i caught my gf of 2 1/2 yrs cheating, what do you think i should do?-poll

[ezragizzein]

[color=red]i recently caught my girl cheating on me so what do you think i should do? heres her and me telling about it...[/color]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=45062

[Taken_Angel]

Too long to get all the way through...was the orginal poster your GF?? Did you find out she's cheating because of this post??

 

I read through most of it...from what I am gathering "eyeshatesmilin" is your GF from 2 1/2 years...her name is "carla" ok....you tried ending your relationship w/ her several times, she becames nuts, basically made you stay (out of love for her and guilt)

 

You found out she cheated and I'm hoping YOU LEFT HER! What a loser to slash someone's tires and hide car keys! Damn people need to grow up and get a grip!

 

How did you find out she cheated? How did you know her name on LS??

[Fayebelle]

I'm so lost

[ezragizzein]

yeah sorry that is alot to read i guess. no i didnt find out from this message board she was cheating, i found out on my own. i caught her pretty much in the act but now shes posting on here trying to get advice on how to keep me around.

[Taken_Angel]

DUMP HER SORRY BUTT! ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER (USUALLY) not to mention the fact that she is psycho!!

 

And yes I didn't read her post but saw the title! I wanted to scream "HE WANTS OUT SO LEAVE HIM ALONE" you have the right to end the relationship if you WANT to!

[Fayebelle]

Well it sounds from your post that your mind is made up. Are you really wondering if you should stay w/her or are you just trying to trash her post?

[LatinKiss]

If she cheated dump her and move on to the next!!!! The relationship is doomed, I don't care what anyone else says.......it never works there on after! You'll only be miserable together!

[ezragizzein]

i want to be with her i just cant decide if im gonna be able to deal with it, always knowing in the back of my head what she did. i just jumped on here to clarify a few things that she didnt mention in her post. thanks for the feedback though

[Fayebelle]

You can look on the infidelity forum and find tons of posts from people who are healing w/their partner after they cheated and there are a ton more who couldn't. Only time will tell if you can handle this.

 

In the meantime you must admit she really seems sorry. She even came here looking for advice on how to mend these broken ties.

 

Good luck- I hope you find a way to make yourself happy- even if it's a life w/out her.

[Barby]

Wow I've read all the posts like this before commenting....

 

Yes I agree she seems sorry....you said first she basically made you stay with her now you say you want to be with her....it is partially YOUR fault for giving mixed signals......she was wrong for cheating..some people change some people don't.

 

If you are never going to be able to trust her again and are going to hang it over her head, what's the point of sticking around? Both of you will be miserable!

[ezragizzein]

Originally posted by Barby

Wow I've read all the posts like this before commenting....

 

Yes I agree she seems sorry....you said first she basically made you stay with her now you say you want to be with her....it is partially YOUR fault for giving mixed signals......she was wrong for cheating..some people change some people don't.

 

If you are never going to be able to trust her again and are going to hang it over her head, what's the point of sticking around? Both of you will be miserable!

 

 

 

i know i could have left before if i really wanted to but a part of me wanted to stay so thats why i did and sometimes when i did leave i would end up back with her because i did like her alot but i just didnt want something like what happened to happen and i always feared that. i had already pretty much suspected and knew she did it before a couple of years ago about 5 months after we were together but she denies that she did anything to this day but its the same story as this recent time i just didnt have any proof the first time.

[Eva]

You leave her, that's what you should do. Relationships are based on trust and fidelity.

[eyehatesmilin]

ez is right that i hid his keys, but he failed to mention that he was not sober nor capable of driving clearly. yea i couldve let him go n then if he had been injured or caused an injury, i woudlve felt like it was my fault. then the other thing is that i never cheated on him b4 but he assumed that. we went through all of these problems bcuz he didnt want 2 tell me that he thought i had.i love this guy so much. i am quitting my job now 4 him. i do so much 4 HIM. he didnt mention either that i had been working 2 F/t jobs and taking summer classes either. this was stressful. i am not blaming him. i know that i really messed up. i just dont know how to help him get thru it. we have our good days and then i same something stupid or he starts drinkin and brings it up then we are here again. i can take the harsh words and the uneasy arguments. i can take all of it. i just want 2 move 4ward w/ him. i wanna prove 2 him. but how? ialready do so much. i let him have access 2 everything. i always will if that s what he wants. PLEASE HELP! i love u ezragizzein!

[pretty_petal]

ok i totally agree with EVA u should so leave her. Yes you love her but she can't love you.

 

She had said she loves you but how could she love some one and hurt them like this. N eyehatesmilin don't say you didn't know what you were doing... no one has that little control on their actions.

 

Why did you cheat? Ok, you said relationship issues but that is NO excuse to make a platonic friendship into more than friendship. yeesh! whats going on in ur mind??

 

You have issues with ur bf.

You find comfort in a friend - that actually is a good thing - being sincere

You let yourself fall for this guy. - no it was no accident. i have been in a similar situation but everyone has enough self control to keep a friendship platonic or end the relationship.

You cheat on ur bf

You say you love him.

I don't think.

 

sorry but ez u should leave her, tho u love her u have to get out. ur hurting right? it will take a while to heal. This lady has no self control.

 

I reckon you should both get counsilling.

[penny4urthoughts]

pretty_petal u obviously did not read the whole thing or u wouldve known that she sd it was a mistake not an accident and in no way does she blame him or justify her actions. she know that she hurt him and both of them are looking 4 help not lets see who can squish who down more. people do stupid things all of the time w/out thinking of the consequences. everyone does this in some form or another. ezragizzein obviously really loves this girl. he is still around. they seem 2 like talking on here and it is probably helping a little so we as people that believe in love should help these two acheive harmony in their relationship. yes relationships no consist of fidelity and trust, but there is lots more. trust can be rebuilt. if ezragizzein is still around her then a part of him wants 2 give it another try. thingd couldve been a lot worse. she was seeking a friend and ended up messing around. she was not looking for that to happen and does not want anything to do w/ theOM. i think that they need 2 spend 1night alone w/out her kids and if they are still sexually active like she sd, they should just kiss and embrace each other. enjoy that they have each other. they spent such a long time building this, it should not go down because she made a huge mistake that she admits to.she came looking 4 help because she really cares about u Ezra.u think about that. thats y u came on here too. so ezra since ur mad at her, write down everything. write down the reasons u would stay w/ her. i believe that this one will work. u 2 put alot into and u will end up being happier and closer than ever. Best of luck!

[noseyrosey]

i think that penny4urthoughts is totally right! i agree w/ what they sd. it makes sense to read everything and listen to both of them plea for help to repair this mess eyehatesmilin made. she knew she messed up. she is very sincere in her apology and seeks only to repair things. ezra is the same. they are 2 lost souls swimming in a fishbowl, day after day. they know that they love each other,but they need the assurance that staying together is the right thing. prettypetal makes no sense. she doesnt understand what really is going on. i have been through what u have ezra. i think that u should give her another chance. she is quitting her job for u so that the whole situation will be put behind u. my boyfriend of 4 yrs now did this to me around the 2 1/2 yr mark. it was a little more involved though.i am in a band and iwas always practicing or gone for shows and he wa takin care of me and i was just hanging out. i tried half-ass to get a job, but enjoyed some1 taking care of me.i couldnt really have a night job bcuz my band was too important.i too used to drink alot cuz i felt better. he started 2 struggle w/bills n stuff. he talked w/ a female coworker and their friendship went too far. he gave her oral sex. he lied about it, after i found out on my own what had happened. he did not want me 2 leave. i realized that i do love this man. we both did things that messed up our relationship, but this messed up situation brought us closer.i couldnt kiss him for about 2-3months after that. but i stuck around. he did everything to make me stay. i wanted to. i just didnt know if i could trust him. i now have access to all of his info. and he has mine. there are no secrets. if he feels like im mooching or whatever, he tells me the prob. i work now. i know ezra u think that u probably should get away bcuz she lied 2u 2 your face, but u know that she knows it was a mistake. u should give her another chance.see how things are when she is at a new job and if things change. do like pennysd n write y u wanna b w. her down. good luck. i hope u guys work things out

[ezragizzein]

these last 2 posts by "noseyrosey" and "penny4urthoughts" were both by my girlfriend as she was posing as 2 different people on here. i knew it was her when i read them but she kept denying it but now she finally admitted that it was her only cuz i asked her if shes gonna look me in the face and still lie to me cuz i know that its her, so no one pay attention to those posts.

[health]

Yo ezragizzein. If your girl is 100% guilt ridden and wants to make it up bad...then forgive her, be with her and decide to build trust again. Mistakes are inevitable - she could have learned a big lesson and will never do it again. The emotion of guilt means you violated a high standard you hold for yourself....its remedied if you decide never to do it again...then release the guilt. She may never do it again.....and if she does..then you dump her flat out! If it happens twice - forgive her in your mind...but let her live her own life...you'll find someone who is smart beautiful and devoted - what you deserve! Good luck man.

[health]

what is up with her posting as others - thats lieing right there.....short term quick fix bs....can she go the long run? If not, either she get disciplined, or you find a girl who is beautiful smart, devoted who loves you more or equal to how you love her.

[Pocky]

Regardless of what has happened, the comments from both of you on this board make me think that the relationship isn't very healthy for either one of you. If being in the relationship doesn't make you a better person why stay in the relationship?

[Grinning Maniac]

Ezra, dump this girl. First she sucks some guy off...then she makes up some bs screen names to try and trick you into forgiving her? That's pathetic and manipulative. She's also insulting your intelligence. Make an example out of her. Kick her to the curb.

 

"37! My girlfriend's sucked 37 dicks!"

"...In a row?"

[treegirl]

She's the one that cheated. Isn't that enough to tell you she doesn't really love you?

 

Love TreeGirl

xoxo

[eyehatesmilin]

this has really gotten out of hand.he has the nerve to say that about me and makes those comments. i came on here to get help and it seems like all he wants to do is get on here and bash whatever i say or any "positive" feedback that i may get. i think that i will have to seek help in some other way. this forum has twistedthings up worse. he comes home and the 1st thing he does is see what reply has been posted. he laughs at them and thinks they are funny. i guess that is sign that he still thinks our whole relationship is a joke. a person that is really sorry and knows what they did is wrong and they, only they, are at fault for what happened, then they deserve a 2nd chance. oh by the way people if u say something nice-he might think it is me. thats all 4 me. seriously, i wanted a lil guidance and its awkward and odd now that he is on here and he says things that make me think , y are these people saying one thing to you and another to me? when this happens, of course people change their minds about what they want to tell that person to do. but all in all they are opinions and i do thank you for your response, no matter what they are. i love you ezragizzein and maybe now we can talk more about this instead of telling everyone else on the forum and having our soap opera commented on. since you are here with me everyday(practically live w/me), and it has been a month and a half, i think it is time we talked about it and we talked about our future. no more replies to this-just me and you talking. if you still dont feel comfortable than we can send private emails.