SER Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 So we've been broken up since the end of October and were NC until 2 weeks ago. I was at a cigar shop that night with a friend of mine just hanging out in the back room watching TV with the other cigar shop regulars and my ex shows up to buy cigars, looks to the left, and sees me in there. He was shocked that he saw me and came and sat next to me (on a couch) and sat about a foot away and just talked about what I've been doing and whatnot and laughed at the show that was on (Duck Dynasty - that was the first time I had seen it), all the while scooting a little closer and closer. When it started to get a little late, he asked if he could take me to my car (my friend drove me to the shop from work) and talk. So he drove me over to my car and we talked and he asked if there really wasn't a chance that we'd get together and what my thoughts were on trying again. I told him that I am really enjoying my predictable life right now and that I like not having to worry whether or not my weekend (when we used to see each other) was going to be a good or bad one. I told him that I couldn't take the stress of a relationship (mainly what we had) along with school and work. He asked if he needed to move on and I told him that he did. We were talking in his car for a good 3 hours, most of which was him crying and me just kind of sitting there not knowing what to say. He said that he has so many regrets and apologized for not fixing his behavior sooner and waiting until it was too late. After I left and we said goodbye again (just a hug), I thought that was it. The next morning, I received an e-mail from him stating that he wanted to get a few more things off of his chest, which included him saying that he's realized where a lot of his negativity is coming from, that's he's been working on it, and that he's noticed a lot of changes already about how he feels about things and about his overall behavior towards people. He also stated that he was so very sorry for waiting until now to fix all of these things and that he just was devastated for losing someone that meant so much to him and for rarely showing me how important I was to him. He ended it by saying that he was still positive that I am the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with and that he hopes one day that we get another chance. Fast forward to yesterday and a mutual friend of ours posted a photo on Facebook of a group of us that used to hang out a weekend every now and then. In this photo in the background, my ex is standing with a girl with his arm around her waist pulling her close. She looks familiar, but I couldn't quite figure it out because I couldn't see her face. So, I did what I probably shouldn't have done and went to his profile and saw that his sister posted a (public) picture of them out the weekend before that. And that's when I saw him taking a picture with this girl that, when we were dating, was a family friend (his family). She is the best friend of his sister who came over almost every Christmas and had dinner with us at his parent's house. She also has babysat my niece and nephews multiple times. It was somewhat disturbing that he already moved on to dating someone else a week after his heartfelt sob in the car and follow-up e-mail, but even more disturbing to me that it is someone we know and that was also involved with my family. I'm pretty upset about this, especially after it only being a couple of months post break up after our 6+ year relationship. I also, in some way, am sad that he's already found someone when I'm still here alone. I don't exactly have the time to be looking, but I wouldn't mind having someone to just spend some heartfelt time with (other than my friends). Neither does he, but I guess it was easy enough as she has been around the past few years.
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Well you did tell him to move on. Maybe he just really meant what he meant when he wanted to just get things off of his chest. I'm sure he moved on after that. But it is hard to tell, really. He could have been with this other girl, that night he went to the cigar shop, and saw you. Maybe he wasn't. Point is, he moved on now. So should you. Sometimes we have to beware the advice we give...
Author SER Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 Also, I am uncertain as to whether I should ask my sister if she would make sure not to ask this girl to come take care of the kids in the future. My ex's sister works with my sister occasionally with her business, but she is non-essential to it. Seeing as how this is her best friend and I can see that my ex's sister most likely helped this along, I kind of also feel like asking her not to work with his sister anymore either. It might be easier for me that way and make sure that I've cut all ties with his family so that I can't be reminded of this and keep feeling a little betrayed by them. Is that too extreme?
Author SER Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 Yea, I meant what I said when I told him to move on. It's not that he was with another random girl, that would have been much better. It's that he's with this girl that we knew, who knew me, that also spent time with my family.
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 I do not see how you are betrayed by any of them. You and him are not together. Your sister is independent and like most people would help hookup a friend (Though: she shouldn't have with one of your exes.) You can try and see. But I am not sure if it will work. They are all independent afterall.
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Unfortunately, he can hookup with this girl no matter who she knew. I know it sucks for you, but these types of hookups happen a lot. I know one girl who went from brother to brother. He knew her too I'm sure...if she was a friend of your family. Probably even liked her. You can ask your sister and see. No sense in you hurting because of him and this girl. Hopefully she listens.
itsmyfault Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 My Ex has been seeing someone for 2 months or so now, TBH, It hits hard first but then it stops to bother you. I'm probably in a small minority of people but when I get upset by something I can sort of channel it into anger.. anger is easily controlled or released.. I don't have any suggestions that will make you feel any better, but at the end of the day now you know, just get on with your life and don't look back. I am a firm believe that the past is the past, What happened, happened. Can't be changed and never will.
flitzanu Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 so you saw a picture of him with another girl posted by someone on facebook? they are probably engaged by now. a guy being in a picture with a hot girl is not a definitive way to say "they are dating".
Phoe Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 I agree with flitzanu, a picture together is NOT an indication that they're dating. It could have just been a friendly, innocent photo op. I have had plenty of pictures with platonic male friends where we placed an arm around the other for the sake of the photo. A friendly photo tends to look awkward when the people are just standing next to each other with their arms at their sides, not touching at all! lol... but for the sake of moving on, you really should not even THINK either way about what this girl means. The only thing you should be thinking about is moving on and working on mending yourself
Author SER Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 True, however his arm was around her waist and he had her pulled close. He's not the flirtatious type, so it's not something he would ordinarily do. That get together that we did every few weekends is close friends and couples, no one just brings a random friend, it's not that type of crowd. And for him to bring her to meet all of our friends that we've known for 12 or more years is another indication. Also, 2 other pictures with this girl the week before. =\ I do realize that I need to move on, so I am trying. But random stuff like this that pops up doesn't help me feel any better.
Author SER Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 Nope, definitely wasn't a photo op. as I said, they were in the background. His face was not toward the camera, his back was actually mostly toward it because he was talking to someone whilst she stood beside him in his arm, also not looking at the camera.
Gottabestrong Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 He wanted to get back together, you told him it was definitely over and he needs to move on. I think that is what he is trying to do. That he has his arm around this girl does not mean that they are dating, but if they are, it still doesn't mean that he is in love with her, but only that he is trying to move on. People often do that by dating someone new. The moment you told him it was over and he should move on, you gave up your rights to his 'dating habits'. Unfortunately we can't have it both ways, break up with people and make sure they stay single, or decide who they are allowed to date. My advice is to tell yourself that you could have had him, but did not want him, and so you have to accept that he might be with someone new. Again, the photo alone does not mean anything, but even if they are dating, he is not doing anything wrong.
Author SER Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 Yea, I get that he's doing nothing wrong. I feel that, if I were her, I would think to myself, no I shouldn't date this guy because I know his ex girlfriend and am involved with her family and that doesn't seem right. Which is kinda why I want to ask my sister not to let her come around my family. I guess I see the "wrong" part on her side, not so much him. I still don't like that he also chose her, but as today goes on and I read replies, I just have to let it go. It's not easy to though. I can't get rid of how it makes me feel.
KatZee Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 I'm pretty upset about this, especially after it only being a couple of months post break up after our 6+ year relationship. Well, you DID tell him to move on. That's exactly what he did. This is just your ego talking, you somehow want him to be miserable, you want to find someone before he does, you want him to know he's wallowing over you and desperate over you. He's not. He did what you asked and is putting his life back together. Who better than someone who's a family friend and who's known him for years? 2
flitzanu Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 why is your ex boyfriend hanging out with your sister?
Author SER Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 He's not. I guess it's hard to explain - my sister works with his sister occasionally. His sister has a best friend who takes care of my niece and nephews sometimes. This same best friend is the girl he's (allegedly) dating. My sister doesn't hang out with him, his sister is the one that does. Sorry for the confusion there.
flitzanu Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 just trying to get this clear then, he's hanging out with HIS own sister, and his sister's friends, and YOUR sister only occasionally is there, is that about right?
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