na49 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 (edited) So my phone was on silent because I was at school, and I actually forgot that I had it on silent. Well I check my phone about an hour ago and have a new text from no one but my ex! She said the following "Hi, I would like to speak to you if that is at all possible?" Now my first thought was, about what? My thought is still, about what? She saw me today, said nothing. I don't blame her for not confronting me then because I probably wouldn't have done that either. The text was sent at 1:30, my class ended about 12:30 and I went home directly after it. My question is, what do I do? I've been NC for a little over a month now. Been feeling better ever since. I feel like I probably should respond because she wants to talk about something but what could it be? I don't know what to say if I did respond. What could she possibly want? I have no idea what's been going on in her life this past month. Is she just going to complain about her new boyfriend? Does she want to try being my "friend"? Obviously NC would say that I shouldn't respond, but I don't know.. I won't see her much if at all after this week. As much as I want this to be something that benefits me, I just feel that it isn't. and learning that she is with the guy she cheated on me with, and learning what's been going on in her life won't help me much. To respond or not to respond? Also I just noticed that she unblocked me on facebook. I am so afraid of seeing her profile... Thanks guys. Edited December 10, 2012 by na49
NavyAirTraffic Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 NC is a necessary step as soon as you decide "I no longer want to be with this person". I don't respond to the telemarketer because I don't want to talk to them, don't want to be with them, don't care what they have to say. If you're really curious then ask what she wanted, just be prepared for the "oh never mind, have a good day" text. It's the simple ones that will drive you up a wall, get you reading between lines, make you start "what does this mean" threads. Text her or not, either way, you must remain strong!! 1
suladas Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 If she cheated on you, I would agree why bother? Why would you ever want to speak to someone like that again? But in reality, I found it was a huge step talking to my ex and feeling nothing, and not caring about the outcome.
Author na49 Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 You're right, she might as well be a telemarketer now. I'm curious, but I also don't want to get my hopes up and as much as I tell myself I don't. I will, then I'll respond, she'll give me some bogus response and tell me she's happy with the guy she's with and I'll be back at square one feeling just as angry as I did the week after we broke up. Her unblocking me on facebook just worries me so much. Is there any way I can block her without visiting her profile? I really REALLY don't want to look at her profile. Seeing her with another guy would kill me right now and I think that's what I would see if I looked at her profile. I may end up having my brother do it for me, as stupid as that sounds. I really want to be done with her, she just finds her way back in and screws me up without even realizing it.
Author na49 Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 If she cheated on you, I would agree why bother? Why would you ever want to speak to someone like that again? But in reality, I found it was a huge step talking to my ex and feeling nothing, and not caring about the outcome. I really don't. I have no idea what I would say to her if I did speak to her at this point. I don't know if I'm at that point yet, being able to talk to her and feeling nothing. I already thought I was ready for that and found out shortly that I wasn't. So I don't want to set myself back again.
TaraMaiden Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 You're right, she might as well be a telemarketer now. I'm curious, but I also don't want to get my hopes up and as much as I tell myself I don't. I will, then I'll respond, she'll give me some bogus response and tell me she's happy with the guy she's with and I'll be back at square one feeling just as angry as I did the week after we broke up. Her unblocking me on facebook just worries me so much. Is there any way I can block her without visiting her profile? I really REALLY don't want to look at her profile. Seeing her with another guy would kill me right now and I think that's what I would see if I looked at her profile. I may end up having my brother do it for me, as stupid as that sounds. I really want to be done with her, she just finds her way back in and screws me up without even realizing it. I don't think blocking is detectable. Block her. better still, block - then de-activate FB for a while, until you forget you were ever on there. FB isn't a demon-site, but it makes demons of the heartbroken many.... Use it the way it should be used. I have 17 friends, and 4 really good friends. I go on there maybe once a week to catch up with my buddies overseas... other than that, it means diddly-squat to me. And get this - I don't get feeds from my husband's profile, because all he ever discusses is poker, and law. Bo-o-o-r-i-n-g!! 1
Author na49 Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 Thanks Tara, do you think I should respond to her text? Do you have any idea what she might want?
NavyAirTraffic Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Is there any way I can block her without visiting her profile? I really REALLY don't want to look at her profile. Block the email address that is attached to her fb acct (just go to blocking, it gives you the option).
Author na49 Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 Block the email address that is attached to her fb acct (just go to blocking, it gives you the option). Sadly (or luckily) I don't remember her email. Maybe I'll have my brother block it for me. I'd love to know why she felt like unblocking me, but then again I'd also love to know why she wants to "speak with me".
Gottabestrong Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 If you can't stop thinking about it, text her "What do you want to talk about?". NC is good, but not it if drives you crazy, only if you want to move on and heal. I don't know the circumstances of your breakup or whether you want to reconcile or not, but if you still care about this girl and don't feel you had closure, I would reply and see what she wants. Good luck!
TaraMaiden Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Thanks Tara, do you think I should respond to her text? Do you have any idea what she might want? No, I have as much idea as you have. I suggest that if you ARE going to respond, you wait 24 hours. If in that time, you're still curious, then go ahead... but if during that time, she makes no further attempt to attract your attention - how important can it have been? If you DO respond, consider what she is saying/asking and if it requires some thought on your part, say so. Do not be cornered into making a knee-jerk decision. Come back, touch base, and let us know.... Read "The All-New Caliguy No Contact Guide" link in my signature, if you haven't already done so. Remember, to any query about 'their' actions, it's really never about what they're doing, or why. It's all about what you feel you should do.....
suladas Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Sadly (or luckily) I don't remember her email. Maybe I'll have my brother block it for me. I'd love to know why she felt like unblocking me, but then again I'd also love to know why she wants to "speak with me". You just type in her name to block her in privacy settings. Don't need to view profile. If you don't think you can see her profile, responding could set you back if it doesn't turn out well.
cavalier99 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Why would you break NC? She cheated on you and you want to forget her. Your goal is INDIFFERENCE. This text is nothing. Keep your self respect. What makes you feel more confident? Staying NC or responding? My guess is staying NC. What can she possibly want that would remotely make you feel better? Ask yourself do you want to fulfil you curiosity and feel good for about 2 seconds only to feel like **** after. Or walk away from this communication with you head held up high.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 You're right, she might as well be a telemarketer now. I'm curious, but I also don't want to get my hopes up and as much as I tell myself I don't. I will, then I'll respond, she'll give me some bogus response and tell me she's happy with the guy she's with and I'll be back at square one feeling just as angry as I did the week after we broke up. Her unblocking me on facebook just worries me so much. Is there any way I can block her without visiting her profile? I really REALLY don't want to look at her profile. Seeing her with another guy would kill me right now and I think that's what I would see if I looked at her profile. I may end up having my brother do it for me, as stupid as that sounds. I really want to be done with her, she just finds her way back in and screws me up without even realizing it. If you want to block her without blocking her (meaning you don't get updates), then just shut off her news feed. You don't have to go to her page to do this, just find her on your friends list, right click the little friends box and uncheck the "get updates in news feed" option. Of course, for this to be effective you can't go to her page under any circumstances. If you don't have that willpower, just block her outright. Also, the method I just gave you doesn't restrict her from going to your page at all. So if you don't want her snooping on you (I let my ex snoop on me if she chooses, I just don't care) then blocking or restricting her is the way to go.
cavalier99 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 She's probably having a rough patch with her boyfriend and wants support. The word case scenario is she wants you for comfort and you sleep with her then you get dumped again when she get back together with new guy. This is you chance to do what you wish you did before. Cold hard NC! Man..I WISH I HAD THE CHANCE TO NOT BE A DOORMAT AGAIN. (Even more so i wish for the indifference not to wish this
Author na49 Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 It sucks not knowing what EXACTLY she wants, and not being able to find out without talking to her. I really have nothing to say to her at this point. I haven't had anything to say to her for a while, even before I started NC. She obviously had me on her mind enough to send me that text an hour after class, and to unblock me on facebook. But I'm willing to bet that she does just want me as moral support because she realizes how I always had her back even when she was wrong (not anymore of course). There's nothing to really "fix" about the way our relationship ended if that's what she wants. She thought her new guy was better than me, her new friends (who are friends of the guy) convinced her I was a jerk which makes sense because all they heard was everything that was bad about me and none of the good things that I've done for her (she talked about me to them when she was mad at me). She's so insecure, she waited for me to have a bad day, blew it up and circled it as her reason for dumping me. This is funny considering how after class today, she gave the impression she was loving life and tried getting my attention by singing and talking really loud. I got out of that class so quick. I haven't gotten any followup, and she's the type who will text you multiple times until you respond. For all I know she could want to know what chapters we need to study for our Psychology final on Thursday.
TaraMaiden Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 There you go. You've answered your own question - Sorted. Stay NC.
Author na49 Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 Do you think I would come off the wrong way not responding? She probably thinks she is being the bigger person by asking to speak with me. but because I have no idea what it's about, I don't know if I should respond. I don't need her telling me something that will set me back. I'm obviously not "over her" yet or else I'd be able to talk to her and not feel anything. If there is a followup should I respond? Or just come here first?
cavalier99 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Your going down the rabbitt hole. Look what one text has caused. F-what she thinks. YOU DONT CARE! Stay strong! NC Isn't easy and this is a test. Rise to the occasion for all of us! 1
Author na49 Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 This is the first text that was actually more than just "hey" since I've started NC. I'm such a mess, I'm happy that I haven't responded. The longer I go without responding, the better I'm feeling and less I'm wondering. Gahh what could she possibly want though!? I'm almost positive she is with the new guy, but I don't want to find out for sure because I'm in the process of getting over her.
cavalier99 Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 This is the first text that was actually more than just "hey" since I've started NC. I'm such a mess, I'm happy that I haven't responded. The longer I go without responding, the better I'm feeling and less I'm wondering. Gahh what could she possibly want though!? I'm almost positive she is with the new guy, but I don't want to find out for sure because I'm in the process of getting over her. Glad to see your sanity is returning! Imagine what you would feel like right now if you had texted her back. Use that feeling in your stomach as a guide. You feel calmer with decision not to respond. Confident! She is probably surprised you didn't jump to answer her. You retain your power and confidence. When you think of responding you get all messed up adrenaline is flowing, confidence is shot. Easy decision! Lol
suladas Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 It hurts like hell to know she's with someone else, speaking from experience but the pain goes away and it wasn't anywhere as bad as the original break up. The thing is, if you can delete her from your life and never see her again it's best to not know. If you will find out eventually, you might as well get it over with IMO. Would you want to find out 3-4 months from now she's with someone else and get hurt again or just get it over with now? If you're with someone new by then, there is a chance you won't care, but also still a chance it will hurt you.
Author na49 Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 It hurts like hell to know she's with someone else, speaking from experience but the pain goes away and it wasn't anywhere as bad as the original break up. The thing is, if you can delete her from your life and never see her again it's best to not know. If you will find out eventually, you might as well get it over with IMO. Would you want to find out 3-4 months from now she's with someone else and get hurt again or just get it over with now? If you're with someone new by then, there is a chance you won't care, but also still a chance it will hurt you. It is a bit of a chance, but I like to believe the longer I go without her the less I'll care about what is going on in her life. and what I don't know can't hurt me. It is true that finding out 3-4 months from now could hurt, but I don't see it hurting me as much as it would right now because I will have had 3-4 months more to get over her. and if I never have to find out, that would be ideal. (not very likely, I'm bound to see her around campus with a new guy eventually, but she's just as likely to see me around campus with a new girl)
Simon Phoenix Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Do you think I would come off the wrong way not responding? She probably thinks she is being the bigger person by asking to speak with me. but because I have no idea what it's about, I don't know if I should respond. I don't need her telling me something that will set me back. I'm obviously not "over her" yet or else I'd be able to talk to her and not feel anything. If there is a followup should I respond? Or just come here first? Why do you care how you come off to this person?
Author na49 Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 Why do you care how you come off to this person? Probably because I'm not over her yet and still want her back even though she's a witch. I don't plan on getting a followup, if she really wanted to talk to me I'm sure she'd try something else. Message me on facebook even seeing as how she just unblocked me. If she asks me to talk on Thursday, should I talk or just tell her I have to go?
Recommended Posts