sharsh Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 I had an okay day. I spent time with my mom, dressed myself up, was feeling all right. I drove by his house, and the lights were on, he was home alone. I kept on driving though, and I went home, and I was okay. Now it's 11 at night, and I made myself some dinner, sat down to eat, and my phone goes off... It's him. Early this morning when I first woke up, I was sad, because he hadn't contacted me, it would've been a week tomorrow that he hadn't said anything at all... I've been NC since Nov 28th. Whenever I get the urge to contact him I just come here, or write him a letter in my diary... something to that extent. His text... "I know you won't text me, and I understand... but I wish I could make love to you just saying... hope you been doing okay.." Now I can't eat. I'm crying hysterically. I can't stop shaking. I desperately want to reply... I just want to talk to him, see him... NC is killing me.
Mr.White Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 You are very strong! You have to keep in time why are you in NC. I am not sure but you both must have a good reason.
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 I do not know your whole background story, but you two clearly broke up for something serious, if you went NC. Question. Why did you ride by his house? You are regressing memories that you needn't put upon yourself, thus, you hurt more. Besides, who texts someone, after such a while of NC, and only tells them they wish they could make love to them? Shouldn't it be something different? Like, I dunno, I love you, I am sorry. Any of these. Sounds like he just wants to have sex; that should not have been his first text, after a while. Do not be a tool for his desire, and keep up the NC. It hurts, hell, it HURTS BADLY!! I understand! I so badly do! But you cannot...
Author sharsh Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 He broke up with me, and gave me a slew of different reasons everytime I asked why. I don't even think he knows why. We were together for three years. Everytime we broke up, and even this time (I think we've broken up a total of 4 times.) he has ALWAYS been talking to another girl BEFORE breaking it off with me. He denies it every time, but it's the case, EVERY TIME. He's done more questionable things during our relationship too. I don't want to make a long post, not everyone has time for that. Anyway, I initiated NC with him after the break up (we broke up in Oct, but were still seeing each other) around Nov 25th? I found out he was sleeping with me, and two other girls. I was totally disgusted, and told him he cannot have me and have his cake, and eat it too. He was upset, and didn't believe I had it in me to not reply to his texts, initiated contact, etc. Which I had led him to believe that time and time before, because each break up before this I would follow him around like a lost puppy, begging him back, he had power over me and he KNEW it. This time I took the power back, and am not going to be his f*cking doormat anymore. Also, your question about riding by his house... I don't know why I do it. I guess I want to know he's home, alone, and not with her. He's not even dating her, just f*cking her. But still. It kind of eases my mind to know when he's sitting home, alone, and is lonely. I know it's not good, and I don't do it often. I don't dwell on it too much when I do it. And I know it needs to stop. It's a work in progress.
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Then do not let him own you emotionally anymore either. Just be angry. You know why there was always another girl? This is why: He was planning on moving on with that other girl. It didn't work, so he went back to you. Initially he turned you into his backup-plan, just incase his new adventures didn't workout. He is trouble. He is using you. He is scum. Simple as that. Do not answer his selfish text, oh my! Sex! That's what he wants, that's what he texted you for! He is trash, I am not even sorry to say it. He is using you, that is trashy.
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 As of you driving by his house: It is not healthy. Regardless of whatever sense of delight you may get from seeing him home alone. It will serve only as a trap, to keep you snared to this boy. Stop that. Be strong. What is he, that you cannot find someone better, who will love you?...Years, I know. But years under a lie, captive to his power, is not worth it. I am glad you are fighting for your own power back.
Chi townD Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 "I know you won't text me, and I understand... but I wish I could make love to you just saying... hope you been doing okay.." Okay, lets break this down. Translation is "I'm bored and horny and I want a booty call." Stay NC. He has his right hand to keep him happy. You are worth more than a booty call. 1
Author sharsh Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 I am trying. I don't think he ever wanted a relationship with any of these girls. He just wanted to sleep with them. Once he got what he wanted, and got his fill, that's when he would come back to me. He was never in an exclusive relationship with any of them. I'm not trying to excuse his behavior, but looking for another relationship isn't what he was looking for. He texts me about every hand full of days, and each text says basically the same thing. Usually they're extremely raunchy, that he just wishes he could f*ck me. I think this time he was trying a softer approach to get a reply out of me. I feel like **** because I spent three years with him (we're both 21 now), and I would've married him at the drop of a dime, when things were good, they were fantastic, cloud 9. But getting his dick wet in as many places as he can is like his number one priority. I'm having trouble comprehending this because I gave him the world, and was the best girlfriend I could possibly be. I worked and worked and worked on fixing myself (I had some issues too), and did everything he wanted, took care of him, etc. I just can't wrap my mind around why he would leave when he had it so good. It's not like I'm unattractive, or was a bad girlfriend. Idk. Each girl he's had since our relationship was trash, not better looking, didn't have as much as I have to offer, etc. I'm not trying to come off as having a big head either... I'm really stumped.
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 In the end, it doesn't matter what anyone does. They do what they want to do. He used you. He made you into what he wanted. You did what he wanted. It was always what he wanted, no? What about what you wanted? What about your needs and cares? Clearly, his only care is his penis. He molded you. Molded you into a doormat. It didn't matter what you had to offer. Sure you offered him the world; the world he molded you to offer him. But you didn't offer him everything. You didn't offer him a variety of different vaginas per night. That is what he loves. His raunchy texts and otherwise prove it. He sees you as an object. As a piece of meat. He is the wolf, ready and willing to devour you. He degraded you down to just that. A dead piece of meat. He is sick, and trashy. He isn't a boy or a man, especially a man, he is just trash. Young and horny, and wanting what he wants. But much more! A manipulator. He molded you. But the answer is simple, to your questions as to why? He wanted too because he was horny. He wanted too. That is the answer "he wanted too."
Author sharsh Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 I get that, and I want to say thank you for taking a little time out of your day to chat with me about this. It just sucks to accept it. It's like I dreamed him up to be this stellar, loving, caring guy, who would always be there for me. And now I'm stuck with reality, that somehow for three years I was off in lala land, blindsided, with this imaginary guy, then I woke up. And he's the most selfish human being I have ever encountered. Underneath it all, I think he does care about me, he would do anything for me, and has proven that, time and time over again. He's like a two-in-one person. One with no remorse or feelings for anyone but himself, the other with a softer side that would run to my rescue if I needed him. Blah sorry I kind of rambled.
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 It is nice you think that about him. But I disagree. Everything he has proven, from what you say, seems to be for effect of what he would end up wanting. But I do not know everything, so he might be as you know him to be. I had a g/f for 4 1/2 years, I loved her dearly. I would gladly die for her...When she did me wrong. I was at a cross-road. I could have taken revenge for what she had done(I had ways), to really hurt her she did me. I obviously chose the greater of my heart; not hurting her. I know what it is like to love someone very dearly. To sacrifice it all for someone very dearly. I am not even close to half the man I used to be. She beat me down. I would look her up too, hoping to see her single, hoping to see her miserable. Hoping for a sorry, or something. All this hope only added to the fuel of my hurt...So I stopped. It wasn't worth it to know: whether she was happy or sad. It just didn't matter.
Author sharsh Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 I understand, because right now you're only getting the negative aspects of our relationship. Even when we had a very very nasty break up two summers ago, and I went TOTALLY crazy off the wall. I ended up in an extremely horrible situation that led me to be stuck downtown at 3 AM. He came to my rescue, immediately, got me to a safe place, and the next morning took care of everything for me, getting my car back, my keys, my stuff, etc. I have no doubts that if I found myself in a similar situation he would "rescue" me again. Not that I'm counting on him. But he IS always there when I need him, and is caring and supportive. I just don't want everyone to think he's some MAJOR douchelord. Has he done some f*cked up things? Yes. Has he broke my heart? Yes. Is his dick making all the calls for him? YES YES YES, and YES. I just don't want him painted as negatively as he's this totally fcked up person. i still care about him. And I still love him. But his priorities are clearly not on the same page as my own..
suladas Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Sorry to hear your hurting. My guess is that because of his age, he doesn't want to be tied down to only one women, and wants to play the field so that might explain why he cares for you, but wants to sleep with other women. Regardless you can't trust him, or expect anything to change so stay NC and move on. 1
Gottabestrong Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Dear Sharsh, I agree with other posters, due to his age he is not interested in settling down, but wants to sleep with as many women as possible. He is 21 now and you were together since he was 18. Unfortunately at that age many people (men and women) can't make intelligent decisions and are just driven by their urges. I understand that there are good things about him too, maybe he was a wonderful boyfriend at the beginning of your relationship. But he is not anymore. He has cheated on you, he has dumped you, he has slept with you and other women consecutively. Please don't think about the boyfriend he used to be, but the man he is now. Because that is the man you are dealing with. The other man is gone. And he is not even asking you to get back together, telling you how much he loves you, that he made a huge mistake, etc. All he wants from you is sex. And not even exclusively. Think about that when you feel tempted to reply to his texts. You don't want the man he is right now. You deserve better. No good can come out of you replying to him. Stay strong! 1
Treasa Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Hey sweetie, I just read on another thread about you having a rough night last night. I wish I had been around. *hugs* I think you did AMAZING and are a tough-ass chick!! Keep it up. You aren't his dog. You know exactly what he's doing, and you're way too good for it. Here's a bunny for you:
Recommended Posts