Billyjo Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 I don't want to get into too many details, but basically dumper broke up with me because I didn't treat her well. Told me she was heartbroken and that she will probably always love and care about me but that it just wasn't right how I've been treating her. I was completely understanding of her feelings and apologetic offering to do anything to try and repair things but she said right now she has to worry about herself and hopes we can have a healthy friendship in the future. A few weeks later she seems to be going through the angry stage where she gets snappy with me and tells me how I never cared about her etc etc. So with that I decided to do NC, which was working perfectly for 2 weeks until she messaged me FLIPPING OUT about a couple things, which I don't want to go into too much detail about, but she said I wasn't "telling her anything" and it was shady.It's like DUH isn't that what you wanted? She also made some snide comment about how she knows I'm living in a beautiful new apartment...like she expected or wanted me to be miserable in some sh*thole. She said she wishes she had never been nice and she was just going off crazy but it made no sense..it was like she just wanted to be angry for the sake of being angry. Can anyone understand where she might be coming from because I was left downright perplexed?
jags2bowl27 Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 sounds like she wanted to yo beg your way back and it back fired... some people amaze me 1
Author Billyjo Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 sounds like she wanted to yo beg your way back and it back fired... some people amaze me The thing is I would, I miss her terribly and I know that I was in the wrong for a lot of the ways I treated her..but I'm also smart enough to know that if I just act pathetic and whine and cry and beg for her she'll be so turned off. What is the happy medium..where someone knows you still love them deeply but also knows you are a confident special person who can and will move on with their life if need be?
Chico333 Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 It sounds just like typical girl emotions. If you have been pretty good about no contact then she must be trying to get a rise out of you because she still obviously misses and cares for you. She probably is still mad and hurt so when those feelings came up, she impulsively texted you. She is probably angry that you seem be doing fine without her because you apparently treated her badly. She said she wishes she were never nice to you? I'm curious to what exactly you did that she wants so much vengeance on you. I am going through a similar situation except that I am the dumper and not acting as crazy. My boyfriend also treated me pretty badly and I had enough and said I wanted to cut things off. He broke down and pleaded for my forgiveness and to take him back. I love him and miss him and am considering giving him a second chance since this is the first time we have broken up and he is starting to go to counseling to help deal with his temper. When someone you care deeply about does you wrong it is a hard situation to deal with and forgive.
Author Billyjo Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 It sounds just like typical girl emotions. If you have been pretty good about no contact then she must be trying to get a rise out of you because she still obviously misses and cares for you. She probably is still mad and hurt so when those feelings came up, she impulsively texted you. She is probably angry that you seem be doing fine without her because you apparently treated her badly. She said she wishes she were never nice to you? I'm curious to what exactly you did that she wants so much vengeance on you. I am going through a similar situation except that I am the dumper and not acting as crazy. My boyfriend also treated me pretty badly and I had enough and said I wanted to cut things off. He broke down and pleaded for my forgiveness and to take him back. I love him and miss him and am considering giving him a second chance since this is the first time we have broken up and he is starting to go to counseling to help deal with his temper. When someone you care deeply about does you wrong it is a hard situation to deal with and forgive. I was basically very controlling and I guess emotionally abusive and we were together for 5 years. I have agreed with everything she said and I plan on going to counseling. It really does break my heart to think that I made her feel bad about herself. I don't want her to think that I've just moved on and don't care because that's the farthest thing from the truth but at the same time I know I won't get anywhere by being pathetic. I'm damned if I do damned if I don't. I've also noticed that she must be talking to outside people and getting their one sided perspective because she's not being completely honesty with herself. She's not admitting the times she's shoved me, broken things, thrown things etc etc and she's telling me that It wasn't part time good and part time bad, but all the time me in control. Kind of a weird comment considering when she initiated the break up she said when times were good they were the best times of her life. She just isn't making sense anymore...I almost feel like she along with other people have brainwashed her into only seeing the negative and not the whole truth.
KatZee Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 I don't want to get into too many details, but basically dumper broke up with me because I didn't treat her well. Told me she was heartbroken and that she will probably always love and care about me but that it just wasn't right how I've been treating her. I was completely understanding of her feelings and apologetic offering to do anything to try and repair things but she said right now she has to worry about herself and hopes we can have a healthy friendship in the future. A few weeks later she seems to be going through the angry stage where she gets snappy with me and tells me how I never cared about her etc etc. So with that I decided to do NC, which was working perfectly for 2 weeks until she messaged me FLIPPING OUT about a couple things, which I don't want to go into too much detail about, but she said I wasn't "telling her anything" and it was shady.It's like DUH isn't that what you wanted? She also made some snide comment about how she knows I'm living in a beautiful new apartment...like she expected or wanted me to be miserable in some sh*thole. She said she wishes she had never been nice and she was just going off crazy but it made no sense..it was like she just wanted to be angry for the sake of being angry. Can anyone understand where she might be coming from because I was left downright perplexed? Welcome to the Concert of Anger, where you now have a front row seat. I can tell you all about how this feels and what it's like to be s.hit on by somebody you loved so much, only to have them turn around and act like they never cared to begin with. She did the right thing by dumping you if you couldn't even bother to treat her right, but now she's angry. And this is NORMAL. You didn't even fight for her. Treated her like garbage when she was probably the best girlfriend to you, and you just walked without a second thought. When someone acts like you're disposable, and treats you like you're nothing, you get ANGRY. And she wants you to know she's angry. The intent doesn't have to be to get you back. I tore my ex about 15 new a.ssholes and never was my intent to get him back. I hated him. I had bent over backwards far too many times for him. I had accomodated my life for him, sacrificed for him, given so much to him for FAR too long and those days were now coming to a screeching halt and in order for me to move on I needed him to know how I felt about him. For three years I basically kissed his a.ss, pampered him, was there for him coddling him like a goddamn baby and when he acted like I was nothing? Like I was trash? You bet your a.ss I was angry. That's where your ex is coming from. I have no idea what you did to treat her so horribly, but I'm sure most of the anger is actually directed at herself but she's lashing out at you. I'm sure she's angry at herself for staying with you far longer than she should have. That's where the majority of my anger was coming from but I did have a go at my ex.
na49 Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 My ex told me she wanted to speak to me yesterday, and called me at 12:30 while I was sleeping. So afraid to find out what it is that she wants. Could she be annoyed that I haven't been begging for her to come back? Could she want to get back together? I hate not knowing what she's thinking!
Chi townD Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 I agree. She's going through the anger phase. Like, why couldn't you do this, that or the other while we were together? Why did it take us breaking up for you to start getting your act together and moving to a nice place? Another theory is she's doubting herself. Trying to draw you into an arguement so she can justify the break up in her head. "I can't believe HE yelled at ME during that conversation and after all of the BS he put ME through. You know what? I'm glad I got rid of that douche rocket. He proved he's still a jackass." See how that works?
Author Billyjo Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 I agree. She's going through the anger phase. Like, why couldn't you do this, that or the other while we were together? Why did it take us breaking up for you to start getting your act together and moving to a nice place? Another theory is she's doubting herself. Trying to draw you into an arguement so she can justify the break up in her head. "I can't believe HE yelled at ME during that conversation and after all of the BS he put ME through. You know what? I'm glad I got rid of that douche rocket. He proved he's still a jackass." See how that works? Yeah, I agree. I just wish I knew what the best thing to do is. I fear that by not speaking to her she feels like the person above said that I don't care about her and just let her go so easily and moved on ..and that is so not the case. I cry about it every single day and can't even think of being with someone else right now. But then when I do contact her she just seems angry and I know that's not leading anywhere good. What to do, what to do?
Chi townD Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Here's a dose of hard reality. You're not together anymore. You are nothing to her, and she should be nothing to you. She made a decision to have you out of her life. That is the choice that she made for herself. She fired you as a boyfriend and said your services are no longer required. You already said it yourself. Anytime you've made contact with her she seems annoyed to talk to you. So, why put yourself in that position if you know that's what is going to happen? If she ever goes off the handle because you're not talking to her. You can say, "Look, you made a choice and I wasn't it. So, I have to move on. This isn't a punishment on you because I still have feelings for you and I can't keep in contact with you while I still have these feelings. I have to heal and move on and I can't do that and keep in contact, way too many conflicting feelings."
flitzanu Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Here's a dose of hard reality. You're not together anymore. You are nothing to her, and she should be nothing to you. She made a decision to have you out of her life. That is the choice that she made for herself. She fired you as a boyfriend and said your services are no longer required. You already said it yourself. Anytime you've made contact with her she seems annoyed to talk to you. So, why put yourself in that position if you know that's what is going to happen? If she ever goes off the handle because you're not talking to her. You can say, "Look, you made a choice and I wasn't it. So, I have to move on. This isn't a punishment on you because I still have feelings for you and I can't keep in contact with you while I still have these feelings. I have to heal and move on and I can't do that and keep in contact, way too many conflicting feelings." yup, what chi said. the reason you're even dealing with this is because you're still in constant contact with a girl that dumped you. stop talking to her and stop all communication...and then you don't have to deal with it anymore. 1
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