johnnyk42 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Hi there, First post, I don't have many people to talk to so hope I can get a few things of my chest. Last Thursday night after I asked my wife what was wrong as she seemed a bit off she said she didn't feel how she should with me, just like that no other expanation. She also said this about 3 years but I took her back after she said what she done was a midlife crisis and she had sorted herself out. I was very happy and as we have a son it's all I ever wanted again. The first time she moved out, I remortgaged the house gave her what she wanted etc and we of course seen each other lots as we had our boy to look after. We were still good friends and she asked me to get back together so I said yes. I only sold my house and got rid of most things only 9 months ago and she now wants me to move out, so basically I have nothing and with not much savings I will need to rent for a while. My major fear is being alone although I will have my boy plenty it's not the same as what I want or hoped for in a family life. I really thought things were going great better than ever and she hits me with this and asks me to move just after xmas time!! I do everything for my wife and family so I know it's not me who is doing this but I can't help feel like it is on some sort of way. I have cried so much and sure there's more tears to come but she wants to move on asap, our boy will be hurt again as he was the first time and even if he a bit older now he is only 7 and loves us al being together going holidays etc. I just can't get my head round it, she says its her not me etc, there's no one else she just wants to be alone for a bit. I have had some health problems recently and this has knocked me back, as well as my birthday coming up soon and xmas it's all a bit much sometimes. I know I will get on with things again but this has ripped my heart out much worse than last time. Thanks for listening I just needed to say a few things Cheers, John
KJBA2816 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 You poor guy unfortunately people do tend to fall out of love with people and its the most crushing thing ever. It is her and not you. However making you move out around Christmas and your birthday is a bit spiteful. Just remember to put on a front and act strong for your son, out of all of this you have something amazing. Put all your focus into him and although he will be upset he will see that his dad loves him very much. What a horrible situation around this time of year, much love x 1
Author johnnyk42 Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 You poor guy unfortunately people do tend to fall out of love with people and its the most crushing thing ever. It is her and not you. However making you move out around Christmas and your birthday is a bit spiteful. Just remember to put on a front and act strong for your son, out of all of this you have something amazing. Put all your focus into him and although he will be upset he will see that his dad loves him very much. What a horrible situation around this time of year, much love x thanks for the reply, the first time was just before my 40th so I never really had a good birthday then either. My son is the main focus now and as you say I need to stay strong for him first of all. In one sentance she says don't rush then in the other it's I would like you to move out just after Christmas, and we'll tell our son just before you move out. I know i'm not the first to go through something this or the last but it seems the worst thing ever just now, i still love her but they way she has been I need to move on but that won't be anytime soon i don't think. I am too nice and soft to be nasty to anyone and she'll get her way as usual. thanks again
Chi townD Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Listen to this next sentence VERY carefully. DO NOT MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOUSE!!!! If this is going towards divorce, you moving out will look like you abandoned the home and it works in favor of her in the courts. Look, she wants out of the marriage and the family, you can show her the front door. You don't want this, she does. Therefore, if she wants out then hold the door open for her; but, you are not going anywhere and you're not going to disrupt your son's life, she will. Do not move out. If she wants out then she leaves NOT YOU! Now, you need to carry a Voice Activated Recorder (VAR) at all times when you talk to her. You're not going to play by her rules and not give her what SHE wants, she might force you to play by her rules. SHe may try to egg you into an arguement and that would be the ONLY thing she needs for her to call the cops and tell them that she and her child don't feel safe around you. Then the cops will ask you to leave the home. The VAR is for your protection. If you have already moved out. Move back in. Don't tell her you're coming back. Just move back in. Again, if she doesn't like it. SHE can leave. 3
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 So sorry you have to go through this again. I would try to keep things pleasant for your son's sake. Still get legal advice. Consider individual counseling to get through this. Suggest marriage counseling if you'd like to try to salvage your marriage. You also need to get some buddies that you can talk to. Have you thought about joining a sports league. Playing basketball or racquetball with the same bunch of guys regularly might be one way to find a few friends while staying in shape. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. (((Hugs)))
KathyM Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 It sounds like she's made up her mind and you're not going to change it. You could make one last ditch suggestion to her that, for the sake of your child, you both give it one last chance and go to marriage counseling to see if the relationship can be salvaged. I know some marriages that were on death's door, where the partner had moved out, and they managed to reconcile through marriage counseling. It is possible. Make the suggestion. Tell her, for the sake of your son, I think you owe it to him and to each other to make one final effort to see if the marriage can be reconciled. If she's not willing to do that, then I guess the next step is to consult with an attorney.
yessy21 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 John, Im sorry for your pain man. im sure we all wish we could just push a button and the pain wouldnt be there anymore. seems as if she likes to step all over you. you need to man up and realize this is the end. because if in a few months she starts asking you to get back with her and you say yes.... she will do this again, and again and again until she finds some other poor sucker to bring drama to. i know this type of woman. the only two people you should worry about now is your child and yourself. cut her off. give her only enough to support the child. and make sure its in checks. start picturing your life as a single man. because im pretty sure shes been single for a while now.... you just didnt know it. i have a feeling that your the type of man that will give it all to her just to make her happy. do not do it. because im pretty damn sure that this not all of a sudden.
yessy21 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Listen to this next sentence VERY carefully. DO NOT MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOUSE!!!! If this is going towards divorce, you moving out will look like you abandoned the home and it works in favor of her in the courts. Look, she wants out of the marriage and the family, you can show her the front door. You don't want this, she does. Therefore, if she wants out then hold the door open for her; but, you are not going anywhere and you're not going to disrupt your son's life, she will. Do not move out. If she wants out then she leaves NOT YOU! Now, you need to carry a Voice Activated Recorder (VAR) at all times when you talk to her. You're not going to play by her rules and not give her what SHE wants, she might force you to play by her rules. SHe may try to egg you into an arguement and that would be the ONLY thing she needs for her to call the cops and tell them that she and her child don't feel safe around you. Then the cops will ask you to leave the home. The VAR is for your protection. If you have already moved out. Move back in. Don't tell her you're coming back. Just move back in. Again, if she doesn't like it. SHE can leave. Johnny>>>>>> THIS ABOVE IS EXACTLY WHAT U HAVE TO DO> GAIN SOME RESPECT FOR YOURSELF MAN> U DONT WANT YOUR SON TO GET TREATED THAT WAY BY ANY WOMAN, so show him that u will not let anyone use you the way she has.
Author johnnyk42 Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 thank for all the replies, support and hugs, all appreciated I was going to start looking to move out right away as she wants but i will now stay for as long as i want and see what happens, she is not going to tell me what i should do here even how much it hurts. she walked all over me first time but doesn't seem to care doing it again and it needs to stop now. i just need to hide the pain and stand up for myself and my boy. I think she needs help as does her own family, they have been great with me, but she thinks she doesn't and her mind was made up just like that with her not wanting to talk to anyone just like last time, so I/we can't mean that much to her if she won't even talk to anyone. thanks again, I will try and post how I am getting on if it does!
yessy21 Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 I know some people are optimistic about this but having a sister who has been in a long term relationship and is a serial cheater.... she does the same thing to her hubby. whenever a guy that sparks her interest comes up... she wants to seperate or she needs some time to herself. i know its a lie because she tells me the truth.
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