kyle77 Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 So for those of you who aren't familiar with my situation Ill give a brief summary: I was 17 years old when I met my ex. She was my first for everything and I was her first for everything. We dated for about 10 or 11 months before we took a mutual break. We then got back together about a month and a half later and dated for another 4ish months. She then broke up with me claiming that things hadn't changed. Being my first break-up I was devastated. It has now been a year since we were together and I am still not in a good state of mind. I spent the better part of the year trying to get her back. Lately I have just accepted that my life sucks and this is just the way it is. I don't break down and cry or anything but I just feel this emptyness in my life like I am missing something. Some key ingredient that will make me happy again. I don't know if I will ever get my ex back, as badly as I want to get her back I can't rely on that. I want to gain confidence for myself and be happy for myself. I just don't know what to do anymore. Everytime I see my ex's face or even if I don't then I'll dream about her and its like I am falling in love with her again. It's like I cant even convince myself of her flaws. How do I regain confidence for myself? I use to be happy just living life before I met her. Now theres nothing I can do to get me back to that. I feel like my ex is sub consciously stopping me from meeting new girls which may actually be what I need to do. She is out of my life...we dont talk to each other, maybe ill see her once every few weeks at school but otherwise I never see her. Yet for some reason its like she is on my mind more than ever. I just dont know where to go from here...so if you know or have any questions please let me know.....
Mr Scorpio Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Lately I have just accepted that my life sucks and this is just the way it is. I don't break down and cry or anything but I just feel this emptyness in my life like I am missing something. Some key ingredient that will make me happy again. I don't know if I will ever get my ex back, as badly as I want to get her back I can't rely on that. I want to gain confidence for myself and be happy for myself. Almost everyone at one stage or another feels an emptiness in their life. Single people feel empty for lack of a companion. Married people feel empty for lack of children. Parents feel empty for lack of free-time. Seniors feel empty for lack of purpose. You certainly aren't alone. People try to fill their emptiness with a wide variety of things: career, relationships, hobbies, religion, etc. It is up to you how you want to fill your time. Be wary, however, of basing too much of your happiness on anyone thing. Relationships are transient. As you've learned, they come and go. Now, if your short-term goal is to stop thinking about your ex, then what you need to do is stop thinking about your ex. Be mindful of your thoughts and your emotions. Don't let yourself gaze into the past, mouth agape, replaying memories from that time the two of you got caught in the rain and... hey! I just told you not to think about that memory! And another thing! No looking at her face! No looking at her FB! No e-mail! No text! No frequenting places she goes. No bumping into each other! Nay!
todreaminblue Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 So for those of you who aren't familiar with my situation Ill give a brief summary: I was 17 years old when I met my ex. She was my first for everything and I was her first for everything. We dated for about 10 or 11 months before we took a mutual break. We then got back together about a month and a half later and dated for another 4ish months. She then broke up with me claiming that things hadn't changed. Being my first break-up I was devastated. It has now been a year since we were together and I am still not in a good state of mind. I spent the better part of the year trying to get her back. Lately I have just accepted that my life sucks and this is just the way it is. I don't break down and cry or anything but I just feel this emptyness in my life like I am missing something. Some key ingredient that will make me happy again. I don't know if I will ever get my ex back, as badly as I want to get her back I can't rely on that. I want to gain confidence for myself and be happy for myself. I just don't know what to do anymore. Everytime I see my ex's face or even if I don't then I'll dream about her and its like I am falling in love with her again. It's like I cant even convince myself of her flaws. How do I regain confidence for myself? I use to be happy just living life before I met her. Now theres nothing I can do to get me back to that. I feel like my ex is sub consciously stopping me from meeting new girls which may actually be what I need to do. She is out of my life...we dont talk to each other, maybe ill see her once every few weeks at school but otherwise I never see her. Yet for some reason its like she is on my mind more than ever. I just dont know where to go from here...so if you know or have any questions please let me know..... You have to accept you are not over her, and allow yourself to feel that grief...you shouldnt get out there and date if your heart isnt in it....when you have feelings for someone that are unresolved you have to work through those feelings to move on and date someone new...... if you dont let yourself feel what you are feeling you will hurt someone.......i have to keep reminding myself of this.....because i have an urge to date someone who i dont have strong feelings for and see if those feelings that arent there might grow.....my heart isnt there....like you its on someone elses face i see....and i would just wish i was with that person my heart is with....which isnt fair on a heart that might really like me or attracted to me so......a date who might have expectations of a lasting relationship...... where my heart is ......this is ironic......his heart belongs to another....its like a vanishing point......or the start of one...i will have to probably go no contact where the strong feelings lie, to get over him he isnt attracted to em at all....i just cant bring myself to do it.....heart wont let me ...so i accept that and ill just take one day at a time.......give yourself time to deal sort out and work though the feelings you have.....best of luck and the same to me i guess......hugs....deb.......
Author kyle77 Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 You have to accept you are not over her, and allow yourself to feel that grief...you shouldnt get out there and date if your heart isnt in it....when you have feelings for someone that are unresolved you have to work through those feelings to move on and date someone new...... if you dont let yourself feel what you are feeling you will hurt someone.......i have to keep reminding myself of this.....because i have an urge to date someone who i dont have strong feelings for and see if those feelings that arent there might grow.....my heart isnt there....like you its on someone elses face i see....and i would just wish i was with that person my heart is with....which isnt fair on a heart that might really like me or attracted to me so......a date who might have expectations of a lasting relationship...... where my heart is ......this is ironic......his heart belongs to another....its like a vanishing point......or the start of one...i will have to probably go no contact where the strong feelings lie, to get over him he isnt attracted to em at all....i just cant bring myself to do it.....heart wont let me ...so i accept that and ill just take one day at a time.......give yourself time to deal sort out and work though the feelings you have.....best of luck and the same to me i guess......hugs....deb....... Its just I have been doing this for over a year now....when will I be over her and ready to find someone new?
Mr Scorpio Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Its just I have been doing this for over a year now....when will I be over her and ready to find someone new? The time-frame is different for everyone. I think what Blue said about allowing yourself to feel the emotions is important. At the same time, I think it is important for you to monitor your thoughts. Thoughts create emotions which generate behavors that form habits which become your life. Neurochemically speaking, people can and do become addicted to the same counterproductive ways of thinking. Instead of thinking about when you will be over her, think about ways you can improve you. That in-turn will help you find happiness, both with yourself and potentially with a new partner. Then, the next thing you know, you're over your ex.
Author kyle77 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 It is true. I do think about my ex a lot. Subconsciously I am always thinking about her. Ill be just eating my cereal and its like Im numb to the fact that while I am eating I am actually thinking about my ex. Fantasizing about her. Recreating scenarios of us in my mind. So do you think if I try to make a conscious effort to not think about my ex will that make it easier to cope with?
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