How should I react to this breakup?

[valeriepm]

We are both 20 years old and this situation (as you'll see) is immature, but bear with me. My ex has never acted this way towards me before and we've had so many great times. We've been together for three years.

 

Anyway, this all started three weeks ago. I disrespected his grandfather's beliefs because of how influenced he was by them (they're unusual). I got very emotional and said I needed a break, etc. He took this as breaking up and told his family. Ever since, he has been sending me mixed signals of wanting to be with me or not. It drove me insane - he would be sweet, then ignore me, then give me the "breakup speech" (this cycle happened twice in two weeks). He said he needed space - which I should have understood better - but I kept calling, leaving voicemails, all to be ignored. I saw him yesterday wanting a proper breakup (after a week of texting and getting ignored), and he flew off the handle. He called me insane, said he used to love me but didn't care about me now, and completely blew everything out of proportion while I just stood there. He wouldn't make eye contact and his voice cracked while he yelled - which I know, by experience, is a sign that's he's hurt and emotional. I haven't contacted him since and don't plan to. The breakup was caused by what I said about his beliefs, but also (according to him): I'm not affectionate enough, leave when I'm upset, and the fact that he can't forget hurtful things I have said to him (which weren't even true, of course, I said them out of emotion). He also lied to me - trying to put the blame on his family disapproving me (which they don't even care) - while also telling his family I wouldn't leave him alone and just couldn't take no for an answer (while he was sending me mixed signals).

 

He has never done this to me and I feel like all of this is completely immature and exaggerated. I feel like I've been stroking his ego, trying to get him back, as he moves on and tells everyone I'm crazy. This was a completely abrupt breakup and the reasons seem so small - we had an apartment together (although he recently moved back to his parents for school reasons), we were happy, and he even introduced me to people as his fiance. He is a very rational and logical person - it is not in his character to act like this. He has been with friends every day since, trying to move on and "cut his losses."

 

Do you think he will continue to be upset about this if I continue to leave him alone/no contact? I just can't believe such a relationship can end like this. I feel better that he was upset when I saw him, though - that means he still cares. Otherwise he would have just acted indifferent towards me, right? He seems pretty set at the moment that we are over, once and for all.

 

I don't know if I could get back with him after this, though - due to how he has treated me and the controlling nature of all this. However, do you think he will contact me? Is it really that easy to get over an intense, three-year long relationship? Ideally, I'd like to be apart for a few months (both mature and understand our faults in this argument) and then get back together. I love him - but it's hard when I feel like he absolutely hates me over nothing at all. Thank you for any advice.

Edited December 11, 2012 by valeriepm

[CptSaveAho]

A breakup is a breakup... it doesnt matter the reasons, its usually self rationalizations why they dont want to continue anymore

 

Its their choice... they dont need permission to breakup with you...

 

For me, i dont want to be in a relationship with someone that doesnt want to be in a relationship with me. The reasons why they think the relationship ended are their problems and theres alone. I see it as, its over, time to heal, find someone that loves me as much as I love them and profit

[valeriepm]

Thanks for the response, you're right.