StephenM0 Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Disclaimer: A lot of this may be incoherent and rambly. The past 6 months or so have been pretty crazy, and my emotional bearings are mostly shot. I'm a bit confused, and talking with some people would be helpful. I can't afford to see a therapist, so LoveShack.org it is. Ok. This past July my ex ex-girlfriend ended our relationship. One day, things were great. Not perfect, but great. We were both still living with our parents, which at 24 and 25 kind of sucked, but we were saving for a house. You know, planning on signing a mortgage, talking about marriage, all of that stuff. We both wanted it. We were both happy with each other. Things were going great. Until one day, they weren't. She hadn't been happy for a while. She was frustrated with the living situation. She was "scared she was missing out on something better". She wanted to be young and 24 and not committed. Basically, "here's your stuff. Bye." No talking about things. No working through whatever she was feeling together. No together. It just ended and that's it. Alright. So it was pretty awful for a while, obviously. But things started getting better. Did the healing stuff, went full no contact, and basically got to the point where I missed the idea of her more than I actually missed her. Like the companionship thing. I could see pictures of her with another guy and not break down. I wasn't praying that every time I got a text or a call it'd be her. I wasn't thinking about her constantly. I was good. And then, four months later, she calls. I expected that about as much as I expected the breakup. We talk for a while, agree to hang out, talk some more, and after it seemed like that was our second final goodbye, we ended up getting back together. It's been a month since all that happened. This is what I've wanted the entire time, right? This is what everyone that gets dumped wants. And it's been pretty awesome. It's been a little bumpy, as there's a lot of stuff we needed to work through, but we basically picked up where we left off. Which is great. Mostly. So, it wasn't just, hey let's jump right back into things. I mean, when you end things the way she did, it's never going to be that easy. I initially doubted her reasons for coming back. I moved out a few months after we ended, and her finding this out is what compelled her to call. So my thinking was, ok she's upset and is just now really starting to deal with the breakup. We've all been there. You throw logic and reason out the window, and just want to make the pain go away. I mean, she could have called at any point over the 4 months we were broken up and made things work. She could have actually discussed everything before going nuclear and ending it. But she waits until now? She made it clear that she's been really upset the entire time. She realizes she made a huge mistake. I brought up the "finding something better" stuff and her wanting to be single, and she assured me the breakup was mostly because she thought I wasn't taking us and our future serious. Telling someone I want to spend the rest of my life with them isn't something I take lightly, but she thought I was just saying that. Whatever. I trust her. I trust that she genuinely realizes she messed up, and she genuinely wants to make that right. I trust that I'm not her backup plan. I trust that she really does want all of the future stuff with me. That's not the issue. The issue? I'm 99% sure I want it with her. When we ended, I told her we were special, and I really felt that. Still do. Not in an "OMG I'M NEVER GOING TO MEET ANYONE ELSE" kind of way. Because I know I can. What we have/had isn't common, and I'm fully aware of that and all it means to me. It's just... I still kind of resent her for what happened. And the way it happened. Like just walking out without even talking about it. Like pretending to be happy for weeks (months?) without saying anything when you really weren't. Then just... nothing. Like I have this primal, vindictive desire to hurt her back. Which I can absolutely do now. It's not always there. But every now and then, I just feel like I should. And I'm still really bothered by the fact that she was dating other people. There was at least one guy that she was seeing for a few months. Like meet all of her friends and stay at her apartment type seeing. She said it was just casual, and she did stop talking to him for me basically, but still. I dated too, so it might be a little hypocritical, but she wanted that. At any point she could have called if she was so upset, and missed me so much, but she chose to see other people instead. I know she ultimately chose me. She ultimately realized what she had, and made the effort to get it back. Most of the time, I'm really happy with how things turned out. I just have these periods where I doubt it. Where I'm not sure if I made the right decision. Where I get that sick feeling to my stomach thinking about her with other guys. Is this normal? I'm kind of just anticipating it going away with time. I don't know. So, yeah.
ladyhawk553594 Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 I know it might be hard and maybe a little bit uncomfortable, but you need to tell her these feelings that keep coming up. Maybe don't mention the whole wanting to her back thing, but be as honest as possible. She needs to know that what she did to you was unacceptable and that if it were to happen again, that you aren't going to be standing on the sidelines waiting for her. I think she realized that she wasn't missing out on anything and she's lucky to have a guy like you to take her back, but don't let her think of you as a doormat. Have a long talk with her about how committed she is to your relationship, what she wants for the future, and how she hurt you. Good luck!
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