Dkp Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 (edited) Oh boy... Here I go again. I don't blame you guys if your tired of my stupid post. I know im being very desperate and pathetic and dumb at this point. I broke no contact after 5 days.. Basically saying I didn't want to end it ugly he agreed and said he didn't even want to stop talking to me.. But I just didn't want to keep talking to him because I questioned everything he did because I don't trust him after he cheated and did all this to me. I just want him to tell me " I'm done with her I'm so sorry for everything I did I just want to be with you and do everything in my power to make things right and gain your trust again. That is all I want I hear but he is still saying he's going through personal issues that he had to deal with. In other words I don't want to be with you anymore idk if he's trying not to hurt me by flat out tellin me idk why he won't. I'm losing it I got myself a beer and cigarettes and I'm just going to sit on my patio and listen to depressing music and stare at my phone hoping he will contact me. Smh someone punch me. I'd rather feel that pain than this pain in my heart. Texted him this morning saying whyyyy why do you choose her over me.. He said that that is not the case and they are not talking that way I don't believe him so I'm back to day 1 nc still just as hurt. I can't make him love me. : ((( Edited December 11, 2012 by Dkp
NavyAirTraffic Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Put the alcohol down, it's WAAAYYY to early in your recovery!! Alcohol fuels your emotional/irrational mind and dulls out your rational brain. You're simply not ready for alcohol, you need to be very clear minded during this early stage. Nothing we say will work and you know that!! You're pining for a cheater who's with someone else. You won't allow yourself to listen to reason right now. You'll see after your 15th broken NC, or when he cheats on you for the 10th time. That's when you'll get sick of being hurt, decide you've had enough of this torture, and jump off the emotional roller coaster. 5
suladas Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Contacting him just hurts you more, have to be strong and avoid it, everytime you break NC you're just hurting yourself. Why would you want to be with a cheater anyway? I agree with the alcohol part, it made me feel better while I was drinking, but after much worse, it's not a good idea. 2
Author Dkp Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 Put the alcohol down, it's WAAAYYY to early in your recovery!! Alcohol fuels your emotional/irrational mind and dulls out your rational brain. You're simply not ready for alcohol, you need to be very clear minded during this early stage. Nothing we say will work and you know that!! You're pining for a cheater who's with someone else. You won't allow yourself to listen to reason right now. You'll see after your 15th broken NC, or when he cheats on you for the 10th time. That's when you'll get sick of being hurt, decide you've had enough of this torture, and jump off the emotional roller coaster. It didn't make me feel better.. I don't know why I don't have any strength
Simon Phoenix Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 You really need to value yourself. This sucks to be quite honest. The dude is a serial cheater yet you are jumping through hoops for him. Pretty sad. 3
cavalier99 Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 If you can go like 3 weeks NC the insanity addiction will be much more controllable and you will still be suffering but will be able to think more clearly. Then keep on doing NC. Right now you are like a alcoholic/addict. Put down the pipe. Start with one day. Soon enough you'll be at 3 weeks and it will be better. 1
NavyAirTraffic Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 You really need to value yourself. This is it. You lack self value and until you start believing that you deserve better than a cheating/lying SOB, you won't make much progress and nothing we say will help. It might come with time. You're dealing with the cold blade of rejection right now, feeling as you're not good enough for someone, "why'd he choose her over me?". As you begin to think clearer, you'll start to remove his positives from this god like pedestal you have them on. That's when you'll see what we see, a low class dirt bag not worth another second of your time.
Darren From England Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 (edited) I feel your pain darling I really do, even writing this reply to you the pain in my stomche is unbearable, I want to run away from my pain but I have nowhere to run to escape it, my EX dumped me by text, then blocked me on Facebook and changed her Mobile Number after moving 5 hours away from me, I have the added emotional artilary of she owes me £200.00 for a Mobile Phone I got her yet she has dissapeared :/ so I have the pain of thinking she has possibly stole from me after I was such a Gent for her, always there emotionally, I could not have been a better partner, I treated her like a Princess, never did anything wrong, and am a good looking guy, I sometimes think I am loosing it, it has been over two months now, the pain is just so bad, I have started smoking again, and just sit doing nothing, I know I must motivate myself, what I found helped the pain subside was writing a letter as though you would post it to them, I did in fact send her a letter recently ( I had to find the address myself ) and it was signed for ( Recorded ) in another name even though I am 90% certain she is there, " She never replied " and it was a beautiful, heartfelt letter, I mope from room to room shaking my head thinking how did I end up here when I was 100% perfect, the last I heard from her before she dumped me by text was "I love You To" then two days later DUMPED, remember honey that what you are feeling there are others feeling the same horrible feeling's and emotional artillery, at least you have contact, you have a good chance of getting back together I think, just give him space to miss you, this would be my advice to you, my situation however is sad and hopeless I just don't get it I really really can't get my head to understand why she treated me so shabbily, I feel like an old pair of trainers thrown to the Kerb side keep your chin up and if you need to get anything off your chest I will try to help you. Love & best wishes from England x Edited December 12, 2012 by Darren From England
youngnlove89 Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Take it from me...I've broke NC about 47 times and each time NOTHING CHANGED! And as much as I want to break NC right this minute, the only thing from stopping me is realizing that the other 47 times I broke it IT DID NOTHING FOR ME. If my ex and I would have stopped talking the first time, it would have already been a year by now. ONE YEAR! I would have been so over him. Same for you sweetie, the more times you come back to him, the longer it is going to take for you to move on with your life. I know how you feel more than anyone else here, it has been 9 days today and I'm sitting here with a bottle of wine and watching "Desperate Housewives" and checking to see if he is online every 5 minutes! It sucks!! MAJOR! and it will hurt. But it will hurt more if you break NC. This guy clearly only see's you as an object. Listen, I have learned from my own feelings that if you really like someone that person will let you know. Take yourself for example, you would do ANYTHING to have back right now because you love and want him. Loving and wanting someone makes you move mountains. Is he moving mountains?
na49 Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 You don't come off as very attractive when you are begging and pleading him to come back. Surprisingly minding your own business long enough WILL make him wonder about you. I thought my ex was completely done with me, until yesterday. after a month of NC she texts me that she wants to "speak to me if that's at all possible" she followed it up by a call at 12:30am. No response to either. Your silence will do all of the talking for you. You obviously won't really listen until you give up the hope your hanging onto. but as long as you realize what you're doing wrong you can learn from it.
suladas Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 Breaking NC is for sure the worst thing to do. Sure I got more "closure" and some answers but it opened the wound again and brought back a lot more hurt again and again. I was at like 2 1/2 months and doing really well should of never looked back. As far as them missing you or whatever, get that out of your head to. Assume they don't. Assume they are happy without you. Assume they don't even think about you anymore. Because guess what? There is a chance that is the truth, and you need to just forget them and move on. 1
Author Dkp Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 I feel your pain darling I really do, even writing this reply to you the pain in my stomche is unbearable, I want to run away from my pain but I have nowhere to run to escape it, my EX dumped me by text, then blocked me on Facebook and changed her Mobile Number after moving 5 hours away from me, I have the added emotional artilary of she owes me £200.00 for a Mobile Phone I got her yet she has dissapeared :/ so I have the pain of thinking she has possibly stole from me after I was such a Gent for her, always there emotionally, I could not have been a better partner, I treated her like a Princess, never did anything wrong, and am a good looking guy, I sometimes think I am loosing it, it has been over two months now, the pain is just so bad, I have started smoking again, and just sit doing nothing, I know I must motivate myself, what I found helped the pain subside was writing a letter as though you would post it to them, I did in fact send her a letter recently ( I had to find the address myself ) and it was signed for ( Recorded ) in another name even though I am 90% certain she is there, " She never replied " and it was a beautiful, heartfelt letter, I mope from room to room shaking my head thinking how did I end up here when I was 100% perfect, the last I heard from her before she dumped me by text was "I love You To" then two days later DUMPED, remember honey that what you are feeling there are others feeling the same horrible feeling's and emotional artillery, at least you have contact, you have a good chance of getting back together I think, just give him space to miss you, this would be my advice to you, my situation however is sad and hopeless I just don't get it I really really can't get my head to understand why she treated me so shabbily, I feel like an old pair of trainers thrown to the Kerb side keep your chin up and if you need to get anything off your chest I will try to help you. Love & best wishes from England x All the way from England?! I'm from Las Vegas.. It kind of makes me feel better that there are other people going through the same not that I wish this on anyone!!! I'm sorry you had to go through that thank you for the kind supportive words. It really sucks when you thought the world of someone and they can easily take you out of their world as if you never existed. It hurts... I hate this feeling I don't think he misses me I haven't seen him in over a week it's the longest it's been.
Author Dkp Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 Take it from me...I've broke NC about 47 times and each time NOTHING CHANGED! And as much as I want to break NC right this minute, the only thing from stopping me is realizing that the other 47 times I broke it IT DID NOTHING FOR ME. If my ex and I would have stopped talking the first time, it would have already been a year by now. ONE YEAR! I would have been so over him. Same for you sweetie, the more times you come back to him, the longer it is going to take for you to move on with your life. I know how you feel more than anyone else here, it has been 9 days today and I'm sitting here with a bottle of wine and watching "Desperate Housewives" and checking to see if he is online every 5 minutes! It sucks!! MAJOR! and it will hurt. But it will hurt more if you break NC. This guy clearly only see's you as an object. Listen, I have learned from my own feelings that if you really like someone that person will let you know. Take yourself for example, you would do ANYTHING to have back right now because you love and want him. Loving and wanting someone makes you move mountains. Is he moving mountains? I know!!!! I regret breaking NC but when I initiated I hadn't really made the decision to cut him off it was to have him come back to me so it was pointless and when he didn't come back this time didn't call it drove me even more insane. I still don't m ow if I'm at that point yet. I text him last night and he gave me some bull**** story about him doing a soul search and deep cleansing within himself. I didn't respond and he hasn't contacted me.. Like I don't understand how you say you care and love me but like you said he's not moving mountains. he knows I'm over here dying in my misery and he doesn't give a damn. It just hurts!!! That I wasn't worth it to him. whyyyyy
Author Dkp Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 You don't come off as very attractive when you are begging and pleading him to come back. Surprisingly minding your own business long enough WILL make him wonder about you. I thought my ex was completely done with me, until yesterday. after a month of NC she texts me that she wants to "speak to me if that's at all possible" she followed it up by a call at 12:30am. No response to either. Your silence will do all of the talking for you. You obviously won't really listen until you give up the hope your hanging onto. but as long as you realize what you're doing wrong you can learn from it. Yes your right... I look so damn desperate and I'm not ugly! ( not being conceited) but I know what I have to offer and I know he doesn't deserve me.. I know I need to just shut up and accept it and move on it sounds so easy to do but it's not!!!! I'm not goin to break NC tho. Obviously he doesn't care.
Author Dkp Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 Breaking NC is for sure the worst thing to do. Sure I got more "closure" and some answers but it opened the wound again and brought back a lot more hurt again and again. I was at like 2 1/2 months and doing really well should of never looked back. As far as them missing you or whatever, get that out of your head to. Assume they don't. Assume they are happy without you. Assume they don't even think about you anymore. Because guess what? There is a chance that is the truth, and you need to just forget them and move on. Ive been doing that.. Thinking the worst playing scenarios in my head and another thing I've been dealing with is dreams!!! Oh those hurt because they feel so real I wake up crying!! I know I should use them as fuel! But I'm so stuck at this point I feel like I keep getting worse and worse
Author Dkp Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 This is it. You lack self value and until you start believing that you deserve better than a cheating/lying SOB, you won't make much progress and nothing we say will help. It might come with time. You're dealing with the cold blade of rejection right now, feeling as you're not good enough for someone, "why'd he choose her over me?". As you begin to think clearer, you'll start to remove his positives from this god like pedestal you have them on. That's when you'll see what we see, a low class dirt bag not worth another second of your time. I feel like I am at a stand still. Idk why this is so difficult for me to let go!!! I'm really letting this tale over my life when will I reach that point? : (
Darren From England Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 From England indeed ( lol ) A week is nothing DKP, give it 3-4 weeks, I have been dumped twice, and the dumper once so I know it from both sides, and as men we usually wan't what we can't have, IT IS 5.18 am here and I am still up looking on Google trying to find out why she treated me the way she has :/ it is like an obsession I will one day wake up and think Naaaaaaaaaaaaa no more I am just not sure when, they say that Men take break ups worse than women as we can't deal with things emotionally, I can confirm that I am struggling I think if we all stick together we will be OK, I am so not looking forward to Christmas and New Year ( I Hope It Is Raining ) mind you I do live in England so it is to be expected, we will all reach a Point where it does not monopolies our daily life any longer, and we are all getting closer to that day every time we get over another day, time for a Cup Of Tea now, keep your chin up girl we are on this journey together xx
Darren From England Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 The point that you want to reach is getting closer to you every day DKP I promise, although I am still in severe pain I am better than I was, I could not even come home when she initially left, there are memories everywhere it took me over a month to sleep in my bed, I used to sleep on my couch keep kicking, you, I, and all the other Dumpee's on here will eventually get there x
Simon Phoenix Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 I feel like I am at a stand still. Idk why this is so difficult for me to let go!!! I'm really letting this tale over my life when will I reach that point? : ( Because you are addicted. You know this guy is a piece of s--t yet you devalue yourself for him. You know it's bad, but you are an addict. I even asked you what you liked about him and you couldn't answer. Yet here you are basically acting like his puppet. There's really no upside to you contacting him. He'll either a) ignore you or blow you off or worse b) take you back just to screw you over again. The definition of insanity is repeating the same negative activities hoping for a different result. I don't think you are insane.
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