Is it anxiety attacks or just part of breaking up??? Need Help

[kodiak]

Hey everybody I need some help and advice. We all know what it feels like to loose someone you were inlove with. The heartache, the lonliness, the anger, etc... Sure that takes time to fix and sometimes it does take awhile. There is no cure for it except to keep busy and try to make your life a happy one. Its been two months since I broke up with my GF that I truly thought was the one. Anyways atleast once a day i get this anxiety attacks. I mean i think there anxiety attacks. Its that feeling you get that you might never speak to them again and that they might have moved on already. Its that feeling you get when you think of them in somebody elses arms. I hate when this happens to me and i kinda loose it. I need to find a way to help prevent this. I cant let it effect my job or stuff like that. If anybody has experienced this before and knows what might help please let me know. I have been heartbroken before and been with girls longer than this last one however I have never experienced such pain or this possible anxiety attacks.

 

Another problem I have is this reoccuring dreams about her. Yes this too has only happened with this girl. For the past month I literally have dreams about us working things out and getting back together. i wake up so sad that i sometimes catch myself crying. Its so hard!!! The crapy part is that I know you cant control your dreams but i hate falling asleep because of this and this dreams occur every darn night.. I need some help. Thanks Kodiak

[bambi_4]

Why did you break up with her??

[kodiak]

she broke up with me, im sorry if i wasnt clear on that. she broke my heart

[rukallstar]

Kodiak--

 

I feel for you. I have been broken up for a little over 2 months. I thought that she was the one and all that. I spoke to her two days ago, to see how she was. she was still a mess, going out with someone who she admits is a less cool version of me. i heard something in her voice that really turned me off. i've thought about it for a while and realized, you know what i can do better. she is not the bset thing in the world. how can she be if she doesn't want to be with you. if you lose your confidence, you are sunk. in life, in love, in work, in everything. i know that it is extremely hard. and maybe calling her is not the answer. it was for me. we broke up on ambiguous terms. it still feels strange. but today i have regained my confidence. i'm in control of the ship, not her. if you believe in yourself, and know that you will find love again. we all do. it's the way of the world. that'a the biggest thing that i learned. if you were able to get a girl of that caliber to fall in love with you in the first place, then it will happen again. just work on getting healthy, physically and mentally. that's all that you can do, and live your life. go on a few dates. hell sleep with some girls, it makes you feel worse and better. at least you know you still got it.

 

girls always seem to go into relationships a lot sooner than men don't worry about it. if it is meant to be, it will be. my parents broke up for 7 years, with minimal contact. they have been happily married for 32 years. just regain your confidence and believe in yourself. that's all you really have. hang out with friends, get engrossed in your work. it will work it's way out. the longer you dwell. you have to dwell to learn and move on, but the longer you dwell the harder it will be. maybe you also need to see a doctor to prescribe medicine. check into that. a don't be stigmatized. hell break-ups are hard. i've had two hard ones, and one that i was the dumper, so it was easier. someone always likes the other more. and for the relationship to work, the man has to like the woman more. if the woman likes the man more, he'll cheat on her because he knows he has the upper hand. attraction is never an equal street. and it also changes in a relationship.

 

it will pass. i thought mine never would, but i'm starting to see the world in a different light. a light without my ex-girlfriend in it, and it's okay. there will be another and it will be better. it's all about timing.

 

take care

[kodiak]

Ruckalstar-

 

hey man thanks for the reply. Your words were those of encouragement. I know that i have to regain my confidence and move on. I have so much going for me at 24. I have a great job as a fireman, make great many, and can basically do whatever i want with my life. I have dated great, beautifull girls before, but this one really meant something to me. However i lost my confidence with her and began to get insecure with our relationship. Some of her final words to me were "The problem is that nomatter what i told you orr what i did, you never had faith and trust in our relationship and believed that i loved you and wanted to be with you" She was right. She was so good to me that i always thought that I wasnt good enough for her and that i would loose her. Well in the end i did. I know that i have alot of work to do with myself before i can ever have a second chance with her if thats even possible.

 

As far as seeing a doctor, after my relationship i went to see a therapist. She helped me alot and diagnosed me with slight OCD. She did not recommend meds for this because of some tests she did, my level of OCD was minimal. These meds out there can have some horrible side effects and Im afraid of that. However at times i feel like i need them because some days my thoughts are consumed by my ex(OCD right there). So i dont know im at a loss right now. Anyways man thanks for the advice. It was cool hearing the story of your parents too, thats aewsome. Thats true love right there. If you have any tips on what you did or are doing to cope with stuff please share. I have some threads that i started on "second Chances" that i would love if you read and gave me some feedback too. Your reply was great. take Care...Kodiak

[smile95]

I have gone through the anxiety attcks....mostly when my bf would not answer my calls or ignored me and I would gt really cold and shake and be so unfocused. He broke my heart into pieces...here I was supposed to be with him forever and he just shuts me out. The more I thought of him all day the worse I got. I would dream of him and wake up with the urge to call him and work it out and somehow forget all the bad. I got over it though. Try to tell yourself when you think of her that you are saving all your thoughts for 15 minutes in the evening. If you think about her during the day say"I will think this thought later this cannot affect my life now" Then when you get home designate some time to think everything. I PROMISE...soon you will not want to devote any time to her in the day and want to be doing something better than thinking of her~!I hope this helps?

[verysad]

Hi, I am writing because I know exactly the feelings you are talking about.

Sometimes I get so anxious, so mad, so sad that my heart pounds real fast, my throat closes up, my face gets real flush.....sometimes I get really hot. I think they are panic attacks. They happen to me sometimes when I feel very out of control. I do have anxiety and I take Zoloft for it, which helps me control my day to day anxiety (the panic attacks are not that frequently), but even with the medicine, I'm still me, so I'm still going to get upset and get anxious. I find I need to walk around and do something else....either call someone or go running or just do ANYTHING that will take your mind off the situation.

 

It's hard because at the time, you really feel frozen and like you cannot move, but if you do get away, you will pass through it.

 

As for the dreams, when my ex and I first broke up (it's been almost 6 months now), I always had dreams about us. Sometimes about us getting back together, and I would wake up so sad b/c it wasn't reality. Sometimes the dreams were about him breaking up with me all over again, where again, I would wake up in a bad mood. The dreams will pass. They're normal, she is on your mind all the time.

 

It's been 6 months for me and I was completely devestated when my ex and I broke up. It was completely out of the blue, we dated for 3 1/2 years, we were supposed to get engaged w/in weeks, he had a deposit down on a ring.

 

I just want to let you know that it DOES get easier. The best thing you can do is NOT talk to her! Trust me, I believe it's the only way to move on. Whenever I don't talk to him, I do better. Then whenever I think I'm strong enough to talk to him, or if I just have to tell him one more thing, forget it......it breaks my heart all over again....without fail!

 

Eventually you learn that no matter how much you try to justify why you should call and how this time you won't be sad, you will.......Don't pick up that phone or email! Just concentrate on you and go out and have fun!

[kodiak]

Verysad-

 

Thnak you so much for your reply and im very sorry to hear of yoru situation. I feel like such a baby at times because my relationship was only ten months and it s a LDR. However i heard a wise person say onetime that "it doesnt matter how long you were with someone, its how close and inlove you were with them" I think that is definately the case with me. i feel so horrible at times. i dont have the anxiety attacks to the extreme that you do as it sounds however i can relate to how you feel. Its crappy i know!!

 

If you dont mind sharing what happened with your ex or do you not really know. I hope that he gave you some kind of answer to what his reasoning was. Im taking a shot in the dark because i dont know you or yoru ex at all, but was it possible that he got scared of the commitment. I mean marriage is such a big step for people and i see too many people who i care about jump into it too soon. Maybe that had part of the reason why he broke up with you out of the blue, I dont know. As far as talking to my ex i know exactly what you mean. i never call her or reach out to her but it is so darn hard to just ignore her and not return her calls. I know that I have to pull the plug on it if i want to move eventually. Its just hard!!!!!!

 

Anyways Verysad I hope that things workout for you too. thanks again for the reply. I made a lot of sense. If I can help you with anything on my end please let me know...Kodiak

[smile95]

Are you sure 100% it gets better with no contact I want to call sooooooo bad!!!!

I know you are right, but we never even broke up? After 2 yrs he just disappeared? Sent an email normal one day and then nothing for 2 weeks? He is going thru a divorce so I think it has to do with that. He did it before during his sep and it was he was risking losing his child, but he could have had the balls to tell me he needs a break. Last time he called and acted like nothing was wrong a month later!!! I hope this gets better

[bambi_4]

What may seem like the darkest of times, light will always shine to show you the path to go on.

[jonyx18]

i completely understand what everyone in this page is going through ive been in 2 serious relationship the love of my life was my first love we were best friends for 5 yrs b-4 we dated and we dated for 3 yrs

 

nothing can ever compare to the feeling of knowing that he is your b-friend in the whole wide world and that know one understands u like this person

 

unfortunately i came from a very screwed up family and i learned that men cheat and always lie<<<or so i thought>>> i know i messed up i made him pay for everything my father did to my mother not knowing that eventually he would just give up

 

i broke up with him valentines day 3yrs ago we kept trying to work things out for 2 month after and he even took me to counceling but after those two month he changed he turned the tables on me for 4 onth after that he made me suffer4verything ihad done to him

 

so i got fed up and started a relationship with what turned out to be the worst decision of my life this was my rebound relationship and i devoted my whole life to this man

problem with him was he was constantly cheating lieing. after 1.5 yr we moved in together for whom ever has read my story knows that he would beat me all the time i had no life come home days later drunk out of his mind i wasn't allowed to have friends or even go out at all with noone not even my family he cheated on me all the time and would even sneak them into our home to screw them there while i was at work << we lasted 3 yrs also>> he left me valentines day this year

 

this relationship completely killed my soul i felt there was no way out and that that was what i deserved for some reason now i stop and think HOW RETARDED AM I still miss my second love so much we ended everything 2 month ago when i found that he was in a relationship with some trick he had cheated on me with for months

 

WANNA KNOW WHAT IS REALLY FUNNY

 

i just spoke to my first love yesterday after 3 yrs <<< the feeling was so overwhelming>>> he knows everything that has gone on in my life everything in the past 3 yrs from him cheating,him beating me where i work everything about me he told me he has never forgotten me

 

i wanna die i hurt him so much he said he wanted to die when he found out i had jumped wright into this relationship

 

he wants to see me this weekend how can i face him i feel so bad for hurting him i loved him with all my hart i never stoped thinking of him after all these years I always wonderd and hoped that he was happy

 

what can i do i know that i love him i felt the butterflies in my tummy that i never felt with anyone else but but but but what if we are ment to be rukallstar's parents got back together after 7 yrs

 

i guess there is always a time for everything mabe i need this to teach me a lesson

 

more confused than ever in my whole life!!!!!!!!

[unclejo23]

I agree with everything on that post man! rukallstar's current situation is what I hope I can reach soon for myself. It's easier to type the answers to others than it is to come to terms with our own situations.

 

Never rule out what "could" happen in the future(rukallstar's parents for example)... you just have to wait and find out...

 

All you can do is HOPE for the best(in the future)... and Prepare for the worst(right now)... Just focus on yourself for a little while... know what(not who) you want outa life... then work from there... That's what I tell myself... and it sure does help man!

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

I have been reading the posts and Ihave been going through some anxiety attacks but mine are like dry heaves...sometimes I feel real bad and real depressed....Unclejo23 I hope you are right that things could happen....my ex and I broke up b/c of job and distance, her decision not mine....but I wish I knew why things happen and when will it change for me....I still love her and I hope she feels the same...but whos really knows....Sorry if my train of thought is hard to follow....my mind is really not thinking staight since this has happened to me

[verysad]

Kodiak, he did give me a reason for breaking up with me. I didn't get that reason until months later though. He told me that he fell out of love with me. I don't know if it's true, part of me thinks he's convincing himself of that. I think he's afraid of commitment.

I'll tell you about us. We dated for 3 1/2 years. I'm 26 and he's 28. We were very close, each other's best friends and totally part of each other's families. We wanted to get married but weren't sure when. Then we started talking about it a lot more and with our families. My father got him a job with him (where he still works!). He started emailing me reception sites that we should look at. More and more our wedding became our topic of conversation. He put a deposit down on a ring (I know this now but didn't then). We started looking at apts for after we got engaged. VAlentine's Day came and we celebrated and in the card he wrote "I fall more and more in love with you everyday. I know you are the perfect woman for me and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you." AT this point, we and our families knew the proposal would be soon, but he wanted it to be a suprise....fast foward 2 weeks, on a Sunday. We were at his sister's house and she asked when we were going to get married and he said "June 2005." We all started talking about a Friday night wedding and that she would have a party for us the Saturday after. I stayed at his place on Sunday night and he was being very sweet and loving, more than usual. That Friday I go to his house and he breaks up with me. Says he doesn't trust me and doesn't think he ever totally will and thinks if we got married he wouldn't be totally happy. I was so shocked, devestated...everything. I was numb.....

That was 6 months ago. It's getting easier with time.

It will get easier for you too. Just be strong. I try to tell myself that there was a reason this happened to me. It happened to teach me a lesson. We'll see what that lesson is!!!!!

[kodiak]

Verysad-

 

I dont know everything but it sounds a little weird if you ask me. I feel that you would have seen a gradual change overtime with the way he felt and acted towards you. Im not just talking about two weeks either. If i had to guess i would have to say that he was afraid of commitment too. IT just seems like the logical explanation. Who knows though. You see my ex and I were doing a LDR for almost a year and it was great. We did so much together in this time and it was truly the best time of my life. I was the happiest i have been in a longtime being with this girl. At one point we took a break because she was having some issues but that lasted a little less than 24 hours. Besides that our relationship in my eyes seemed great. I guess she wasnt as happy. The weird thing is that before she broke up with me, we spent a weekend together that I will never forget. She was so loving and compassinate and was so happy that we were together. A week later its over. I had mentioned to her alot about moving to be with me and I feel that she was getting scared. Its hard when two people still love each other so much but cant seem to make the relationship work out at the present time. I asked her all the questions. Did she fall out of love with me, wanna date other people, meet someone else,etc.... She said that she was always honest with me and she will be honest now and told me NO to all of my questions. She just felt that she was two young to make a life altering decision like moving to be with me. I guess i dont blame her. I know that if we are meant to be than one day we will. I just have to let her go in the meantime to live her life. It is so hard, but i know it wil get easier.

 

Anyways verysad i hope that things work themselves out. Do you guys ahve conatct at all and if so, how much? I was wondering too, how come he doesnt trust you all of the sudden? Take Care...Kodiak

[Keelie]

Dear Kodiak,

 

I promise you - give it time, the anxiety attacks will subside and be replaced with anger - then with relief. What you are feeling is normal. I divorced my ex and I too went thru these same feelings as you - I called them panic attacks. These are feelings that usually hit me first thing in the mornings when I woke up and I'd go into this panic of "Oh what have I done?".

 

In your case she broke your heart so you're feeling intense hurt and rejection. You probably think she's totally forgotten you and has gone on like nothing happened. Trust me - she's gone thru hurt as well no matter how easy it was for her to break up with you.

 

It's been two months for me since my divorce. First month was excruciating and painful. Second month - I find myself no longer thinking about him 24 hours a day. We've had zero contact so it's helped with the recovery process.

 

I think when people go back and forth they just prolong the misery and end up doing desperate and stupid things they later regret.

 

I promise you - as painful as it is now - the pain does go away. Then you get pissed for a while - then you will realize it all was a blessing in disguise.

 

When two people can't work things out in a relationship -there is a reason! You just gotta pull your head out of the sand and realize it happened because maybe the right person for you is someone trying to find you but can't because you won't let go of the past.

 

Be tough and just let yourself go thru the motions and grieve. Then - get on with your life. You're not going to die from this broken heart.

[smile95]

I read your post and I feel for you. I had a similar situation and I need to know a few things if you do not mind? We also talked of marriage and kids and future.....we have had no contact for 2 weeks now. Well he has...i chased him for a week and quit. He will not break up with me but will not talk either. We were fine I guess (LDR) but my future was planned with him and now it hurts so much. How do you forget the good memories...I get so sad....I want to call, but he ignores me. I am in limbo. I want to moveon. He was not a great bf, but we loved each other(so I thougt?) Please reassure me that this awful feeling will fade. I woonder why he does not want to talk, why he does not miss me, where he is, etc. He is going thru a div and custody battle and on antidepressants so I know he is stressed and has ignored me before and not told me why. Then after he thinks I give up on him, he calls and said he needed to figure stuff out. I am just hurt that this person who promised me the world is gone. Was it real? I wish you well and I agree that one day I will look back and be glad we ended this becasue I will be happy with another. thanks for your time

[kodiak]

Keelie-

 

Thank you very much for your reply to my post. the attacks have gotten better and they are fewer and far between than before. I had it when they do come the. I dream about my ex nearly everynight, about us getting abck together. Its when i wake up in the middle of the night after these dreams that i have these anxiety attacks. I miss her so much at times that I just break down and cry. Its getting better though as each day passes. You talked about anger and I wish i had a reason to hate my ex or be made at her. She was great though. She once told me that "I was everything that she would ever want in a BF and that she has never been so close to anyone before that she has dated" We were very very close and I know she questioned herelf on why she sometimes felt that close. She dated guys longer than me but never did the things with them that we shared. Vacations togther, family trips, etcc.....It just seems so weird that theres not a second chance out there for that at all. It hurts to think of all those things she once said and now know that maybe it was all a lie. I dont know. Our relationship was LDR and maybe she knows that for us to really work( i mean really work) she would have to move to me. Maybe she got scared, i mean shes only 23. who knows?

 

Anyways everybody keep fighting the good fight and keep your head up, im trying to do that. Things happen for a reason. maybe there is someone better for me.

[kodiak]

This is a continuation from my previous post because I hit submit by accident. Anyways what i was saying was maybe this break-up is for a reason, well i know there is a reason i just wish I knew why. Maybe there is my soulmate out there that is not my ex. Maybe just maybe i have to go through this break up with her to be with her in the end. Like i said before there will have to be alot of changes for us to work things out and be together, ie.. me getting over my personal insecurities, re-build my confidence with myself, and her moving closer to me. One day i hope i can find out why all this happened. All i know is that i need to get a grip on things. My body has never felt so tired and run down in my whole life. The stress and these slight anxiety attacks are getting the best of me. I hope that the big man upstairs has the plan for whom im suppose to be with.

 

Although my ex has contacted me both times in the past couple weeks, I think that im going to write her a letter at the end of the month and tell her everything that i never got a chance to say. Since we broke up over the phone there is so much to say. Do you think thats a good idea. I need to get all thsi off my chest. I just need to know. It wont be a letter begging her at all to give me a second chance but just explaining my side of what happened. Anyways hope thinks work out for you and everybody else. We all just need to hang in there and wait to see what happens....Kodiak

[kodiak]

Hey everybody-

 

Thanks for everybodys replies so far to this thread, it has helped me out alot. Anyways I was curious how long has it taken for this anxiety attacks to stop. I hate them. I have always been a anxious kid, you know the one in school that had to sit with his legs under him and always moving around. Now that im older the anxiety is still here. In the end of relationships in the past i have never had these so called anxiety attacks. I will be fine for most of the day then i will get hit with them. I get sweaty, kinda nauseous, my heart begins to race, and i cant sit still. It all starts when i begin to think of my ex and how much I love her and miss her. Its been two months since the break up and I can honestly say that not a day has gone by where i have loved her any less.

 

Im so afraid that I will never be able to get over her. Im afraid that I will spend the rest of my life comparing her to every other girl that i date. I have heard about this kind of thing before and it scares me. I would do anything in the world to have her but I know that nomatter what I do, I cant!!!!!! I cant make her be with me. I mean will i ever get over here? If anybody has got any advice on how to help me, please do. How I can stop these anxiety attacks? I know that there is meds out there for anxiety. Has anybody ever taken them before and if so how were they? Please let me know. Thanks......Kodiak