TheZebra Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Hello! I'm new here, kinda got back into dating scene recently so I don't know what to expect, what's normal, etc. My last relationship was very long and it started differently, so yeah, I don't know what to expect. This weekend I went out with a really cool guy to a museum for a specific new exhibit. It was at most supposed to be like a 2 hour thing. Before going this weekend, i knew that he was a pretty quiet/reserved person and it took months of us talking a few times a week for him to open up more to me this last week. Until this past week, we had never had more than a 2 minute conversation and had never even called each other. After a quick lunch date a few days ago though, he got my number and even called the very next day to confirm our weekend plans and just chat. Anyways, we met there in the early afternoon and immediately started talking about just about everything. Before this we had talked a bit and learned that we had a lot in common, but this weekend I found out that we really clicked. Anyways, after a couple of hours of looking around this exhibit and talking he asks me if I want to grab some drinks and of course I say yes. We go to a nearby place and have some drinks and continue talking. At this point it's effortless; neither of us are trying to force topics, they just come up. After a couple of hours of drinks he suggests we grab food, so we go to a restaurant. We sit at the bar, have a few more drinks, order food there since the wait was taking forever, and continue talking. He paid for it but I put up a fight and told him I'd pay next time. After THAT, he suggested we get some dessert elsewhere and I agree and he finds a place on his phone that's nearby and we walk over. Even though dessert should be a quick event, we stay at the place until they're throwing water at our feet. He then walks me to my car and we stand there and talk for a bit. We do the typical 'this was fun, let's do it again' conversation and we're standing pretty close together, smiling, looking into each other's eyes.... but nothing. He didn't leave, but didn't lean in either. I feel a little awkward just standing there so I ask if he wants a ride to his car and he says yes. I drive him over and we talk for like, another hour, and he does the whole lingering thing again and seems really hesitant to leave my car, even though he kept saying he should probably head back, but doesn't do anything. He seemed a little nervous too.. was touching/scratching his face a lot; more than he had the previous 9 hours. Of course, he left eventually. Since he had a bigger commute than I did and looked a little tired towards the end, I asked him to text me when he got home (I worry about people driving while sleepy) so I knew he was ok, and he sent me a sweet text about an hour later telling me he got home safe and to have a good night, and joking about something we talked about during the day. So... this thing which I expected to be, like, 2-3 hours long turned into a 10+ hour long event. Given how our conversations went from 2 minute events to a one hour lunch date to this, it was a lot more contact than we ever had before. It didn't even feel like it was that long; we just clicked. Throughout the whole day he really made me feel like I was the only person in the room and that nothing else was around us. He was also very chivalrous, always opening doors, paying for stuff, making sure I was happy, etc. What throws me about it is that he didn't try to kiss me at the end. Why wouldn't he try for it? I thought I gave him plenty of signals... I touched his arm a lot, smiled, always maintained eye contact, asked him lots of questions about himself so I don't know what else I could have done. Any thoughts? Do some guys just wait until more dates?
Bodie Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Don't panic he clearly was nervous as well. It takes time and in a car it can be a little awkward with seatbelts and armrest in the way so your forced to make more of an effort rather than let it be seamless. Next time you go on a date and you say good bye lean in to kiss on the cheek but just linger for a moment and that should be enough!
ascendotum Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Oh boy as I kept reading this, it went from it was only supposed to a museum date, to and then we did this, and then we did this, and then we did this, and then we did this, and then we did this, and I thinking its going to end up with sex in the backseat of his car at 2am, but the punchline was there was not even a kiss. You said he was hesitant to leave even though he kept saying he should probably head back, seemed a little nervous, touching/scratching his face a lot. lol. That's because he was nervous. He did lean over and kiss you in his mind, he had it played out, but he was waiting for the ideal moment....the moment like in the movies where you lean forward close to him and purse your lips a little and close your eyes. He chickened out. Stand real close to him in the car park at the end of next date, and give him the I like you a lot look.
Author TheZebra Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 Thanks Like I said.. my last relationship was very different. We were in college back then and hanging out every day was common; we became a couple without even having a proper date. But alas, everyone's different!
pbjbear Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 It depends. With online dating Ive never kissed on the first date. Thatd be weird- I just met the person and I dont know if I like them yet. With someone I know before it may be different but some people are just not that forward. No kiss on the first date isnt necessarily bad 1
zebracolors Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Stand real close to him in the car park at the end of next date, and give him the I like you a lot look. yes, you want to indicate to him that you're ready, but still make him feel like he made the first move to kiss.
El Brujo Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 I never was much of a kisser. Which is a big reason why I'm willing to date women who smoke.
sweetkiwi Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Mmmm why didn't you kiss him? I don't usually kiss on the first date myself. But its a good way to determine sexual compatibility.....If that's important to you. Next time kiss him. He'll love it.
Carenth Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 I never kiss on the first date, it feels weird to me especially if I know barely anything about them. Only exception to that is my current girlfriend who I'm in a long distance relationship with I knew so much about her before we met that she didn't feel like a stranger at all (though I don't think this really counts ). Some guys just like to take it slower. I think he was just very nervous for what you have described. 1
Author TheZebra Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 Thanks for the feedback! The reason I didn't kiss him is because I was scared he'd pull away, or think I was moving 'too fast' or something. If there is a next time, I'll try and go for it (or at least make it REALLY clear to him I want him to) Now for a different question.. who should call the other next? Here's the order of how things have progressed so far (in the times we've met up).. I invited him for lunch He invited me for coffee (when lunch was wrapping up) I invited him to the museum (when coffee was wrapping up) He called next day and invited me to dinner, I declined (was already busy) Next day after museum, he invited me for drinks (date extension #1) After drinks, he invited me for dinner (date extension #2) After dinner, he invited me for dessert (date extension #3) I guess I've been doing most of the intial inviting and he's been the one prolonging everything. Is that bad..? Should I wait on him now, or initiate? I actually like being the one that 'leads' and 'hunts' so I don't mind it, but I don't want to overwhelm him either. All of my girlfriends say that he needs to make the next move to show his interest, but I dunno in who's court the ball is on. Thoughts?
SoulSearcher22 Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 He's clearly interested. He extended what could have been only a few hours into 10+! If i'm not enjoying myself very much on a date, I don't extend it for that long, lol. He's interested.
mysteryscape Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 I'd give him some time to be nervous and work up the courage to ask to see you again. But if he doesn't do it, contact him for the next get together. But I would tell him at that meeting that you'd like him to take the initiative some of the time!
Author TheZebra Posted December 12, 2012 Author Posted December 12, 2012 (edited) lol, yeah I know. I'm just wondering why I haven't heard from him at all yet, since he seemed pretty interested Saturday. EDIT: Damn it, I think I screwed up. I was talking on the phone outside and when I look up I see him walking parallel to me and he had been looking at me and he smiled, waved, and mouthed a hi to me. We were walking to the same place and when I hung up the phone I started talking to him about his team's most recent game, and when we both had to go, I just blurted out and asked if he wanted to grab lunch. He said yes, but damn it, what was I thinking? I wanted to give him his space, let him do the next move, but ughhh. Edited December 12, 2012 by TheZebra
turt Posted December 12, 2012 Posted December 12, 2012 As already mentioned, get really close to him to signal that you want him to make a move. He probably has no experience and is trying to do it but never finds the right time.
Author TheZebra Posted December 14, 2012 Author Posted December 14, 2012 Or maybe he just doesn't view me as more than a friend? Or thinks I'm not romantically interested in him? I dunno, I'm not a very obvious flirt. Well we went for lunch and had another great time with lots of conversation, he asked me for coffee after (again) and he even paid (again; I put up a fight but lost). I didn't try to plan anything for the weekend, since it looked like he had some plans already with his family. If I hang out with him again, in a non-lunch setting, I think I'll just ask him (if he has any romantic interest). This may sound weird, but he's the very polite and proper type... doesn't curse, eats everything with a knife & fork, asks me permission to ask personal questions, and is just sort of... timid. Def. has a very small social circle (introverted), and pretty awkward to boot. One of my co-workers tells me she gets the 'apprehensive' vibe from him (she met him a few weeks ago). I mean, if he's asking me permission to ask why I don't work for my dad (dad owns his own company - it was a convo topic), which IMO is a harmless question, kissing may take time.
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