Author Nature Boy Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 well... what a blatant load of total hypocrisy that thread was then!The issue isn't the number of sex partners either of us have had, what this is about, is the swinging lifestyle, her reluctance to tell me about it beforehand, and the possible fallout from it.
Author Nature Boy Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 The guys I know who seem to have the biggest issues ending up with a former wild & adventurous women, are the guys who did not have a steller love life and never got much of the dirty girl times, so don't want a reformed slut or the man whores/players who became cynical of women being easy or cheating, so tend to want a younger less experienced traditional/family orientated type woman. Really though lots of guys are going to freak out over this situation, but in the end quite possibly because of his past he seems like he is going to get over this with her because he is really happy to have her.We may end up like the doomsayers say we will, but I think that we have such a basically good relationship that we can overcome this. At least, I'm willing to try, and she is more than willing to, as well. 1
Author Nature Boy Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 Well, we had a long talk about the situation , tonight. I laid down my boundaries and she accepted every one of them. Obviously no contact with ANY member of the club, her continuing IC, and complete transparency about her "activities", during her marriage. Plus complete truthfulness . No lies of omission to avoid an issue or issues. She is on cloud nine right now , because she thought I would dump her. But hey, we have all done things in our past that we are ashamed of . 2
Mumbles Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 ... and complete transparency about her "activities", during her marriage. We're all different. Thank goodness too, makes the world much more interesting. I don't want to know about my next partners history tbh - I don't ask my current platonic friends for such intimate details either. I'm ok with almost anything, so long as they are healthy and into me right now - but it all seems a bit voyeuristic to me to be digging away at such detail from the past. Plus complete truthfulness . No lies of omission to avoid an issue or issues. I want truth, about us, and about right now, but hold the details from yesteryear. A big part of it is not wanting to know about stuff I don't want to know - because you can't "un-know" things once they hit you, but I just wonder about relevance too. I've changed enormously over the decades. Not necessarily for better or worse, but I'm certainly different. What I might have done when I was 20, or even 30, seems pretty irrelevant now. 2
Author Nature Boy Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 We're all different. Thank goodness too, makes the world much more interesting. I don't want to know about my next partners history tbh - I don't ask my current platonic friends for such intimate details either. I'm ok with almost anything, so long as they are healthy and into me right now - but it all seems a bit voyeuristic to me to be digging away at such detail from the past. I want truth, about us, and about right now, but hold the details from yesteryear. A big part of it is not wanting to know about stuff I don't want to know - because you can't "un-know" things once they hit you, but I just wonder about relevance too. I've changed enormously over the decades. Not necessarily for better or worse, but I'm certainly different. What I might have done when I was 20, or even 30, seems pretty irrelevant now.I"m not particularily interested in finding out much, but I want there to be no surprises. I felt blindsided by this and don't ever want that to happen again.
Under The Radar Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Well, we had a long talk about the situation , tonight. I laid down my boundaries and she accepted every one of them. Obviously no contact with ANY member of the club, her continuing IC, and complete transparency about her "activities", during her marriage. Plus complete truthfulness . No lies of omission to avoid an issue or issues. She is on cloud nine right now , because she thought I would dump her. But hey, we have all done things in our past that we are ashamed of . I am glad to hear you will be giving her the chance. It's hard enough to find people we can love and that accept us for who we really are. You were thinking about marriage before this "came to light". Obviously, thoughts of getting engaged, after almost a year relationship, means she has some outstanding qualities. Like you said, everybody has a past (and things they are not proud of) ... including, by admission, you. I sincerely hope things work out for the two of you . 2
Author Nature Boy Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 (edited) Thanks. Radar, I appreciate it. Since we talked about it, she has been positively gushing romance. LOL She has called, texted, and even brought me lunch. She called the woman friend and ended contact with her, without my telling her to do so. I also got a call from the woman friend, apologizing for leaving the paper, and she said that it was only about the "meet and greet', and saying that she is glad that my GF now has such a good man, as her ex was a bad lot. She (the friend) still thinks that what they do in the swingers clubs is ok, if both partners enjoy it, but she also said that my gf stopped doing any of the extreme stuff after a couple of times, and restricted herself to straight sex with one partner. Sometimes I think I'm getting TMI. But anyway, she said that she won't bother us, and wishes us all of the best. Edited December 15, 2012 by Nature Boy 1
Author Nature Boy Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 BTW, When we had our talk, I told her that there would NEVER, EVER be any swinging for us, and that unless I brought it up or unless somebody else ever saw the photos, , the issue was closed permanently. She agrees completely and said that all she wants to do is be the best woman she can be, for her "Hero".
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Her "Hero" eh? Despite my inherent pessimism, I wish you good luck 1
Author Nature Boy Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 You know, ES, despite her past history, I think we can have a terrific future. 2
Mumbles Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 Sometimes I think I'm getting TMI. Yes to that. I know what its like to have a partner with an apparently intriguing past. Theres probably a bit of voyeur in all of us I guess, but at the same time, I don't want to know this stuff. I had a older g/f when I was a young man, and goodness me, she had a long and intriguing past. But I was quite young, and had only in recent years at that point lost my V card so was easily intimidated by some of the details that I myself pursued. I think I learned a lesson there. But anyway, she said that she won't bother us, and wishes us all of the best. That is so great. I thought she'd be a bit pissed off - what a mature and reasonable conversation it sounds like this was. Good luck and best wishes for your future together.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Since we talked about it, she has been positively gushing romance. LOL She has called, texted, and even brought me lunch. It's very powerful when a wonderful man accepts you with all your flaws and doesn't punish you for past mistakes. I'm not surprised she's over the moon. You sound amazing 2
Later82012 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 It's very powerful when a wonderful man accepts you with all your flaws and doesn't punish you for past mistakes. I'm not surprised she's over the moon. You sound amazing Yes, but this is a huge risk to take. If the person provided with the opportunity is not sharp enough to realize this is a lifeline, they could easily screw both their lives later on.
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