Exhaustedbutinlove Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 My boyfriend and I have been together for quite some time now. This is the first man I have ever been with that I fell in love with whole-heartedly. He is the embodiment of everything I ever wanted or needed. The fact that he was my best friend and I get to say that we fell madly in love warms my heart. He has a child from a previous long term relationship that was on and off for four years. Most of his trust issues stemmed from the constant cheating and lying in the relationship. I myself just got out of a four year relationship, we no where near had the issues they did. We were two people who wanted different things and became more friends then lovers. Their break up was mutual, mine was not. It still devastated my ex who even though he knew it was coming was still overwhelmed by the ending of our lives together. We have since worked this out and are friends to this day. My loves ex is a different story. She is constantly bombarding him with verbal attacks. Multiple times she had tried to set up reasons to come to our house under the terms of their child only to show up to fight. These occasions were haltered when she discovered he was not there but I was. Custody was mutual until she found out he was in a relationship. Now what was once every other week divided between the two he now only get's his child once or twice a week. This was after she told a judge she would have no issue working out custody with him. On top of refusing to allow him to see his child she continues to threaten to take their child and leave state never allowing him the chance to see or take place in his child's life. She now has brought this to the work place, starting rumors and drama among co-workers, other people with in the vicinity and has even reached out to friends and family of his. Specifically all his male friends and anyone who may have been in his life. She's been starting to say and post defamatory comments against me now. I have not spoken to her nor reply to her comments online yet she still feels the need to attack us. Is their a silver lining? What can I do to make things smoother. I refuse to loose the man I love but at the same time it kills me knowing a small child is being used as a pawn and held against someone because of me. I have and will continue to respect her as the mother of his child. That child means the world to him. His life revolves around being able to support and provide for his child. It's heart breaking to see him go with out any interaction with his child weeks at a time. I just don't understand why
newmoon Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 you're in a very classic situation, so i'm sure many people will sign on and relate and offer you some sound advice. sadly, a child does become a pawn between parents when there is a less-than-amicable split. you have 100% control over your own life and your actions and 0% control over this mother, so try not to worry over her and the things she does. now is the time to show your bf what a different woman you are from this crazy mother. support him through this by being there for him, don't speak badly about the mother in front of him or the child, don't go posting or gossiping and retaliating to friends and coworkers, and try not to offer too much advice - it's his child and ultimately he will have to come to some agreement with the mother or the court. if you're feeling exhausted it might be because you're investing too much time/energy on this and not yourself. although it may seem like the mother is targeting you as well, just remember that her hatred is for the ex and not really you.
Aaer Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 It is exhausting. What is the current custody arrangement? If she's not following custody orders then I'd encourage your ex to file contempt. As far as her threatening to leave the state, personally I would not worry too much about that. If she removes the child then she's kidnapped the child. If she thinks kidnapping would be considered the best interest of the child in the eyes of the courts then she's misguided. Since your current state has jurisdiction over the child, even if she took off to some other state, she'd be ordered back to hash things out in the state that you live. If she attempted to move to another state, hide out and wait six months in order to meet the residency requirements she'd need to file for custody, then your ex will want to file to dismiss the case based on your state having ongoing, continuing jurisdiction over the child. She would then be ordered to return the child. The UCCJEA has some flaws but it's good for these type of situations. She sounds like a loose cannon. I wish I had more advice. Good luck.
Recommended Posts