Girlissues Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 I need help with my insecurity issues and I really don't know where else to go. I have been married for 4 years and have a son. Since I got married I get insecure from time to time. I never really had a boyfriend before getting married and I was a virgin. I knew that my husband had one gf before me who he only dated for the sex. Over the years of us being married I ask him questions about other girls he has known and he told me as a student he used to go to massage parlours, tried to pick up numerous girls at clubs just for sex (never fully succeeded though) and went to strip clubs. Every time he tells me about these stories I feel really bad. I asked him about what he had done in strip clubs 2 days ago and he told me stories that really made me feel bad. Twice that we were together with family on vacation he kept asking them about the nude beaches around there. Why does he want to see naked girls at a beach even after he is married. I know most of his experiences happened more than 5 years ago but I still feel bad. And the worst is when he was talking about the strip clubs he said those were the good old days. I feel like he has been around town and right now I don't feel like being near him, even though I know I'm being irrational. I have not done anything with any guy before him so he has no idea what I feel like when he tells me those things. But it's always me that asks for that information. I want to know everything even though it kills me each time. Every time I feel like this I give it a few days and let the feelings subside or get weaker. Then I forget about it until something else comes up. I don't tell him about it because I don't think there is a point. He will just stop telling me about his past to save me from being hurt. Please offer some advice for me.
Realist3 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Let the past be the past. Stop asking about it. You are the one he chose to marry, no? That right there is your way to battle your insecurity. 1
BetrayedH Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 (edited) Hmm. You know, it's difficult to judge you for your position at all. What you did was admirable and probably extraordinarily difficult to do. You've kept yourself pure and that comes across in your post. I also empathize with your position of still wanting to maintain honesty. Seems smart to me. But painful. I think, however, that the disparity between your views/experience is vast and I think that lends itself to difficulty. As a third party, I don't find his experiences to be abnormal in this age. Moral or not could be judged on a comparitive scale where you had no other sexual experiences; that's certainly the other extreme. Perhaps neither of you are really wrong. Does it make him a bad person? Maybe only you can answer that. I might tend to focus on his loyalty to you. Men enjoying reveling in the hijinks of their glory days. Sounds like he experimented with some liberal behavior and pushed his boundaries in his youth. Is that characteristic of him today? Or is he a changed man? If he is a changed man and you can trust that he will be faithful to you, is that enough? Or is his past experience too much to handle? It doesn't actually sound like he has actually slept with many women. Did you say one other besides yourself? My other thought is that you REALLY need to have an open and honest conversation with him once you've determined a position for yourself. Sounds like he has no intent to hurt you and he shouod be clued-in on this for the sake of your relationship and his future behavior. I don't see a bad guy here and so I really hope you work it out. Edited December 11, 2012 by BetrayedH
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