Tiwi Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Ok so to start, my girlfriend broke up with me very recently but the reasoning seems odd. Ive known this girl for some time now, about 3 years but we never really talked much or interacted with each other, we only attended the same school. She started pursuing me about 2 months ago. I should make it clear that I had no intentions of pursuing her, she came to me. Things started moving fast- we hung out a lot and spent most our time talking via text. She came over for dinner and me my mother and her boyfriend in only a months time together. During the time we were dating things were going great. She was very intelligent an very attractive as well as communicative. She told me a lot of what was going on with her ex boyfriend from about 3 months before she started pursuing me (which was very questionable to me). Apparently he was texting her begging to get back together but she refused multiple times. I took this as a good sign of trust. She was constantly happy to see me, she told me her stressful days are always made better by seeing me. We got very intimate for a few weeks and we were together as much as we could be with our schedules being tight. When she decided things wouldn't work the reasoning was her life was leaving her with virtually no time to be with me let alone hang out. I argued we could work through it but she said she felt guilty for "having to pencil me into her schedule." she said "if I can't give you 100% we can't be together." However, as I've seen and heard from her friends she is really torn up about this. She still has feelings for me and would like to pursue a relationship but currently does not feel comfortable acting on those feelings. I have come to accept that and told her we could be friends for now. Little did I know about her relationship history. Apparently, and to put it bluntly, she has been with many people previously all of which turned out messy. She had led on many people before and to my knowledge cheated on some of her previous boyfriends. She never revealed any of this to me, only hinted at it. I was unaware of all of it until we broke up. I talked to her about whether she was just trying to make me feel better and multiple times she stated she wouldn't and couldn't lie to me. She just wants to be friends but can't tell me if she wants to revisit our relationship when she's ready. In her words "I need to only need myself, and nobody else first. I can't give you an answer of I want to try this again but just know I still have feelings for you." I'm stuck in a decision of to give her time and hope she will still feel strongly about me, or I move on to find other people. If I give her time I feel that I might get hurt if she starts seeing other people, but of I move on I'm too afraid of not being able to be with her when she's ready. I feel like no matter what I do I'll be hurt by my decision. We are still talking but not hanging out with each other even though she says she wants to. Thoughts? Suggestions? I honestly feel I'm being given a bad excuse but I don't want to screw any chances of us away because the time we spent together was really fun and honest.
coffeebean201 Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Confusion never feels good... hugs. I wouldn't focus on her relationship history. She treated you right, and she broke up with you. You aren't together right now. Whether you want to date someone else now is up to you. It isn't unusual for a strong woman to pick a male and pursue him. At the time, she considered you the best match/most attractive/strong of the available males.
Author Tiwi Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 I agree with you completely but I feel like I want to just be with her but I'm scared of being hurt if I do. I really should put her out of my mind but I can't stop thinking about how she keeps saying she has feelings for me.
CptSaveAho Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 I'm only telling you this because I see this crap happen all the time, I actually predicted this was going to happen with a girl I worked with 3 months before it happened and I even guessed the guy correctly she was going to do it to. You were used as an emotional tampon and then discarded. She had boyfriend troubles and then what is called "the breakup affair" happens. Its typically used to make an ex jealous or pay attention to them or to actually break them up She's full of **** with that line of she has "feelings" for you. These girls/guys get a high on the infatuation of a new quick fling/relationship and then either go back to their ex's or have someone new in mind they want to try and enter a relationship with. She had led on many people before and to my knowledge cheated on some of her previous boyfriends She's a player and a liar... dont wait for her and move on
coffeebean201 Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Her having feelings for you isn't reason enough to stick around. Whenever you see her again, or talk to her, keep it light, make sure she is enjoying herself. And keep getting to know her better.
CptSaveAho Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Her having feelings for you isn't reason enough to stick around. Whenever you see her again, or talk to her, keep it light, make sure she is enjoying herself. And keep getting to know her better. Go NC.... past behavior is great predictor of future behavior.... her cycle hasnt changed..... Go find somebody that doesnt do this crap, dont talk to her again
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