I feel physically sick when I think about it :(

[Darren From England]

Firstly I apologize if this drags on to much, I have no one to speak to about it

I need to get it off my chest and hopefully get some advice

 

I am 38 my EX is 20, I know there is a big age gap

I am however a very very young looking 38 year old

I am usually took for about 26

I am also tall, blonde and good looking ( Not Bragging )

Just being factual and it will be more relevant later in the message

I work as a Doorman ( Bouncer ) at my local Nightclub, which is where I met my EX, that spark was just there, on both sides ( I THINK :/ )

Prior to getting with my Ex I was with a girl who broke my Heart so badly

it took me 10 years to risk giving it to anyone else through fear of being hurt again ( If I only knew ) I am a very loyal, kind man even though it would be very easy for me to play the field, I believe that life itself is a compromise but I can't compromise my heart, I was looking for my Princess, and I felt she was

She came back to mine and stayed with me for 6 days

( I NEVER EVEN TRIED TO HAVE SEX WITH HER DURING THIS TIME )

On the 7th day her mother was back in town and she wanted to meet her

She also wanted to go to the clinic with her in town

Her mother is an Alcoholic and Heroin Addict she informed me

However she is actually a really nice person

the first Alarm bell was about to sound, she was supposed to ring me when she wanted picking up, 7 o clock came and nothing so I rang her and she was in some drop out Pub drinking, in fact she was drunk, I said listen I will drop your stuff off, I went to her and she was crying her eyes out begging me not to end it, I had really fallen for her so I agreed, she later that night told me that she has a drink problem, and her drinking from that day just seemed to get worse and worse, I loved her, cared about her and drove myself mad worrying about her sometimes, I would say that out of 4 weeks she was with me 2 and her mother two, when with me she was such a special little personality, I could do nothing but love her, and her life story is a really sad one, she had been in care homes most of her life, was separated from her brother at 12 years old, was born a Heroin Addict due to her mother been an addict, and had to be weened off it, she was raped by her father, beaten by all her ex partners, strangely the one before me was 47 maybe she was looking for somewhere to stay who knows, but as I was not some balding, fat, ugly old man I don't think this applied to me, ( I THINK :/ ) I treated her like my Princess as I thought she was I was perfect with her

I was there for her emotionally, physically, I could not have done any more than I did for her, Now when she was with her mother she would drink, and drink, and drink and drink, from waking up to going to sleep

As well as smoking pot and popping sleeping tablets

Her drinking started to get worse and she was in hospital 4 times in a month due to her drinking, I was there every time for her

I held her hand whilst the doctor injected her with morphine

I helped her with her urine sample in the toilet, I held her hand during her Anxiety attacks, I lit her tea candles when she had a headache

I did everything, no man could have done more, or have been more of a partner than I was, she had never had anyone like me before, and she told me this on many occasion's even her mother used to say to her

Grab him with both hands and never let him go you will never get another man like Darren, both her and her mother used to comment on how Pretty I was

I AM JUST EMPAHSIZING THE POINT THAT I WAS NOT SOME OLD SMELLY TW*T THAT DID NOTHING AND THAT SHE WAS USING

She displayed signs of jealousy, and on more than one occasion

She always told me she loved me loads, she always kissed me before bed

Sex was fine, she was attracted to me and I her

She loved introducing me as her "Fella" to whoever she knew

now the the sad road to the end, she was on one of her drinking binges again and she had been gone about 5 days and she begged to come back

and for me to give her one more chance, I agreed and picked her up

the next day she was off drinking again, her mother left her later that night and she ( My Ex ) rang me telling me she is going to throw herself in front of a car, so I ask where she is and go and collect her, she is hysterical in the car

crying and shouting, anyway when we get home she starts grabbing knifes and threatening to kill herself, I had to restrain her she was punching herself and pulling clumps of her hair out, in the end I get her to agree to us going for a drive, she said she want to talk to my mother so we went there and she breaks down again crying and stating that I deserve better and that she loves me to bits, ( SHE HAS A LOT OF DEMONS ) she also has anger problems

Moving on a couple of days she disappeared, no one could find her,

she was back in hospital, the Police had found her semi conscious with her arm cut, I went to the Hospital and she had Alcohol poisoning and they deemed her a self harmer, although she never cut her arm it was some Low Life lesbian she had befriended from one of the pubs

She came back to mine and I looked after her, AS I ALWAYS DID

and she vowed to sort herself out, a week or so passed and she was back drinking again, and in hospital yet again, this time however not totally drink related she sat back and hurt her spine ( albeit while drunk ) I went up and she was in a state again, this time however I noticed her distance, I sensed something was not right with her in relation to me, the doctors told her that she had a miscarriage ( We never planned for baby ) but still not a nice thing to happen, she wanted dropping off at her mothers on the way home, little did I know that I would never spend another night with her again, she avoided me for a week, and then after I asked her what is up she said she is moving away and that she was sorry, her family was taking her away to help her sort her life out, although I was sad I was also happy that she would be sorting herself out, I must reiterate that I was the most perfect man any woman could have asked for, I treated her like Gold, never let her down, and was always there for her, Her own mother used to tell me time and time again that I am to good for her and that she is only used to Low Lifes that beat her up, anyway she left the day before my birthday and although I held back the tears I was a broken man, I loved this girl with every beat of my heart, even with her problems, when she got where she was going she was texting me telling me she loves me loads x 10 and that she can't wait to see me etc etc etc, she sent me a beautiful birthday Card, and also asked if I would top her phone up for her ( I had told her I would before she went ) and she said she would put the money in the bank the next day, she never did put the money in the bank :/ then 2 days later she starts acting differently towards me

She started posting things on Facebook that I thought was insensitive to me , two days later she dumped me by text, and not a very nice text at that, she was moaning because I rang her auntie at a ridiculous time

( Early Morning she had worked a Night shift ) I never knew this

I felt as though I had been hit by a train, utter confusion, I had done NOTHING WRONG AT ALL, it transpired that she had been hanging around with a coke dealer girl up there and that her Auntie had given her a right bollocking for it, not sure weather I got the backlash, I never begged or pleaded with her regarding the breakup even though I felt I had died inside, I simply told her to apologies to her auntie for my ringing when she was in bed and that I care for her and hoped we could remain friends, I got no reply

we never spoke on facebook but one night after work I posted that I was very successful at work tonight and that it must have been my aftershave or something, the next day she changes her relationship status to single, even though the day before she changed her location without changing her relationship status, the following Saturday I posted a picture of my name in Graffiti and some cute girl on my Facebook starts to comment on it and is flirting with me ( I am sure she was online ) when I get in from work she had blocked me and all my family on facebook and changed her mobile number

It was OK for her to post things like ( Going out on Saturday Whoop Whoop )

but I never did anything, maybe her blocking me was just coincidence I don't know, anyway the big problem is that she has a Mobile Phone to pay for that I got her out of my Catalogue and now there is no way to ask her to pay, I did send her a recorded letter to the address she is staying

( I never mentioned the phone ) but it was signed for not in her name.

To think that this Girl whom I love, and who ALWAYS proclaimed to love me would not only dump me, by text, after all that I had done for her and helped her with, and steal from me, and cut me out of her life is very crushing

I have a problem with her behavior, I know I only knew her for 4 months but it does seem so out of character to be honest, and advice or insight into her behavior from some kind ladies would be greatly appreciated :/ I am very confused, and hurt, I just don't get it, why on earth did she block me on Facebook and my Family when no one ever tried to contact her there, nor did we say bad things about her, then I think if she had plans to shaft me with the phone why wait 5 weeks to do it :/ this emotional artillery has me in a very dark place I hope someone can advise me (

 

Darren x