, this girl cheated on you. Even if she wanted to get back (she doesn't), why would you even entertain such an idea? I say do not contact her. If she corners you in person, be polite but direct and short.

[na49]

I hate how because I'm almost expecting a followup text from her today, I'm checking my phone every 10 minutes and have my phone on vibrate so I know right away. I liked it better when I thought she was completely done with me and wanted NOTHING to do with me.

 

I'm happy that I haven't called her, who knows? She probably just had a bad day and needed someone to cry to. She realized how there I was for her so she figures "why can't he be there for me as a friend? I mean I am ME after all, I'm friends with everyone and everyone loves me because I'm so nice. My new friends are so cool! I don't know what I'd do without them!" Well guess what? You're not all that and your "friends" are jerks. If they were so there for you, why'd you need to call me/bother me yesterday?

 

Well I'd better study for finals.

[cavalier99]

I hate how because I'm almost expecting a followup text from her today, I'm checking my phone every 10 minutes and have my phone on vibrate so I know right away. I liked it better when I thought she was completely done with me and wanted NOTHING to do with me.

 

I'm happy that I haven't called her, who knows? She probably just had a bad day and needed someone to cry to. She realized how there I was for her so she figures "why can't he be there for me as a friend? I mean I am ME after all, I'm friends with everyone and everyone loves me because I'm so nice. My new friends are so cool! I don't know what I'd do without them!" Well guess what? You're not all that and your "friends" are jerks. If they were so there for you, why'd you need to call me/bother me yesterday?

 

Well I'd better study for finals.

 

Dont feel bad. Feel good! You didnt jump to text or call her like a doormat and showed strength and resolve. See how much better you are than a month ago. This is just another step in getting over her.

 

Its probably somewhat annoying to her. But im sure she isnt torn up..you shouldnt be either.

[TaraMaiden]

you've got a phone from the modern 21st century. you have VOICEMAIL ON YOUR PHONE.

 

if it's that important, she'd leave a message.

 

Shoot, good point.

 

Damn. Why didn't I think of this??

 

 

[flitzanu]

Shoot, good point.

 

Damn. Why didn't I think of this??

 

 

 

you're slacking!

[TaraMaiden]

No, it's ok, I looked it up.

Apparently I was just letting my "Yang" side express itself.....

 

[na49]

I do realize how much better I've done this past month. Getting texts from her still gets me to have unrealistic expectations and think that she wants something that she doesn't. I still haven't gotten any messages so I guess it really was just a bad day for her yesterday and she wanted to bother someone. If she wanted to speak to me, she would try a little harder than a text and a call so late at night. I wouldn't want to call her and have her get her fix. Part of me just wants to text her and ask what she wants but I know I shouldn't.

[Simon Phoenix]

I do realize how much better I've done this past month. Getting texts from her still gets me to have unrealistic expectations and think that she wants something that she doesn't. I still haven't gotten any messages so I guess it really was just a bad day for her yesterday and she wanted to bother someone. If she wanted to speak to me, she would try a little harder than a text and a call so late at night. I wouldn't want to call her and have her get her fix. Part of me just wants to text her and ask what she wants but I know I shouldn't.

 

What you have to ask yourself is why do you have these expectations? She cheated on you. Even if she did want more for whatever reason, why would you consider such a thing?

[na49]

What you have to ask yourself is why do you have these expectations? She cheated on you. Even if she did want more for whatever reason, why would you consider such a thing?

 

I have asked myself that question and I think it's not that I want her as much as it is that I feel lonely at times and during those times I think of her and how great she was instead of focusing on the person who she is now. The person who demonized me to her new friends and abused my trust.

 

I feel better when she isn't contacting me, and just when I feel like I may get a little closer to moving on, I get a text. The text yesterday was probably the worst yet because I knew that it was directed to me and not just a random "hey". The call at 12:30 that I missed, didn't help me forget about anything either.

[Simon Phoenix]

I have asked myself that question and I think it's not that I want her as much as it is that I feel lonely at times and during those times I think of her and how great she was instead of focusing on the person who she is now. The person who demonized me to her new friends and abused my trust.

 

I feel better when she isn't contacting me, and just when I feel like I may get a little closer to moving on, I get a text. The text yesterday was probably the worst yet because I knew that it was directed to me and not just a random "hey". The call at 12:30 that I missed, didn't help me forget about anything either.

 

You need to value yourself. While I understand being lonely and having those thoughts, she betrayed you. That's a red flag and a dealbreaker. No need to put up with or tolerate that. That's just as much a part of your former relationship as the good times -- you can't just dismiss the fact that she hooked up with someone else.

[na49]

You need to value yourself. While I understand being lonely and having those thoughts, she betrayed you. That's a red flag and a dealbreaker. No need to put up with or tolerate that. That's just as much a part of your former relationship as the good times -- you can't just dismiss the fact that she hooked up with someone else.

 

She was freaking holding hands with him while she was still with me! (did it when I wasn't around of course) Still wearing the necklace that I gave her, the necklace that was a symbol of OUR relationship! She also stayed up all night talking to him after I went to bed. Nothing says I should want her back. If I did take her back there's no way I would ever trust her and trust is important for relationships to work.

 

You're right, I really do need to value myself more. I can't lose sight of what she did towards the end of the relationship because that's more recent than any of the "good times" that we had. Not having to see her much if at all after Thursday will help too.