atlous Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 I posted my first post yesterday and I found out that he phoned a friend of mine and told her to tell me that it was over and that I wasn' t the right girl for him remember my post phone him or not? well did I ever phone him . I asked him if he was ever going to phone me and tell me and he said no. I wrote a heart felt letter to him when he was at camp and he just threw it away because his friend said so? His friends are losers and don't give a **** about anyone. He said that I could keep my cell phone and that he would pay for the bill he said it was the least he could do. On the phone he sounded as though his dog died he made this decsion so why be so upset by it ......so I left this email tell me what you think. I can't believe he did this to me. You were right when you said we are not meant for eachother. I realize that I will find someone who will appreciate me that likes when I run them a bath when they are sick they will apppreciate how much I helped them with their homework they will appreciate when I organize birthday parties and buy cakes and make you feel special and welcomed. someone will appreciate my honesty and the fact that I would never cheat. Someone will also accept that my family and friends didn't care that you make mistakes they have always welcomed you even though you cheated. Someone will appreciate that I like making love all hours of the night and never get tired of loving. Someone will appreciate my child like qualities like swimming playing at ruckers and playing laser tag. Someone who is willing to accept me and not hurt me that is what I deserve. You need to go and find yourself you are right about that because no one knows who you are anymore we all fell in love with the Raul we met 21/2 years ago. Your friends i am sorry to admitt are not the greatest role models look at where they are. Be Raul not a Jerry want a be. WHen I think about it, I wouldn't want to work things out. You are not the right person for me either. You were a year ago but you want to be someone your not so go and be happy being this new person. In a couple years we wont even think about this ****. I for one gave you a chance at a real honest relationship one that could only go up. I will get angry when someone hurts me and I have learnt a lesson out of all of this. Never give 100% you wil only get used. I am excited about who I am becoming I am going to travel and be at one with myself no matter who I am with. Definetly I will find the man who will accept the rose with all its thorns that is strong enough to be in a relationship and moreover love me for everything I am. I was never a mean person to you. You have nothing against me other that you were my first love and thats it. I did many things for you and you pissed on me in the end. I ask myself why did I ever want to be with someone who doesn't put any effort into anything that could mean something. Example nursing and me. You never put anything in and guess what you have lost both. I am not sad but when I talk to my friends they tell me that I aslo should move on and not waste another minute on you because you don't give a **** and now niether do I. I owe you a thanks for teaching me many valueable lessons.
bambi_4 Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 STOP CONTACT PLEASE!!! He has spoken, now let him off. I'm sorry about this next statement and its not meant to hurt you but he sounds like some pr***k, he is not for you. Don't act desperate, that wont help matters. Keep a clear head and move on. Its what he wants. NO CONTACT!!!
simplybrill Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 I have to agree, dont give him any more contact. He doesnt deserve it. Stay strong.
dyermaker Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 : I'm sorry that happened to you. It sounds like you are ready to move on, and as far as your question--no, I don't think your letter will help a reconciliation. But do you really want him to come back? Don't you believe what you wrote?
Author atlous Posted August 11, 2004 Author Posted August 11, 2004 I never sent the email. He doesn't deserve any words from me. I feel so used. I gave him everything and I am just bitter that he could stomp on my feelings and listen to all his friends. They are not very nice people. Just because they are not going anywhere. I miss him beyond belief and I can't believe he feels nothing after 21/2 years. When we were in Mexico and just last week he told me that I was the girl he was going to marry. Every word seems like it was a lie. It feels like I hate him but I don't. age should not be that big of an issue I am 26 he is 23. Will he ever regret what he has done? I wonder if he thinks about his decisions? I do not understand men. Especially when you give them the world they take it and throw you to the dogs. I am going to be a very sucessful woman and I am likeable he is missing out. He has some major issues and so do I but I thought that if you loved someone than you could work through anything. I guess I wasn't worth the time? Or was it me. I so desperatley want him to know that he can't handle my heart anyway he wants to anymore. I want to hurt him like he has hurt me you know I am a ****in mess I have started on anti depressants and am seeing a counsellor on Monday. I want to know why I am so weak. there are so many people that are strong and can just say screw them and go on with their lives. I wish I had that power. I feel like I have lost some of my dignity and this is the only site that I can truly be honest and vent. I want to erase that I even met him I am lost within my own body. It feels awful that I was nothing to him after everything I have done! seriously hurting
Author atlous Posted August 12, 2004 Author Posted August 12, 2004 This honestly takes the cats ass! right after I was going to send the email which I did not send I started to get serious pains in my side. I ended up in emergency only to find out that I was pregnant and in fact losing the baby! Blood everywhere I just heard those awful words yesterday that he couldn't be with me anymore only to have this on top of everything! I am burnt out of dealing with ****! I feel so very abandoned I feel that all the physical and emotional pain are far to much to bear. What pain is he dealing with what kind of beer to buy! I am LOSING IT! I can't stop asking why? I am on pain killers now and I need to sleep goodnight
honey2005 Posted August 12, 2004 Posted August 12, 2004 I realize that I will find someone who will appreciate me You are right, you don't need someone who treats you badly and doesn't appreciate anything you do, and you definitely don't need someone who just throws away a heart felt letter you wrote to them (I've had that happen before). I agree with the other posts, don't contact him, he's not worth you wasting your time on.
unclejo23 Posted August 12, 2004 Posted August 12, 2004 You just have to swap genders.... I'm 26 she's 23... together 3yrs(cohabitating for 2), lost pregnancy... AND we took it one step further with engagement! She one day(july26th) calls off the marraige and then makes suggestions on how to handle us moving forward, that were unfair to me. She is living with her sister now(my choice)... and I have to battle everyday for NC. Which should be easier now that our financial accounts are finally separated. ( I know.. I should start my own thread) Just like you, I have soooo many questions as to WHY? But it seems to me that when I ask myself those questions... I head downhill? Every day is a new roller coaster ride... I won't list the emotions because i know you are feeling them. It sucks! Sure I need help too sometimes... you have to believe in yourself. Everyone is right when they say you deserve much better... The answers to my WHY questions won't change the fact that she left. Looking forward... it will be hard for her to prove that things HAVE changed for her, and she wants back in. But thats up to her, and I'm not going to be unfair to myself, by hanging around drowning in my own self-depreciation. Some of you would disagree... but for me... the age may be part of it too... being 26... I've done most of the stupid, wild, crazy things that one has to "get out of your system" i guess you could say. So at 40 you don't look back and wish you had? I dont know if its the same for you, but i figured I'd throw that out there... I can tell you this... as a guy that has cheated during many past relationships(not proud of it)... When you really love someone, a flag will be raised whenever you are presented with temptation... My ex is the only woman I have ever been faithful with! She knows my heart was in it... and I think he knows that too... give him time to figure out if he's in it with you(no contact). And don't beat yourself up for working harder at the relationship than he did! Final thought... NC girlie!!! if you believe in that email you wrote... and he really loves you... he will appreciate all those things WITHOUT having to read them. IF he doesnt, you can only start looking for someone who will.... In the meantime... I usually find close friends to fill parts of the void that my EX normally would be there for... I wish you luck.... and I really hope things get better for you... you just have to believe in yourself right now...
Author atlous Posted August 12, 2004 Author Posted August 12, 2004 Got it I know what I have to do and it has only been one day since I lost the baby. I felt like God was punishing me for something. I was honestly having a nervous breakdown yesterday. but today is a new day. I seriously thought that he was my soul mate but I have to get out of that mind set and move on. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Well one of them anyway. He gave me closure alright he wasn't the man that I fell in love with. I want to hate him. I feel stronger today. I did text message him last night to tell him what had happened and there was no reply I feel estranged by my best friend I hope one day he will realize that I was a great girl and never meant for all of this to go down that way. I just asked him for respect. It all started with him sleeping at another girls house. Jerk! Thank you so much for replying your replies ensure me that I am keeping my dignity and doing the right thing by not calling him
unclejo23 Posted August 12, 2004 Posted August 12, 2004 ....is YOU GO GIRL! Keep your head up! Hope I can follow my own advice...."I DESERVE BETTER"
Author atlous Posted August 15, 2004 Author Posted August 15, 2004 Well it has been three days since we spoke about the mc. He seemed so cold and distant. He didn't even care. I wanted him to understand that this was a very emotionlly painfull time. I wasn't asking for his hand in marriage or to get back together I just wanted him to care. He wasn't even strong enough to do that. He said " I am hurting to and I am sorry that I can't be there for you" After two years I hear the most insensitive words. I had no idea i meant so little. He never asked how I was? What the hell. His friends have a huge grip on him and they do not like me at all. Three days feels like forever but never again will I EVER call him again. not worth one second. WHat I am worried about is what if he does call. I do not answer my phone because I am afraid it will b him so I wait until my answering machine kicks in then I will answer. I hate his mother and friends for lying to me its like this huge conspiracy. He stayed with me for two years why don't they respect that he has feelings of his own. I feel alone and I didn't want him to know about the mc but my friends took it upon themselves and i was pissed off. Oh well he didn't seem to care anyway. I also work at the same place I hope that I will not see him and if I do it will be for second. I don't know how to act help?
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