Cupcake Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 My ex and I have been broken up for 2 months now. He kept calling me almost every day after I broke up with him because he had told too many lies. I was very insecure that all of his friends, including his best friend were females that he F**ked at some point or another. I simply couldn't trust him. So I ended it. He started dating (exclusively) some other woman he'd met, 3 days after we broke up. Apparently, one of his co-workers hooked him up with the girl. I got tired of him leaving messages telling me how much he still loves and misses me. So I changed my phone number. After NC for about a month, he sent me an email demanding an explaination for why I changed the number. He was all sad and pathetic. He asked me to call him. So I called him (and blocked the number). I was nice and basicly told him that I miss him, but I'm happy without him. I was really kind to him. I asked how he was doing. He and I ageed to just be friends. So I asked about his love life and if he has a new girlfriend. But he became angry and told me it was none of my business. He also said that he doesn't think he and I can ever be friends and that he's moved on with his life. He doesn't want anything to do with me. He hung up the phone on me. The next day, he sent me an email explaining that if I'd contacted him sooner, maybe he and I could still be friends. But now, he doesn't want anything to do with me since I waited so long to contact him. He also said that he doesn't love me anymore. If he really felt this way, why did he send me an email after I'd changed my phone number? I never really wanted to be friends with him. Clearly I had moved on with my life as well. I wasn't even thinking about him until he contacted me via email. I thought I'd be making him happy by agreeing to be friends with him. Now I feel like he dumped me or something. I probably shouldn't have called him. But I've been getting counseling since the break up. I felt stronger. Although he has never admitted to anything wrong, I'd forgiven him in my heart. And I was ready to have a civilized conversation or friendship with him. I don't want to hate him. I just want us to respect each other and get along. He really confused me by contacting me, and then reacting the way that he did.
Pocky Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 I was really kind to him. I asked how he was doing. He and I ageed to just be friends. So I asked about his love life and if he has a new girlfriend. But he became angry and told me it was none of my business. He also said that he doesn't think he and I can ever be friends and that he's moved on with his life. He doesn't want anything to do with me. He hung up the phone on me. Sounds like he realized you really were over him and he didn't like that too much. Don't worry about him anymore. Looks like you're doing better now anyway
Evanescence Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 You sound like you are doing alright. It wasn't until the end of your msg that i saw that you are actually upset over this. this guy sounds really messed up and you are better off just forgetting about him. However, I have a question to ask you. Were you really being friends with him because you thought you were doing a favor for him, or did you really want to be friends yourself? How can you be friends with someone because you are doing them a favor? You must have wanted it in some way right? So since you wanted it, and he rejected you, now you feel like crap. A bit of it is probably because you liked him when you broke up, but you couldn't handle the lies, so you did the smart thing and broke up... but you still had strong feelings for him (obviously cuz you went to couselling for it). Now he's rejected you (possibly to just get back at you for rejecting him in the first place?) and now you feel like crap because you missed him and maybe still have some feelings for him (not like you wanted to date him again or anything though). Anyway, whatever the real reason is, rejection sucks, flat out, and it can make anyone feel horrible, no matter who is rejecting you. You moved on before, maybe now he'll stop bothering you and you can truly move on with your life! Good luck
Author Cupcake Posted August 13, 2004 Author Posted August 13, 2004 We live so far away, and I know we will never see each other since we'd only made the effort while we were dating. The friend thing was all his idea after the break up. Of course, I was so hurt, I couldn't handle speaking to him at the time. But after the therapy, I realized a lot of things that made speaking to him okay. I realized that I can still appreciate and respect him as a person without wanting him to be the man of my dreams. I was happy about it. And since he'd been soo aggressive about contacting me, I thought he'd be happy to know that I'm able to forgive him and just be cool with him. But then I found myself in the same vicious cycle as I was in while I dated him. He was always making request that I didn't like. I'd give in, and he'd make me feel like it wasn't enough. So I would try harder to please him. It never worked. Yes I'm angry because now after we've broken up, he has still managed to get to me and make me feel inadequate and insecure like I NEED to do something for him, but I can't. My therapist advised me to try to make amends with him since there was still a lot of emotion during the break up. He was angry I was breaking up with him. And I was hurt he wouldn't change. She felt we both needed a conclusion to the relationship before we could have a friendship. You only meet a few real friends in your lifetime. And since he and I had gotten to know each other so well, I didn't want to single out the possibility that we could actually be friends. I'm certain that I don't want to date him again. But I do care for him enough to want him to be happy no matter what he does. After he realized how much I still care for him and willing to give him what he asked for (friendship), his reaction was so cruel, like he wanted me to feel neglected and insecure. Why would he ask to be friends with me if he did't really want it? He had no reason to contact me. Why did he go to such extreme to hurt me again? Yes, I'm very angry about that. Angry that he set the trap for me. Angry that I gave in, again. I feel stupid and careless. No matter how bad he treated me, I always wanted the best for him. What on earth did I do to deserve this?
Bubbles Posted August 13, 2004 Posted August 13, 2004 Here's some advice for you. My ex b/f treated me exactly like your ex is treating you. Do not let this get to your or else.........he has won. You don't want him to win do you? He no-longer "pays rent" (matters) in your life so brush it off......let it go. If you think of the grand scheme of things?........it really does not matter what he thinks of you or says to you. Insults are for children in the schoolyard. Bubbles
a2nxtc28 Posted August 14, 2004 Posted August 14, 2004 Just forget about him.Why dont u just change ur e-mail address or something.U sound like you are really over him so go ahead and move on with your life.I bet you a have a lot of friends..u dont have to be friends with him and incase he contact you again just ignore it..he sound like a headache.
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