rainboweyes Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 If my boyfriend and I are out with people and someone brings up something that he and I have done together, or a place that we have visited together etc, he will say "I've been there! ...I had a great time. I thought it was....blah blah blah." or "I'M going there for the holidays!" (we BOTH are...and I'm sitting right there) It makes me want to say "WELL. Have a fun time on YOUR trip!!" He keeps doing it. I have talked to him about it and he explains that he doesn't mean to do and will try to remember ... but he keeps on doing it. For example I'll take him to a new restaurant for his birthday, someone will have a status about the restaraunt on facebook and he'll comment " I was there for my birthday". (All by yourself??? lol) It makes me feel like he's embarassed to have a girlfriend or something?? I told him this is how it seems to me and he vehemently denies it says he's proud of me etc etc. We've been together for a year or so now, have met all his friends, very included in his family, his fb status and profile pics have included me....it's just this one little thing. It seems unnatural to me like he's purposely avoinding mentioning that we have plans or have done stuff TOGETHER and again, he denies feeling that way at all. How would you feel if this was happening to you? What are your thoughts? Thanks
ja123 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 I'd feel like sh*t if that happened to me. That'd be enough for me to break off the relationship, if I wanted something LT. You spoke to him about this, and he's still being selfish and not using "couple-speak", so I'd seriously think about moving on. He doesn't respect you or your feelings, and he's showing he's not good BF material; he's showing himself to be a selfish jerk. You deserve better. Why waste time on a jerk?
RachR Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 I'd feel like sh*t if that happened to me. That'd be enough for me to break off the relationship, if I wanted something LT. You spoke to him about this, and he's still being selfish and not using "couple-speak", so I'd seriously think about moving on. He doesn't respect you or your feelings, and he's showing he's not good BF material; he's showing himself to be a selfish jerk. You deserve better. Why waste time on a jerk? What the...don't you think you're being a little extreme? rainboweyes, I'd feel stricken too but I'd tell myself that it was more about my insecurities than about him trying to hurt me. 5
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 You're in his FB pictures, you've met his friends, etc. How exactly is he ashamed to acknowledge he's dating you? In the grand scheme of things, this is minor. Sure it would be nice if he used "couple-speak," but honestly it's really not a big deal. Learn to pick your battles, or you'll destroy perfectly good relationships. He's been single most of his life, not married for twenty years. He's used to saying "I" not "we." Let it go. 5
xpaperxcutx Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 (edited) You are too sensitive. I've been guilty of condemning my boyfriend because he likes to talk about his past so much, I often felt left out. But then, I realize he doesn't do it to make me jealous, rather to share a interesting part of himself to me. Try to overlook this silly habit of using " I" rather than " we". There are worser things to get angry over. And yes, I've met all his friends, and he has never been more happier than telling other people I'm his girlfriend. Furthermore, he makes it a point to take me everywhere with him. Edited December 10, 2012 by xpaperxcutx
SmileFace Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 You are being way too sensitive. You know what just get a shirt that says " I am with him" so people who already know you are his girlfriend can be reminded. I think you are making a problem out of nothing. 1
GLDheart Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Yeah, he's just being a dope. I'll just come right out and say it: It won't be the last dopey thing your boyfriend will do that ignores your feelings. Sometime we guys is jus stupitt 2
fabulousgal Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 You're in his FB pictures, you've met his friends, etc. How exactly is he ashamed to acknowledge he's dating you? In the grand scheme of things, this is minor. Sure it would be nice if he used "couple-speak," but honestly it's really not a big deal. Learn to pick your battles, or you'll destroy perfectly good relationships. He's been single most of his life, not married for twenty years. He's used to saying "I" not "we." Let it go. This. ^^ love this man. 1
Author rainboweyes Posted December 10, 2012 Author Posted December 10, 2012 interesting variation in opinions! thanks everyone. we discussed it and he said he's going to make an extra effort to do it. i also mentioned i felt like it might seem like i was making a mountain out of a molehill and i hope he could understand my feelings.
TaraMaiden Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Make a joke of it.... "Oh, me too, I've been there too! oh wait - that was with you - wasn't it - ?!" or - "Wow, what a coincidence! I went there too! Don't remember seeing you there though.....!" Humour is often a better medium for hitting the point home..... 4
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Honestly you have a bf... So stop! It's not like you have been together forever and a day it's been a year chill out.
Arabella Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 This is funny. My boyfriend used to do the same thing during the first few months we got together, along with many other things that screamed "single". However, over the last few months, he has slowly started to shift into the "couple-speak" mode. I think it's a matter of time, especially for guys who are used to being single or dating around without really having a girlfriend. In the meantime, make a point of saying "we" yourself when you tell the stories, and use humor as the above poster suggested to remind him of how you feel about this. -A
ja123 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Yeah, well she's been with the guy for over a year. Kinda makes you wonder about his intentions toward a long-term investment. Good for you that you brought it up to him again, and that he's open to listening to you and finally making a few adjustments on his end. Have you folks talked about long-term at all? Or are you just seeing where it goes? What are your feelings on long-term? Is this something you want with this guy?
thatone Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Devil's advocate: Do you need a man to speak on your behalf usually or just in front of other people?
maybealone Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Rule number one when it comes to men: Actions count, words don't. His actions sound good, so I wouldn't worry about the words. The only thing that would matter to me is that he could acknowledge how that might make me feel. He wouldn't have to necessarily agree with how I feel, just acknowledge that they are my feelings and try to understand how it could bother me. As long as he could do that, I would totally cut him slack on the couple-speak.
mortensorchid Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 THis is not a big deal. I think women talk in terms of "we" rather than men do in general. So let it slide.
CptObvious Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 It's a conversation, he doesn't have time to pause and fix up his words til you like it. If he's sending an e-mail I'm sure he'd let you proofread it first.
Carenth Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Holy over reaction batman. Yeah I can understand been a bit upset over it but I wouldn't get bent out of shape about it, you are being far to sensitive about it imo. If this is the worst thing going on in your relationship count yourself lucky, this is serious nit picking.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Yeah, you've making a big deal out of a small thing. Let it go.
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