NiceGuyDTW Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Ok, I think I may be starting dating someone of interest. She's 36, has 4 kids ranging in age 3-11. Her ex is not around, so she has sole custody, but does have parents to watch the kids. I'm 40, with two kids and have them 1/2 the time, so I have a lot of free time. My question is how to build a relationship with someone who will likely not have a lot of time? I'm a patient person, but I'm concerned that the relationship might not take off if schedules just don't mesh.
mammasita Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Get to know her kids ( as soon as she allows it). Do "family friendly" things.....bowling, beaches, fishing, pizza night....and when she does have her parents watch the kids, you're alone time will be that much better.
Author NiceGuyDTW Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 Get to know her kids ( as soon as she allows it). Do "family friendly" things.....bowling, beaches, fishing, pizza night....and when she does have her parents watch the kids, you're alone time will be that much better. Funny you should say that. I already know her kids because her kids go to the same school as my kids. Her sons are in the same activities, so I've known her kids and her for over a year.
todreaminblue Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 (edited) Ok, I think I may be starting dating someone of interest. She's 36, has 4 kids ranging in age 3-11. Her ex is not around, so she has sole custody, but does have parents to watch the kids. I'm 40, with two kids and have them 1/2 the time, so I have a lot of free time. My question is how to build a relationship with someone who will likely not have a lot of time? I'm a patient person, but I'm concerned that the relationship might not take off if schedules just don't mesh. it is harder but you have yoru own kids so you know the deal........a poster suggested gettign to knwo th ekids........when she allows it this is good and fun things fmaily things are a blast the beach bowling pizza diet pizza.....smoothies and movies......when you get free time with her......make it quality time....dont talk about the kids......when alone with her....all mothers need to put aside teen speak or kid talk for a while and be treated like a woman........feminine fun time ahead...is a pleasure for most mothers...to remember they have a brain....enjoy your alone times....and have a blast with the kids and her together...the relationship will progress if she likes you.....best wishes.....deb Edited December 10, 2012 by todreaminblue typing getting worse with nerves
Nightsky Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 The way this thread is worded "dating someone with kids" is kind of funny considering you have your own kids. 1
mammasita Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Funny you should say that. I already know her kids because her kids go to the same school as my kids. Her sons are in the same activities, so I've known her kids and her for over a year. Well there you go, seems like an easy and seamless situation to me.....
Author NiceGuyDTW Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 Well there you go, seems like an easy and seamless situation to me..... Just think it might be kind if weird for the kids to see their mom hanging out with me, when they know me as a father if their friend. I know I should just take things one step at a time, but have a tendency to look at things down the road.
CptObvious Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Ok, I think I may be starting dating someone of interest. She's 36, has 4 kids ranging in age 3-11. Her ex is not around, so she has sole custody hahahaha what a disaster
soccerrprp Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Just think it might be kind if weird for the kids to see their mom hanging out with me, when they know me as a father if their friend. I know I should just take things one step at a time, but have a tendency to look at things down the road. It's okay to project and visualize what you hope things will be like down the road. But as great it is to have time with the kids, etc. be aware that if they become attached and you two are not in harmony, it could get sad and messy. So, try to do your best to make certain that you and she has and makes time for one another. I'm in the same boat. I have two and my current friend has two. We do our best to see each other. Good luck! It can be a lot of fun!
Author NiceGuyDTW Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 It's okay to project and visualize what you hope things will be like down the road. But as great it is to have time with the kids, etc. be aware that if they become attached and you two are not in harmony, it could get sad and messy. So, try to do your best to make certain that you and she has and makes time for one another. I'm in the same boat. I have two and my current friend has two. We do our best to see each other. Good luck! It can be a lot of fun! My opinion is to not have the kids know or be aware of the relationship until it is serious. I know it'll be tough in this situation, but I don't want to put the kids through a break up. It's one if the reasons why I'm posting here. I want to do this right and don't know where the pitfalls are. So I'm looking for advice for those that might have gone through something similar.
todreaminblue Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 (edited) My opinion is to not have the kids know or be aware of the relationship until it is serious. I know it'll be tough in this situation, but I don't want to put the kids through a break up. It's one if the reasons why I'm posting here. I want to do this right and don't know where the pitfalls are. So I'm looking for advice for those that might have gone through something similar. no i havent introduced a date to my kids....because the two dates i did have didnt progress....i do feel you need to be honest with kids i think hiding anything pr pretending is a no go zone....if you arent honest with your kids how do you expect them to learn honesty and open up to you if you cant be open with them......when i was dating those two separate dates i did tell my kids i was going on a date........they werent ready fro em to date...i discontinued....dating.....but now....since i have met soemone i actually like and respect......i have told them i have feelings fro someone and they have met him......and this other guy who maybe has feelings for me....my oldest daughter knows them both...the youngest daughters know only of the one i like.......they all like and respect him..i could only date one guy i am not into datign two but the one i like isnt interested in dating me....unsure if i will date th eone that like s me yet.....hearts not in it........the girls tease the crap out of me about it...but they are respectful girls and polite......when it comes to progressing further.....they will be exactly like me...they will take everything in their stride and trust me......we have been through major upheaval together...me dating will be a walk in the park to them....they find me funny....they smile a lot....lol....smilin....maybe because i cant stop smiling they are happy...i wont lie to them i wont shove them or tell them how to treat my friends they already show what they need to.......and if i do date and it doesnt work out.....a break up of a family unit is much more severe a situation to go through they will be loving and supportive of me..as the always have been...if i ever date..i suggest the truth and easy going approach ...works for me......deb Edited December 11, 2012 by todreaminblue
soccerrprp Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 My opinion is to not have the kids know or be aware of the relationship until it is serious. I know it'll be tough in this situation, but I don't want to put the kids through a break up. It's one if the reasons why I'm posting here. I want to do this right and don't know where the pitfalls are. So I'm looking for advice for those that might have gone through something similar. Good move to not let the kids know until you are serious. Kind of tough if your and her kids are in the same school. Be careful you two don't meet up at the school for some reason and slip up revealing your secret. The funny thing is that when I first started dating my gf, we introduced our kids to one another early on. We got into each other early and b/c of trouble finding baby-sitting (our kids are all younger than 9), we set-up "family dates." A mistake so early? Perhaps for most, but it worked itself out fortunately for us. We actually took some time away from each other for a good 2-months w/o contact to figure things out. We together now, things are much better and we've been seeing each other with kids and trying to find time alone w/o kids. Not perfect, but both have busy careers, kids-things and any time together is nice! Just take it slow and cultivate a sound foundation between you and your lady-friend. This should be the top priority.
Author NiceGuyDTW Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 Good move to not let the kids know until you are serious. Kind of tough if your and her kids are in the same school. Be careful you two don't meet up at the school for some reason and slip up revealing your secret. The funny thing is that when I first started dating my gf, we introduced our kids to one another early on. We got into each other early and b/c of trouble finding baby-sitting (our kids are all younger than 9), we set-up "family dates." A mistake so early? Perhaps for most, but it worked itself out fortunately for us. We actually took some time away from each other for a good 2-months w/o contact to figure things out. We together now, things are much better and we've been seeing each other with kids and trying to find time alone w/o kids. Not perfect, but both have busy careers, kids-things and any time together is nice! Just take it slow and cultivate a sound foundation between you and your lady-friend. This should be the top priority. Thanks for your perspective. I do plan on taking it slow. One of my dilemas is that it would be in some sense easier to date someone without kids, but those without usually want kids OR if they don't want kids don't know how to deal with someone who has kids. On the flip-side then when I do date someone with kids, then it becomes tough to find time to get together and build a relationship. It's kind of a catch-22.
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