She called me at 12:30am

[na49]

If you didn't see my thread from last night, here it is for some backstory.

 

Link

 

Well I keep my phone on silent for my own sanity, hearing it vibrate and feeling like it might be her drives me insane. Well the past two times it has been. I wake up this morning, check my phone. See a missed call. From who? Could it be my brother? My mom or dad? My friends? Nope. From her!

 

She told me yesterday that she wanted to speak to me. Now is calling me late at night. She must want to talk about something. I still can't figure out what. The stupid side of me thinks she wants to get back together, but my brain is telling me "don't get your hopes up, she probably just wants to make sure you don't hate her and has no interest in dating you again"

 

Do I keep ignoring her cries for attention? Or should I just figure out what it is that she wants?

[Treasa]

Ignore her. I read your thread from yesterday. You aren't her emotional tampon. Let her go crying to her new boyfriend.

[na49]

That must be what this is about. She must be having boy problems and wants to talk to me about it. I actually told her not to talk to me about this type of thing anymore, that she should go talk to her other friends (the new friends who she demonized me in front of) she told me that her new friends were better than me anyway. Really? Are they now?

 

I blocked her last night, saw her profile picture but didn't snoop around her profile. I did see there was a guy in her profile picture. If I assume that's her boyfriend, why isn't she talking to him? If I was that guy I wouldn't want my girlfriend talking to her ex. (something she went ahead and did anyway when we were dating)

 

I'll keep ignoring her. This is tougher than I thought though.. I really REALLY want to know what she wants. but know if it is something that doesn't benefit me I'll feel horrible for breaking NC and giving her an ego boost.

[Treasa]

Exactly. And in the unlikely chance she wants to tell you that she totally screwed up, is a completely changed woman, etc., she'll try a lot harder to contact you.

[na49]

Exactly. And in the unlikely chance she wants to tell you that she totally screwed up, is a completely changed woman, etc., she'll try a lot harder to contact you.

 

Do you really think she will? I mean maybe she's going to give up because I'm not responding. I guess I'll find out if she really wants to talk to me if she follows up and tries again today. Maybe yesterday she was having a bad day and needed a shoulder to cry on. (I can't be that shoulder anymore, sorry)

 

In what situation SHOULD I respond to her? Is there any at all?

[NavyAirTraffic]

Exactly. And in the unlikely chance she wants to tell you that she totally screwed up, is a completely changed woman, etc., she'll try a lot harder to contact you.

 

This is truth. When my ex tried to come back I told he to leave me alone, never contact me again but she wouldn't quit. Even showed up at my door. If she wants you back, she will make sure that you KNOW IT!!

[itsmyfault]

I read that you see each other at school?

 

Mate, If she wants to be with you she only has to go to your house or confront you at school. If she doesn't have the guts to or doesn't want to then she doesn't want you back, she wants a shoulder to cry on, an ego boost.

[Chi townD]

LOL! She probably called because she discovered that you turned around and blocked her after she took the time and effort to unblock you. She's probably pissed.

 

It's becoming very apparent that she is going to contact you one way or another and it's probably going to happen Thursday before or after class. Personally, if I was pulling a good grade in that class and it being so close to the end, I would just skip it if it really wouldn't affect your overall grade.

 

But, if you have to go. Try to get out of there before she has a chance to corner you. But, if it happens that she does approach you and there's no clear and fast route out of there, then your conversation should be short and to the point. Almost a business like fashion. Have standby answers to the questions that you KNOW are going to come. Here are a few examples:

 

Her: "why haven't you returned my calls?"

You: "What would be the point? Plus, I don't understand why you would even want to talk to such an evil person as you described me to your friends. Really didn't make any sense." Say this in a "a matter of fact" tone and not in anger.

 

Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."

You: "Yeah, I'm hurt but I'll heal. It's not the end of the world."

 

Her: "I really miss you. I miss our friendship."

You: "You had my friendship and a lot more, but that wasn't enough. Look, you made a choice and it wasn't me. So, I'm not exactly sure what you what here."

 

Her: I don't want to lose you out of my life completely. I want us to be friends."

You: "I didn't get into a caring and loving relationship with you for the end result being that I am nothing more than a really good friend to you."

 

 

You get the idea and I'll guarantee you're going to here one or more of those statements from her. It's damn near textbook for a cheater that has some guilt.

 

So, think about it and have a good response ready. But, personally...I would just skip class.

[na49]

You guys are awesome. Thank you so much for everything.

 

I don't NEED to go to the class I guess. We're just taking the final and leaving, my grade isn't terrible but I wouldn't mind getting a better grade. I don't know if she could realistically get me to wait for her after class. I commute to school, she dorms. I worried about not being there all the time before we started school, and me not being there all the time is what got me burned in the end. Well, that and my trust..

 

Any other examples of conversations? Is it really that likely that she'll talk to me on Thursday? She's one of the last people to get to class, I'm usually one of the first. By the time she gets there, most of the class is there already and I'm chatting up her two friends who sit in front of me. Then of course she interrupts me and starts talking to them.

 

I'm curious to see if there's any followup today. If she really wants to talk to me, she'll keep trying, I need to go take a final later today, gotta make sure my phone is turned off during that LOL. If I don't get any response, I'll know it's nothing that I want to be bothered with. I honestly feel like she does want to be my friend and hates the fact that one of her ex boyfriends doesn't like her. She's friends with almost all of her ex boyfriends and uses them for moral support. Even the ones who treated her like garbage. (the one before me, who emails her telling she's a crazy b*tch)

[Chi townD]

Well, if thursday is the final, then you need to go to it. That's important. I know that the finals I give are worth one letter grade and I don't want you to screw that up. No girl is worth screwing that up.

 

It's always been said on here, that if they are truely sorry and they want to get back together; they know where you live and they'll take the time and effort to go to your place.

 

After what you said about her and her relationships with her Ex's, I'm thinking "friend zone".

[na49]

Well, if thursday is the final, then you need to go to it. That's important. I know that the finals I give are worth one letter grade and I don't want you to screw that up. No girl is worth screwing that up.

 

It's always been said on here, that if they are truely sorry and they want to get back together; they know where you live and they'll take the time and effort to go to your place.

 

After what you said about her and her relationships with her Ex's, I'm thinking "friend zone".

 

Well she lives kind of far away, so I don't know if she'd be capable of coming to my house. She also hasn't got her license yet. You're right, it probably is friend zone. Which I want absolutely no part of. What you said in my thread yesterday is probably true, she's running out of time to get me in the friend zone, and after this week she won't be able to know what I've been up to. It's now or never for her. She also can't stand the fact that someone doesn't like her and doesn't think she's "nice". She is definitely that insecure.

[TaraMaiden]

na49, I replied in your other thread:

 

You have to put yourself in a position of indifference.

It's as I've quoted (quite a bit, actually) recently - "It's the person who cares the least, who controls the most."

 

You could call her, and simply say: "What is it you want?"

 

And if she hesitates, or prevaricates, or starts off with, 'nothing, I just....'

 

then you just - hang up.

 

Be in control. Don't get suckered into any form of dialogue where you are not going to be the sole beneficiary of her input.

[yessy21]

Ignore ignore ignore.

[Chi townD]

As always, I think Tara is right. I thought better on it and I also concluded that you might want to call her to find out what she wants.

 

Normally, I wouldn't agree with this, but given your situation I think it would be wise because you're in the middle of finals and your focus should be with your exams and not about what she wants to talk to you about. It's becoming a distraction to you now.

 

If you talk to her and you discover that it's "friend zone" BS. Then, get off the phone. THEN! You can focus on your exams knowing that "friend zone" was all she was interested in. Then, thursday you can focus on the test and not wondering how you're going to get out of there. You already know what she wanted to talk about and that's that.

[na49]

Hmm.. you're probably right. Do you think I should only call if she calls me again today? Or should I call her tonight? I think it would only make sense to call back if she tries to get my attention again, or does that not make sense? I'm almost positive it's friend zone BS. So when I find out it is, you think I should just hang up? I honestly have no idea what to say to her right now if I did talk to her.

[cavalier99]

Bottom line whatever she says i would leave quickly and confidently and probably wouldn't say more than a sentence or 2 like ChiTown D recommended if even that, and leave.

 

IMO It may be more comfortable to just listen calmly a little bit and say:

 

"There isn't anything to talk about I need to go" and just blow her off.

 

That way you don't get stuck agreeing to something she says accidentally or hearing something you don't want to know, in spite of good planning.

[Chi townD]

Hmm.. you're probably right. Do you think I should only call if she calls me again today? Or should I call her tonight? I think it would only make sense to call back if she tries to get my attention again, or does that not make sense? I'm almost positive it's friend zone BS. So when I find out it is, you think I should just hang up? I honestly have no idea what to say to her right now if I did talk to her.

 

Personally, I wouldn't hang up, but I would get off the phone as tactfully and quickly as possible. Remember, she's trying to ease her own guilt. Don't give her a reason to do so. Let her have her guilt. Let her learn a lesson that if your treat people the way she treated you, there are consquences to her actions. If you yell, argue, be rude or blatantly hang up. You're giving her permission to ease her guilt. "Well, if he's going to act like that, I'm glad I got rid of the douche rocket."

 

Just have an exit excuse ready to use before you call her. "opps! The dog puked on the floor! I gotta go!" click....

 

And don't worry about what YOU have to say. She's wanting to talk to you, you don't have to say crap.

Edited December 11, 2012 by Chi townD

[na49]

I think that's definitely what she's trying to do. Wouldn't ignoring her, keep her from easing her guilt too? I shouldn't call her unless she tries to contact me again right? I need to have a plan in mind for any situation, I don't want to get sucked into her nonsense and tell her I miss her.

 

For all I know yesterday could have just been a bad day for her, today she may be feeling great and getting a call from me would just give her an ego boost where she could tell me "leave me alone" or some BS like that. She's definitely immature enough to pull something like that. Last month I tried being civil and she kept insulting me through texts saying things like, "Yeah well I've been meaning to dump you for a while" "You're really not that great" "My friends did say all of those things, and I think they were right" "This is why we aren't friends :)" (she told me this when I told her I didn't appreciate what she did to me)

[Chi townD]

Well, it's your call on what you want to do and with what you're comfortable with. This is just an advice forum and not the letter of the law.

 

Whatever you choose to do or not to do, people are here to support you. and with those texts she sent you definately confirms to me that she easing her guilt. Those are cold as hell.

[na49]

Well, it's your call on what you want to do and with what you're comfortable with. This is just an advice forum and not the letter of the law.

 

Whatever you choose to do or not do, people are here to support you. and with those texts she sent you definately confirms to me that she easing her guilt. Those are cold as hell.

 

Well those were sent over a month ago. Not recently.

 

I'm having a hard time figuring out what the advice on calling her is. Do you think I should call her some time today even if she hasn't sent any followup? Or do you think I should wait to see if she contacts me again?

 

Or maybe should I text her first and ask her what she wants? So confusing...

[golk]

I wouldn't text first because shell probably just have a text conversation with you. If u can come off as cool and confident and indifferent, it'd b better to talk to her on the phone. But I agree with everyone else, if its really taking a lot of your focus away, find out what she wants quickly then get out. DON'T get your hopes up though. Remember indifference .

[Chi townD]

My advice is that if this affecting your school work and if it's affecting your studies, then I would call her. If it isn't, then forget about her. Finals aren't something to screw around with, and if this is becoming a distraction to you, then remove the distraction. I'm a firm believer on doing and being your best with your education.

 

If you feel that you can be better focused on your exams if you confirm that it's friend zone bullsh*t. Then, I would just call her and you don't have to say much at all.

 

"You left me a text and two phonecalls. What do you want?"

 

If she says she was hoping to get together over coffee and talk you can say,

 

"Not possible I'm knee deep studying for my Chemistry final on friday. So, what's up? What's so important?"

 

Your dictating the terms of the conversation. You're calling the shots and trying to get to the heart of the subject and not delaying the conversation for a later date.

 

If she says, "You know what? Nevermind." Then, hang up! friend zone crap was coming your way. If she starts throwing those jabs at you like those texts you wrote because you won't play by her rules, hang up. Friend zone crap again.

[KraftDinner]

Unless she's pregnant with your baby, I can't imagine any reason to be in contact with her at all.

[na49]

As much as I would love to say that it isn't affecting me, I think I'd be lying. It is affecting me, not that I want it to. I'm positive it's friend zone BS but the fact that I've been watching this thread like a hawk looking for advice for the past hour tells me I should probably call and just find out what she wants to "speak to me about"

 

I should just listen to whatever she says and tell her I have to go when she's done? I don't really know what to say to her, so I don't want to say something stupid.

[Chi townD]

Kraft, you're gonna give this kid an ucler...now, he's probably looking at a calendar....