luckygirl120721 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 10 years ago, while in the military, I met the most amazing man, BUT, I was in a relationship and never told him how I felt. When I got out he and I stayed in contact and eventually met up a year or so later (after I was out of my relationship). There was a strong attraction there, but nothing happened and we ended up losing contact. Well, we just recently got back into contact and spilled our guts about how much we liked each other back then. He told me (via emails) about how he never told me how he felt because he didn't think he deserved a girl like me. He always thought he would hold me back. We are both going through divorces now and both are traumatic experiences we are still dealing with. (the marriages have been over for over a year) Even though we are 6 hours apart we decided to start seeing each other. We've spoke every day for the last 4 months. Sometimes we stay on the phone for hours. We text each other after work until it's time for our nightly phone call. I've gotten to see him a few times and the last time I was with him he acted like a man in love...He even started singing a song lyric that goes like this "I just wanna fall in love" He sang it over and over. The issue is that the other night I told him that I cared for him and it would hurt for me to lose him. I asked him how he felt about us...and he said...."hmmmm, I'm not good at talking about this kind of thing." He can't answer the question and I won't push it, even though I feel like I deserve an answer. Any time I send him texts or make comments that explains how I feel he completely ignores it. I know he has a hard time with emotions because he's been to combat 5 times and burned by love, but what is up with this guy??? Will he ever be able to answer me? Does he still think that he doesn't deserve someone like me? (That never even crosses my mind).... Does he not really feel as strongly about me? I just don't get it...
umirano Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Yes you do have a right to ask this question (How do you feel about us?) and yes, there's literally no reason to not give you an answer. If he's a really tough guy, and I guess he is when having been in combat five times, then answering this question should be a piece of cake. It's an honest question that deserves an honest answer. You will have to deal with it, say if it is not to your liking, i.e. less enthusiastic than you hoped. And he will have to deal with your reaction to his answer, say, if you hold yourself from becoming more attached to him, or back off later on. Some people apparently still think it is possible to not communicate. It just isn't. There's no reason for him not to tell you if he feels strongly about the two of you. You could find out why this question makes him feel uncomfortable. If he's worried to push things too fast by being honest, good for you. If he's worried to put you off, because he's less enthusiastic than he thinks you're hoping for, you probably want take it easier yourself. But in either case, you'd want to know. And he should understand that you want to know.
sydneylovesyou123 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Something similar is happening with the person I am seeing. Except, he finally opened up and told me that he is in a depression with school and feels like he had no time to himself between me and his ex girlfriend. He said he feels like I am falling more for him than he is for me right now. He doesn't know if he will get there ever and doesn't wanna hurt me. That just might be my scenerio. I would continue like normal but when you feel like you need to bring it up again further on in your relationship, then I would. It might just be that he can't talk about feelings. If you are willing to accept that and him as a person, then go for it and stay with him. If you need that emotional closeness in a long-term relationship, then he must not be for you. It's very hard to change someone like that. Who knows, maybe once he is more comfortable with you and your relationship, he will be open about it. Only time will tell.
justwhoiam Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Give him a break with the feeling thing. Give him the time to elaborate that on his own. You should try that question in a few months, unless he will come up with it himself. Be patient. He probably had a lot of thinking already. Don't rush things. That kind of talk will bring along other issues, like what are we going to do? Can you move? Would you live here and there? etc.
Author luckygirl120721 Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 Thanks guys! This makes alot of sense. I hope that we can get through this! I'd hate to lose him twice...
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