Why are MW more likely to "divorce" after being in an A than MM

[TheOW]

Ive seen this alot around here lately and I was wondering why is it that the MW is more likely to walk away from a marriage (or long term relationship) after having an A than a MM would ?

[veryhappy]

Women tend to have exit affairs. By the time they are crossing a line with someone else, in their mind the R/M is over.

 

7 out of 10 divorces are filed by women in the U.S., so women are more likely to divorce overall. An A is a push to make it happen, reassurance that there's life outside the M.

[Ninja'sHusband]

Contrary to popular belief, a lot of women don't express their issues in a marriage until too late, or when they do it's in secret code. The guy is completely blindsided. The woman believes she's doing things for emotional reasons, maybe true but I think a lot of the time they are in denial. They get so self righteous that they don't feel enough remorse to put any effort into reconciling. I think there's also this "princess" attitude. They need to take care of themselves while the guy is expected to be the knight in shining armor no matter who is at fault. When it comes to something as horrific as infidelity, that model doesn't hold, the guy tries, fails and gives up, and the marriage dies.

 

That's my sexist take on it. I have a whole 'nother thread on that where I've invited/encouraged anyone to show me the light, because I honestly hate my own thoughts on the subject.

 

And my personal experience/bias:

My wife fully expected me to cater to all her newly expressed needs and issues in the midst of my agony of her affair and her continued contact with her OM during her MA class and via texts. All while lying to me saying it had been only 1 night when it had been 4 months. The level of selfish entitlement just blew my mind. I failed at being the knight in shining armor she wanted.

 

Sorry if that offends anyone. It's deeply personal for me and I'm struggling with my own attitude/feelings now.

[Ninja'sHusband]

The men aren't going to like this answer, but the simple truth is that most of them are p*ssies.

 

They'll hold onto a dead, cold, hideously awful marriage with everything in them.

 

A woman, however, will not. When a woman is DONE, she's DONE. And she'll actually do something about it.

 

That's why the stats say that roughly 75% of women initiate divorces. It doesn't mean they CAUSED the divorce, they're just usually the ones with the stones to do it because their p*ssy husbands won't.

You're right, I don't like it because in my case it was exactly the opposite. My cheating wife took the cowardly route, had an affair, created a horrible situation that made divorce inevitable. In the end I had to file. It was to her advantage to sit there, sucking money, keeping the marriage so she'd get more alimony in the end.

 

Having an affair is the most cowardly way out of a marriage that I can think of. Rather than face being single you jump into the worst kind of rebound relationship possible to make yourself feel better about your bad attitude towards your vows. And it all ends in disaster.

[waterwoman]

Reading some of the posts on here I wonder if it's because generally a BH is more angry and, hesitate to say it, vengeful, than a BW. Whatever the WW wants to do I imagine she had a less soft landing than some of the WHs.

[beenburned]

I think most women who have affairs, fall in love with their MM/OM. Therefore they can't stand not being with the man they love. So they leave and start a new life.

 

Men on the other hand, can have sex with OW and not get emotionally involved.

They view it as having a sex only relationship while keeping the wife/marriage also. I think most MM are just cake eaters and have no intentions of leaving their marriage unless they get caught and the wife kicks them out.

 

Of course, there are exceptions in every case!

[Spark1111]

When a woman emotionally checks out and stops complaining or nagging for romance like the dating days, she has half a foot out the door.

 

The man, meanwhile, thinks the fact that she no longer complains means he is making her happy now.

 

it's a big mistake to do so. There is a lot of truth in Mars vrs. venus.

 

I have read that women who cheat are much harder to treat in IC and MC, because they have convinced the self that they did it for love.

 

men, on the other hand, often cheat for novel sex, but it does not infringe on the love they have for their spouse.

[Spark1111]

KISA or "knight in shining armor" syndrome generally has a negative connotation. That is, it is perceived as an attitude adopted by a man to curry favor with desired female other than simply on his own merits as a desirable man. As a KISA, he is expected to perform various "services" for the damsel in distress. Confident men don't play the KISA, because they don't have the attitude of needing to "save" a woman from some situation in exchange for being deemed "worthy" of being in a relationship with the woman.

 

The other huge issue is KISA's tend to attract highly manipulative predatory females who will deliberately take advantage of the KISA's fundamental insecurity as a man and need to provide the female with services. Said woman will take full advantage of the KISA's services and give back only the minimum she believes necessary to maintain the level of services she desires.

 

When someone more interesting comes along, or she tires of the services being provided, the KISA gets kicked to the curb like a worn out old tin can.

a

 

Good post Duck!

 

Also, the desire to rescue or save someone else empowers someone feeling powerless and is often a diversion from doing the hard work of figuring that out.

[movingon12]

I divorced my first husband years ago and did a lot of reading at the time to try and understand what had happened. It seems women are generally much more likely to leave a marriage without a new relationship/home to go to, whereas men (if given the choice) will generally tend to stick around in an unhappy marriage until they have a new women to move in with.

 

I don't know why that is. It could be that, in some cases, women feel more confident that they could take care of themselves (and kids if relevant). As they have been in charge of managing the house day to day, the thought of starting again in a new home is less daunting than for some men.

 

Certainly in my case, my ex didn't know how to cook anything that couldn't go in a microwave, didn't know his own shirt size, didn't know how to go about setting up an account with the electricity company etc etc - so perhaps he felt it was just easier for him to stay with me - and cheat - than to strike out and manage on his own.

 

Obviously this doesn't apply to everybody.

[aed]

women take the WH more back then men the WW.

 

Women break up more in general then men (but average women has more options then men)