smellybelly Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Just had an experience with this and thought I would throw it out there for the guys and girls.. .and why I believe persistence is powerful... This past week, a man that I've known for a while but recently started to develop feelings for, called me and I was busy so I said I would call him back... but because he makes my heart pitter and patter,, i was too anxious to and just couldn't.... He asked me on three occasions to make other plans because we couldn't make our agreed upon one,, and I froze up,, because talking to him makes me act like brain-dead zombie who can only utter one syllable words in response... and this is an otherwise confident, successful business woman who has no problem making presentations to boards and executives.... What I'm saying is.... we're so quick to make judgment calls based on a persons actions: she didn't call me back, he didn't sound excited when I called him, she's doesn't want to meet up... But sometimes.. if he or she is like me, and gets nervous around people they really like, it's their nerves that hold them back.. causing them to act like mumbling idiots around the object of their affections... and coming across as dis-interested. I can't tell you how many times I went to call him and put the phone down..... or how quickly I would end the conversation when he would call because i felt so nervous..... sigh..... 2
Lonely Ronin Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 I can't tell you how many times I went to call him and put the phone down..... or how quickly I would end the conversation when he would call because i felt so nervous..... sigh..... Then text him, email him, call when you know he won't answer and leave a voice mail, send him a FB message. IMO it does come back to you being able to show interest at some point. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Fortune favors the bold. Call him and tell him some (not all) of what you just told us. 1
ScreamingTrees Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Yes. If you make it known WHY there're communication problems.. Either he understands or doesn't. Either way, without that, you're out of luck.. 1
Author smellybelly Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 Yes. If you make it known WHY there're communication problems.. Either he understands or doesn't. Either way, without that, you're out of luck.. Fair enough... I suppose I'll have to make the effort to show interest. What I was trying to get at was that sometimes we take other people's actions as signs of disinterest, whereas it may just be signs of nervousness or anxiety. I suppose you're all right in that he won't be able to read my mind and I need to put forth more effort now. Sadly he is out of town for the next month which is why he was trying so ardently to see me before he left and I suppose I blew him off through nerves... although i did try to make amends and offer to see him at the last minute, but alas, his plate was full and now I'll have to wait to see if these "feelings" have any wings and are retained over the holidays.... 1
grkBoy Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Just had an experience with this and thought I would throw it out there for the guys and girls.. .and why I believe persistence is powerful... This past week, a man that I've known for a while but recently started to develop feelings for, called me and I was busy so I said I would call him back... but because he makes my heart pitter and patter,, i was too anxious to and just couldn't.... He asked me on three occasions to make other plans because we couldn't make our agreed upon one,, and I froze up,, because talking to him makes me act like brain-dead zombie who can only utter one syllable words in response... and this is an otherwise confident, successful business woman who has no problem making presentations to boards and executives.... What I'm saying is.... we're so quick to make judgment calls based on a persons actions: she didn't call me back, he didn't sound excited when I called him, she's doesn't want to meet up... But sometimes.. if he or she is like me, and gets nervous around people they really like, it's their nerves that hold them back.. causing them to act like mumbling idiots around the object of their affections... and coming across as dis-interested. I can't tell you how many times I went to call him and put the phone down..... or how quickly I would end the conversation when he would call because i felt so nervous..... sigh..... I hear ya...but this still comes off to a guy as "she's not interested". We're shy, scared, etc. as well. You have to come halfway...no matter how scary it looks. I've met women who seriously would love it if a man would take on 100% of the risk and thus she's free of having to do anything...and they wonder why they're single.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Yep - this is me exactly. I have canceled many dates with guys I really like due to anxiety. I have also avoided calling them. The trouble is, I do the same when I am not interested. 1
Author smellybelly Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 I hear ya...but this still comes off to a guy as "she's not interested". We're shy, scared, etc. as well. You have to come halfway...no matter how scary it looks. I've met women who seriously would love it if a man would take on 100% of the risk and thus she's free of having to do anything...and they wonder why they're single. Agreed- and you're right... ideally we'd all love to have 0% risk and the other party be completely liable... worse is when you're both wounded bears so putting yourself in that position is extremely uncomfortable... I read something recently that i like,, it was about unconditional love but I think its applicable... "Act without expecting anything return" and "too often we expect other people to show love first before we are willing to show it in return" I'm going to stop waiting and start showing,, without expectations and without waiting for the other to initiate.. what do I have to lose right?
todreaminblue Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Just had an experience with this and thought I would throw it out there for the guys and girls.. .and why I believe persistence is powerful... This past week, a man that I've known for a while but recently started to develop feelings for, called me and I was busy so I said I would call him back... but because he makes my heart pitter and patter,, i was too anxious to and just couldn't.... He asked me on three occasions to make other plans because we couldn't make our agreed upon one,, and I froze up,, because talking to him makes me act like brain-dead zombie who can only utter one syllable words in response... and this is an otherwise confident, successful business woman who has no problem making presentations to boards and executives.... What I'm saying is.... we're so quick to make judgment calls based on a persons actions: she didn't call me back, he didn't sound excited when I called him, she's doesn't want to meet up... But sometimes.. if he or she is like me, and gets nervous around people they really like, it's their nerves that hold them back.. causing them to act like mumbling idiots around the object of their affections... and coming across as dis-interested. I can't tell you how many times I went to call him and put the phone down..... or how quickly I would end the conversation when he would call because i felt so nervous..... sigh..... thats why i believe texting can be a good ice breaker for shy people......you dotn hav eto worry abotu freezing up or no tknowing what to say...you can say soemthing light and you can take your time writing them...i take hours to write a text anyway...im type dyslexic....having to go back and delete and change and i cant find the ellipses button on my phone....smilin......but i do find it a way to communicate....to get over the nerves....thats why i bought a mobile when i was actually interested in someone....groan.....just realised thsi is not a good example to use because the irony is he never texted me back after three texts i remain dignified with silence.he probably thinsk i am a freak ...he is half right....i am a friendly freak though....lol.....i still think it is a good ice breaker......work your way up to phone calls....slow and steady like....deb
Phoe Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 I agree! I'm super awkward and sometimes it makes talking with someone new a bit nerve-wracking. Not wanting to say something really dumb over the phone and sound like a total square! Texting, emailing, and Instant Messaging really make it alot easier to communicate when things are still new, and THEN work up to phone calls once I'm more comfortable with that person and know that they won't care when I do or say awkward/silly things. 1
todreaminblue Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 (edited) Fair enough... I suppose I'll have to make the effort to show interest. What I was trying to get at was that sometimes we take other people's actions as signs of disinterest, whereas it may just be signs of nervousness or anxiety. I suppose you're all right in that he won't be able to read my mind and I need to put forth more effort now. Sadly he is out of town for the next month which is why he was trying so ardently to see me before he left and I suppose I blew him off through nerves... although i did try to make amends and offer to see him at the last minute, but alas, his plate was full and now I'll have to wait to see if these "feelings" have any wings and are retained over the holidays.... i agree that nervousness can stop you from calling...it has stopped me so i text..when i am on the phone even though i appear calm when i hear a voice of a guy i am intersted in it does funny things to my insides....i go on cues and can keep a convo going i am good that way........but if you dont show interest and face rejection the person you think is going to reject you, just might not ever get the chance to find out how special they are.....or have personal growth yourself.....text..when i see a person i like....well its happening today i will see that guy....my legs shake......lol....i am hopeless...i will survive......if i dont and you never hear or see a post from me on here again..... please no flowers, donate to your fave charity..i say goodbye with warmth and heartfelt wishes....ok im being dramatic...ill live...happy xmas for this year by the way....there bucket list done..........deb.... Edited December 10, 2012 by todreaminblue
Charlie Harper Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Fortune favor the Bold, I find it incredible that very hot and inteligent women cant get a date because not single decent guy will approach them. Then when a single good looking and secure man approaches a woman, they loose their cool and make some mistakes, odd remarks or simple they go silent.. It happens a lot and sometimes they need reassurance and felling secure, so you have to ask them because lord knows they wontdo it EVER. Yep its frustrating as a man seeing a woman being distant and ice cold, not because they dont like you, but because they get nervous and insecure near you. 1
todreaminblue Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Fortune favor the Bold, I find it incredible that very hot and inteligent women cant get a date because not single decent guy will approach them. Then when a single good looking and secure man approaches a woman, they loose their cool and make some mistakes, odd remarks or simple they go silent.. It happens a lot and sometimes they need reassurance and felling secure, so you have to ask them because lord knows they wontdo it EVER. Yep its frustrating as a man seeing a woman being distant and ice cold, not because they dont like you, but because they get nervous and insecure near you. being intelligent and hot is all relative isnt it...obviously a woman who struggles with approach wouldn't feel incredible hot or even intelligent when she develops a stutter and can just smile like a goof ball going crap crap what do i say....intelligence fails to come to the game in that respect...fortune may favor the bold.......doesnt make you any more bolder to know that your in favor ro that person you are standing near is your absolute favorite person to be standing near....especially when you are possibly going to get hurt and you feel sick in the guts at the same time.....stilll stings..im not hot....questionable intelligence....so i dont know if hot and intelligent women feel the same way i am just writing from a womans perspective.......deb
grkBoy Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Agreed- and you're right... ideally we'd all love to have 0% risk and the other party be completely liable... worse is when you're both wounded bears so putting yourself in that position is extremely uncomfortable... I read something recently that i like,, it was about unconditional love but I think its applicable... "Act without expecting anything return" and "too often we expect other people to show love first before we are willing to show it in return" I'm going to stop waiting and start showing,, without expectations and without waiting for the other to initiate.. what do I have to lose right? I think the best way men and women should approach dating initially is to take emotion out of it all. In the past when I'd met an attractive woman who seemingly was interested in me, I'd be going all out to try to make it work into a relationship. Too often she was scared, unsure, etc...and thus it all failed and I felt burned. When I finally "found myself" (my usual MGTOW and seeking self-fulfillment story I've said many times here), I approached dating differently. When I met my fiancee, I simply treated things as a night out with a pretty girl...nothing more. I went with no expectations or hopes of anything. I figured she would flake out or go psycho like women in the past, so I simply decided to enjoy the here and now. Lucky for me she didn't flake or go psycho...hence why she's a keeper. For you and others, you need to do the same. You see Mr. Handsome and gave him your number. He called, missed you, left a voice mail. Just call him and treat it as a conversation with a handsome and possibly charming guy. Later treat it as a date with a handsome/charming guy. A kiss shared with a handsome guy. Sex with a handsome guy. You get the point. When do you bring in the full emotion? When you know he's in for the long haul...and not sitting there in the "I'm not sure what I want, but I'll take sex right now" stance. Maybe the past rejections made it easier for me, but I'd also like to think that I was at a mental state where I didn't need to have someone like I used to. My fiancee could have flaked or went psycho and I would have simply picked up the pieces and stayed with my previous "path to self happiness" plan. "Oh gee...she stopped taking my calls and won't call me back. Bummer. Oh well, time to plan and start saving up for that Italy trip I always wanted." "Ooooookay. She was all over me last week, now she's crying about her ex and tells me she's not ready to be in a relationship, despite that I saw her all over her ex the next night. Move on. Let's learn advanced PHP coding so I can make more money." You get my point I hope.
NeverPlayaPlayer Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 come on girl!!! youre clearly a closer, so close!!!
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