Javabear Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 My ex left our perfectly healthy relationship almost three months ago because he had feelings for someone else (and I think there are other reasons too: he's 21, college is ending soon, life is getting real etc.). You can read my other posts for a more detailed story, but I have a question about a specific incident. When he first told me about this other girl he said he liked her but he didn't want to because he loved me and wanted to be with me. He said he did not want to break up. A week later, he said he did. We spoke again a few weeks later after we were officially broken up and I asked him if he was dating the new girl. He said he told her that he had feelings for her and I asked if she liked him back and he said she didn't say anything but he thought that she did. However, he said he wasn't going to pursue anything until he knew I was okay with it. (WHAT?!?!) The last time we spoke via email a month ago he said that he had moved on from our relationship but he had not reached "100%" because of me. He said he knew that I still had feelings for him and that I might never be over him so he said he was not completely, totally moved on because he wanted to wait until he knows I'm okay. Can someone translate all of this weirdness? If he left me because he liked someone else, shouldn't that just be it? He's a nice guy, we were together for a long time, but clearly he wasn't really in love with me or he would have tried to work it out with me instead of bailing. So, if he's over it and has moved on, why not just go all the way and date this girl? I know he has reservations because they work together and it's frowned upon to date colleagues and also, all of his friends are on my side in all of this and they don't approve of the new girl. His actions of leaving me after three wonderful years out of the blue indicate that he has turned into a very selfish person, so why is he holding back to wait until I'm "okay?" HELLO. I am NEVER going to be okay with what he did. I will move on, sure, but giving up on a perfectly healthy relationship with someone who loves you more than life without at least trying to work it out is unforgivable. What's his deal?
movingon12 Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 He wants your blessing so he can date her without feeling guilty, and so he can tell his friends that he's not being a selfish ******* because you said it was ok, and he wants everyone to know that he was right to leave you, because obviously you think he should date the new girl, and he wants to prove that he's a considerate and caring person who would never hurt somebody. He wants you to absolve him of all guilt. I would suggest NC. You don't need to make him feel better, but going on a rant will just put you into crazy-ex territory which is no better. Don't get involved.
Author Javabear Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 I actually told him a couple times that it was okay with me for him to date her. I was his first girlfriend and he has no other point of reference. I am so confident in what our relationship was and I want him to experience other people. However, he told me (in the same email where he said he wasn't "100%") that they had planned one date but he cancelled it because it was on what would have been our 3 year anniversary and the only thing I asked of him was that he not do anything with her on that day. As of right now they're not publicly dating (in fact, I'm not even sure they're dating at all) and he hasn't mentioned anything about being with her to his best friend.
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